Unnamed Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Been seeing this pretty girl around recently and exchanged a few looks. One weekend she walked past and flashed me a lovely smile to which my friend, who had been telling me to go over and introduce myself ran after her. She asked her what her name was and gave it to her as well as saying she had noticed me looking and I should come over next time. Well anyway cut to last weekend and this girl is in the bar again and comes over to talk to me. We chatted for a bit and as the bar was loud the conversation was a bit awkward and I was rather nervous. She was also very cagey and was hard to know what to say as we both didn't know anything about each other. During the conversation she offered me her number twice to which I said that would be nice. A friend of mine came over who she recognised and they chatted, afterwards she said she was going back to her friends so I never got the number and wasn't sure if that meant she wasn't interested or was waiting for me to ask? And that was that... I am literally kicking myself this week and wondering how the hell I can fix this? I'm hoping she will be out next week - but my question is... I managed to find her friend on Facebook, wasn't easy, but I'm wondering if I message her and say hey are you so and so's friend, will it come across as a bit stalkerish or do I just hope she is out on the weekend and do it in person? Sorry am just feeling rather stupid and not sure what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 This isn't high school anymore. The days of having friends do the work should be long over with. Wait until this weekend to see if you see her out again. Don't initiate anything over facebook unless all other avenues have been exhausted. You did mess up by not getting her number and you sound like you'll never get anywhere with anyone unless you stop being so hesitant. This is all on you. When you see her again, make a move like a big boy. Get her number and show her you aren't just a nervous ninny. Otherwise, this story will play over and over for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Wait until the weekend. DO NOT send a message to her friend via Facebook!!! Link to post Share on other sites
T - mac Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 dude, im 16 and i can still see how bad you where with this situation... why in the hell would you let your friend do it for you. come on man, just walk up and talk to her, ask her her name, say hi, its not that hard. and if she offers you her number shes not doing it for no reason, take it! and if she does it twice, take it! i mean i had problems like this a couple years ago but damn, how old are you? 20 something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unnamed Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Thanks for all your replies - believe me, I know I've been an idiot Just some back story on this - I'm 29 and have just come out of a six year LTR and it's all rather new again for me, so it's not as if I have much experience in this recently that's all. My friend ran after when she left, I couldn't stop her - she was just annoyed as it was a crowded bar and I wasn't sure if she was looking at me - the smille at me when she left the place confirmed it, that's why my friend ran after her as I kept saying I'm not sure if she is looking etc. I'm usually pretty confident. It's because she approached it threw me and I wasn't sure what to say. It seemed like she expected me to carry it as she had come over - she was very cagey also. I don't know if that was nerves on her side or the fact I didn't take her number why she said she was going back to her friends - it was just very busy, I couldn't hear very well and was surrounded by people taking to us both. As for the Facebook thing I won't message her friend, would seem odd I guess but just scrambling to contact her somehow. Any ideas for what to say or do if I do see her again this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Yes. Walk right up to her and say, hey, I never did get that phone number from you last weekend, bars can be so loud can't they? Then whip out a pen and paper and have her write it down. Then talk to her after safely securing the number. Easy, practical, and to the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I don't know if that was nerves on her side or the fact I didn't take her number why she said she was going back to her friends - it was just very busy, I couldn't hear very well and was surrounded by people taking to us both. It's because she gave you the perfect opportunity. When it became clear that you didn't have the balls to make a move, she gave up on it. That's pretty standard practice. She did everything else, all you had to do was ask her. I think the biggest mistake you can make here is to overanalyze this situation. Don't do it. If and when you see her again, talk to her... like a human. No tricks or gimmicks, just be yourself... and GET HER NUMBER!!! She won't offer twice. You'll actually have to put yourself out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unnamed Posted January 20, 2008 Author Share Posted January 20, 2008 Well an update... She never turned up last night, but I swear I saw her drive past and someone said she may have been embarrassed after last week, what with coming up to me offering her number and me more or less blowing her off... I'm trying my best not to contact her friend on Facebook but is really damn hard - would it really make me look that bad contacting her? Sorry I'm just fishing for advice as I waited all week to see if she was out. got dressed up to the nines and just feel really disappointed today Link to post Share on other sites
Lucasarts Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 yeah you already look bad enough by completely blowing the biggest opportunity given to you BY HER. Don't make it look worse by becoming that weird facebook stalker. Of course, given your situation and circumstances of stupidity, I wouldn't put it past you. I'm very impressed that the girl actually had the confidence and boldness to initiate all the moves and engage in conversation with you. Say you wouldn't happen to have her number would you? No? huh, I wonder why that is. I guess it would be "nice" to have the number of a girl like that; pretty, confident, assertive...and thats just a first impression. I'm sorry I'm being a prick here, but again I have to be because it seems like you guys are completely clueless as to what a woman wants you to do. Stop being so dumb about the opposite sex, guys SHOULD NOT wait around for a girl to initiate anything. And honestly, if you do find a girl who controls everything. . . I really do pity you. Anyways, venting aside, I strongly suggest you find a way to meet her again. I guess you can attempt to be the stalker (of information, mind you, dont go following her everywhere; just try to figure out more about her, ask her friends about her and what she likes, this'll give u an idea of what type of person she is, so when you make a conversation, you won't be sitting there with your hand up your ass.) If you really want someone that bad, you will find a way to meet again. And this time, don't be a moron about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unnamed Posted January 20, 2008 Author Share Posted January 20, 2008 Wow harsh, but fair Look, I have been a total moron in this - I'm fully aware I am coming across as a weirdo too but it's more the explaining of it then the situation at hand. I've been on quite a few dates recently, going on a few more next week and even after coming out of a six year relationship I'm pretty confident in myself so maybe I'm just confused as to why I managed to screw this up by being so tongue tied with this one - maybe I'm looking for answers within myself to why I acted like I did that don't necessarily relate to this girl, it's all a learning curve isn't it? The reason I guess I am persisting with her is that she seemed exactly my type and in this small town it's very hard to meet people like that, believe me I've tried. You know when you find someone who is exactly what you are after? How they dress, act and conduct themselves, basically beautiful but completely understated with it? I am trying my hardest to figure out ways to get to know her or see her again and not act unconfident, but the Facebook idea was literally the only way I know how I could get in contact with her somehow. You've told me what you think and had a go, but isn't that what this forum is for, advice? I really appreciate what I have been told so far - I guess I know the answer I just need a second opinion to keep me on the right track maybe? I do hope I meet her and redeem this and if not it's been a real insight into how someone can take down that confidence barrier in an instant when I hadn't had problems before. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Lucasarts Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 well its hard to really give advice when the opportunity that was presented to you was there. The advice of trying to contact her via Facebook: Not a good idea. Don't do it. The best advice for this situation? Find a way to meet her in person, and then ask her out. It doesn't seem too late to do this, but it won't be as easy as when she pretty much threw herself at you. Oh and i do apologize for my rude/arrogant response. I just get sick of guys who have a girl throw themselves at them and they don't know how to react; then they come here and ask how to amend the situation. Interesting that your confidence was lacking around this pretty girl. . . I find it funny how much guys hold the appearance of a girl to elevate them above themselves; a pretty girl is only fun when she has a prettier personality to go with it. Looks are not forever but the character inside is always there. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I agree with Lucasarts. I had something similar happen to me awhile back - friend invited me out for drinks with 2 single co-workers of his. One of them was interested and presented me an opportunity but didn't realize it until a day later. After that shortly my friend stopped working there - though he tried helping me by inviting them out to events, but no luck. I mean I could probably get my friend to fork over his coworker's #/email to get in touch with the other co-worker..but that'd be too creepy. What's lost is lost, just learn to move on with life - plenty of fish in the sea dude no worries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unnamed Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) Well an update... Saw the girl out last night. Walked over and said hi, chatted with her and her friend for a bit - place was closing and as she got up to leave I asked her for her number which is now finally in my phonebook I'm rather happy today and gonna send her a text tomorrow asking her if she fancies a drink sometime, does that sound ok? Thanks for all the advice again - I wanted to report back to say some things do work out I guess - fingers crossed it goes ok now Edited February 3, 2008 by Unnamed spelling mistake Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 I'm rather happy today and gonna send her a text tomorrow asking her if she fancies a drink sometime, does that sound ok? No. CALL her, so she can hear your voice. Don't do the text messaging thing..Be different! Stick to the phone! If I was that girl, I wouldn't want the guy to ask me out for dinner through a text message. Or, is this what the world has come to these days? lol.. Good luck, relax and just take it slow. Get to know her and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unnamed Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 Wouldn't that seem a little too forward to be honest? Think I would probably freak if a girl called me the next day - just seems too personal for first contact? I wasn't gonna take her for dinner, was just gonna say 'hey how's it going? Do you fancy meeting up for a drink sometime?'. Just would be a few drinks in the local, rather than anything intimate. Thanks for the luck - I know this may go nowhere but hey I got her number and if nothing I have my confidence back Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Uhh, no. I mean before text messaging and emails were around, teens, 20, 30 year old's were surviving by using the phone. Hiding behind the net to make your first move (whether it be IM, text or email) only makes you shyer! (shier? you know what I mean) Anyway, whatever you feel comfortable with, I guess if I were the girl, I would want to be chased and wooed face to face or by phone, not by texting/IM or email. Just seems non-personal, but that's just me. just seems too personal for first contact? You have to start somewhere! And again, people somehow managed before the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
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