enabling

[emotionally crippled]

my bf God bless his heart and his ever good intentions. last year i got pretty sick and have and am still recovering from this illness.

 

it has made me very tired and very insecure. i lost my job, my self-esteem and my self-respect.

 

my bf took care of everything for me, and i mean everything!

 

i did not have to worry or go without anything.

 

i love him so much for all that he has done for me so what is the problem?

 

well the problem is i think now i have either become lazy or emotionally and finacially dependent on him and this is horrible.

 

i am to start a new job this coming week but days like today i still feel so very tired and no energy.

 

this morning i told i was worried about being able to hold this job.

 

when i wake up feeling like i do at times there is no way or so it seems that i can work an eight hour day and that is what this job requires.

 

his solution was for me to work at home for him (we live together) and he would pay me a thousand dollars a month to cover my bills. of course that would also be in exchange for helping with house payments and food.

 

sounds too good to be true?

 

well it isn't.

 

i thought about it all day and i feel my independence slipping ever so far away that it scares me.

 

i have already isolated myself in the house and away from things i use to do to the point where i don't really want to go anywhere anymore.

 

i thought this job would help get me back into society.

 

i'm no social butterfly by any means but it seems that i live on the computer now doing research daily for my illness which is treatable but not curable, it's just a matter of finding the right meds that work and i am in the process of doing that now.

 

also i think i should leave him to get my independence back. go back to my home state where there is no one (to take care of me) and that would force me to get out on my own.

 

this is just too easy. it is also too painful to leave but i don't know what else to do.

 

i don't know how or if i could make it financially on my own but it seems better then losing myself so much and him helping me so much is just so easy to do and give in to.

 

it's like i lost my own fight to support and take care of myself and have settled for compliancy instead.

 

i've told him to stop baleing me out, yet i do need his help fnancially right now and as long as it is there i take it.

 

i am not by any means using him nor unappreciative but i think he created a monster and now i don't no how to get myself back.

 

i need some good solid advice on this and i need some a.s.a.p. i need to get myself back but i just can't seem to find me.

 

i look at old pictures and i wonder "where did that girl go" i miss her and i miss her independence and i love this guy so dearly yet the trade off is not worth it.

 

please help!

[darcy38]

First of all don't leave this person, not now!!! This person is a gem. Talk to this guy tell him how you feel, and the both of you go see manage councellor and let them guide you on how you can slowly in time regain your sense of self worth. Self esteem does not come back so easily. You must take baby steps and with your partners help it can be achieved. You both must be patient and communicate!!! You must also consider your limitation at this point and not push yourself to hard. Get some professional advice and guidence and thing will work out. Please both of you be patient.

[sparkle]

First of all, if you're sick and you have an illness, you need to turn to your doctor for treatment and medication, not the internet. If you cannot afford a doctor, there are health programs in your city/county/state that help you out.

 

Once you start the treatment, you may feel better. Goto your new job and see how it goes. It may be what you need. It'll get you out of the house and on your feet. You need to take it step by step. If he's doing all the cooking and the housework, you need to start becoming responsible and helping out as well. This does not mean you have to jump into everything right away. Maybe try to clean something once a day...or cook one meal...pay one of your bills...one by one, you'll gain more independence.

 

Whatever you do, make sure to communicate with your boyfriend. Don't leave him in the dark about your feelings. He sounds like a wonderful person...I'm sure he'll have some wonderful suggests as well.

[Laurynn]

Hey jennie, I mean jammin, I mean "whatever name you're using now"...I thought as "jammin", you went on and on about how awful your bf is...how all he is is arrogant, conceited and self centered? According to this post, he's helped you through a lot....and it's pretty evident that he puts up with a lot......you're lucky, most men wouldn't. Most men want a woman who works full time, contributes her share towards the bills and relationship, doesn't have a million excuses for why she's always on the computer/can't keep the house clean/make a decent meal/isn't a hypochondriac, etc. Just how long are you going to continue telling us all this same sad (?) story, putting down your boyfriend, complaining about him and your relationship, making excuses, using all kinds of different names to ask for the same advice? You've been posting these exact same posts now, for well over 1.5 years. The complaints and situation never changes, just the name you use to post does. How many times are you going to keep coming here and doing this? Will you still be here a year from now, bitching and bellyaching about the same thing? Your posts are all the same:

 

-you have a million excuses as to why you can't work

 

-you always want to leave your boyfriend but are afraid to

 

-you feel dependent on your boyfriend

 

-he tries to help you but you see it as him trying to control you/take away your independence

 

-you say he says you spend too much time on the computer

 

bla bla bla. I guess you figure if you change your name each time, people who don't recognize it's you will get suckered in and will give you all the sympathy and 'enabling' that you need. Sheesh.

[not a victim]

Some people, as much as they'd deny it, thrive on being the victim all the time. Spend 90% of their lives complaining but never doing anything about it because in their minds they are victims.

Hey jennie, I mean jammin, I mean "whatever name you're using now"...I thought as "jammin", you went on and on about how awful your bf is...how all he is is arrogant, conceited and self centered? According to this post, he's helped you through a lot....and it's pretty evident that he puts up with a lot......you're lucky, most men wouldn't. Most men want a woman who works full time, contributes her share towards the bills and relationship, doesn't have a million excuses for why she's always on the computer/can't keep the house clean/make a decent meal/isn't a hypochondriac, etc. Just how long are you going to continue telling us all this same sad (?) story, putting down your boyfriend, complaining about him and your relationship, making excuses, using all kinds of different names to ask for the same advice? You've been posting these exact same posts now, for well over 1.5 years. The complaints and situation never changes, just the name you use to post does. How many times are you going to keep coming here and doing this? Will you still be here a year from now, bitching and bellyaching about the same thing? Your posts are all the same: -you have a million excuses as to why you can't work -you always want to leave your boyfriend but are afraid to -you feel dependent on your boyfriend -he tries to help you but you see it as him trying to control you/take away your independence

 

-you say he says you spend too much time on the computer bla bla bla. I guess you figure if you change your name each time, people who don't recognize it's you will get suckered in and will give you all the sympathy and 'enabling' that you need. Sheesh.