why am i hurting so much.

[SO PLUSH]

I am sorry it is so long.

 

I was with this guy for many months, things where great he was my friend, but we did not go out yet b/c I already had a man. Well, me and my man started having problems so me and him broke up and I got with Andy.

 

Well, things where bad b/c I was not home so actually as of now we have not seen each other for 4 months at all, we only been able to communicate through AOL, and the phone. When we started this it was very new for us cuz me and him started going out when I was away from home, so it was like wow this relationship is based on only communication not any physical affection.

 

But we where happy well so I thought he was treating me good, he tried to make time for me, like he quit some classes to come home 2 hours earlier so he could talk to me. He was a very good guy. But we lied to each other and well this is going to be a very long story I am sorry I made it so long but in order for you to understand, you have to know all the facts.

 

Anyway well like I said everything was good in the beginning, well and I wanted to know if he would ever cheat on me and tell other females he does not have a girl.

 

So I one day send him an IM from another s/n I had he doesn't know anything about and acted like this girl, he told her he got a girl, well so he passed but I didn't quit I kept talking to him for 4 months as that girl and they still are talking he does not know that I am the girl.

 

But anyway he would ask her for advice all the time about how to make me feel better and stuff like that, and talking to him as her I could express my self better and get to know how he is. Well, then I went furta I wanted to see if he would cheat w another girl so I let my cousin IM him he told her also he had a girl.

 

They talked for like 3 days or so and then me and him had an argument one day.

 

And she IM's him and asks him if he thinks I am the one, and he says no not knowing, that I know what they are talking about she asked him so why are you with her and he said b/c at the time no other girl was around.

 

Then I told him that I know what he told her, and after this all we talked and realized that we lied to each other a lot, well he lied to me to protect my feelings, he lied to me to make me feel better he said, so there were many lies.

 

And we said to each other we should stop to lie, we agreed. Well, things seemed great we got along better than we did before without the lies and, well sometimes I would ask him if he was cheating well and if he was lying.

 

Well, my ex b/f come around and I was talking to him he said a lot of mean things about my current well now ex b/f.I told him and he got very mad wanting to see the conversation me and him had, he got mad at that saying that I talk to him like I want him. Well, he wanted my ex b/fds address so he could go "fight" him or his s/n I didn't give it to him. But then like 2 days ago somehow he got it and he started talking to him not telling me and asking me like if he is online and I lied to him saying no he is not and he said, you are a liar.

 

Well, we all went into a chat room talking, my ex told him everything I said and even lied. Andy was very mad at me very mad. Then my ex left. And he started talking to me saying that I am a liar and so many other things.

 

And that i never did anything for the relationship, well the thing was he couldn't call here after 7 b/c my uncle didn't want me to talk to him (my uncle is the person i am staying with until i go back home) that made him very upset so in the beginning of the relationship i promised him i would fix it, but never did b/c he never mentioned it again. He told me that I cant even do that for him and if I would had fixed it our relationship would be great and he would be calling, me all the time. But if I cant do a lil thing like that for him what about the big things.

 

And saying he gave up more than I ever did for him and that he always gets into trouble for me and never got in trubble for him.well he said if i had never talked to my ex he would not ever think about leaving me

 

Well, he was begging him and stuff saying I will change it and he said it's to late I cant even call him and save the relationship then he doesn't want to be with me, and that he gave me many chances (bull).

 

So I was like whatever then. The next day i called him and he was saying that i never did anything for him and i never told my parents about him and he told everyone about me why i cant, do something for him. and that he is sick of waiting for me, just being very stupid, saying he wants to be my friend and if i come back home we go out again or just talk or something like that.

 

I was like no at first, and then he was like please why don't you want to be my friend I was thinking about it and I said yeah fine I will be your friend and when I come home we go back out if we talk and he said yes. Then I got off the phone with him. Well he wrote my friend this cuz she was trying to get us back together this is what he said to her ALL the reasons why I broke up with her, I don't what she told you or how much she does know me, But I certain principals, and this whole AOL thing means nothing to me, I liked her but not the relationship, and its not like I did not give to the relationship to let it be prolonged cause I did and she knows it, she did not really do anything for me or the relationship, and she uses the past to so for Kim to say that I am making the mistake is ridiculous, she make the mistakes and did some grimy stuff to me so she can get the truth or what ever she says she did, and another thing I really did not like what the fact that she twisted my words and she did not understand me when I Needed her only after everything was said and done, and she always had a negative look on me and the relationship, always asking are you lying, are you cheating on me, and things of that nature, how much does she trust me to always ask me ##### like that, so all in all I think it was on her back that this relationship failed, and when you think about it, why was she even talking to her ex while she was with me, and I read one of her Conversations and she wanted something from him, so I was like I don't need this preteen drama, so I just drooped the relationship and there is more, its that i won't say anything because she thinks I have a cold heart

 

he was talking to the girl that was actually me who is his "friend" he tells her everything not knowing it is me, I was trying to fix things and i told him that he should give me another chance and this is not a reason to break up and he is like, this relationship was based on AOL and he feels stupid and feels like he cant get no girl back home right now, instead he has to wait for me to get back home. He said he is ashemed to have to say the only way he can talk to his girl is over the computer.

 

He was saying that and other things which made me be like what an idiot for real he was being stupid about it. Saying I never made him happy he couldn't even call me. Saying he will be happy when he has someone in his hands someone he can hold.

 

Anyway that made me very mad indeed. While he was talking to the girl I made up he was talking to me to and, I said to him you know if you don't want me anymore then don't hold me let me go. and he said who is holding you back?

 

And I said you know what bye and he said bye. and me and him stooped talking.

 

Well, now I don't know what to do that boy is stressing me I am like do I talk to him do I not I am so frustrated upset mad everything just together .I just feel so lonley don't know what to do. We are both 18 by the way