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My boyfriend wont forget about the past


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well it all started like this................

 

i met my boyfriend here on the internet but i never told him what my real age was or my name. i told him i was 17 and that my name was claudia.(by the way, claudia is my cousin. so anyways, we talked and talked. we fell in love but i never told him the truth. i gave him to my cousin. she would talk to him on the phone and i would talk to him on the computer. i also had 3 other internet boyfriends and i told them the same thing i told him. the only difference is that i meant every word i told him and not the other guys. well after a while me and john started talking on the phone as friends. you know as the real me, not my cousin. and he started licking me.

 

then one day he found out the truth. he didnt stay with my cousin. he stayed with me. i know i hurt him and i really didnt mean to because i do love him. even if its hard to believe. i love him to death. now he doesnt want to move on with outr relationship. he always wants to bring up the past and i told him that if he keeps on doing that our relationship is going to fall apart. he said he doesnt want it to fall apart. but hes very hurt. i know he does love me. i've tried in many ways to show him that i care. but i just dont know how to do it anymore. i need advice. i want him to believe me that i love him because i do. but he wont let me.

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OK, You told him you are 17, so how old are you really (not that that matters)? Your cousin Claudia would talk to him on the phone and you would talk to him on the PC. You did this to 3 other online friends.

 

Perhaps had you known this would have blossomed into a relationship rather than being a game of some sort, you would have been honest from the very beginning.

 

It is far too easy to be whomever and whatever one wants on the internet. The problem arises when you have painted yourself into a corner as you actually begin to have feelings for the person whom you have deceived.

 

In the future, if you are going to play such "I am someone else" games with people's heads on the PC, DO NOT anticipate ever having anything more than that game going with them. Also bear in mind the hurt and pain you can cause to a fellow human being by deceiving them so much that they do not know why the relationship cannot be taken any further ... that it is because you are not who you say you are and that it is a game. Oh, you can call it anything you want to, but it IS a GAME.

 

As far as this fellow not being able to put all that happened in the past, it is obviously not resolved in his mind all that was said and done to him. It may never will be. After all, deception of any kind is the very WORST way to begin any relationship.

 

You have not even explained all that was said and done by you and your cousin posing as your cover. For all I know, it may have been pretty nulear.

 

I know of a couple people who have gone so far as to fake their own deaths! One of them, posing as his mother, posted his last words and promised that any posts made would be "put in his coffin". Come to find out very soon after he did this all himself for ATTENTION ... isn't that what the online deceit is all about ... getting ATTENTION?

 

Tell him the truth ... that the whole thing started as a game with an unknown person who you never anticipated ever having feelings for. That you were so very wrong to do such a deceitful thing, that you have learned your lesson and will NEVER deceive anyone online again ... then STICK TO THAT PRACTICE!

 

Good Luck

 

P.S. I am NOT saying to give out private, vital information. Do NOT share your address, last name, telephone number, etc. with MOST people you meet online. Not a good practice at all.

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He doesn't trust you as far as he can spit.

 

He likes talking to you but at the same time he knows you have the capacity to lie through your butt...not only to him but to three or four guys simultaneously. You are a man's worst nightmare.

 

You would NOT want a guy who would love a girl who could lie about her name, her age, conduct multiple love affairs on the Internet and tolerate this girl turning him over to his cousin for telephone conversation.

 

What you did was sick, mean, cruel and dishonest in the purest sense of the word. Consider yourself lucky he's even talking to you at all now. There is NO WAY he will EVER have a serious relationship with you.

 

Besides, you have given him a great idea and he probably has five or six online girfriends now and is probably talking to three of them on the phone while his cousins handle the others. He's probably telling them he is Tom Cruise (you could have done a lot better than "Claudia".

 

He stopped talking to your cousin and started talking to you so he could get you back, DUH!!! You know how awful guys are!!!

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I wouldn't go that far of calling it sick, cruel and dishonest what she did.

 

Everybody should know that you can never 100%ly trust people over the internet. That's not negative, but you have to be cautios.

 

I myself met some of my online friends in real life and found out that nobody is really honest in what he does or says on the net. And that's just natural. I mean the internet gives you the opportunity to change something in your life. You can be whoever you want to be and you can do whatever you want to do. And that's also one reason why people like to go online.

 

The whole situation kind of reminds me of the movie "The truth about cats and dogs"

 

I mean this guy new the truth when he got together with her, and he decided to go for her, because deep down inside he knew that she meant what she wrote.

 

His doupts now also show some insecurity. I think his feelings for her got quite strong and now he is afraid of it and unconciously seeks for a way of getting out of this, of blaming it on her so that he want get hurt.

 

It is scary to really love somebody but you have to take the risk of getting hurt that's the only way of being able to have real feelings for somebody.

 

I think she should talk to him and tell him that he has to decide what he wants. She can promise him always to be honest with him, but he has to realise that there are no garantees, and there never will be,in no relationship.

 

But if he can not cope with it anymore, and his love to her is not strong enough to risk getting hurt then this relationship will never work out and it is probably better for him if they stop dating at least for a while so that he can have enough space to find out what he really wants. And she definitly should have the patience to give him this space!

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You are pretty casual with ethics and honesty. That's why so many relationships fail.

 

Today, you cannot 100 percent trust people anywhere, on or off the Internet, and that's ashamed. That's because people who feel like you accept people who lie about their name, their age and how many other people they are having affairs with on the net at the same time.

 

I'm really sorry, but nobody can truly love someone who has been as dishonest as this lady.

 

I don't think his doubts show insecurity at all. It is very clear that he has no basis whatsoever for trusting this girl, which is an essential ingredient of love. Now I do give her credit for fessing up and confessing. But she really made a total fool out of this guy and he's probably pretty pissed off about that. I mean she made him into a fully certified SUCKER!!! No guy likes it when that happens.

 

I am sure she is a very nice person but what she did was very wrong. I hope this has been a learning experience for her. If she has learned something from this, she can modify her behavior and become a very desireable lady for some first class guy.

 

If we as a civilized people come to a point of being so readily accepting of this type of heinous deception, our very survival on the planet can be called into question.

 

I hope the pain and hurt this girl feels for what she did will cause her to change. There was really no reason whatsoever to have been dishonest in the first place...that's the crazy part.

 

If someone is ugly, fat, retarded, etc., they have a reason to lie in order to get some sort of online loving. But this girl sounds like she lied just to be lying.

 

I wished that I could be as casual as you about such an episode. I am a very forgiving person and I could easily forgive someone in this situation. But I would never, ever risk having a relationship with someone who deceived even when there was no meaningful purpose in doing so.

 

The lesson: Actions have consequences.

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Well, I visit this board for about a year now and I never post anything. I just read the posts and think about what the people say, think and do

 

But now there's a question for you Tony here. Perhaps I'm wrong but through your last responses I got the feeling you are having a hard time at the moment. Your advice seems kind of bitter.

 

What is it that bothers you so much, I mean I hope I don't get to personal if I ask it's just that I in some ways have the feeling that I know you because I always read what you say in think, so I am a bit worried.

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To: Linda and anyone else who may have some answers:

 

I'm not bitter at all. When I respond to some of these posts, the ONLY way the receiver can truly understand what I am trying to communicate is if I am very, very strong in what I have to say.

 

Our morals and ethics, in my opinion, have diminished substantially in recent years. The proliferation of explicit entertainment, drugs, inattentive and disinterested parents, etc., in my opinion, have all contributed to a people who in great measure have redefined ethics as what is convenient at the time.

 

In the case of the girl who posted above, this guy is truly pissed about being lied to. He cannot trust this girl now. But she wants things to go on like nothing ever happened.

 

In relationships, many people don't call when they say, many men don't show up to pick up their ladies for dates, many people cancel dates when a better offer comes along, many people don't live up to dating and marital committments of fidelity, many don't tell sex partners they have STD's, including in some cases AIDS.

 

In other cases:

 

Three days ago, two Wendy's employees in New York City returned to their former workplace, took $2,000, bound seven people, shot them in the head and five are dead. The suspects were atrested yesterday and will pay for that $2,000 with their lives. I'm sure they would love for police just to forget anything ever took place.

 

Two days ago, a 13-year-old- boy in south Florida was sent home on the last day of school for misbehavior. He returned a few hours later with a gun and shot his teacher to death. Interviews with schoolmates indicated the kid was bright, nice, and never a trouble maker. But he will likely spend the rest of his life in jail. I'm sure these kids would prefer the legal system process the case out of their computers and free them to the good life once again...like nothing ever happened.

 

The incidents go on and on and on. The above are not remote incidents. Read the papers every single day for more.

 

So bitter, I'm not. Puzzled as hell, I am. I MEAN I AM REALLY PUZZED. MAYBE I AM JUST PLAIN DUMB. MAYBE I'M NOT WITH IT SO PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP ME UPGRADE MYSELF TO FOR NEW MILLENIUM.

 

The post you refer to is from a girl who flat out lied to a guy, about her age, her name, her voice, etc. etc. Yet now she wants to get off scott free without facing any consequences for her actions and have a wonderful relationship with the guy she deceived.

 

It just doesn't happen that way. Actions have consequences and that is that...No bitterness there, just reality.

 

I think if YOU conducted a relationship with a man, online or in person, and he lied about his age, his name, the fact that he was seeing three or four other girls, etc., unless you are akin to Mother Teresa I don't think you would hold hands and walk into the sunset to a joyous everlasting romance with this guy. But then again, I may be wrong and that's why I need your help.

 

However, if you can answer a question for me, it would take a great burden off my shoulders and I would never, ever have to be strong in my posts again. Forget any posts on this site, any specific situations, just please help me deal with my question below (if you would like to).

 

Why do people, knowing in advance fully the consequences they will face as a result, lie and cheat in relationships, rob and kill co-workers, rape girls they date, steal money from their workplace, etc.???

 

In one recent case, Valessa Robinson, 17, of Tampa, Florida, conspired with her boyfriend to kill her mother because her mother wanted her to break up with her criminal boyfriend. Consequently, Valessa helped hold her mother down while the boyfriend injected her mother with a syringe of bleach, followed by multiple stabbings. When she stil showed signs of life, they stabbed her more.

 

The mother finally died. The kids were caught. The 19 year old boyfriend received the death penalty. Because Valessa was 15 at the time of the crime, she got eight years. So the boyfriend she killed her mother to be with will be dead and she will be scott free and probably let out of prison early.

 

The 23 year old son of a friend of mine, George W., committed suicide at Florida State University May 17 following his arrest on charges he kidnapped his ex girlfriend and raped her. The funeral was yesterday. Rather than face legal consequences, he initiated his own. Why did he not consider this prior to the alleged action?

 

Every deed will get exposed...yet many conduct themselves during and after as if it were all OK.

 

I simply don't understand. I am downright puzzled. I am in an intellectual stupor now and urgently awaiting your reply. I plead absolute, total and complete ignorance.

 

ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO OTHERS...AND JUST MOVE ON LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED??? BECAUSE EVIDENCE CLEARLY SHOWS THAT IS NOT THE WAY IT HAPPENS.

 

IF YOU WANT MORE EXAMPLES OF HOW IT DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY, I CAN SURELY PROVIDE THEM.

 

Thank you for your kindness and patience.

 

P.S. I pray I personally never get to the point where I feel I can deceive people, mislead them, treat them without respect and dignity, and get away with it without consequence. Maybe I was supposed to be born on a planet because on this one, people with ethics and morals are considered by some to be "bitter."

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Well, D seemed to sort of agree with me but Alissa and Linda think I'm off the mark.

 

Alissa says it's perfectly naturual to be dishonest and no big deal. Linda thinks I'm bitter.

 

So, I think I should give you the benefit of the doubt. You were having some good, honest, clean fun over the Internet and well, crap happens you know.

 

I think you should certainly expect this guy to understand that you were playing around, having fun, and now you want to be straight with him and move on to the next phase of the relationship.

 

Let him know that people on the Internet think he's being pretty immature to feel weird about what happened. He should be able to overlook it and move on into a loving relationship with you.

 

I do wish you luck with your guy, I hope the love the two of you have for each other grows, and I truly hope it works out well for both of you.

 

I am sorry I was so strong in my earlier post but I am open-minded enough to reconsider my thoughts at any time.

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D. To Alissa

Alissa, I read your post and have a confession.

 

When I read Tony's post, I was so very pleased that someone said what I REALLY wanted to say. You will find that in MOST of my responses, I tend to "buffer" that which I have to say when, in all actuality, I am sitting here at my PC in many cases, tapping the monitor and saying, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

 

Now, I figure if I post that, not only will it sound mean, but it also will not give any insight nor adivce to the one who postd.

 

Now, regarding this "on line deceiving", I have had enough of it to choke a horse and have little or no sympathy for one who suffers the consequences of having done it. Some deceive to build up their ego and make themselves millionares, beatiful physically, successful or attactive to the person with whom they are chatting. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!! First of all, one could and would never do half the crap in person that they do on line and if they did, they would NOT be forgiven so quickly as had it been done on line. Now, why is that??!!!??!!??!! It is the same blasted thing. It is lying, cheating and many times stealing from people on line giving a false sob story and talking someone into giving another party thousands of dollars. I HAVE SEEN IT! IT IS INEXCUSABLE. It is not a nice game to place with the emotions and pockets of another human being.

 

People who deceive on line just seee "words on a screen" and forget there is a REAL LIVE person there with feelings and a heart. I find it disgusting and reprehensable.

 

So Tony wrote from the gut and did not "buffer" his words as I did. People do NOT have to read his response and if they do, they do NOT have to take anything he says as anything but what it is: his point of view.

 

All I can say is, I only wish my language had been stronger when I answered this post (and several others).

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billy the kid

tony take a valium... all of these people want to help this person please your posts are great but don't get so worked up...I do know where your coming from though, just lighten up a little

To: Linda and anyone else who may have some answers: I'm not bitter at all. When I respond to some of these posts, the ONLY way the receiver can truly understand what I am trying to communicate is if I am very, very strong in what I have to say. Our morals and ethics, in my opinion, have diminished substantially in recent years. The proliferation of explicit entertainment, drugs, inattentive and disinterested parents, etc., in my opinion, have all contributed to a people who in great measure have redefined ethics as what is convenient at the time. In the case of the girl who posted above, this guy is truly pissed about being lied to. He cannot trust this girl now. But she wants things to go on like nothing ever happened. In relationships, many people don't call when they say, many men don't show up to pick up their ladies for dates, many people cancel dates when a better offer comes along, many people don't live up to dating and marital committments of fidelity, many don't tell sex partners they have STD's, including in some cases AIDS. In other cases: Three days ago, two Wendy's employees in New York City returned to their former workplace, took $2,000, bound seven people, shot them in the head and five are dead. The suspects were atrested yesterday and will pay for that $2,000 with their lives. I'm sure they would love for police just to forget anything ever took place.

 

Two days ago, a 13-year-old- boy in south Florida was sent home on the last day of school for misbehavior. He returned a few hours later with a gun and shot his teacher to death. Interviews with schoolmates indicated the kid was bright, nice, and never a trouble maker. But he will likely spend the rest of his life in jail. I'm sure these kids would prefer the legal system process the case out of their computers and free them to the good life once again...like nothing ever happened.

 

The incidents go on and on and on. The above are not remote incidents. Read the papers every single day for more. So bitter, I'm not. Puzzled as hell, I am. I MEAN I AM REALLY PUZZED. MAYBE I AM JUST PLAIN DUMB. MAYBE I'M NOT WITH IT SO PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP ME UPGRADE MYSELF TO FOR NEW MILLENIUM. The post you refer to is from a girl who flat out lied to a guy, about her age, her name, her voice, etc. etc. Yet now she wants to get off scott free without facing any consequences for her actions and have a wonderful relationship with the guy she deceived. It just doesn't happen that way. Actions have consequences and that is that...No bitterness there, just reality. I think if YOU conducted a relationship with a man, online or in person, and he lied about his age, his name, the fact that he was seeing three or four other girls, etc., unless you are akin to Mother Teresa I don't think you would hold hands and walk into the sunset to a joyous everlasting romance with this guy. But then again, I may be wrong and that's why I need your help.

 

However, if you can answer a question for me, it would take a great burden off my shoulders and I would never, ever have to be strong in my posts again. Forget any posts on this site, any specific situations, just please help me deal with my question below (if you would like to).

 

Why do people, knowing in advance fully the consequences they will face as a result, lie and cheat in relationships, rob and kill co-workers, rape girls they date, steal money from their workplace, etc.??? In one recent case, Valessa Robinson, 17, of Tampa, Florida, conspired with her boyfriend to kill her mother because her mother wanted her to break up with her criminal boyfriend. Consequently, Valessa helped hold her mother down while the boyfriend injected her mother with a syringe of bleach, followed by multiple stabbings. When she stil showed signs of life, they stabbed her more.

 

The mother finally died. The kids were caught. The 19 year old boyfriend received the death penalty. Because Valessa was 15 at the time of the crime, she got eight years. So the boyfriend she killed her mother to be with will be dead and she will be scott free and probably let out of prison early.

 

The 23 year old son of a friend of mine, George W., committed suicide at Florida State University May 17 following his arrest on charges he kidnapped his ex girlfriend and raped her. The funeral was yesterday. Rather than face legal consequences, he initiated his own. Why did he not consider this prior to the alleged action?

 

Every deed will get exposed...yet many conduct themselves during and after as if it were all OK. I simply don't understand. I am downright puzzled. I am in an intellectual stupor now and urgently awaiting your reply. I plead absolute, total and complete ignorance. ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO OTHERS...AND JUST MOVE ON LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED??? BECAUSE EVIDENCE CLEARLY SHOWS THAT IS NOT THE WAY IT HAPPENS. IF YOU WANT MORE EXAMPLES OF HOW IT DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY, I CAN SURELY PROVIDE THEM. Thank you for your kindness and patience.

 

P.S. I pray I personally never get to the point where I feel I can deceive people, mislead them, treat them without respect and dignity, and get away with it without consequence. Maybe I was supposed to be born on a planet because on this one, people with ethics and morals are considered by some to be "bitter."

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Somewhat Healed

It's nice to see that there's still at least 2 persons on earth with a sense of ethics. A lie is a lie. It's not because you're on internet that you're allowed to hurt people. Where's the difference between having a video of children pornography on your computer or having it in VHS next to your VCR ??? To me, it's as bad... It's more than words or images on a screen.

 

Anyway, it was just my 2 cents (Canadian)

well it all started like this................

 

i met my boyfriend here on the internet but i never told him what my real age was or my name. i told him i was 17 and that my name was claudia.(by the way, claudia is my cousin. so anyways, we talked and talked. we fell in love but i never told him the truth. i gave him to my cousin. she would talk to him on the phone and i would talk to him on the computer. i also had 3 other internet boyfriends and i told them the same thing i told him. the only difference is that i meant every word i told him and not the other guys. well after a while me and john started talking on the phone as friends. you know as the real me, not my cousin. and he started licking me. then one day he found out the truth. he didnt stay with my cousin. he stayed with me. i know i hurt him and i really didnt mean to because i do love him. even if its hard to believe. i love him to death. now he doesnt want to move on with outr relationship. he always wants to bring up the past and i told him that if he keeps on doing that our relationship is going to fall apart. he said he doesnt want it to fall apart. but hes very hurt. i know he does love me. i've tried in many ways to show him that i care. but i just dont know how to do it anymore. i need advice. i want him to believe me that i love him because i do. but he wont let me.

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"Why do people, knowing in advance fully the consequences they will face as a result, lie and cheat in relationships?"

 

Some people are raised by parents who dont care, neglect and abuse their children. They have phsycological problems and dont know how to have a "real" relationship i guess. Everyone has heard about the people who get into relationships but they are always the "dumper" and not the "dumpee". And the people who cheat are always the ones who are paranoid about being cheated on. Maybe thats why some people do it.

 

Thats the only question i can answer about you question tony. To tell you the truth, i dont think the people who do those terrible things know why they do it. I think it has alot to do about their parental guidance though. We can only pray for them.......,

 

ALF

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Well, D seemed to sort of agree with me but Alissa and Linda think I'm off the mark. Alissa says it's perfectly naturual to be dishonest and no big deal. Linda thinks I'm bitter.

 

So, I think I should give you the benefit of the doubt. You were having some good, honest, clean fun over the Internet and well, crap happens you know. I think you should certainly expect this guy to understand that you were playing around, having fun, and now you want to be straight with him and move on to the next phase of the relationship.

 

Let him know that people on the Internet think he's being pretty immature to feel weird about what happened. He should be able to overlook it and move on into a loving relationship with you. I do wish you luck with your guy, I hope the love the two of you have for each other grows, and I truly hope it works out well for both of you. I am sorry I was so strong in my earlier post but I am open-minded enough to reconsider my thoughts at any time.

Tony: Please don't compromise your ethics and morals. There are still a few of us who hold honesty, sincerity, and the "golden rule" with the highest of integrity. I, for one, frequently feel as if I was born in the wrong generation, because I am one of the few 28 year-olds who seems to value these traits. Personally, I agree with everything you said in your earlier post. Chipmunk needs to deal with the fact that she LIED and DECEIVED this guy. Over the internet or not, it's WRONG! I personally hope that this guy does not forgive her because this may be the way for her to learn that actions DO have consequences, and perhaps she'll think twice before deceiving someone in the future. I don't think you're bitter, I think that you have knowledge, insight, and life experience that could teach us all a good lesson!

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heh, interesting post, Tony. :)

 

I agree with a lot of what you say, though I refuse to feel bitter about what other people do. It's self defeating.

 

Here's my theory:

 

Our culture, especially if you look in the "self-help genre" of books, teaches that there self esteem is something that everyone is entitled to and that if we don't have it it's because of something outside ourselves. And all we have to do to gain self esteem is repeat affirmations, lose weight, buy the right make up, find the right mate, do 12 steps, join someone else's religion, believe in the right God...etc., etc., etc. In other words, we are taught there is always some quick fix, some magic pill, something we need to buy into that will finally make us happy with ourselves. Additionally, our culture is never ready leave the individual alone...there is always something wrong with us that needs to be fixed. If we're not busy looking for that magic thing that'll finally make us feel good, we're busy trying to force everyone else to adopt the magic thing we found.

 

The answers really are inside each of us. We're all born with an innate faith in ourselves...and from that we are able to develop a sense of honor, if we're lucky and it's encouraged. Doesn't seem to happen much anymore, seems. Instead everyone expects to be taken of...and government responds by passing more laws...and the media responds by giving the next special interest group a voice...and more "protective" laws are passed. How can we encourage a sense of honor when no one's free to do the right thing? We're instead told if we follow the rules, do what the media says, we're supposed to feel like we're good people.

 

Blah...

 

Our whole culture and political system has bred a total mistrust of the individual. This isn't what our founding fathers had in mind, don't think. We've all been taught that power is what counts, not things like honor and freedom. We don't teach our kids either of those things because if we did we'd have to admit how f***ed up our current situation really is...we don't elect honorable people and we routinely allow the curtailment of freedoms (in the name of safety).

 

It's my great hope that the Internet will help change people's thinking about all this. It has the potential to do that IF IT'S LEFT ALONE. Notice how everyone is quite anxious to throw as many regulations and laws at it as possible!!! God forbid people may share ideas, opinions, and beliefs! God forbid people may get a taste of truly being responsible for what they say, do, or think! If they do that then conventional thought (i.e., media, spindoctors, politicians, big businesses) won't have the grip on us they've enjoyed.

 

Let's elect someone who's brutally honest for once. Let's elect someone who's made mistakes but owns up to them. Let's elect someone who tells the special interest groups and high powered lobbyists to go take a hike. Let's elect someone who says he or she's gonna get RID of laws instead of making new ones. Let's elect someone we think is wise and who makes us uncomfortable because they say things that make us think and stretch us. Let's elect a leader, not a poll taker!

 

Unfortunately, there's no one out there like that. :( Things are gonna have to get a lot worse before people see what they've gotten into. Meanwhile, everyone!, listen up! Teach your children honor!!! When they do someone wrong let them experience the full consequences!! Show them how they are free to do wrong or do right...and free to experience the consequences of their actions! Teach them what a conscience is...and help them figure out for themselves how to listen to it and build and own their own sense of honor.

 

LT

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Hey! I think I have some explaining to do here.

 

I guess there was some misunderstanding!!!!

 

First, I don't mind if you and D are straightforward and honest in their responses. That's actually what people are looking for who post here (at least that's what I think they do). You can be that way cuz you don't personally know the person who you give your advice to.

 

If I want to hear the "everything-is-perfect-cuz-we-live-in-a-perfect-

 

little-world" stuff, I can talk to my friends. And that's so - not because they can't be honest but they don't want to hurt me and just want to believe that everything works out fine!

 

So I can't talk for Linda but I don't think you are bitter or anything, just cruzially honest (in a good sense)! ;-)

 

But in what I wrote I didn't mean to say that it is OK to be dishonest! It is definitly not so!

 

But when I wrote I thought about her problem from this point of view:

 

Given what she said in her post she is quite young, sounds like 17 or younger. (and who else would do things like that just for fun? I know there are some weirdos out there, but I am talking of kids!)

 

And all she did is the same scheme that all these fake-calls have that teenagers did for fun when there wasn't an Internet yet, or a caller-ID function!

 

So she probably meant it for fun and just had "bad luck" or however you may call it that she really fell for this guy.

 

But now think about the guy. He knew all about it when he got together with her. So she must have some major personality-qualities if he still got together with her and not her cousin! And she is feeling guilty, and she shows him that she is sorry! That are all signs of a good personality, and of a sense for what is wrong and right. So I suppose you can really call it a childish game that she played with him, but now she has changed.

 

So perhaps there is some future for her relationship! Why - because he would not feel that strong for her if she is just childish, cold and has a bad personality.

 

But again, as I mentioned before, I don't think it is Ok to do what she did. I never did anything like that, and I wouldn't do it. I think the only way to live your life and not start to hate yourself and who you turned out to be is honesty! But I am not perfect, and nobody else is, and I make mistakes, as everybody else does.

 

And if you read my post , you know that I feel bad about what I did! And your straight answer to my problem helped, it really did, cuz now I can see things clearly, and I wanted to thank you for that. And I admit that if I have feelings for somebody my brain suddenly stops to work, and I always get myself into trouble and let other people hurt me.

 

I know I have lots to learn!

 

And if what I said came across the wrong way I am sorry, I didn't want to criticise, I just wanted to write about how I felt and thought!

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You comments are enlightening and appreciated.

 

For the record, never once have I said I was bitter. Another person said she felt I may be bitter.

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I don't think you are bitter. Some of your answers may come off as cold but that is only because it is not what we want to hear. However I took your advice and though I was sad it first am very glad I did. Yeah, telling someone to move on or the person they love is a loser or whatever can seem cold but it is the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I think that you bring good points up in your replies and it makes us see things in a way we might not have seen them before. Your morals and ethics seem to be right on cue. I think that you are right in saying that our morals have changed for convenience, these days almost anything goes and having to take responsibility for ones actions is just seen as a stroke of bad luck.... b/c you got caught or insanity plea didn't hold with a jury. Anyway just wanted to tell you that I appreciate your advice, even if some view it as "cold" or "bitter". Everything can't be sugar coated, sometimes you just need someone bold enough to tell it like it is.

 

Keep up the good work.

To: Linda and anyone else who may have some answers: I'm not bitter at all. When I respond to some of these posts, the ONLY way the receiver can truly understand what I am trying to communicate is if I am very, very strong in what I have to say. Our morals and ethics, in my opinion, have diminished substantially in recent years. The proliferation of explicit entertainment, drugs, inattentive and disinterested parents, etc., in my opinion, have all contributed to a people who in great measure have redefined ethics as what is convenient at the time. In the case of the girl who posted above, this guy is truly pissed about being lied to. He cannot trust this girl now. But she wants things to go on like nothing ever happened. In relationships, many people don't call when they say, many men don't show up to pick up their ladies for dates, many people cancel dates when a better offer comes along, many people don't live up to dating and marital committments of fidelity, many don't tell sex partners they have STD's, including in some cases AIDS. In other cases: Three days ago, two Wendy's employees in New York City returned to their former workplace, took $2,000, bound seven people, shot them in the head and five are dead. The suspects were atrested yesterday and will pay for that $2,000 with their lives. I'm sure they would love for police just to forget anything ever took place.

 

Two days ago, a 13-year-old- boy in south Florida was sent home on the last day of school for misbehavior. He returned a few hours later with a gun and shot his teacher to death. Interviews with schoolmates indicated the kid was bright, nice, and never a trouble maker. But he will likely spend the rest of his life in jail. I'm sure these kids would prefer the legal system process the case out of their computers and free them to the good life once again...like nothing ever happened.

 

The incidents go on and on and on. The above are not remote incidents. Read the papers every single day for more. So bitter, I'm not. Puzzled as hell, I am. I MEAN I AM REALLY PUZZED. MAYBE I AM JUST PLAIN DUMB. MAYBE I'M NOT WITH IT SO PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP ME UPGRADE MYSELF TO FOR NEW MILLENIUM. The post you refer to is from a girl who flat out lied to a guy, about her age, her name, her voice, etc. etc. Yet now she wants to get off scott free without facing any consequences for her actions and have a wonderful relationship with the guy she deceived. It just doesn't happen that way. Actions have consequences and that is that...No bitterness there, just reality. I think if YOU conducted a relationship with a man, online or in person, and he lied about his age, his name, the fact that he was seeing three or four other girls, etc., unless you are akin to Mother Teresa I don't think you would hold hands and walk into the sunset to a joyous everlasting romance with this guy. But then again, I may be wrong and that's why I need your help.

 

However, if you can answer a question for me, it would take a great burden off my shoulders and I would never, ever have to be strong in my posts again. Forget any posts on this site, any specific situations, just please help me deal with my question below (if you would like to).

 

Why do people, knowing in advance fully the consequences they will face as a result, lie and cheat in relationships, rob and kill co-workers, rape girls they date, steal money from their workplace, etc.??? In one recent case, Valessa Robinson, 17, of Tampa, Florida, conspired with her boyfriend to kill her mother because her mother wanted her to break up with her criminal boyfriend. Consequently, Valessa helped hold her mother down while the boyfriend injected her mother with a syringe of bleach, followed by multiple stabbings. When she stil showed signs of life, they stabbed her more.

 

The mother finally died. The kids were caught. The 19 year old boyfriend received the death penalty. Because Valessa was 15 at the time of the crime, she got eight years. So the boyfriend she killed her mother to be with will be dead and she will be scott free and probably let out of prison early.

 

The 23 year old son of a friend of mine, George W., committed suicide at Florida State University May 17 following his arrest on charges he kidnapped his ex girlfriend and raped her. The funeral was yesterday. Rather than face legal consequences, he initiated his own. Why did he not consider this prior to the alleged action?

 

Every deed will get exposed...yet many conduct themselves during and after as if it were all OK. I simply don't understand. I am downright puzzled. I am in an intellectual stupor now and urgently awaiting your reply. I plead absolute, total and complete ignorance. ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO OTHERS...AND JUST MOVE ON LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED??? BECAUSE EVIDENCE CLEARLY SHOWS THAT IS NOT THE WAY IT HAPPENS. IF YOU WANT MORE EXAMPLES OF HOW IT DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY, I CAN SURELY PROVIDE THEM. Thank you for your kindness and patience.

 

P.S. I pray I personally never get to the point where I feel I can deceive people, mislead them, treat them without respect and dignity, and get away with it without consequence. Maybe I was supposed to be born on a planet because on this one, people with ethics and morals are considered by some to be "bitter."

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