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What do you think?


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Midnight Magic

I am 34 years old and own my own house and just recently paid off a $ 20,000 for a new vehicle and I have a good paying job, however my b/f feels that because I own everything then I should be the one that pays for everything while he saves for our retirement. Yes he does put over $ 500 into RRSP and investments that have both our names on the contract, but he does not contribute for day to day living expenses.

 

He says that I would be paying the utilities, and property taxes and maintenance of the house and vehicle whether he were living there or not, and yes he is right there, but I can not help but feel ripped off. Am I wrong to feel this way.

 

He is a severe diabetic and wants to have lots of money saved up in case he is unable to work one day.

 

I just want some input as to how others go about this sort of problem.

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that he's looking out for his own best interests, and making you carry the burden unfairly. While it's understandable that he wants to have a secure future, mooching off you is pretty bad manners, not to mention juvenile. Just because you're the better money manager doesn't mean that you've got to carry his part of the burden, too.

 

when you say day-to-day living expenses, I assume that the two of you are living together. If he's occupying space in a residence with you, then he's responsible for part of the utilities, the rent/morgage, the groceries! Just because he chooses to put money into investments doesn't mean he can weasel out of his responsibilities to your household -- I don't even think most marriages work like that. I can guarantee that however many sources of income, that money is being budgeted toward running a household. Even if you're putting some aside for a rainy day/retirement. I think it's time to tell him to put out or to get out -- you don't need a free-loader.

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It's not what we think, it's what you think.

 

Any deal that you aren't happy about is not a good deal.

 

Since the home is in your name and he does not enure to any of the equity that accumulates, it's reasonable for you to pay the taxes. However, it will be up to both of you to mutually decide on just how all other expenses should be split...taking in his contribution to "both of your" retirements.

 

As I see it now, he's only paying $250 per month toward your retirement, since you are half the contract. For me, that would suck. The diabetes thing has nothing to do with it. Let him manage his diet, exercise, medication, etc. and work a long time.

 

I personally would run the math this way:

 

He pays.........$250 per month toward his retirement.

 

He pays 1/2 what a reasonable rent would be on the home which should go towards the house payment.

 

He pays 1/2 the utilities, telephone, lawn care, pest control, repairs, etc.

 

YOU pay.....$250 per month toward your retirement and you pay whatever else you must.

 

This needs to be negotiated but, in my opinion, right now the deal is way lopsided because all you're getting the benefit of is $250 per month in a retirement plan that he essentially has got going for his own benefit.

 

This guy is ripping you off big time...but you are the one who's going along with it.

 

I'd say renegotiate with this guy or find a new boyfriend.

 

Now, if the two of you get married, there will be a whole new set of negotiations at that time. In most community property states he will get the benefit of the home equity which accrues after you are married...so his contributions should increase at that time.

 

I hope you can work this out. Right now, I would put him in the category of a major user...but it's the two of you together who have to decide exactly what the financial terms of your living arrangement should be.

 

Whatever you do, get the details in writing and signed by him. I smell rotten and it would be very easy for him to use you as long as he can and then split, leaving you to litigate some of these components that should be reduced to writing...perhaps by an attorney.

 

Also consult an attorney regard common law marriage laws and rights in your state. He could end up being co-owner of your home after the two of you have lived together seven years...unless, of course, you have some real good and binding legal agreements in place.

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What happens when you tell him you see this arrangement being unfair on your behalf? He might end up arguing until you give up and agree. If he does not argue but agrees and agrees to put in an extra effort to help out that would be even better.

 

If you cant come to an agreement and share living expenses equally than your going to have to come through with manipulation. Find a way for him to repay. Your giving him a free place to live. You might even be washing his laundry and whats he going to do for you? Next time the fridge needs some food tell him to go shopping. That man would cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, washing the cars, landscaping the yard and taking me out.

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