BonJFan Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for 5 years. Usually we just spend time in her apartment because it's just convinient that way. Since we've been together though, she's been to my house only a couple of times, holidays most of the time, but rarely never to my room. One day we had planned to go play basketball together and she was going to meet me in my house. When she arrives, she decides that she want to go in my room and just search for things. Just look around for anything suspicious. I'm I wrong for not letting her do so. I'm not hiding anything, but I just think that it's not fair that she just wants to go to my room to look for stuff, rather than to spend time with me. I mean the few times she actually comes she does not stay very long, and all of the sudden she want to come over, out of the blue, and invade my privacy. She says that her life is an open book for me and I understand this, but was I wrong for not letting her look through my things just because she had a gut feeling. Even through questionable circumstances, I just thought it was an invasion of privacy at the time. I'm not cheating on her or anything, but I would much have rather preffered her coming over and spending some time with me, then I know I wouldn't have felt weird about her going through my stuff. Was I right or was she? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 28, 2002 Share Posted August 28, 2002 If on one of the few occasions she comes to your place she marches into your room and starts going through your things, she is certified nuts. This is bizarre behavior and an indication of things to come. I can't believe you even had to ask this. This lady is not somebody with potential for a lifetime mate. She is not even material for a little temporary fun. What she did was way, way out of line....not even in the ballpark of normal human behavior. It's not a matter of right or wrong, it's a matter of just how long it takes you to let her know what she did was insane and you have no desire to be with crazy people. Sure, you want to stay with her because other things are fine. But, I promise you, this issue will arise again and it will be even worse next time. This lady doesn't trust you for crap and a relationship without trust cannot sustain itself. Hint: A person who does not trust others cannot be trusted. Dump her butt!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 28, 2002 Share Posted August 28, 2002 People tend to get "gut" feelings when they are either thinking of cheating or are cheating. My policy is...I have nothing to hide, so knock yourself out. That doesn't bother me at all. In fact, with it being so spontaneous, that should give them more comfort that I AM being true. But, in some cases, it just makes it worse and they'll want to look some where else or do MORE to prove their gut feeling. You not agreeing just "proved" it more to herself. So whether it's right or wrong isn't my answer, this is just my thoughts on it. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 28, 2002 Share Posted August 28, 2002 u'r totally right she shouldn't need proof of your faithfulness i could understand her looking around in yr room, but right out telling you she wants to look thru your things is NUTS!! it sounds insulting to me - like you cannot be trusted at all. besides, it's rude to go thru other ppl's drawers... wth?? so i agree w/ tony - this is a major red frag... i remember my ex was over at my place and opened some drawers of mine w/out even asking for permission. I was quite mad. I didn't show it at the time, but I was very disappointed. just some thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted August 28, 2002 Share Posted August 28, 2002 Do you know if you said anything or did something that made her start questioning you? For some reason or another she has something on her mind and she needs some sort of physical proof to answer it! What it could be, I surely don't know. However, I personally don't care if my man is going through my things. However, he cares if I go through his. I have never ever intentionally gone through my guys stuff. One day I was looking for change for a soda and he said he had quarters in his car. When I went them I came back showing him something that I had found. Well he decided that he wanted to talk about me going through his things. He claimed he should have his own privacy. I wasn't rummaging through his car looking for anything but change! I respect that and unless I have a reason to snoop I don't because there wouldn't be anything to look for. So just tell her she has nothing find. If she has questions why not you ask you. Simple as that, if she goes nuts and says she should be allowed to turn your room upside down for any reason she is nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 29, 2002 Share Posted August 29, 2002 That's how I feel too, Velvet. Link to post Share on other sites
kdawn Posted September 5, 2002 Share Posted September 5, 2002 I am stunned by the other responses and just had to reply. You say you have been dating 5 years and she rarely comes to you're home and never your room. What? I was in a relationship for 7 years before I got married and never had any reason to suspect anything unusual....but still felt the need to be able to go in his room when ever I wanted, with him or alone. I have to admit, I snooped...it's natural, I don't know many girls that didn't do the same. It's not about thinking that he is doing something wrong....it's more just a feeling of confirming that every thing is as it should be. I say let her, and make her more confortable coming around unanounced. If you truely have nothing to hide, do everything you can to make her feel secure. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted September 5, 2002 Share Posted September 5, 2002 Its like a trust thing...like you trust her to be a part of your private life. She probably just brought up the "gut" feeling thing bc she wanted to force you to let her in...doesn't make it right, but that's probably what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Elsie Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 When i first moved in with my ex i searched through his stuff while he was out at work and found a diary of his for 3 years previous. I didnt like what i found written in it but i learned to deal with it and came to terms with it over time and now it dont bother me. But this dont mean that i think its o.k for her to go through your things. Is there anything you are keeping from her? If so,no matter how small i'd tell her. Then she might see that you dont keep things from her and stop wanting to nose through your stuff. I never went through my boyfriends stuff before we lived together. But, if she dont trust you then why is she with you? She might just be insecure and need reassurance from you that she is special to you,like i did!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts