What to make of this?

[Tina]

Everything is going smoothly now with my boyfriend and I am supposed to visit him during the Christmas holidays and he is excited about it and everything.

 

We had a long talk last night and then happened to mention that his ex-girlfriend who he talks to on the phone from time to time is coming over today to sell him some quilts! He told her that his children are coming over for the holidays and he needs the extra bedding, but he didn't say I was coming because apparently she still has "sensitive feelings" about him and he didn't want to "stir anything up" with her or something like that.

 

He reassured me not to worry as he hasn't seen her for over six months and that it is very clear that it is over with them. I still don't understand why she would be giving him bedding for when I come over!! Sounds kind of sick, doesn't it? I didn't say anything to him about this because I didn't want to get into a useless arguement with him over the phone. I also realize it it usless worrying about because I have no control over what happens over there while I am over here.

 

Am I overreacting?

[arthropod98]

sorry, this sounds a little "funky" to me. an ex that still has feelings for him is coming over with some freakin' QUILTS?? might she, by chance, be martha stewart or something?!!

 

does this woman even KNOW you two are dating?? if not . . . well, WHY??!!!

 

there is a CHANCE this might be absolutely nothing (once again though, QUILTS??), but you have EVERY RIGHT to tell him you're bothered by this!

 

a relationship MUST have communication . . . if you can't tell him this bothers you, and have a nice, civil conversation about it . . . then there's a REAL problem here! even if it turns out you're over-reacting a little, he shouldn't get all pissy with you. he should be concerned because you're not comfortable with something, and want BOTH of you to work it out together.

Everything is going smoothly now with my boyfriend and I am supposed to visit him during the Christmas holidays and he is excited about it and everything. We had a long talk last night and then happened to mention that his ex-girlfriend who he talks to on the phone from time to time is coming over today to sell him some quilts! He told her that his children are coming over for the holidays and he needs the extra bedding, but he didn't say I was coming because apparently she still has "sensitive feelings" about him and he didn't want to "stir anything up" with her or something like that. He reassured me not to worry as he hasn't seen her for over six months and that it is very clear that it is over with them. I still don't understand why she would be giving him bedding for when I come over!! Sounds kind of sick, doesn't it? I didn't say anything to him about this because I didn't want to get into a useless arguement with him over the phone. I also realize it it usless worrying about because I have no control over what happens over there while I am over here.

 

Am I overreacting?

[Tony T]

She's not giving him anything, she's SELLING him some bedding. Believe me, when the economy is bad and people have crap like that to sell, they will call every germ they know in order to make money.

 

As a practical matter, I think if you would feel more comfortable with him not dealing with the ex you should tell him. Tell him to buy his quilts elsewhere...or learn how to make them yourself.

[Carrie]

No you are not overreacting. I would be concerned too. An ex is an ex for a reason. How long ago did they break up? If it was only a year or less, then there is reason to be concerned. And the quilt thing? That's just an excuse for her to see him. If a man is still in love with a woman and the woman is not still in love with the man, NOTHING will happen. If a man is not still in love with a woman, but the woman is still in love with the man, whether he has another girlfriend or not, something can definitely happen.

 

Also, be wary about why he didn't tell his ex you were coming. That's bull about not wanting to hurt her. I don't believe that for a minute. It's possible it's because he doesn't want to ruin a chance with her in the future. If it was really and truly over in his heart, he wouldn't think twice about telling her he's moved on and has another girlfriend. I have to admit, my ex Matt, I hate telling him when I have a new boyfriend, because in my heart I want him back and I don't want to ruin any chance with him or I tell him that I'm dating someone but it's not serious... even though it is. My ex, Mark, I tell him when I have a serious boyfriend, because I don't want him back and I want him to let go that there could be any future with us. Your boyfriend is worried about her "sensitive feelings" What about your sensitive feelings? It hurts you that he's going to see her. If he's so concerned about "sensitive feelings" then he should tell his ex he can't see her so as not to hurt you. He's hurting her more by lying to her and not be fully honest that there's no chance between them....or is there still a chance between them? He should do this girl a favor if he knows she still stuck on him. He should set her free by telling her he's moved on and she should too, but he doesn't want to for his "selfish feelings"

 

Anyway, go with your gut. If it feels wrong, it's because it is wrong. If this guy loves you, he'll do what he can to not upset you, including telling her goodbye. If he wants quilts and sheets for when his children are over, tell him to go to Kmart. They're having a blue light special.

[Ed]

For the life of me I cannot figure out how this conversation ever made it to this stage. I can't imagine why he would just say, "My ex is coming by to sell (give, loan) me some quilts and I didn't tell her about you." Huh?

 

If he did do that, he has inexplicably and unrecoverably (I don't think that's a real word) lost his mind and deserves a good tongue lashing from somebody.

 

My guess is, you asked him if he told her about you. If I am wrong, please, call him back and have a good argument about it. If I am right, it indicates a severe case of insecurity. I realize you are unsure about the status of this relationship, but asking him what he tells who about you will not help. Doing things like this will only reinforce his stance to be cautious of a future relationship with you.

[dg]

d

For the life of me I cannot figure out how this conversation ever made it to this stage. I can't imagine why he would just say, "My ex is coming by to sell (give, loan) me some quilts and I didn't tell her about you." Huh? If he did do that, he has inexplicably and unrecoverably (I don't think that's a real word) lost his mind and deserves a good tongue lashing from somebody. My guess is, you asked him if he told her about you. If I am wrong, please, call him back and have a good argument about it. If I am right, it indicates a severe case of insecurity. I realize you are unsure about the status of this relationship, but asking him what he tells who about you will not help. Doing things like this will only reinforce his stance to be cautious of a future relationship with you.