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Contact from an ex - wants to be friends??


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Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

 

This particular ex ripped my heart out during the course of our breakup. Destroyed me. We got back together, and broke up again. Months later, we were somehow able to be platonic friends for a short period of time until we had a huge argument where some very cruel things were said (on both sides) regarding our respective character.

 

It's been about 3-4 months since we blew up at one another. He sent me an email this morning saying he misses our friendship and hopes we can talk again. In a way I miss him too (from what I remember of the good times...and I'm not sure it's HIM I miss so much as how I felt during that time). However, as I think about it, I'm not sure his friendship ever benefited me in any way.

 

Thoughts?

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You already know what you will hear on LS..

 

But I think that you only live once and if the bad wasn't that bad then a few emails back and forth can't hurt to see where you both are.. it has been a while

 

Maybe you will renew something good..maybe not..Like I said you only live once..

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I think whether or not a friendship can develop depends on the relationship itself. In general, I am not friendly with my exes. I am friendly with my ex husband now, but it took a long time to get there. The fact that we share children is probably the only reason I maintain contact at all. If it weren't for that I suspect we would have gone our separate ways long ago and I would not have looked back. The only other man that I am still truly friends with was a FWB that ended 2 and 1/2 years ago. But our friendship was always first and foremost, even when we had moments that appeared more relationship like. He is still a very good friend and I will always appreciate him in so many ways. I get an honest male point of view when I'm searching for understanding. He reminds me that men and women often view things from a different angle.

 

Of course, he never tore my heart out, either, and we were friends for nearly 10 years before benefits came into the equation (except for one drunken episode at the beginning of our friendship.)

 

I do believe exes can be friends. I also think it is rare and usually takes time.

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I do believe exes can be friends. I also think it is rare and usually takes time.

 

I suppose they can but I've certainly never experienced it. I only have two significant exes anyway (dull life, huh?). One from college whom I've not seen nor spoken to since 1966 (she dropped me when I enlisted in the Army for Vietnam) and the one I was married to for 25 years and have five children with. Haven't seen or spoken with her in going on three years and likely will never do either again.

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Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

 

This particular ex ripped my heart out during the course of our breakup. Destroyed me. We got back together, and broke up again. Months later, we were somehow able to be platonic friends for a short period of time until we had a huge argument where some very cruel things were said (on both sides) regarding our respective character.

 

It's been about 3-4 months since we blew up at one another. He sent me an email this morning saying he misses our friendship and hopes we can talk again. In a way I miss him too (from what I remember of the good times...and I'm not sure it's HIM I miss so much as how I felt during that time). However, as I think about it, I'm not sure his friendship ever benefited me in any way.

 

Thoughts?

 

He's putting his feelers out there to keep you as a back up plan because his plan "A" isn't working out. I can't think of anything you could get from an Ex friendship wise you couldn't get from another friend. Someone who didn't destroy your heart.

 

Someone who truly loved and cared about you wouldn't do that to you. Certainly not someone I would consider a friend.

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I am friends with most of my exes - not buddies like we used to be but friends. I am supposed to go hang out sometime this week with one of my exes so I can meet his one year old son. So I know it's possible.

 

Right now I am considering going NC with one of them because it stirs up too much feelings for me. A sign I am not over it and not ready to instigate a friendship. And in this case I think we are both doing exactly what Caliguy mentioned: we are keeping each other as back up plans.

 

So you have to judge it wisely. The first 2 or three times you chat, e-mail or hang out with an ex are usually a little confusing. But if it doesn't affect you in any way, you know you're in the clear. If you start wondering what his actions mean, then you're probably better off without the friendship.

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If you start wondering what his actions mean, then you're probably better off without the friendship.

I think that's it exactly, in a nutshell.

 

Most friendships like these start from a basis of "extreme complications." I mean, you can never again have the closeness you once had. (Without getting back together, that is.)

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