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Problem with Friendship after Hooking Up


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Old 20th January 2009, 1:48 AM   #1
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Problem with Friendship after Hooking Up

Recently i've been going through some problems, so lets just start with the simplest one for now.

A girl whom I had been friends with in college for a year or so and I now barely talk. We used to be really good friends, talking about everything...and anything...and I trusted her, confided in her...

I guess deep down we both had inklings of liking each other but since she had a long distance BF in a different state nothing really ever happened. Then, some months ago, we started getting closer and closer (she had some probs with the BF). danced, partied a lot more together until one night at a party where we had been drinking we made out...

the next few days was really awkward but then it was okay again, or so it seemed. After she went back home and saw her BF over the Xmas holidays, however, things really started changing. She'd avoid me, not even say hi, or anything...she went from one of the sweetest people I know to the coldest to me...

It was so hard to talk to her. I tried a couple times but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. She just kept on saying it wasn't because we hooked up, but she didn't want to talk about her reasons. She then told me we can't really be friends again, despite the fact that we both knew she loved her BF and I just wanted to be friends, nothing more.

I was a bit shocked...and...well...disappointed...

Its not everyday you lose a good friend to something you don't even know about.

I just don't understand what her reasons could be. She knows I don't like her romantically anymore...and she loves her BF...so whats the deal???
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Old 20th January 2009, 1:53 AM   #2
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You were a relationship of convenience. You served your purpose in her life and now she's done with you. Expect this to happen a lot (or at least be possible) until you're around 30.

Damaged women use men that way. I'll bet dollars to donuts she's damaged emotionally.

Glad you had a good time while it lasted
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Old 20th January 2009, 10:06 AM   #3
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...

Yeah, but this is ridiculous

we didn't even have sex or anything...and she knows that there is someone else on my mind whom I love...(i'm in a fairly complicated situation)...

So you are saying people do this because they are jerks? I feel somewhat pissed, because I wouldn't betray a friend like that...
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Old 20th January 2009, 10:10 AM   #4
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you.

But she's not you.

people is people wherever you go.
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Old 20th January 2009, 12:39 PM   #5
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OP, the difficult and painful part is realizing you might have been her friend, but she was not your friend. If I'm right about her psychology, she wouldn't even realize on an intellectual/moral level what she's doing. It wouldn't compute. Not your problem
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Old 20th January 2009, 12:56 PM   #6
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...

Granted, I guess you guys were right.

I was used, just as always....

Similar things have happened before, so I guess when it happens so frequently its time for me to reevaluate future acquaintances.

Can't trust people...
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Old 20th January 2009, 1:57 PM   #7
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You were wanting something more than just friendship with her (perhaps not in the past, but at least at this point) and you went into this with the knowledge that she was involved with someone else.

For her, it didn't make sense to keep up the pretense of friendship when
both
of you sought eachother out (in the last few months) for reasons besides being pals. She could have been honest about why she was blocking you, but she decided to take the easiest path to dealing with the situation.

Take your focus off her completely.

Last edited by O'Malley; 20th January 2009 at 2:00 PM..
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