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Past problems


Cynthia

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Ok, I'll get right to the point. About a month and a half ago, I broke up with a live-in boyfriend. I was living with another girl when I first met him. She and I had a purely platonic relationship in which we supported each other through all our various and sundry male-female relationships, and it was a source of immense comfort to me. I loved her dearly and had known her since we were both 10, about 11 years. I went out of town for a week and when I returned they had not only slept with each other, but apparently had found true love. Although when he and I had been together, we three had been close companions, their love now excluded me. Not to mention the fact that I was royally pissed at being so betrayed by the two people I loved and trusted the most in the world. I was pretty devestated, needless to say.

 

My problem lies here. Since then, I have had a series of purely sexual relationships with men. Most of them did not involve any sort of emotional connection whatsoever. Now I find myself getting into a relationship I completely did not expect with a wonderful man. All of a sudden, though, I find myself getting extremely suspicious and jealous and paranoid. I am so afraid of being hurt again in the same manner that it's impeding the progress of our interactions. Normally, I am an extremely calm and level-headed person with a very long fuse. I hardly ever get angry or irritated. But now the littlest things, even things I don't recognize, will make me upset or confused. I've never cried so much before. The strange thing is, my new interest is being so understanding and caring and sweet...but his concern only makes me angrier. It's gotten to the point where if he even asks me why I'm upset I'll blow up at him. I don't know why my temper has so suddenly changed and it worries me. What if this is permanent? I know I'm slowly driving him away and I don't want to lose him, but I *cannot* control myself anymore. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

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Ok, I'll get right to the point. About a month and a half ago, I broke up with a live-in boyfriend. I was living with another girl when I first met him. She and I had a purely platonic relationship in which we supported each other through all our various and sundry male-female relationships, and it was a source of immense comfort to me. I loved her dearly and had known her since we were both 10, about 11 years. I went out of town for a week and when I returned they had not only slept with each other, but apparently had found true love. Although when he and I had been together, we three had been close companions, their love now excluded me. Not to mention the fact that I was royally pissed at being so betrayed by the two people I loved and trusted the most in the world. I was pretty devestated, needless to say. My problem lies here. Since then, I have had a series of purely sexual relationships with men. Most of them did not involve any sort of emotional connection whatsoever. Now I find myself getting into a relationship I completely did not expect with a wonderful man. All of a sudden, though, I find myself getting extremely suspicious and jealous and paranoid. I am so afraid of being hurt again in the same manner that it's impeding the progress of our interactions. Normally, I am an extremely calm and level-headed person with a very long fuse. I hardly ever get angry or irritated. But now the littlest things, even things I don't recognize, will make me upset or confused. I've never cried so much before. The strange thing is, my new interest is being so understanding and caring and sweet...but his concern only makes me angrier. It's gotten to the point where if he even asks me why I'm upset I'll blow up at him. I don't know why my temper has so suddenly changed and it worries me. What if this is permanent? I know I'm slowly driving him away and I don't want to lose him, but I *cannot* control myself anymore. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

well i have been in realationships were someone has drove me crazy, but it sounds like you care about this person..but do you care about him because he is a good guy and cares about you?...or do you really care about him in general....what you really need to do is get away from him for a couple of days....go somewhere were you can find what you want in life and then see where he comes in.....sounds to me you are lonely and you just want someone to love you....but i know how that feels...but be strong and don't let others have their way with you...pertaining to having sex with other men and not caring about them...you are better then that....believe me the right person will come one day and when he says "why are you upset," it will make you feel like a whole different person....

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Cynthia,

 

I'm not exactly sure what would be the best remedy for you, but I do have one suggestion that may help you. Try telling all of this to him. Try telling him that normally you wouldn't be acting this way, and that you don't want to lose him. Try honesty- If it's a relationship that's meant to work, you must be able to trust him with these feelings. Tell him how you don't know why his concern is makes you so angry, and tell him about your past history, so that maybe he can understand.

 

The first step to progress for me has always been getting it out in the open. Let him see beyond your emotional outbursts to all of these details that you have shared with us.

 

Just a thought...Best wishes!

 

Excelsior

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