Jump to content

Wife Has Lost Passion


GuyM25

Recommended Posts

My wife and I just got married a couple of months ago. We've been together for over 2 years and I have never loved anyone so much. Our relationship is open and we usually can talk about anything. She is caring, loving and giving. I hope that I am the same. Unfortunately, we're almost 3 months into our relationship and there's no making love. We make love once a week (if I'm lucky) and my wife gets extremely defensive when I mention it. So, one time I finally got it out of her that I mention it so much she thinks that every move I make is my move to have sex. Well, I heard what she said and avoided that. I try never to mention it, nor expect it. BUT, she still pushes me away every time I touch her in any manner besides harmless, and she still acts like every move I make towards her is too aggressive. I like to be as impartial as possible, but I think that my efforts are not only slow-paced, patient, and gentle, but their also unintentional (most of the time.) I can't help it that I want to make love to my wife. I want to experience that emotional bonding, sexual energy, and intensity with her every moment of every day if possible. She is making me feel like she doesn't find me attractive anymore. She's making me feel as if she has another output for her sexual energy. And, it certainly isn't enjoyable when you have to beg for sex. What can I do???

Link to post
Share on other sites

What was your sex life like with her before you got married? Because you mentioned that you have been together for 2 years. Has she always been like this? If so, maybe she needs to see a professional about the possibility of being sexually abused.

 

If she hasn't always been like this, and this just started since you've officially been married, then I would suggest sitting her down for a major talk. Communication is the KEY factor in any marriage. If you can't talk to her about your sexual frustrations without her getting defensive, then the communication is obviously not there. But this does not only fall on your shoulders. She's as much a part of the marriage as you are. And thus, communication is equally as much as her responsibility. She doesn't seem to be willing to communicate, which can lead to major problems.

 

So that's why I suggest sitting her down for a major talk. It needs to be unbiased and mature. And it needs to be strong. Don't sit her down and tell her "Oh, well honey, I really would like to have more sex" because that doesn't clue her in one bit as to what the problem is. And on the contrary, don't tell her "It really pisses me off that you don't want to have sex" either ... because that will just make her more defensive.

 

Try to use words and phrases that will be more comfortable for her ... such as the typical "I understand that you ... but...". Or "I feel...". Lots of "I" statements, instead of "you" statements, are supposed to help.

 

Also, be understanding. It's not all about how you feel. You should take into consideration what she tells you and respond to that in the most mature way possible. She obviously has an opinion about this subject, so listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes before you judge what she tells you.

 

And make sure that she realizes that a compromise needs to be reached. This situation obviously isn't working for you, so make sure she realizes that, and then reassure her that you don't expect her to want to have sex every single day. But there needs to be a compromise from her side, as well as yours. That way you both feel make sacrifices, so it's not one-sided.

 

Who knows. There may be many reasons she has for not wanting to have sex. Maybe she's too tired. Maybe she's never had an orgasm. Maybe she's mad because you never help around the house. Maybe it hurts her. Whatever the reason is, you need to firm with her that you need to know the reasons, that way you can work on solving the problem together.

 

Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...