"Doing your own thing"

[jay]

Hello

 

My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now...before that I was in school a few thousand miles away and used to fly home every second weekend! We have a lot of similiar likes so we tend to spend a lot of time together, we both work full time (my job is stressful and I'm alone a lot...computer programmer) plus we also have a 55 year old(mild mentally delayed)gentleman living with us!

 

Our week nights are usually busy (we still see each other every night) ...once the weekend hits we like watching movies, house renovations, his brother visits quite a bit (especially Saturday and Sunday mornings!)

 

This is an example of what occurs that causes me some grief: Saturday past, I made dinner for the 55 yr man living with us, my boyfriend went to the gym, we were to eat and watch a movie later (I picked up the movie while he was gone) When I arrived home I called his cell phone...he went to visit his friend instead of the gym...he said they were going to chat for awhile and go get something to eat...when queried about our plans...he answered...we could watch the movie later (it was about 8:30pm at this time) I was a little perturbed and curt with him because I had tried to make plans while he was gone to the gym (to no avail...sister not home and 2 best friends moved away!) Anyway, we argued over the 'doing his own thing' now and then...I agree but feel a little notice would be in good taste (then I could make plans myself)...he feels that every time he does something without me I get perturbed! (probably so!) He even went so far as to tell me...all his friends ask him why are we always together...doesn't she have anything else to do!(that really hurt!)

 

I know space is a good thing...I feel that way also...but even though we are together a lot...we are never really alone because we have the 55 yr old person living in our space!(necessary for the time being!) What do you think!

 

Jay

[carmen]

The only question you should ask yourself is "Is it the courtesy of advance notice that upsets me or is it his desire for his own private time?"

 

Yes, you're correct, he should discuss his plans as much in advance as he possibly can with you. But if he discussed these occurrences in advance with you, would this satisfy you?

 

I guess all I'm trying to say is be careful this isn't about being jealous of his own time. As individuals, we need to have time to spend with others, and ourselves. Sounds like with such a hectic schedule, you could stand a little private time to yourself. It's amazing the clarity you receive when left alone with your thoughts.

 

My advice, make yourself clear about advance notice, but don't invade his privacy. He may resent you for it down the road, or worse, exclude you altogether.

 

Good Luck

 

Hello My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now...before that I was in school a few thousand miles away and used to fly home every second weekend! We have a lot of similiar likes so we tend to spend a lot of time together, we both work full time (my job is stressful and I'm alone a lot...computer programmer) plus we also have a 55 year old(mild mentally delayed)gentleman living with us! Our week nights are usually busy (we still see each other every night) ...once the weekend hits we like watching movies, house renovations, his brother visits quite a bit (especially Saturday and Sunday mornings!) This is an example of what occurs that causes me some grief: Saturday past, I made dinner for the 55 yr man living with us, my boyfriend went to the gym, we were to eat and watch a movie later (I picked up the movie while he was gone) When I arrived home I called his cell phone...he went to visit his friend instead of the gym...he said they were going to chat for awhile and go get something to eat...when queried about our plans...he answered...we could watch the movie later (it was about 8:30pm at this time) I was a little perturbed and curt with him because I had tried to make plans while he was gone to the gym (to no avail...sister not home and 2 best friends moved away!) Anyway, we argued over the 'doing his own thing' now and then...I agree but feel a little notice would be in good taste (then I could make plans myself)...he feels that every time he does something without me I get perturbed! (probably so!) He even went so far as to tell me...all his friends ask him why are we always together...doesn't she have anything else to do!(that really hurt!) I know space is a good thing...I feel that way also...but even though we are together a lot...we are never really alone because we have the 55 yr old person living in our space!(necessary for the time being!) What do you think! Jay