The 180

[MiseryMan]

Okay, there is this friend of mine whop is a girl who has liked me and has been chasing me for a long time and I finally asked her out. She is 20 and I am 23. Two weeks ago I called her when we first hooked up and we talked for a while and on Thursdays I go to my friends house to watch wrasslin'. She knows that I go over there and she asked me to stop by afterwards, she lives right down the road from my friends house so I asked her if she wanted to just come over there with me and she said yes. So we went over there and had a good time, then we left and I dropped her off at her house. I know she wanted me to kiss her when I dropped her off but I didn't do it because I want to take this relationship slow because all my other relationships have been turmoil because I took it too fast and I don't want to ruin this with her because I lie her so much, so I told her we could hang out on Friday. On Friday she was acting distant like she didn't want me near her, so I basically just sat there and we watched movies. I thought she was pissed off at me so I didn't call her or anything and then on Thanksgiving she called and asked me to come over around 8pm. I was at my grandparents house so I told her I would be late. I start heading over to her place around 9pm and she calls again asking where I am and I'm right down the road from her and said I would be there in a couple minutes. I show up and things are fine, then she asks if I want to go over and visit some friends who are both our friends, so we go over there. We start playing card games but she doesn't play so she just watched and after awhile she starts getting bored and starts falling asleep and says she is going to walk home and I tell I will give her a ride home after the last game. I give her a ride home and I wanted to kiss her but she seemed too tired so I told her I would call her on Friday after work. So on Friday I call her and ask if she wants to come over and she says she has to take a shower and get ready and that she will call when she is ready, I have to pick her up because she doesn't have a car. 2 hours go by and she hasn't called yet so I call her house and ask if she's there and her brother says she left with her friend. Now I'm totally confused as to why she didn't even call to tell me she wouldn't be able to come over. On Saturday my friends girlfriend who has to pry into other peoples business finds out that she stood me up on Friday and calls her and bitches her out. So, now I'm like what the hell is going on? My friends girlfriend says that her(the girl that supposedly likes me) friend was having a mental breakdown so she had to help her. But I don't understand why she didn't call to let me know. Is it because I'm taking the relationship slow and didn't kiss her? On Sunday I talk to her brother and ask him what is wrong with his sister and he tells me she doesn't know if she wants to date me because I'm friends with her family. Why did she want me to ask her out in the first place? I told him to have her call me so we can talk about this but she hasn't yet. It's like she's playing this little game, I mean she already knows I like her and she had her friend tell me she was almost in love with me but she is playing around. I decided to not call her until she calls me to sort this out, I wrote her a letter but I don't know if I should give it to her. I really like this girl but why is she playing around like this and pulling a 180. I mean one she's fine but then on another she would be distant. What the hell?

[Tony T]

You are 23 and you don't know how to make paragraphs? If I read your post I'll get a migraine but I would really love to help you otherwise.

[Sally]

This girl is a total game player. The funny thing is she's not even doing it on purpose. She's just incredibly immature and doesn't know how to have a relationship. It sounds like she really likes you one minute and then decides she doesn't like you the next. It has nothing to do with you not kissing her, so get that idea out of your head. It's not your fault at all. I know that you may not be able to see her actions as immature, but that's exactly what it is. It sounds like she's not ready for anything with anyone. She'll probably end up doing it to the next guy that comes down the street, until she matures and learns what having a real relationship means. A lot of girls don't like available, nice men when they're young (early 20's). A lot of girls at that age get turned off by a guy if the guy gets a zit on the tip of his nose or if the guy is having a bad hair day. For some reason the game players and not-so-nice guys always get the girl and the nice guys end up alone, leaving the nice guy confused and with low self-esteem. When girls get older, mid 20's to early 30's, they scramble around looking for the nice guys and don't understand why they wasted all their youth on jerks.

 

Anyway, the day you had plans and her friend "supposedly" had a mental breakdown (personally I think that's an excuse)she could have called and said she couldn't make it. It takes 2 seconds to call and it was rude of her to leave you hanging. At the very least she could have called and explained the next day. Do you really want to date someone like that? She's not a considerate person and it's not someone you should want to spend time. You'll never know when she'll blow you off again and leave you hanging. Her feelings for you, I'm sure, will continue to be up and down until you get fed up with her games. She'll keep coming up with excuses when she acts wierd or blows you off to keep you hanging on, because she's still confused whether she likes you or not. Once you get fed up and start blowing her off, that's when she's going to really like you and she'll start chasing you. If you stand your ground and don't want to deal with her, she'll start crying to her friends and saying,"Oh I really like him, why won't he like me, he's really hurting me."

 

Well, that's what I think and that's what I've witnessed in the past whenever there are situations like this. I was like this girl when I was her age. All the nice available guys were annoying. I wanted to date the jerks and boy did I get hurt.

 

Anyway, stand your ground and look for someone who's not going to play with your head. All it's going to do is give you a test in frustration and I'm sure you have better things to do.