Is this rude?

[CallaKay]

My husband has been asked to be the best man at his childhood friend's wedding. I do not want to go AT ALL because of how the bride and groom seem to be inconsiderate in regards to me. But my husband insists I go.

 

The couple have asked him to take time off from work, drive 13 hours from our home for the wedding, when the groom has never given us a wedding gift or had any interest in meeting me and has never even spoken to me over the phone.

 

Of course my husband must plan a bachelor party, and that upsets me for its obvious reasons. But more importantly, the bachelor party lasts for the whole day before the wedding, in the morning/afternoon, the groom wants to go paint balling, in the evening, he will be at the rehearsal dinner, which I have apparently not been invited to, afterwards, the bachelor party continues at the groom's home with drinks and "other entertainment." I, the out of towner, will be completely alone during this entire time.

 

Then during to day of the wedding, my husband must wake up early to ensure the groom is taken care of and assist in preparations, I again will be alone. During the wedding, I will be seated in the aisle, alone. After the wedding, he will be posing for pictures, and I will be looking on, left out (understandably.) Then the reception, I shall be seated at a table with people I don't know, while my husband sits at the head table. I will then watch him dance with the maid-of-honor which upsets me some,

 

I think its also worth mentioning, that not only are we both from out of town, but I am not American, I speak English well, but am Argentinean. So I will be around a lot of people with whom I don't even share a culture. I will not know a single soul at this place, just my husband, who by request and plans of the bride and groom will be kept separated from me the entire time.

 

The wedding is only weeks away, and I have only heard about these bachelor's party plan yesterday.

 

Does any of this seem inconsiderate? Or am only partially right or completely wrong?

 

Opinions are appreciated.

[reddog63]

My husband has been asked to be the best man at his childhood friend's wedding. I do not want to go AT ALL because of how the bride and groom seem to be inconsiderate in regards to me. But my husband insists I go.

 

The couple have asked him to take time off from work, drive 13 hours from our home for the wedding, when the groom has never given us a wedding gift or had any interest in meeting me and has never even spoken to me over the phone.

 

Of course my husband must plan a bachelor party, and that upsets me for its obvious reasons. But more importantly, the bachelor party lasts for the whole day before the wedding, in the morning/afternoon, the groom wants to go paint balling, in the evening, he will be at the rehearsal dinner, which I have apparently not been invited to, afterwards, the bachelor party continues at the groom's home with drinks and "other entertainment." I, the out of towner, will be completely alone during this entire time.

 

Then during to day of the wedding, my husband must wake up early to ensure the groom is taken care of and assist in preparations, I again will be alone. During the wedding, I will be seated in the aisle, alone. After the wedding, he will be posing for pictures, and I will be looking on, left out (understandably.) Then the reception, I shall be seated at a table with people I don't know, while my husband sits at the head table. I will then watch him dance with the maid-of-honor which upsets me some,

 

I think its also worth mentioning, that not only are we both from out of town, but I am not American, I speak English well, but am Argentinean. So I will be around a lot of people with whom I don't even share a culture. I will not know a single soul at this place, just my husband, who by request and plans of the bride and groom will be kept separated from me the entire time.

 

The wedding is only weeks away, and I have only heard about these bachelor's party plan yesterday.

 

Does any of this seem inconsiderate? Or am only partially right or completely wrong?

 

Opinions are appreciated.

 

I can understand not wanting to go and semi dreading it. But you know, you are married....you do things for each other.

 

If it was your friend and roles were reversed.........would you like hubby actign and feeling the same way?

 

Personally, I would rather my wife stay home....LOL.

[CallaKay]

I am definitely going because my husband desires me to go, he doesn't know that many people there either. And as for the extended bachelor party, I don't mind, he'd enjoy paint balling. And I will be polite to all I encounter. I'm just wondering how upset I should be, and how much I should spend on their wedding gift, : )

[whichwayisup]

Get drunk, try to have fun and just do this to support your husband. It's one night out of your life. Who knows, maybe you'll have a fun time and be seated with some nice/fun people.

 

Are they registered? If so, then just buy something you think they'd really need on their list, doesn't have to be more than 100 bucks. Talk to your husband about it too as it's his friends wedding.

[CallaKay]

I won't get drunk because I'm not from a culture which openly accepts that as Americans do, not to mention that no one really wants drunk people at their wedding. And I am supporting my husband 100% as I am going even though I know I pretty much won't have fun. I am encouraging him to everything he wants to do and DOESN'T want to do, for the sake of his friend's wedding, such as give a speech (which apparently he's making me write) and dance with someone even though he hates and doesn't know how to dance. So beyond a doubt, my issue has nothing to do with my husband. I am merely wondering of much of this is the bride and groom being inconsiderate, how much of it is a simple culture difference, and how much of it being rude is by my own design. And as for my gift "joke," I meant that if they are being inconsiderate towards me, I won't buy a wedding gift that's too extravagant, but if they are, then I will spend the "big bucks" as you say.

[JerseyShortie]

Yes you should go. Not for the couple but for your husband because you love him.

[curiousnycgirl]

I agree you should be invited to the rehearsal dinner, and frankly you should be seated with your husband for the reception. I would not want to go either - but I htink this is one of those times you need to suck it up.

 

I'm sorry, where is the wedding? Maybe we can have an LS party to entertain you while you are alone.

[LoveLace]

Personally, if it was me, I would insist on not going. Yes going would be supporting your husband, but how are you supposed to do that when the bride and groom are purposely keeping you out of the entire picture, everything from rehearsal dinner to the head table, which is all just down right ignorant. In my opinion, your husband should be saying something about how they have treated you in the past, go to the wedding, and if they ask, just explain that you are not there because the whole situation would make you uncomfortable, because they don't include you and consider that you are his other half. He should be speaking up for you, darn it. I think it's a total waste of time and trip for you to be so left out for such a majority of the time. Also, I'd tell my husband if he wants them to have a nice wedding gift, that he can pay for all of it because I'd refuse to spend money on supposed "friends" who haven't done a darn thing for me.

 

Sorry, but I'd tell him to just go and have fun because I don't want to be involved with people who should have made effort to be more involved with ME in the 1st place. If you ask me, this is the price people pay for letting others treat you like you don't exist, if it's your husband that has to pay by going alone, then so be it, he could always speak up but he chooses not to and I think that's wrong. What kind of friends would treat someone's spouse this way? Not very good friends, I'd say.