Calling to Cancel

[Joe]

One thing I guess that bothers me more than absolutely anything else in this world is having someone say they'll do something with you, but when the time comes they aren't home and they never bothered calling to cancel the plans.

 

I recently met a girl last weekend and she's great, very nice and all and I think eventually it could lead to dating. Last night we made plans for me to go to her house, which is like 25 miles away, to get her and us go to the mall.

 

Because we're "new friends", I loved being around her the night before. All day today I was excited to see her again that night, it was all I could think about all day at work. After my work shift ended I excitedly drove home to check my answering machine to see if she had called in need to cancel our plans and to also freshen up, change, and then took the 25 mile drive to her house.

 

I get to her house, lights are all dead.. car is gone. I go to the door, knocked.. nothing.. knocked nothing. Feeling pretty crappy, I get in my car and I "hang" around, by driving in the country backroads, for about an half an hour. Half an hour goes by, I call.. nothing.

 

Wait about 10 more minutes before offically leaving the area to take my 25 mile journey back home, called once more.. not there.

 

I eventually got ahold of her when I got into my town, said it was because she couldn't get her parents to leave her aunt's house - she went with her parents there.

 

I understand that, sometimes things happen we can't prevent. But one thing I never understand, why don't people simply call to cancel if they're not going to be able to go through with the plans we make?

 

I have an answering machine, heck I even tell my pager # on my answering machine if someone needs to get ahold of me. She was obviously by a phone, obviously knew she wouldn't make it. So why did she not call and leave a message rather than having me drive all the way out there to find out?

 

I guess I'm just not sure what is up. She acts as though she likes me, she mentions us dating and such.. but today it just seemed.. I dunno.. like she didn't want to see or talk to me. Am I overreacting or what?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK:

 

1. "But one thing I never understand, why don't people simply call to cancel if they're not going to be able to go through with the plans we make?"

 

They don't call because they weren't taught consideration and respect. They don't care how much you are inconvenienced. They put their pleasure before anybody elses. That they may inconvenience other people doesn't even phase them.

 

This is a gal you may have fun with when you see her but I wouldn't count on this being much of a relationship. It's obvious that she's just one more of those millions of flakey people who try to blow the minds of people like you who haven't yet realized there are so many flakey people in the world.

 

2. "So why did she not call and leave a message rather than having me drive all the way out there to find out?"

 

She didn't want to. She didn't care about putting you out. Maybe she's mad at men in general and taking it out on you. She could have told her parents she had plans and needed to be back at a particular time but she didn't. She very well may be a nice girl but very flakey and out of it. Maybe she's on drugs. You don't need to know why...all you need to know is she's not dependable enough to waste your time on.

 

3. "I guess I'm just not sure what is up. She acts as though she likes me, she mentions us dating and such.. but today it just seemed.. I dunno.. like she didn't want to see or talk to me. Am I overreacting or what?"

 

Your reaction is one of a person who has not yet discovered that this type of behavior is rampant, not only in many females but with almost all segments of society. I have repair people who say they will be at my home at a certain time...never show up...never call. I have business luncheons with people who never show up...or, if they do, spend most of their time on their cell phone. There are people who say they have dropped something in the mail for me...and it never shows up in my mailbox.

 

The world is full of irresponsible, disrespectful, inconsiderate buttholes. Get used to it. Once you get used to it, it won't upset you. Have the attitude that it's a bonus if you go to pick up a gal for a date and she's actually there and ready. Consider it a bonus if you call someone for some kind of service and they actually show up. Consider it a bonus and celebrate when people call when they say they're going to call.

 

I'm really sorry to have to be the one to break this to you but we live in a weird and whacky world. When you find people who keep their word...when you find ladies who are responsible and considerate, hold on to them for dear life. Make sure you keep them as friends for sure. They are priceless.

 

I have friends who are photographers who hire models for various assignments. Only half the time do those models actually show up on time...or show up at all...and half of the ones who do show up act like they're doing the photogs a favor. Only a handful are truly responsible, professional and grateful for the work.

 

You better start paying attention to the world or it's going to stomp your butt.

 

NOTE: I wouldn't drive 25 miles to see anybody or do anything unless I had alternate plans in that town. Next time you think you want to do that, have a cell phone with you and call them ten miles out...no answer, turn around.

[velvet]

Sounds like shes still a child. She didn't think about calling you because it never entered her mind to call. Of course common sense should have told her to let you know of the change of plans.

 

In the future try giving her a call to let her know that your on your way. That way you can avoid missing her and wasting a 30 min drive. In fact in the future call every single girl prior to showing up at their door step. It courteous.

[Ed]

Hi Joe. Welcome (back?) to the LoveShack!

 

Sorry you got stood up. What she did was not "great" and it was not "nice". I think it was rather inconsiderate of her if you had discussed this before hand and then she wasn't home and didn't call to let you know she wouldn't be home.

 

By not calling, she pretty much told you that she has very little respect for you or possibly anybody else. If I were you I would not call her for some time...if ever again.

 

I'm with you. I don't like stuff like this and it has nothing to do with how far you drove. I drive that far to go to the grocery store .

[Ed]

Hi Velvet,

 

In your post you said,

In the future try giving her a call to let her know that your on your way. That way you can avoid missing her and wasting a 30 min drive. In fact in the future call every single girl prior to showing up at their door step. It courteous.

 

There is no way I am going to call a girl before meeting her at a prearranged time. The only reason I would call is if I were going to be late. If she doesn't have enough respect to show up at the agreed upon time or call to change plans...she is history .

 

No offense

[BeReal]

Joe,

 

I agree with you. I really hate it when people blow me off. I was in a similar situation. I went to the guys house and he wasn't home. He was with his parents and company also. He gave me an excuse that he didn't have my number with him. I was pissed and I chewed him a new one. I think he was open to my opinions but this relationship was not brand new. I think the real reason he didn't call and your girl didn't call was because they were with company (especially parents) and they didn't want to get quizzed on who, what, where etc. Maybe they are truly just flakey though. It's a tough call whether she likes you or not. I don't think her actions necessarily mean she doesn't like you. If you still want to see this girl I think it's fair to give her another shot but do let her know how you feel about her behavoir.