MadBambi Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 First of all I have to confess! I broke my NC with my guy, Mr. Man (jealous man who won't commit) because I needed some booty! I know by doing this I was asking for an eventful, crazy night. But c'mon I held out for 3 weeks! I was starting to see every man as a giant walking penis. Anyway, he and I went out last night to our spot, which is a laid back dance club. Not freak dance but actual dancing, ballroom, salsa, things like that. I know how to ballroom a little but only if I have someone to lead me. Now Mr. Man can't ballroom at all so when he went to get our drinks I asked the lady at the next table if she would dance with him for a little bit and show him the basic steps that way he and I can ballroom together instead of just two-steppin like we usually do, you know? She agreed. Yay!! He came back to the table and after a lil convincing she got him out on the floor for a dance. Naturally, her date asked me to dance and we proceeded to dance for a song n' a half. When i sat back down at the table Mr. Man was so upset! These are the reasons why: 1. He didn't like that I made "arrangements" without asking him if it was ok 2. He didn't like that I danced with another man 3. He felt like I disrespected him. 4. He felt like if i wanted to learn we could've gon out together and tried 5. He felt like I was embarrassed of his dancing Im totally not embarrassed though! I love dancing with him. It's something about dancing with your guy, being held close, closing your eyes and just feeling the music....that feeling is wonderful! I wouldn't want to replace that. I just thought it'd be nice if we added another dance. And I feel like if we go out to try together it's like the blind leading the blind! When it comes to ballrooming or slow dances in general I don't know much and he don't know squat. LoL! I thought it'd go over better and he'd be more open to learning the steps so that we could have more fun. I did it with us in mind. I certainly wasn't trying to "disrespect" him or anything. I guess my question is - was my approach wrong? Would you have been upset too? Did I make a dating or dancing faux pas? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 They call it NC for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadBambi Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 I know shame on me... I know that part already....it's a work in progress and i'm trying. Geez, now you make me feel even worse about it Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 " 'Trying' isn't 'Doing'." You don't need to try. 'Try' picking up keys off a table, without using your hands or lifting the keys. Can't be done. You can 'try' but actually PICKING them up is impossible. The only way you can pick them up - is to pick them up. Or not. But there's no 'try' about it. Same with NC. As Nike would say - Just DO it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadBambi Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 Yeah, you're right. My friend says "trying is lying" You're like the NC drill sergeant Anyhow, though, you basically think that um, he's crazy and I shouldn't have talked to him for any reason and that I got what I deserved? And you don't think it had anything to do with dancing or dating or etiquette? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 I don't understand why you'd want to keep in touch with a guy who's got jealousy issues, then put yourself in a situation that aggravates his jealousy. This is known as 'playing games' and frankly, it's - "unwise" - to say the least. Kind of dumb.... really.... wouldn't you think.....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadBambi Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 Kind of dumb.... really.... wouldn't you think.....? It is what it is. I made a poor decision i know, however, the question I asked wasn't about whether or not anyone approved of me breaking NC. I beat myself up enough about that. I didn't realize I'd get bashed and reprimanded for my "dumb" behavior. Thanks for your concern n' stuff but your being a bit mean - unless i'm being over sensitive. I don't really know! Anyhow, though, i still don't know the answer to my initial question. Although now i feel silly for having asked. Excuse me while i bury my head in the sand.... Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Damn, I'm sorry! I "wuz huggin' " you all the way through that, honest!! You're not getting bashed! If I had a pound for every time I'd messed up, I'd be able to retire right now! Really, what I'm trying to get you to see, is that when you go NC, life is soooooo much simpler! This guy is poison to you! he's jealous, insecure and controlling! It's good that you care about him enough to be concerned, but really, you have your own life! He has no right to try to throw his weight about and try to corner you into taking a guilt-trip!! Enjoy your life, but don't involve him. Every time you do, the red flag called "complications!" pops up! Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 You set up a situation where a guy who can't dance, with known jealousy issues, will clearly see you orchestrate you dancing with another guy? Sounds like you wanted to be the subject of jealousy. Does it feel good to know that you can have that power over him? I don't think you'd have done this if you were just out to get laid. If breaking zero contact was only due to an extreme sexual craving... seems you'd just call him, take care of business, and go on your merry way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadBambi Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 when e=Geishawhelk;1955924] Damn, I'm sorry! I "wuz huggin' " you all the way through that, honest!! You're not getting bashed! If I had a pound for every time I'd messed up, I'd be able to retire right now! Really, what I'm trying to get you to see, is that when you go NC, life is soooooo much simpler! This guy is poison to you! he's jealous, insecure and controlling! It's good that you care about him enough to be concerned, but really, you have your own life! He has no right to try to throw his weight about and try to corner you into taking a guilt-trip!! Enjoy your life, but don't involve him. Every time you do, the red flag called "complications!" pops up! Hahaha...yeah i know i def was much happier when i went NC - i just gave in! My private parts were talking to me! She was like "girl, um, when did you say the sex was coming exactly" I know you drill sergeant ways about NC are with good intentions. So, i do appreciate the bashing - sometimes it takes that to get more sense knocked into you! I'm going to try it again. I mean I did a week - cold turkey! So, im sure i can go longer. Still though....have my head buried in the sand for now Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadBambi Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 Sounds like you wanted to be the subject of jealousy. Does it feel good to know that you can have that power over him? I don't think you'd have done this if you were just out to get laid. If breaking zero contact was only due to an extreme sexual craving... seems you'd just call him, take care of business, and go on your merry way. Hey! I'm not an awful person like that! I swear I had good intentions about the dance thing - perhaps not well thought out - but good none the less. Geez, now i'm not quite as embarassed i just kinda feel like a bitch And i did, I called and told him i wanted some sex. The date thing was his idea not mine. LoL...so i can see from your post that you totally disagree with what i did. Thanks for the feedback though that's what i was looking for just an honest answer. I wasn't sure if I was in the wrong or not. Now I know Link to post Share on other sites
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