sheree Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 I am in relationship with a man who gets his boys every other week end. He says things are to be different when his boys are here. He stays at my house when his children aren't with him,but when he has his children they all go to his house to stay and my children and I may or may not see them all weekend. I have tried to talk to him about this and have told him tht I can understand tht his boys want to spend time alone with their Dad, but he thinks that nothing should change when we are around my children "because I have mine all the time" I hope that I am not sounding selfish, but I could really use some advice on this matter. I have always tried to be a fair person and I just don't feel like he is being fair with me. HELP!!! ' Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 What kind of changes for when he's around your children did you have in mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheree Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 when his children are around he will not drink a beer, or smoke in the house or car. He stays at my house when he doesn't have his kids,but when he has his kids they go stay at his apartment because his 8 tear old wil tell him tht is what he wants to do. I don't have a problem with the children wanting to spend time alone with their Dad,the problem I have is the things he soeds around my children but not his,and he will say that we are sll going to do something and if his 10 year old or 8 year old say that they don't want to that is just the way it is. Oh yeah, no pda's around his children either. Although he will hug me or kiss me in front of my children. He ahs also said that there will be no sex after his children are in bed when they do stay at my house. I hope that I am not sounding selfish or anything. I have always tried to be a fair and just person. Well what do you think, some input would be appreciated. Thanks Sheree Link to post Share on other sites
TYASAFAHICSI Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 How divorced is he? It sound to me like there may have been a question (merited or not) on his fitness to be a parent. And, shacking up, drinking beer, having sex, and to a lesser degree not giving the kids what they want....may be just the ammunition that their mom needs to take him back to court and get the kids full time. The other issue is how long have you been in a "relationship". I know that I am very cautious wihtmy kids (divorced dad) and if they meet a woman I am dating there is very little PDA in front of them and she woudl not stay at my house. Once it morphs into a relationship where I think it may be serious, that is a different story, they will see the PDA,, but I am still hesitant to have her stay over--maybe on the "couch" or at least make it look like that! Maybe I am just old fashiponed Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Eh, I think if you don't want smoking in the house you should tell him it's not allowed. If you told him you wanted the same rules for when your children are around, wouldn't that mean no sex at all? If there are certain things you don't want him to do, tell him. Like the smoking. But as far as the "double-standard" it sounds like you might just be upset that he's not including you in this childrens lives, or protecting them from the knowledge of the extent of his relationship with you. You should talk to him about it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheree Posted December 19, 2006 Author Share Posted December 19, 2006 I have alot of contact with his children when they are here. I have told him to smoke out side also. I have told him not to do certain things but he still does them. We have been together for over a year now. His kids want us to get married. The problem that I have is that he lets his kids tell him what to do and boss him around. He thinks that is all okay because he wants his kids to see how much better it is with Dad then with their Mom. I told him that I can relate with how his ex may feel with having to be the one to disipline all the time and teach the kids manners "he lets the kids burp or pass gas with out an excuse me, also if you give them a birthday present or help them with something they never say thank you' that is not the kids fault though. Children learn what they see and are taught.Basicly when his kids are here he lets them do what ever they want. That is what I don't think is fair, I have a 7 year old and I don't want him to think that if they misbehave that my 7 year old can also. I just don't agree with letting children boss adults around maybe I am just to old fashioned. I would never let my children get away with being disrespectful to others or their belongings Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 You're letting him do to you just what you're mad that he is letting his children do. You let him get away with disrespecting you and your children by smoking in the house. That's just messed up that he does that when you tell him he can't. What's up with that? It's your place, right? He is the one pushing you around... it sounds like you need some rules in your house EVERYONE needs to follow. If he isn't going to help you enforce them - or is going to break them himself - why let him stay there? What is that telling your kids? That they don't have to listen to you? If his kids are in your house I think you should say, "We say "thank you" in this house, etc." Really don't think you should be putting up with that any more! You are responsible for what you let happen in your home. Link to post Share on other sites
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