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Why do i hate being a virgin?


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Old 14th August 2008, 11:46 PM   #1
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Why do i hate being a virgin?

ok well me and some guys at work were talking the other day, we talk about anything
and they were saying how they cant believe that im 18 and haven't really even gone further than making out with a girl
i haven't dated in high school because to me, it seemed really stupid
yea ok it gives you experience, but i noticed that for others it caused way too much drama and stupid things
but now that im out of high school, i hate being so inexperienced
and i think that is what is holding me back
and i think it drives many girls away, because i am inexperienced
anywho, as i said, they were saying how they cant believe how i haven't done anything
they said i need to go and find some girls
and whatever girls i see, i just need to think that "i can/need to get with that"
in other words, they want me to get a BJ/HJ and get laid
i haven't been "saving" myself for anyone or anything
just hasn't come up because like i said, i didn't date during school
i do not have this mindset at all, and i told them that
but it seems that is the only way to be anymore
is to think that about everyone
they told me to go to the mall or a club or somewhere, find a chick, and get it on
again, im not like that
i don't want to be with a girl that has been with a lot of other guys
and one that is more experienced than i am
and i just don't think its right
i've thought soooooo many times of changing my thoughts
and thinking how most others think, because obviously its getting them somewhere ya know?
im not saying i want to go get laid tomorrow, but i would like to get a little more experienced and stuff
but i just dont want to turn into that guy
but it seems like if i dont, then im not going to get anywhere
why am i like this?
it seriously bugs me
just want to know your guys/gals opinions on it
ManWithQuestions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th August 2008, 3:45 AM   #2
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Your co-workers' "way" of looking at life and women is NOT the only way -- your mindset, values and beliefs are as valid for you as theirs are for them.
You could look at it as being wise that you avoided the emotional drama and childish antics of high school instead of just submitting to peer pressure. And as being mature that you are aware of your own values, beliefs and thoughts. And as being a good thing that you know who you are and what you want.

I wouldn't recommend measuring yourself by, and trying to live up (down?) to, your co-workers' values and thinking. Sounds like that is leading to self-doubt and self-criticism. Best to not let others' schedules and opinions inform and guide how you live your life.
IMO, it is far better to stay true to yourself than try to change so you can fit into someone else's mold of what you "should" be doing and experiencing. You will go a LOT further by following your own "inner direction", and you will feel happier and good about yourself whenever you get there.
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Old 16th August 2008, 8:06 AM   #3
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Don't beat yourself up about this, I know exactly how hard this is...possibly to a worse extent.

I'm 21 and still a virgin. I hadn't even kissed a girl until I was 19, almost 20. I had my first BJ/HJ just before my 21st birthday this year, it was my first time doing "more intimate" things to a woman too.
Unfortunately, she didn't want to have sex because she didn't want to seem like a slut...and since then, in hindsight, I'd had many chances with her that I over-looked.

She called it off in April because she didn't want "us" to get too deep before she goes to uni, personally I think it's because I wasn't forward enough in my wants... perhaps she felt a little cheated too - 3 months with no sex couldn't have been nice for her either =P

Recently I've learnt that i don't care so much about sex any more, after having someone that I actually wanted for more than physical intimacy I realise that there's a lot more to it than that. Sure, I'll bet sex is great, but it's not everything.

Just hold out man, it'll happen for you!
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Old 17th August 2008, 12:03 AM   #4
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OP, you are a rare bird and a turn on to the right girl. she will be so into you she won't care. why settle for less? I did, and I'm miserable.
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Old 17th August 2008, 4:45 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronni_W View Post
Your co-workers' "way" of looking at life and women is NOT the only way -- your mindset, values and beliefs are as valid for you as theirs are for them.
You could look at it as being wise that you avoided the emotional drama and childish antics of high school instead of just submitting to peer pressure. And as being mature that you are aware of your own values, beliefs and thoughts. And as being a good thing that you know who you are and what you want.

I wouldn't recommend measuring yourself by, and trying to live up (down?) to, your co-workers' values and thinking. Sounds like that is leading to self-doubt and self-criticism. Best to not let others' schedules and opinions inform and guide how you live your life.
IMO, it is far better to stay true to yourself than try to change so you can fit into someone else's mold of what you "should" be doing and experiencing. You will go a LOT further by following your own "inner direction", and you will feel happier and good about yourself whenever you get there.
its not that i really want to "live up" to them
i just personally hate being a virgin and not experienced, because it seems like girls know it and its a huge turn off

Quote:
Originally Posted by Byren View Post
Don't beat yourself up about this, I know exactly how hard this is...possibly to a worse extent.

I'm 21 and still a virgin. I hadn't even kissed a girl until I was 19, almost 20. I had my first BJ/HJ just before my 21st birthday this year, it was my first time doing "more intimate" things to a woman too.
Unfortunately, she didn't want to have sex because she didn't want to seem like a slut...and since then, in hindsight, I'd had many chances with her that I over-looked.

She called it off in April because she didn't want "us" to get too deep before she goes to uni, personally I think it's because I wasn't forward enough in my wants... perhaps she felt a little cheated too - 3 months with no sex couldn't have been nice for her either =P

Recently I've learnt that i don't care so much about sex any more, after having someone that I actually wanted for more than physical intimacy I realise that there's a lot more to it than that. Sure, I'll bet sex is great, but it's not everything.

Just hold out man, it'll happen for you!
well im not necessarily just wanting sex either
i would like to have someone who i can just have a good time with
but it seems that girls know im not experienced, so they just run away

Quote:
Originally Posted by allthemagic View Post
OP, you are a rare bird and a turn on to the right girl. she will be so into you she won't care. why settle for less? I did, and I'm miserable.
it sure doesnt seem like it
when is this girl supposed to come around?
cause i am sick of just waiting around
maybe i need a new place to meet girls, but not really anywhere around here to do that lol
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Old 17th August 2008, 12:24 PM   #6
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how old are you?

edit: sorry, you already said. 18 is a long way away from being the 40 year old virgin. I have a very attractive charming friend who waiting till he was 23. And he found a great girl who didn't care at all. That said, you don't have to be looking for your soul mate here. If you can find some girl who you enjoy being around and who you are attracted to, go for it. I can't see how they would 'know' beforehand if you were a virgin. Focus on your social skills, don't come on too strong and treat them like they're special to you. Any girl worthwhile won't care, and if she does then it's about her insecurities, not your lack of experience. And trust me there are also plenty awesome chicks your age out there that are just as inexperienced as you are. I lost it when I was 20, and many of my friends did as well. If the kinds of girls in your social circle are really promiscious and judge you based off that, chances are they don't really care for you as a person and you shouldnt' bother with them anyway. BE YOURSELF. No one has walked the road you have, no one can judge your decisions for you. Anyone that tries to tell you you should have done anything before you felt it was the right time for you is being judgemental and condescending.

Last edited by allthemagic; 17th August 2008 at 12:31 PM..
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Old 17th August 2008, 2:03 PM   #7
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I was called the 40 year old virgin for a bit. I didn't lose my virginity til I was 20, but I didn't mind that too much. There's a lot of pressure put on it, but in all honesty its kinda blown outta proportion.

Funny note - My friends who called me the 40 year old virgin? One of them still is. And he's 22. So I win.
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