O.K. This is getting weird

[Nobel]

I posted the topic "mind in tatters" a few days ago, things are still on it's head. It looked as if the relationship was going to end, but when she called yesterday (I wasn't home) I was so estactic. Now this morning (along with every morning for the past 6 months)I don't feel estatic, mostly nervous/scared (until she calls).

 

Referring to my past post, if I saw a nice looking girl, it would make me scared ( I dunno why), but after a while my focus was all my girlfriend/friend/her. ???!?!?!?!?!

[Lilly]

I read your other post and am non the wiser... what are you nervous/scared about?. Believe it or not, you DO know, you just have to be willing to get beyond the resistance of naming it. Have a good dig around your mind, what's in there... what's the fear? Give us and yourself something specific to work with here to help you

[Miss Mojo]

....when you get nervous and scared about any phone call you might receive from your partner, there is usually a damn good reason that you are feeling this way. i call it "gut instinct".

 

relationships do not have to be this way. when you are dating a person who makes you feel this way, you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. with someone as confused and messed up as she, you can pretty much guarantee that it will.

 

i say get out for now, date other people, and give her the chance to get herself together - assuming she ever will.

 

i read a post of tony's the other day and found a very good comment in it, along the lines of:

 

"if you stare at a volkswagen for a hundred years it won't turn into a rolls royce"...meaning if things are this bad and have not changed, why do you think they ever will?

 

you know how people say reformed smokers are the worst smokers? well, i'm a reformed messed-up-partner-but-i-love-them-even-though-i'm-riding-an-emotional-rollercoaster girl.

 

having been through this myself, it is SO DAMN frustrating witnessing someone else go through this. you have a better chance of winning lotto than you do of her changing soon.

 

i know you love her, but you cannot be her saviour. her emotional problems are too self-involved to ever consider what you want out of this relationship.

 

in a nutshell, i say get out now before you end up a screwed up mess like i once was. and trust me, when you do end up a screwed up mess you have no-one to blame but yourself. the relationship will end up in a crumpled heap on the floor, and you will be alone feeling even worse than you do now.

 

sorry for being so negative, but i have been in your shoes and i am very passionate about it because like you, i stayed even though *EVERYBODY* told me i should get out fast. biggest mistake of my life to stay. i will tell you until i am blue in the face that staying with her doesn't prove a thing about love. in time she will try and push you away, if she isn't already. *PUUUURLEEEEZE* listen to what i am saying.

 

it is not enough to simply say, "but i love her so much". if you love her so much, get out of her life. when someone is as messed up as her, having a relationship only complicates things more. she needs to learn to get by on her own and deal with things on her own.

 

i know it hurts, but it will only hurt 10 times more when you lose your self-respect and her (which i think is bound to happen anyway).

 

TRUST ME.

 

best wishes and merry christmas

[Miss Mojo]

....when you get nervous and scared about

any phone call you might receive from your partner,

there is usually a damn good reason that you are

feeling this way. i call it "gut instinct".

 

relationships do not have to be this way.

when you are dating a person who makes you feel

this way, you are always waiting for the other

shoe to drop. with someone as confused and messed

up as she, you can pretty much guarantee that

it will.

i say get out for now, date other people,

and give her the chance to get herself together

- assuming she ever will.

i read a post of tony's the other day and

found a very good comment in it, along the lines

of:

"if you stare at a volkswagen for a

hundred years it won't turn into a rolls royce"...meaning

if things are this bad and have not changed, why

do you think they ever will?

you know how people say reformed smokers

are the worst smokers? well, i'm a reformed messed-up-partner-but-i-love-them-even-though-i'm-riding-an-emotional-rollercoaster

girl.

having been through this myself, it is SO

DAMN frustrating witnessing someone else go through

this. you have a better chance of winning lotto

than you do of her changing soon.

i know you love her, but you cannot be her

saviour. her emotional problems are too self-involved

to ever consider what you want out of this relationship.

 

in a nutshell, i say get out now before you

end up a screwed up mess like i once was. and

trust me, when you do end up a screwed up mess

you have no-one to blame but yourself. the relationship

will end up in a crumpled heap on the floor, and

you will be alone feeling even worse than you

do now.

sorry for being so negative, but i have been

in your shoes and i am very passionate about it

because like you, i stayed even though *EVERYBODY*

told me i should get out fast. biggest mistake

of my life to stay. i will tell you until i am

blue in the face that staying with her doesn't

prove a thing about love. in time she will try

and push you away, if she isn't already. *PUUUURLEEEEZE*

listen to what i am saying.

it is not enough to simply say, "but

i love her so much". if you love her so much,

get out of her life. when someone is as messed

up as her, having a relationship only complicates

things more. she needs to learn to get by on her

own and deal with things on her own.

i know it hurts, but it will only hurt 10

times more when you lose your self-respect and

her (which i think is bound to happen anyway).

 

TRUST ME.

best wishes and merry christmas

 

 

 

 

[Lilly]

Hi Miss Mojo,

 

Umm, I must have missed something. Nobel only refers to his other post of "Mind In Tatters", unless there's another post of his somewhere I don't understand how you reached the conclusion that his girl is "confused and messed up". He's stated the relationship is on/off and that it's because of his doing... he feels scared when someone mentions her as his girlfriend. He's stated it looked as if the relationship was going to end (again?), she called, he was esctatic at the time but soon felt nervous and scared.

 

Why is she the confused, messed up, untogether, emotionally problematic one? I'm not being condescending when I ask you these things (I have read many of your posts and hold your opinions in high respect), I simply don't understand how you came to those conclusion other than personal projection. He's clearly stated HE's the one who gets anxious because of his fears (but has not stated what he fears other than "if I saw a nice looking girl, it would make me scared ( I dunno why)".

 

Lilly

[Miss Mojo]

....hehehe *look of embarrassment*.

 

i've...ahhh...obviously considered another post i read thinking it was his.

 

sorry nobel!!

 

well, if anyone needs advice about being with a messed up partner, i guess they know which post to read *yikes*!!

 

so nobel, please disregard my response. sorry for confusing your previous post with another. please be aware that this post is NOT in response to any of your posts. hence, the advice i have given is totally useless re your situation.

 

thanks for bringing it to my attention lilly. i could have really p!ssed someone off here by accident.

 

...now, if i could find the post where the guy has the girlfriend with issues....

 

[Nobel]

I read your other post and am non the wiser... what are you nervous/scared about?. Believe it or not, you DO know, you just have to be willing to get beyond the resistance of naming it. Have a good dig around your mind, what's in there... what's the fear? Give us and yourself something specific to work with here to help you

Hey Lily... I guess whenever someone calls her my girlfriend, I get scared, what I wanted was someone who I could be with, share feelings, basically everything, but it looks like I got more than that and don't know how to handle it.

 

Also, I tend to make small things larger than they should ever be. I am the master of over-analyzing.