How do you reverse enormously hurt feelings?

[violet]

Last night my man and I got in an argument about our relationship. He ended saying everything mean he possibly could and I ended up in crying hysterics. It wasn't your bad mouth, bad-name kind of insults, it was the kind that is personal. Information he knows and used against me. Things that really cut deep. I know that a lot of it was anger; but at the same time I am now doubting things about myself, and wondering if he really thinks so little of me. I'm sure today he'll say sorry, but how do I accept it so easily? How is the pain in my heart supposed to just go away, and never believe that he doesn't at least mean some of those mean things he said? I'm really sad.

 

All I really want to do is make him feel really bad that he said those things. I want to list them out for him, and ask him one by one if he realized that he had said this and that, and does he now feel terrible about it. I know that is not the best way to deal with it. Hurting someone who hurt you isn't the answer. But what is? I'm not good at letting things be. Nor can I after the things he said. I'm questioning why we're even together........

[rhapsody]

do not try to hide your hurt.

 

it is hard to repair the damage of hurtful words. sometimes it can't be repaired. saying i'm sorry is a good place to start. he will have to follow i'm sorry with better treatment and better words.

 

i hope he treats you better or if he don't i hope you leave him pronto.

Last night my man and I got in an argument about our relationship. He ended saying everything mean he possibly could and I ended up in crying hysterics. It wasn't your bad mouth, bad-name kind of insults, it was the kind that is personal. Information he knows and used against me. Things that really cut deep. I know that a lot of it was anger; but at the same time I am now doubting things about myself, and wondering if he really thinks so little of me. I'm sure today he'll say sorry, but how do I accept it so easily? How is the pain in my heart supposed to just go away, and never believe that he doesn't at least mean some of those mean things he said? I'm really sad. All I really want to do is make him feel really bad that he said those things. I want to list them out for him, and ask him one by one if he realized that he had said this and that, and does he now feel terrible about it. I know that is not the best way to deal with it. Hurting someone who hurt you isn't the answer. But what is? I'm not good at letting things be. Nor can I after the things he said. I'm questioning why we're even together........

[Tony T]

You should write him a letter, make it to the point, and get this off your chest.

 

However, I promise you...NO amount of talking, writing, forgiving or whatever will cancel the pain and hurt from harsh words uttered during an argument.

 

Most likely, this is the beginning of the end of your relationship...maybe even closer to the end.

[Anthony]

Well ill just say one thing first... anyone whom uses confidential information in such a way against you is not worth trusting or spending any time or effort on.

 

That is if such behavior is common with him... but in any other case try to talk to him about it and if he is unwilling to change his behavior and it continues on i would suggest you try to seek other company.

 

That being said i could take a wild guess that you propably said things to him that mihgt have hurt him in the same way.

 

Even though you might not realise it now... it allways takes 2 to fight.

 

The final advice on that is talk it over in a calm manner

 

a professional therapist might come in handy if all else fails... and like in all relationships compromise is the key to success expect that from your self and from him as well.

 

Last night my man and I got in an argument about our relationship. He ended saying everything mean he possibly could and I ended up in crying hysterics. It wasn't your bad mouth, bad-name kind of insults, it was the kind that is personal. Information he knows and used against me. Things that really cut deep. I know that a lot of it was anger; but at the same time I am now doubting things about myself, and wondering if he really thinks so little of me. I'm sure today he'll say sorry, but how do I accept it so easily? How is the pain in my heart supposed to just go away, and never believe that he doesn't at least mean some of those mean things he said? I'm really sad. All I really want to do is make him feel really bad that he said those things. I want to list them out for him, and ask him one by one if he realized that he had said this and that, and does he now feel terrible about it. I know that is not the best way to deal with it. Hurting someone who hurt you isn't the answer. But what is? I'm not good at letting things be. Nor can I after the things he said. I'm questioning why we're even together........

[Ariadne]

Ask yourself this...Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who would such hurtful things to you?

 

Been there, done that, learned a lesson.

[velvet]

Some men wont tell you they know they have caused you pain. You could fight till the end of the r/s to hear him say that he is sorry. Dont be hurt if it doesnt happen. Alot of men cannot say sorry but can express it another way. I dont think men understand that its okay to put away pride and say Im sorry with hugs and kisses. Also to have someone say Im sorry doesnt always work. Its just words.

 

Inside, his mind & heart he knows he hurt you. Even if you never hear him say sorry he will probably try to make it up to you another way. If its talking it out, or taking you out for a date. In the mean time if he has not attempted to make amends I wouldnt show or tell him how you feel, becasuse he already knows. Just let him know that the ball is in his field. Be nice to him, but you dont have to give out any loving to him until he talks about what happened. When he is ready to talk, just listen to him. Even if he says something you dont agree with or hurts your feelings dont snap at him, just let him finish. Then think about what all he said before you come back with some creative criticism.

 

Last night my man and I got in an argument about our relationship. He ended saying everything mean he possibly could and I ended up in crying hysterics. It wasn't your bad mouth, bad-name kind of insults, it was the kind that is personal. Information he knows and used against me. Things that really cut deep. I know that a lot of it was anger; but at the same time I am now doubting things about myself, and wondering if he really thinks so little of me. I'm sure today he'll say sorry, but how do I accept it so easily? How is the pain in my heart supposed to just go away, and never believe that he doesn't at least mean some of those mean things he said? I'm really sad. All I really want to do is make him feel really bad that he said those things. I want to list them out for him, and ask him one by one if he realized that he had said this and that, and does he now feel terrible about it. I know that is not the best way to deal with it. Hurting someone who hurt you isn't the answer. But what is? I'm not good at letting things be. Nor can I after the things he said. I'm questioning why we're even together........

[witchbreed]

The idea about the letter is good.

 

But I do believe that hurt can be overcome, provided that the one who hurt you, REALLY is sorry, that you both learn about this experience, that there is mutual love and that you are able to forgive him (and I gather yourself - since it looks like he hurt you with personal things from your past).

 

But if this happens all the time and he is only sorry but not willing to work things out, then it is the beginning of the end.

 

But do ask yourself too, how you have contributed to this fight. Maybe you didnt hurt him with words but through other means. Sometimes we all tend to think our partners are mindreaders and that we know there minds too, thats the best way for misunderstandings and for hurting each other without meaning too.

 

For example: you are tired and your back hurts and you would need/like a massage and you only moan about being tired and that your back hurts. Then you might (secretly) expect him to offer you a massage, but he does not. So you might think, if he really loved me, he would click on and offer me a massage and since he doesnt he doesnt care about my feelings and you would feel hurt and unwanted. And then you might pick a fight about him not doing anything for you and not loving you. For him it would be like a bolt out of the blue! And he would feel hurt and be on the defensive. If on the other hand you asked him flat out, he would know what you wanted.