Three way triangle and son is centre point

[jmh]

Hi all...I hope you are in for a long read...

 

I am a singlle mom of a 20 month old son.

 

I had a friend in high school, we were friends for 3 years, had our babies together, graduated from high school toether and did every thing together. My babies dad was a dead beat, but I still let him see his dad once in a while, he left me when I was pregnant. My friend (lets call her Alice *yes name is changed*) knew that I was having problems with the dad.

 

Well when my son was about 6 months, his dad and I started getting along more. We went out for coffe and soon became friends again. I took along Alice because I needed support and the beggining and she knew the dad from high school. Well, the three of us started hanging out together, we did park outings with her child and my child and my son's dad.

 

In October of 2001, they both approached me and said that they were in love and now going out. I know that this was wrong and our friendship ended on a mature note. I simply told her that I could not be friend with her anymore and I don't hate her or anything, I just can't be friends with someone like that.

 

Well, now the two of them are living together with her child. Since they got together she pushed the dad back inot my son's life and he took me to court for custody... I won. But now when my son visits his dad, he sees her. I know that she hates me and her entire family has nothing good to say about me, (why? I have no clue.) I am afraid that they will say things infront of my son, or my son will grow up assuming that back stabbing your friends is okay, becuase after all daddy and "Alice" did it. I hate it that he spends time with her. She does not deserve to be around my boy. I don't know what to do about this.

 

I hate her and everything she stands for. I hate that she denied paternity to her child's dad but pushed my son's dad back inot our lives, we were fine before. I need some advice on how I can handle situations where I have to talk to her, or I know that my son will be spending time with her. I am at my wits end and I need some advice.

 

Thanks.

jmh

[Tony T]

I hear of these kinds of horror stories everyday. There is no end to the kinds of situations humans can find themselves in.

 

The only solution to your problem is to make your encounters with this ex friend (who is living with the father of your child) as cordial and BRIEF as possible.

 

You have absolutely no control over what she tells this child....none at all. But if you rise above it all and keep your nose clean, there should be no reason to worry about this and nothing bad for her to tell him.

 

I hope you have learned something about picking friends (and also figuring out exactly who they are), about who you take along on your outings, and more about life in general. This lady was NEVER your friend and I'm sorry you thought she was.

[velvet]

You have to rise above her, your ex and the situation. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Your strong and tougher than you know.

 

This has caused you pain for a long time and by riding this pain out eventually you will rise above it. One day it wont bother you so much, than eventually not at all.

 

Everyone needs to move past any resentful feelings, accept whats happened and keep moving forward in a rational, professional manner. With a child involved, everyones mind frame should change to focus on the well being of the child.

 

Smile at your ex and your ex friend. You have to bring yourself to get along. You have to show that you have no hate and that your completely happy with yourself and at how things worked out with everyone. By showing them how you've moved passed the hate and resentment they too will evolve and move passed it. The ending results should be rewarding for all of you.

 

By enduring everything, being tough, strong and having a handle on your feelings, being caring and thoughtful to them at times will result in you having allot of self-respect, high selfesteam and the strength to face what ever obstacles this world might give you to try and keep you down.