Women overstepping boundaries..wassup with that?

[finallyhappyme]

I just replied to a post and after reading the post over again I couldn't help but get angry. I guess because this has happened to me in the past and I can't understand why women do this sometimes?

 

Why is it that some women do not care about overstepping boundaries with men in serious relationships? I will give you my example;

 

My ex started going to tutoring after class for a while. Turns out he had a lot in common with his tutor and they became friends. They eventually ended up having a class together. She would call him sometimes and they would meet up to complete homework assignments together. (My ex being 24 and she being 25 both in college ) He eventually let me meet her since he could sense I was a bit tense about their friendship. I met her we hung out, she seemed ok. But then she started calling more often, started coming over his house when I wasn't around, and then even asked once if she could come watch a movie at my bf's house because her date stood her up( mind you this was at 12pm at night and he was home alone ) He called me before letting her come over to ask and I said 'HELL NO'

 

He understood and I know that the guy needs to set the bounderies but he just felt bad for her sometimes. Said she was going through a hard break up and needed someone to talk to. I trusted him and so I didn't get mad on on his part..but her as a woman should know better.

 

After my ex and I spoke, he called her back and explained and she said 'What's her problem she needs to trust you..maybe when she gets to know me a little better she won't mind'

 

NOOOO sweetheart.... I will ALWAYS mind. You just don't invite yourself over to a guys house to watch a movie at 12PM when you know he is in a committed relationship and you have met and hung out with the girlfriend.

 

I could understand a childhood friend of 7 plus years or something but not someone you just met a few months ago.

 

 

This is my example but I see it happening all the time. Is it just me?? But seriously where is the respect?

 

Why do women think it's ok to text, call, go to dinner with guys who are in a committed relationship?

 

Would love some input.

[Mustang Sally]

Hmmm.

Maybe it's Darwinian?

Competition for the fittest mate to produce the fittest offspring?

 

Biological drives are purported to be quite strong, after all....

[oppath]

It's not about this girl overstepping bounds, it is about your ex not having appropriate boundaries. It was HIS character flaw and lack of integrity.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You just don't invite yourself over to a guys house to watch a movie at 12PM

 

Yeah, college football tends to be a much better choice, and on several channels at that time

[Enema]

It's not about this girl overstepping bounds, it is about your ex not having appropriate boundaries. It was HIS character flaw and lack of integrity.

 

I disagree.

 

He called her to ask her opinion and when she said no, he readily complied.

 

He's not hiding anything from her and being completely open and honest about what's going on.

 

Completely innocent from the boyfriends' part and she would do well to not direct any anger at him at this point.

[NightsInWhiteSatin]

The majority of men...usually the ones with massive ego's don't seem to hear, understand or be familiar with the word 'no' coming from women...and it's even worse if their your ex because to them they've seen you in all your glory had you in every emotional and physical way and do loose that respect for your privacy and boundaries even more.

 

The majority of men are persistant and pushy when they want something from you or want to get their own way.

 

Classic example when you're out clubbing...guy you dont know offers to buy you a drink, you say 'thankyou but i've already got one' guy then insists again to buy you a drink you smile because its flattering and say a bit more honestly 'i've already got one and besides im on a girls night out with my friends' guy insists again you say 'no really, its nice of you to offer but i really dont want one' and guess what...guy insists again and again and again untill you have to TELL him to leave you alone to which they usually remark 'b*tch'.

 

Men who do this are usually good looking an know it...have a massive ego and are used to women giving in to them.

 

Trouble is if you give in to a guy like that, maybe have a relationship with them etc etc....if you continue to be friends with them after the break up they'll most likely try and try and try again to have one night stands with you relentlessly and try to walk allover you doesnt matter when or how...if its conveiniant to them they'll do it regardless of how inconveiniant it is for you.

 

wow i have ranted. hope its helped.

[finallyhappyme]

I disagree.

 

He called her to ask her opinion and when she said no, he readily complied.

 

He's not hiding anything from her and being completely open and honest about what's going on.

 

Completely innocent from the boyfriends' part and she would do well to not direct any anger at him at this point.

 

 

I agree. He is my ex NOW but at the time this happened he was my bf. He did call and when I said no he called her right back and said no.

 

I'm just in shock that she would even think this was ok..and then to tell him that when I got to know her better it would be ok?? I mean c'mon.

 

Some women just have no respect for committment now - a -days and it really makes me sick.

 

I guess I'm not asking ... I'm venting.

 

Anyone else that's ever had this problem and wants to vent I'm all ears........

[LaughMachine]

No offense but how are you going to say " women " as if men don't do this either? How about using the word " people "

 

Because people are arrogant they probaly think you are willing to leave your partner, and alot of people don't care to have morals

[Phateless]

It's not about this girl overstepping bounds, it is about your ex not having appropriate boundaries. It was HIS character flaw and lack of integrity.

 

 

Bingo. My ex did the exact same thing to me and refused to see where I was even coming from. If somebody cheats, it's THEIR fault, not the fault of the person they cheated with.

 

You can't rely on anyone else to protect you, you have to protect yourself.

[reboot]

If somebody cheats, it's THEIR fault

While I completely agree with this statement, I also firmly believe there are predators out there. Men and women who absolutely do not care who they hurt as long as they get their way. People that don't care if the object of their desire is in a comitted relationship or a marriage. People who will try to exploit every chink in the armor they can find, and will take advantage of any weakness they smell.

 

Can we blame them because the person in the relationship made the decision to cheat with them? No, not really.

 

Can we find them despicable anyway?

 

Yes, yes I can.

[underpants]

I had a similiar situation with a long ago ex.

 

There was a girl that was crushing on him. The fact that she had a boyfriend did not seem to bother her.

 

There was the hanging out and then an opportunity for them and others to go out of town to a concert and a sharing of a hotel room.

 

I told my then boyfriend that it was rather obvious that she was into him and that made me uncomfortable. He said that I was just too sensitive. (okay?). I then asked him how he would feel if I went to a concert with a group of guy friends and shared a room with them? Or what if I let some dude come over and hang out at my house with me?

 

I believe the solution was that I go to the concert as well. She was not expecting that and she did not like me.

 

His resentment in our relationship grew and eventually we broke up anyway. 2 days later I saw him out with this chick and I just rose my beer in a toast to them both. (inside I wanted to find her boyfriend and tell him). He called me that night to let me know that nothing happened but the switch had been flipped in me. I was, in that moment, no longer attracted to him.

 

We broke up, that girl and her boyfriend broke up. My ex and her never dated and everyone went their seperate ways.

 

If I am accused of being 'too sensitive' again I think I might find a sensitive area to lay a punch to.

 

If you can, just have a rational conversation with your man. A mature discussion about how each of you value your relationship and what compromises you two can agree on to improve it and make it feel safe and secure for you both. Then celebrate it. If he can't have a real discussion about things without throwing out deflective terms then...you might consider that he might not be that great of a partner.

 

Good luck.

[finallyhappyme]

Yes, yes I can.

 

 

:lmao: I Agree!

[Phateless]

People who will try to exploit every chink in the armor they can find, and will take advantage of any weakness they smell.

 

Can we blame them because the person in the relationship made the decision to cheat with them? No, not really.

 

Can we find them despicable anyway?

 

Yes, yes I can.

 

 

I completely agree back with you times two!!!

 

Funny, about a year ago, right before I broke up with my ex, this other girl decided for some reason that she had to have me. She was hell-bent on stealing me from my then girlfriend, and no matter what I said or did, she kept pursuing. I remember thinking "...WTF is wrong with this chick??"

 

That's not what ended the relationship (ironically, SHE found someone else, go figure) and I never cheated, but I witnessed firsthand how this nutso girl made more progress with me than I ever would have expected.

 

Scary...

[squeak]

I had a similiar situation with a long ago ex.

 

There was a girl that was crushing on him. The fact that she had a boyfriend did not seem to bother her.

 

There was the hanging out and then an opportunity for them and others to go out of town to a concert and a sharing of a hotel room.

 

I told my then boyfriend that it was rather obvious that she was into him and that made me uncomfortable. He said that I was just too sensitive. (okay?). I then asked him how he would feel if I went to a concert with a group of guy friends and shared a room with them? Or what if I let some dude come over and hang out at my house with me?

 

I believe the solution was that I go to the concert as well. She was not expecting that and she did not like me.

 

 

OMG Unders! You have the same story as me! This girl in question would send these invites just like that, I would tell my BF "no way" once I got the vibe she was into him and -of course-she hated me.

 

Then he would say "no thanks". Then there would be the next one, and the next one. He had a choice to go along or risk being outed. She knew she held the cards. Go along or lose all the friends. Of course the invites were getting more and more inappropriate in scope and intensity ( a concert out of town-1 hotel room!, an all night all girl keg party-plus MY bF!! )

 

He always brought me on the occasions we actually went (back before those stupid outings came about), but I didn't care to hang out with her around anymore, even with other of his friends there. obviously.

 

I wanted to punch her in her skank face, but he needed to set his boundaries with her, it wouldn't matter if I acted the jealous GF.

 

He did not want to have a confrontation with her, so just avoided all of them in the end.

 

Her BF just asked her to marry him. I really have no respect for that guy.

[squeak]

We broke up, that girl and her boyfriend broke up. My ex and her never dated and everyone went their seperate ways.

 

Unders-why the heck do these dumb guys let these ho's step in like that and ruin the relationship?

 

I have seen so many guys let their relationship fall apart because they felt the GF was getting too uptight over nothiung. Then to see in your case that they didn't even end up together..WTF? Why? Was it worth it for him?

 

It's good you saw what he was about and made a decision. Unfortunately it is up to the guy(or girl in reverse situation) to put the brakes on it.

 

Please, someone explain this phenomen of guys who throw their relationship away for the "new friend" who pursues them relentlessly- but that doesn't develop into a relationship anyways. Is it the new lo fi polygamy?

 

Yes I agree original [poster-I detest women who do that, but we also have to keep in mind that ultimately it is the SO who determines what is and isn't acceptable, regardless of how much manipulations the new person pursues with.

[finallyhappyme]

Unders-why the heck do these dumb guys let these ho's step in like that and ruin the relationship?

 

I have seen so many guys let their relationship fall apart because they felt the GF was getting too uptight over nothiung. Then to see in your case that they didn't even end up together..WTF? Why? Was it worth it for him?

 

It's good you saw what he was about and made a decision. Unfortunately it is up to the guy(or girl in reverse situation) to put the brakes on it.

 

Please, someone explain this phenomen of guys who throw their relationship away for the "new friend" who pursues them relentlessly- but that doesn't develop into a relationship anyways. Is it the new lo fi polygamy?

 

Yes I agree original [poster-I detest women who do that, but we also have to keep in mind that ultimately it is the SO who determines what is and isn't acceptable, regardless of how much manipulations the new person pursues with.

 

 

I know and I agree..In the end it is up to the SO to say ' Hey skank back the F*ck up' or at least Thats what I would have him say lol

 

But yes please I need a GUY to come and explain this phenomenon. Why cave into the voices outside contentments doors only to come crawling back a sobbing / apologizing baby? I don't get it?

 

And it just really irks me about the women though..I need to vent again..I have agreed that in the end the SO is the one responsible for how far it will go..but these women are sneaky. They make it so that the are just tip-toeing over the line back and fourth but not enough as to where the SO can actually tell them something you know?

 

And it really irks me that they are one of us..they know how hard it is already to keep a man, we already have to deal with porn, guys night out, bachelor parties, friends, and now skank wants to come around and just make it 10x worse all while smiling in your face calling herself his 'friend' GRRRRRRR..lol Testing MY intelligence as If I don't know what your up to hoochie! lol

 

Phateless..My question to you is...what could your GF have done to better the situation when this skank hoochbag was coming at you hard? What could she have done to make you forget all about this 'friend's advances?

[squeak]

And it really irks me that they are one of us..they know how hard it is already to keep a man, we already have to deal with porn, guys night out, bachelor parties, friends, and now skank wants to come around and just make it 10x worse all while smiling in your face calling herself his 'friend' GRRRRRRR..lol Testing MY intelligence as If I don't know what your up to hoochie! lol

 

 

Absolutely fhm!

 

I think it is for the very reasons you listed also that they do it-they know how hard it is to get a good guy-so they see you already did all the filtering and want to latch on to your efforts! Ever hear of plankton? Or bottom feeders?

 

Also-they are spiteful because even if they can't get the guy away from you, they just want to ruin a good thing for the other girl because they can't have their own.

 

I could make a list of behaviors that they do that are sooo sneaky because unlike a guy who will just come out and say "wanna go out?" the girl will get the BF on her side by making the GF look like a jealous nut bag.

 

Also, they know:

a) men hardly ever want confrontation or to be mean to another woman

b) unless another girl actually touches his genitals he won't believe that anything up until that point means she has any ill intentions

 

I could never be one of those girls, I don't get them. Yes, we need to hear male perspective:

 

phateless:

-a question: did you not know what was going on (that is always the guys excuse) or did you think it would blow over if you ignored it ?

-Did you not think the girl was an evil skank whore for being so sneaky or were you pleasantly ego stroked by it?

[finallyhappyme]

Absolutely fhm!

 

I think it is for the very reasons you listed also that they do it-they know how hard it is to get a good guy-so they see you already did all the filtering and want to latch on to your efforts! Ever hear of plankton? Or bottom feeders?

 

Also-they are spiteful because even if they can't get the guy away from you, they just want to ruin a good thing for the other girl because they can't have their own.

 

I could make a list of behaviors that they do that are sooo sneaky because unlike a guy who will just come out and say "wanna go out?" the girl will get the BF on her side by making the GF look like a jealous nut bag.

 

Also, they know:

a) men hardly ever want confrontation or to be mean to another woman

b) unless another girl actually touches his genitals he won't believe that anything up until that point means she has any ill intentions

 

I could never be one of those girls, I don't get them. Yes, we need to hear male perspective:

 

phateless:

-a question: did you not know what was going on (that is always the guys excuse) or did you think it would blow over if you ignored it ?

-Did you not think the girl was an evil skank whore for being so sneaky or were you pleasantly ego stroked by it?

 

 

LMAO Great questions!! And yes, I know they say never say never, but I could never be one of those girls. I just couldn't do it.

 

And yes that's what I hate MOST! They make you out to look like some crazy nutso Gf, attacking his 'freedom' to even have a friend that's a girl. grrrr

 

And great point you mentioned above..about the plankton! I never really looked at it that way but it makes perfect sense. Why go through the struggle of filtering and struggling to find a good man when you can just steal one? lmao Thats sooo wrong! lol

[KittenMoon]

Ugh, I had this problem with my ex and this cvnt who moved in on him in this way. It drive me nuts, because she was a total attention whore, and EVERYONE but my ex could see it. I tried really hard to make nice with her, accept the friendship (my ex and I had always had tons of cross gender friendships w/o issue), but their friendship drove me crazy.

 

Eventually it was a big contributor to our break-up. My ex and her are now "best friends"- if you can call her needy emotional vampirism friendship. She hides it all under the "damsel in distress" crap- he's an idiot who falls for this junk from any girl. It's his flaw though- if he can focus on a needy female, he doesn't need to pay any attention to his own glaring emotional issues.

 

Anyhow, I now call these types of girls "poison". There doesn't need to be romance to drive a wedge, let me tell you.

 

Trust your instincts- if she feels like trouble, she is. If she doesn't- well, don't freak. I'm "intimate" friends with plenty of attached males, but their girls know I'm no trouble at all. I'd rather walk away from a friendship than break up a good relationship. In fact, I'm so close with one married couple, that the wife purposefully uses me to get out of doing stuff she doesn't like (certain movies, geeky activities, etc). I joke that I'm his "platonic mistress"- we've even visited the WIFE'S parents (w/o her) on our own.

[squeak]

And yes that's what I hate MOST! They make you out to look like some crazy nutso Gf, attacking his 'freedom' to even have a friend that's a girl. grrrr

 

That was the biggest problem that skankster (sorry I just can't label her a "girl" or "woman") caused- the issue of "Squeak I don;t like being controlled or told what to do".

 

It wasn't until a neutral 3rd party observed her towards my BF and said "you know-I thought Squeak was doing the overreactive female thing, but this girl is a keen enemy. She is setting you up to make you look like the bitter jealous GF, while presenting herself as freedom and fun. Every situation the spotlight goes on you and your bad reactions to her, and she knows exactly what she is doing".

 

I read so many posts here of girls that were left for gilrs like her, when she started complaining to my BF about her relationship, that was when major red flags popped up in my mind, and I did not want to be the cool GF who goes along.

 

I may dedicate a post about this in dating, for some reason "general relationship" doesn't get that much traffic, so less answers/input from the guys perspective. (Because we know all the girls have encountered these planktons)

[KittenMoon]

It wasn't until a neutral 3rd party observed her towards my BF and said "you know-I thought Squeak was doing the overreactive female thing, but this girl is a keen enemy. She is setting you up to make you look like the bitter jealous GF, while presenting herself as freedom and fun. Every situation the spotlight goes on you and your bad reactions to her, and she knows exactly what she is doing".

 

AMEN! I only wish someone had said this to my ex. (Actually, they might have, I don't know)

 

I URGE guys who even THINK they are even in this situation to find a neutral, trusted FEMALE third party to get their perspective- girls can sniff this out a mile away, while it seems that guys don't realize it.... well, ever sometimes.

[squeak]

Ugh, I had this problem with my ex and this cvnt who moved in on him in this way. It drive me nuts, because she was a total attention whore, and EVERYONE but my ex could see it. I tried really hard to make nice with her, accept the friendship (my ex and I had always had tons of cross gender friendships w/o issue), but their friendship drove me crazy.

 

Eventually it was a big contributor to our break-up. My ex and her are now "best friends"- if you can call her needy emotional vampirism friendship. She hides it all under the "damsel in distress" crap- he's an idiot who falls for this junk from any girl. It's his flaw though- if he can focus on a needy female, he doesn't need to pay any attention to his own glaring emotional issues.

 

Anyhow, I now call these types of girls "poison". There doesn't need to be romance to drive a wedge, let me tell you.

 

Trust your instincts- if she feels like trouble, she is. If she doesn't- well, don't freak. I'm "intimate" friends with plenty of attached males, but their girls know I'm no trouble at all. I'd rather walk away from a friendship than break up a good relationship. In fact, I'm so close with one married couple, that the wife purposefully uses me to get out of doing stuff she doesn't like (certain movies, geeky activities, etc). I joke that I'm his "platonic mistress"- we've even visited the WIFE'S parents (w/o her) on our own.

 

Same situation with the plankton in my story. She was so needy, and always had to be the center of attention. She was always trying to get my BF's attention in any social situation. And it works because if the guy feeds off the damsel in distress thing-well we know how that goes.

 

But why does a guy let that happen with another female and not concentrate on his own girl? Is it really "the neediest most attention grabbing girl wins the guy"?

 

Let me just say-if a girl can steal a guy from anyone so easily0better sooner than later! But-sometimes it makes me feel like guys are just drifting from the needy aggressive instigator to the next one.

 

Is it really up to the GF to get rid of the girl? 'Cuz I guarantee if that plankton slutster saw another girl doing the same thing-eyes would be clawed out.

 

So...let it happen and say "whatever" or fight for the man?? Are men just pawns amongst competitive women? They stay with the best fighter who seems the neediest?

 

At the end, after disengaging from her and her their friends, he apologized (just once!) and said I was right. Now he sees it. But it really took a long time, because he always had chalked me up as overly possessive. It was a horrible time, she was really obseesed with him.

 

That is another charachteristic-focused obsession. My friends even thought I was exaggerating. I was like "be glad you haven't had to deal with slutskies like her". Then one of my friends pointed out that I only had to deal with her because my BF did not shut her down much earlier. Ouch.

[finallyhappyme]

That was the biggest problem that skankster (sorry I just can't label her a "girl" or "woman") caused- the issue of "Squeak I don;t like being controlled or told what to do".

 

It wasn't until a neutral 3rd party observed her towards my BF and said "you know-I thought Squeak was doing the overreactive female thing, but this girl is a keen enemy. She is setting you up to make you look like the bitter jealous GF, while presenting herself as freedom and fun. Every situation the spotlight goes on you and your bad reactions to her, and she knows exactly what she is doing".

 

I read so many posts here of girls that were left for gilrs like her, when she started complaining to my BF about her relationship, that was when major red flags popped up in my mind, and I did not want to be the cool GF who goes along.

 

I may dedicate a post about this in dating, for some reason "general relationship" doesn't get that much traffic, so less answers/input from the guys perspective. (Because we know all the girls have encountered these planktons)

 

EXACTLY SQUEAK!! When this hooch came around..not exactly in the begining but after about a month or two he started with the 'Freedom' Crap!!!! 'With I don't like being controlled or told what to do" and you knew the whole time it was her skank a$$.

 

Whoever said POISON hit the nail on the head!!!

[squeak]

OMG fhm-I had googled some help when all that was happening, so I tried to be forearmed. I knew I was up against some evil behavior.

 

One of the things it warned was that when the GF started in on the guy, the "new friend" would put pressure on him and say stuff like " oh-what wrong-mommy won't let you come out and play" and they would play up the control the GF was exerting.

 

Not exactly like that, in my case, she was making a big deal if he didn't show up to ALL their friends and inquire and reschedule. In essence, she was putting him in a position to either look like he was rejecting all their friendships or go along.

 

I'm getting angry just thinking about it. I still have a lil revenge plan on my plate for her...one day.

[KittenMoon]

But why does a guy let that happen with another female and not concentrate on his own girl? Is it really "the neediest most attention grabbing girl wins the guy"?

 

Sometimes, yes, and this is so sad.

 

My fav example from my horrible story came a few weeks before my break-up. Went to a party w/ my ex, our friends, and the cvnt (that's my nickname for her). She was with her now-exbf (they had been on/off for many years, an absolute mess of a story in of itself). Well, she had her bf's "permission" to go to this little party, but he called up not long after we arrived, yelling at her. She ended up, no kidding, hiding in a dark corner crying on her cell phone. (This was by no means an uncommon occurence either) So my ex actually has the balls to ask me to go comfort her. I wanted to leave her to rot (I was fed up with her crap by then), but I did it anyways, coaxing her back to the group.

 

Not 5 min later she got the attention of this other guy at the party, and flirted with him the entire rest of the night, ignoring everyone else. We were sleeping over (the party was out of our town), and the next morning she was texting with this guy all day long. This continued for a couple weeks behind her bf's back, until this guy "confessed his adoration" of her, at which point she decided it was a good time to be like "Oh my, but I have a bf! Duh!"

 

I'm not making ANY this up.

 

And my ex still thinks she's the cat's meow as a friend... I honestly CANNOT believe how blind men can be.

 

I would NEVER play someone like this, yet I'm the mean, evil one because I didn't fall all over myself every time this girl needed attention? I even said to him "She needs to be mature and solve her own problems" (especially since these issues were YEARS ongoing) and he acted like I was a mean, horrible person.

 

So, hence, I'm tossed aside after six years... (though he now outright admits all our problems were his faults, though he'd never done (or has done) a thing to fix anything)