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my bf is self conscious of his body...


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My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He is very self conscious about his body. He does not let me see him naked, or even shirtless.

 

He will sleep with just undies on, but then he'll lay on his belly while we talk in the morning (not letting me see his front). Then he'll either wait until I get up first so he doesn't have to expose himself, or he'll put his singlet on in a very "covered up" manner, and put shorts on before he stands up out of bed.

 

We never shower together and are never together naked besides sex, which always has to be in the dark.

 

I really do not want to embarrass him by confronting him about his self consciousness. I'm sure he doesn't want to explain it to me that he doesn't like his body. So how can I get him to come out of his shell without embarrassing him?

 

I have suggested showering together before, but he really wasn't interested. I compliment him, but it's really hard to compliment the bits he's embarrassed about because I don't get to see it! I have absolutely 100% no problem with his body. I love him completely.

 

But this whole thing is really becoming an issue for me. I want him to be comfortable around me!

 

HELP?!

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Are you sure he was born male?

 

And I am not postig that to be sarcastic or joking in any way.

 

It just seems that if he doesn't want you to see him naked and won't let you see his chest - but will let you see his back that could be why.

 

There are trans guys who have lied to the girls they are with and then have to "come out" later.

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I am 99.999% sure he was born male. I've known him since we were 12.

 

I think he's fine with his back, not his front because he's embarrassed about "man boobs" - i've felt his chest though, it's just like, a normal not muscly male chest.

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So is he a little heavy then?

 

Since you have known him since you were 12 it's terrible that he isn't even confident enough to be naked in front of you.

 

Maybe you could express attraction for men that have the same body type. You know, not people around you but people on TV or at the movies.

 

I have never experienced this so I really don't know if it'd work but maybe if you expressed desire for men like him he'd start feeling like he is sexy to you because he is type...?

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Bec, here's a little secret: 99.5% of men are self-conscious about themselves in one way or another (the other .5% are so narcissistic that they can't even fathom the thought that they're less than perfect). We'll deny it to the death if asked, but we are. You think men spend all that time in the gym for our health, or for that one time in a million when we really will have to deadlift a Buick? No. It's image.

 

You probably won't be able to say a whole lot to change his mind. We're good at getting set in our ways like that. So, you may have to take a different method.

 

Does he work out? Do you? Do you do anything athletic? If so, do it together. You don't have to sell it to him as doing something to get his butt in shape; you can say that you want to do it anyway, and it'd be fun to do something with him. The workouts may not be frequent enough to actually change anything physically, but it will give him the mental feeling that he's getting in better shape. Plus, if you go running or do something away from a professional gym, the two of you get to get sweaty together...which means you'll both need a shower [hint, hint].

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Bec,

 

Johnny is spot on...and working out together will make him less self consious...because a lot of guys are intimated to go into a gym and be around guys who are serious weight trainers. It took me a while to get comfortable, but it was the best confidence booster I could get, seeing how much stronger I was getting and seeing the results in the mirror...Your guy sounds like a good dude, he just needs to feel better about himself and going to the gym would help that a great deal!

 

Another question is....How is his/your diet? Are you eating healthy? That's a change you could make together that would impact his body.

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I think he's fine with his back, not his front because he's embarrassed about "man boobs" - i've felt his chest though, it's just like, a normal not muscly male chest.

 

So he does have man boobs?

 

Man boobs are poison for a man's self esteem.

 

What I find problematic is that he is even self-conscious around you. I mean, you are his gf. You have felt his chest while you had sex. If he has man boobs and is embarrassed about them, he also knows that you already know they are there. There is really not point in hiding them from your gf.

 

Are you his first gf?

 

I would try to talk to him. There is a risk involved since he might want to retreat into his shell if he is too embarrassed about whatever it is. But frankly, I don't think there really is an alternative. I am sure it will be difficult for him but if you can't talk openly about this with you (his gf), that itself is a huge problem and not good for a relationship.

 

I know you don't want to confront him. And if you don't want to, you obviously don't have to. But still, maybe you could say something like this:

 

You know that I like (love if you are already that far in your relationship) you and I don't understand why you feel the need to hide your body from me.

 

I trust you and I would like for you to trust me too. I would like to talk about why we only have sex in the dark, why we never shower together. Because I don't understand why you hide from me, I like(love) you the way you are.

 

 

A few things that can be done to get rid of man boobs:

 

Weight lifting, focusing on the upper chest is probably the first thing to focus on.

 

Working the lower chest, shoulders, and upper back are also good things to focus on if he wants to reduce the appearance of his man boobs. Swimming is good.

 

And in general, getting rid of some extra weight will help. But they might never go away completely. And there is always the possibility to have them removed through a surgical procedure.

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IMO suggesting that the two of you work out together, Is a great idea. The only down side to this approach, Is that it could back fire and make him even more self conscious. He already thinks that you do not/will not like his body. If you suggest working out, It may just confirm his suspicions. You might say something like "Hey hun, Would'nt it be fun to work out together. But what he will hear is "Hey fatty, Your boobs are bigger then mine, Drop that twinkie and pick up some dumbbells for god sakes!" All I'm saying is, Choose your words and how you approach this situation, Carfully.

 

I have an idea that might work for your problem. Next time your alone with him having a conversation, say somthing like " My friend {insert hot friends name}, Was telling me how cute she thought you were!" He may seem unphased by this. Trust me though, In his head, He'll be feeling like Brad Pitt! Keep doing this kind of thing from time to time. Eventually he will come out of his shell. Remember, You DO NOT want him thinking that all of your friends want to "Hook up" with him. You want him to feel like he is an attractive guy. You telling him he is good looking, Isn't going to help. Your his girlfriend, So he knows that you would like him no matter what he looked like.

 

This may or may not work for you. But I know that when my GF Tells me that one of her Friends/co-workers/Familly members/ And even a guy once:eek:, Thinks I'm hot, It puts a little pep in my step! :D

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My husband and I have been married more than 10 years and he still won't walk around without a shirt on in front of me more than to head to the bathroom, etc. He has been this way since college (and has mentioned that he was the same in high schl)-so I don't think there is anyway he'll change.

 

Your bf may be the same, but should (hopefully) loosen up a little more about the lights during sex and a.m. talks as he becomes more secure in your relationship.

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Thank you for the advice everyone.

 

He already goes to the gym most days (and has been doing so for about a month) but he's just so used to hiding his body all the time growing up, I think.

 

I think I might just start to touch him more when he has no shirt on, put my hand up his singlet if he's wearing one in the morning etc.

 

Sigh, I hope he becomes more comfortable around me :(

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Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. I think I just need to take initiative and just go for it and hope that he's comfortable.

 

I mean, I've always sort of tip toed around the whole thing because I know he's not comfortable about it and I didn't want to make him feel bad about himself... but maybe i just need to go for it and he'll catch up eventually haha.

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Im a bigger guy like I play college football and am a lineman so I have some extra meat on the bones lol. During the season and about 3 months before I have no problem walking around shirtless because Im semi-tone but the two months after the season recovering is when I gain a little extra weight, my shrits are tighter and I feel self-conscious about my body. Well my point is my gf is really tone and skinny shes a cheerleader and seeing her body makes me think about how "bad" my body looks. But working out together is a great idea. And what makes me feel better is my gf takes my shirt off and starts rubbing my chest and stomach, compliments are even better. Like a week or so into you working out together say, "baby your chest is getting so firm and your stomach is getting tone" something like that, then grab his arms and compliment those, then you got him for sure! Goodluck

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