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Is this appropriate LADIES??


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OK. short & sweet. My ex & I are in the process of getting back together. We have long conversations on the phone (staying away from relationship talk-but building back our friendship), we have gone out together a couple times in the past week as friends. We are cautiously becoming close again. We are also both seeing other people, whom we fairly openly discuss with each other. Tonight I am going out with that other person, which I can tell makes her very jealous. I don't want to seem too pushy or desperate to get back with my ex & since she is the one who broke up with me I don't want to make it too easy for her either. This is a specific question to the ladies. I want to talk to her tonight after the date because I know she will be wondering & worrying about it. I'm sure she will want to talk to me but will feel uncomfortable calling. I am thinking of leaving this message on her machine "I won't be home until late but if you're still up & you want to talk, call me." Ladies if you got that message in this situation how would you feel about it?

 

And please no reprimands for using the girl I am dating tonight. I made it clear to her I was still hung up on my ex & not ready for a serious relationship.

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Personally, I don't think you should leave it up to call you after your date. If you get home and think she might be up and want to give her a call to ease her mind, then do so, but don't put the ball in her court. Of course she's going to want to talk to you to hear what a terrible time you had with this other girl and how you would've rather been with her, etc. It's up to you to call her, whether it's tonight or sometime tomorrow.

 

If I got that message on my machine, I'd immediately think you were feeling sorry for me and taking pity on me, which really wouldn't make me feel any better about things. (Does she call you after she goes out with other guys???)

 

I wouldn't leave the message if I were you, but that's just my opinion. If you want to call, just call. Don't leave it up to her.

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i do not think for one minute that you should both be seeing other people still if you are trying to work things out to get back together! that shows no respect for the other and the person you are dating, both of you! i think this whole thing sucks, and if you two want to get back together then there is NO room for others right now!! i think that is just so messed up!

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Personally, I don't think you should leave it up to call you after your date. If you get home and think she might be up and want to give her a call to ease her mind, then do so, but don't put the ball in her court. Of course she's going to want to talk to you to hear what a terrible time you had with this other girl and how you would've rather been with her, etc. It's up to you to call her, whether it's tonight or sometime tomorrow. If I got that message on my machine, I'd immediately think you were feeling sorry for me and taking pity on me, which really wouldn't make me feel any better about things. (Does she call you after she goes out with other guys???) I wouldn't leave the message if I were you, but that's just my opinion. If you want to call, just call. Don't leave it up to her.

 

Thanks Clia,

 

Good advice I will take.

 

bh,

 

As far as the other people we are seeing goes, as I said I told my date I was still hung up on my ex & not ready for a serious relationship. As far as the guy she is seeing. HE STOLE MY GIRL when she was vunerable & I was away from her & I could care less if he gets hurt. In fact I hope he does.

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I don't think you should leave the message. For whatever wierdo games you and your ex are playing the message just sounds like your rubbing her nose in it.

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you still haven't taken anyone's advice from here, have you????

 

personally, i don't particularly think it's any of your ex's business what you do on your date, although i can't understand why you are seeing other people if you are trying to sort out your relationship. you seem to be thriving on the fact that you are making her jealous by seeing another girl!!! give up the head games already and try being HONEST with each other! but if you are so hung up on playing mind games with her, then i suggest you DON'T call her after your date and DON'T leave a message on her machine, regardless of how much she will be worrying. let her wonder and worry......isn't that exactly what you are trying to achieve here??? you're confusing me, Jack! if i were to hear that message in this situation, it would drive me crazy, but it would be even more irritating if i didn't hear from you at all.......trust me, she will have a million things running through her mind.

 

and i just hope for your sake that you are getting back together for all the right reasons, not because you both can't stand the thought of each other with other people, or because of the jealousy factor. geez, Jack, how much longer do you plan to keep the games going???

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Jack, no offense but does your last name start with an "A" and rhyme with grass?

 

First of all, this 'seeing someone else to make your ex jealous' is pure and unadulterated bulls***. The way you game-play, manipulate and have ulterior motives to your actions, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this other girl you've been going on dates with, has NO idea that you're still obsessed with your ex. If so, you're a dog. I mean, come on now...what woman would want to go on a date (twice) with a guy who openly admits he's still hung up with his recent-ex? HELL-O? You're full of it, buddy...and you're so into this game playing that you can't even see the forest for the trees.

 

What the HELL are you doing going on dates if the first thing on your mind before you go is whether you should call your EX when you get home? How whacked is that? Sorta defeats the purpose of dating, no?

 

And your ex is dating someone else too? You two sound like a couple of nuts who both play games, can't figure out what you want, both wanting to control each other, both playing games with others/innocent people.

 

Are we here on this forum, going to walk you step by step through your relationship? Aren't you in your late 20's? This isn't brain surgery, Jack...it's called life. You gotta figure it out yourself and it's obvious you're doing your 'own thing' anyway.

 

Hey, if you have no balls and want to use/date someone, then run home with your tail between your legs and call your ex who dumped your ass, have atter.

 

L

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"As far as the guy she is seeing. HE STOLE MY GIRL when she was vunerable & I was away from her & I could care less if he gets hurt. In fact I hope he does."

 

Hello, McFly? Nobody can "steal" anyone from anyone else. A person is either available for the taking or they're not. If your gal dumped your ass, and is now seeing some guy who you claim "stole" her, seems pretty obvious that she had thoughts of him when she dumped you. And WHY exactly would you hope he gets hurt? How immature is that? She's single, no longer dating you...as long as she's willing to date him, he's not doing anything wrong.

 

And how bent is all this.....she's dating someone else, and so are you? It's official, you're both nutz.

 

L

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YOU ASK: "Jack, no offense but does your last name start with an "A" and rhyme with grass?"

 

Laurynn, you obviously don't know Jack!!! Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

 

Actually, I think you have him pretty well pegged. He's a case for the books, never seen anything like this anywhere.

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YOU ASK: "Jack, no offense but does your last name start with an "A" and rhyme with grass?" Laurynn, you obviously don't know Jack!!! Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Actually, I think you have him pretty well pegged. He's a case for the books, never seen anything like this anywhere.

 

Laurynn, no offence but in the real world when people are in love they don't act as rationally as someone impassionately typing their response to a question they have no emotional involvement in. I'm glad you vented your self righteous indignation and I hope you feel better for it. By the way does your last name perhaps start with b and end with something you scratch. No offence.

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YOU WRITE: "when people are in love they don't act as rationally as someone impassionately typing their response to a question they have no emotional involvement in."

 

WOW, you finally got it. Yes, people come to this forum to get the dispassionate views of people who are not closely involved with the situation and therefore can be a lot more objective.

 

It took you a while to figure that out.

 

Now, as far as being in love, I don't think you are. People who are in love want the best for the beloved, don't play games, show respect, grant them space, and don't do cartwheels to manipulate them back into the fold.

 

I think you are either in lust, extremely smitten, or very much infatuated. Love is not selfish, it does not involve innocent victims, and does not seek fulfillment only for itself.

 

However, I do hope all this works out for you. You seem to be putting an awful lot of energy into this.

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You know Jack, you remind of a little boy who after growing bored with his set of Legos, casts it aside and ignores it. Then when another child wants to play with it, you stomp your feet and cry "NO! It's mine!!" You have so obviously screwed up this relationship, and I personally think that you are way too emotionally immature at this point to have a healthy one. Just look at the phrases you use in your posts here..."Sincere, calculating guy"!? Talk about an oxymoron..."Relentless pursuit", "Revenge fantasies", "Caught up in the games" etc. None of these phrases would even cross the mind of an emotionally, well balanced individual. You really need to take some time for introspection, and make a conscientious effort to grow up and quit playing games.

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You wrote this below:

Laurynn, no offence but in the real world when people are in love they don't act as rationally as someone impassionately typing their response to a question they have no emotional involvement in. I'm glad you vented your self righteous indignation and I hope you feel better for it. By the way does your last name perhaps start with b and end with something you scratch. No offence.

Once again, what a crock. So I guess you must think that all of us here who FREELY give of our time/advice/guidance, that our responses are fairly useless to someone of your emotional caliber, because we are just "impassionate" people who rattle off a response that's in line with our personal NON-EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT. Well then why the HELL do you keep coming back here 10 times a week to give us another excerpt from your ongoing saga? Guess that makes you the foolish one, no?

 

Ya know, if you were 16, I might be able to understand your juvenile actions, games, manipulations, obsessions, etc.....but you're damn near 30, aren't you?

 

If you were SOOO in love with the girlfriend who dumped your ass who is now seeing some other guy, you wouldn't be dating anyone else, period. You just wouldn't have the heart to...instead of playing childish games of trying to make your 'dating ex' jealous, you'd be investing your energy in doing some soul searching and self reflection....really having a good look at where YOU screwed up in your past 2-yr relationship........

 

Buckeyegal (think that's the name) really said it all very well in her recent response to you. And by the way, I still think both you and your ex are whacko.......you're both dating people, she wants you to call her after your dates, bla bla. Find a shrink in your area that offers a two-for-one special.

 

L

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hi jack,

 

i've been following your situation since you started posting here, and this would have to be without a doubt the most crazy, immature, self-indulgent behaviour i have seen on here for a long time. i am saying this for your sake, too.

 

the fact that you are both seeing other people AT THE SAME TIME you are "cautiously" getting back together is a huge and holy farcicle. the only caution you are taking here in getting back together is having someone there as a safety net in case your ex decides to stay, "stuff it. i don't want to get back with jack after all". i may well be jumping the gun here, but i would go so far as to say that she had the idea of seeing another person first, you couldn't stand that thought, and you thought you may as well do the same thing to see how she reacts. in a sense you're protecting yourself from any pain by being with another person, but it is absolute bullsh*t.

 

jack, when i found out my ex started seeing another person, i was naturally devestated. i still loved him very much. and because i *truly* loved him, i told him that i couldn't be in his life anymore. i want him to be happy without me hanging in the background hurting big-time over his new relationship. it would have been totally unfair on him and very unfair on myself to keep contact with him. neither of us would have properly moved on if were to keep in contact. i was broken-hearted jack, but that's life. i could have played games with him until the cows come home, but it would have only created more hurt and i can guarantee you that the way the two of you behaving is setting the foundation for a crappy round 2.

 

if the two of you seriously wanted to get back together, you would have dumped these other people at the drop of a hat and made a COMMITTMENT TO SLOWLY GETTING BACK TOGETHER. this is not what you call "taking it one step at a time", this is all about mind games, not being sure, immaturity, and using innocent people.

 

this truly is unbelievable and you're in for a rude shock when things won't work out with two of you. i bet my bottom dollar that in the future, the two of you will not end up together. love is not about playing games with each other. it is about accepting a situation no matter how much it hurts you.

 

i know moving on can be one of the hardest things to do. but you're only stalling yourself so much more than you realise. man, you are in for some big-time resentment here.

 

move on and perhaps seek counselling before this gets way out of control (even more than it is right now). this is not true love. it is a farce.

 

best wishes :)

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You know Jack, you remind of a little boy who after growing bored with his set of Legos, casts it aside and ignores it. Then when another child wants to play with it, you stomp your feet and cry "NO! It's mine!!" You have so obviously screwed up this relationship, and I personally think that you are way too emotionally immature at this point to have a healthy one. Just look at the phrases you use in your posts here..."Sincere, calculating guy"!? Talk about an oxymoron..."Relentless pursuit", "Revenge fantasies", "Caught up in the games" etc. None of these phrases would even cross the mind of an emotionally, well balanced individual. You really need to take some time for introspection, and make a conscientious effort to grow up and quit playing games.

 

Buckeyegal,

 

So a girl is nothing more than a set of legos a boy plays with? You should have more respect for your gender.

 

I'm glad you can liken a serious real life relationship with true emotional turmoil to a little boy & his legos. You must lead a very simple life.

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Buckeyegal, So a girl is nothing more than a set of legos a boy plays with? You should have more respect for your gender. I'm glad you can liken a serious real life relationship with true emotional turmoil to a little boy & his legos. You must lead a very simple life.

 

Jack, are you really that dense? Apparently I need to spell it out for you. I was using that analogy to compare YOUR attiutude and outlook on relationships, as it appears from your posts...not mine. Since you are so into game playing and childish behavior, I thought you would understand the analogy. Guess I was giving you too much credit. By all means, resume your silly games, I'm sure you'll be very happy.

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jack,

 

i don't know about you or anyone else out there, but if i was considering getting back with a guy, i would resent him so much if he was dating someone else at the same time were trying to reconcile. now don't get me wrong, if i was in your girlfriend's situation and also seeing someone, i would (apart from being a TOTAL twat), not think i was doing anything wrong....and i think that's what the essence of this problem is. you don't think you're doing anything wrong. you BOTH are.

 

now.....even if i was dating someone, i could be doing it for a totally different reason to you (scared of things not working out, wanting to move on but not having the guts to say so, being a bitch, trying to give a hint by dating someone else).....but all the same, i fail to see how you guys will ever have any trust in this relationship again. look at this situation now...you will probably be throwing it in each other's faces until the day your relationship runs its course and you both will end up looking like the biggest hypocrites.

 

okay....i haven't explained myself very clearly above, but i think you get my drift.

 

i hate to say it jack, but things will be so much worse for you in the future if you two carry on this way. if a guy wanted to get me thinking about him and/or chasing him, all he would have to do is get on with his life without stupid games (games make me run a mile in the opposite direction). game playing f**ks things up royally.

 

so you can wait until things f**k up royally, or you can get on your with your life without the game playing, without dating someone while you are hung up on someone else, WITHOUT YOUR EX and see what happens down the track.

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I need to spell it out for you. I was using that analogy to compare YOUR attiutude and outlook on relationships, as it appears from your posts...not mine. Since you are so into game playing and childish behavior, I thought you would understand the analogy. Guess I was giving you too much credit. By all means, resume your silly games, I'm sure you'll be very happy.

 

Buckeyegal,

 

Your apparent knowledge of my entire situation & outlook on life based on a few posts is incredible. You really should be some sort of professional analyst. All it would take is five min. with Buckeygal before she could pass judgement on your entire life. I came to this site for practical advice, which I recieved, not for alot of moralizing, self righteous babble from someone who can sum up my entire attitude & outlook on relationships from a few paragraphs.

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I know I'm responding to my own message here but I would like to thank the many members who offered advice without a sermon or at least gave a sermon with a little practical advice sprinkled in.

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Hi Jack!

 

Wow, what responses you received on this one!!! I just wanted to comment that when "my ex and I were in the process of getting back together", we made an agreement to NOT date anyone else. How else could we even attempt to work out our problems? Also, we did not want to involve or hurt innocent people who might get caught up in the situation.

 

But to answer your question, NO I do not think you should leave such a message on her machine. I do not think you should be dating others or sharing your date info with each other either. Yuck! I don't see how any of that can be of any help whatsoever in getting back together. Do you?

 

Best of luck to you...

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*rolling eyes*

 

*shaking head*

 

"Buckeyegal,

 

Your apparent knowledge of my entire situation

 

& outlook on life based on a few posts is incredible. You really should be some sort of professional analyst."

 

Jack, all one has to do is have read your 239 posts on your "relationship problems" over the past few weeks to get a darn good idea of what's going on. Again you insult the people here who FREELY choose to give you advice: If you think that nobody here could possibly understand your situation, then why the hell do you come here in the first place seeking advice? I guess we're just a buncha dingdongs.

 

I'm not trying to speak for Buckeyegal, but cripes buddy, she even QUOTED some of the most contradictory and unsettling statements that you made. What I sense going on here is this.......she hit the nail right on the head (as a few others have here) and you're getting all defensive because you can't deal with it. Hell, I remember a couple weeks ago, when I responded to you and you had the audacity to blow off my advice and ask for "a man's advice".....

 

Pretty clear here, Jacko....you're coming here because there are certain things you want to read....you want people to tell you that what you're doing is good/fine/decent/justified.....but when you're not hearing that, you get your Fruit of the Looms in a bunch.

 

"All it would take is five

 

min. with Buckeygal before she could pass judgement

 

on your entire life."

 

5 minutes? Lordy ding-dong, Jacko....you sure are a defensive chap. You're numerous/detailed posts here have given us more than a 5 minute glimpse into your life/past/current relationship.

 

"I came to this site for practical advice, which I recieved, not for alot of moralizing, self righteous babble from someone who can sum up my entire attitude & outlook on relationships from a few paragraphs."

 

Practical advice? What were you looking for, Jacko....us to give you step by step instructions on how to further deceive/manipulate/mind-screw your ex? Did you want us to give you pats on the head for all the juvenile games you're playing? Geezus, who are you to criticize the advice you get here?..don't like it, don't come back, simple as that. The overwhelming majority of people who've responded to you have said the same damn thing....so doesn't that set off any bells for ya? Or are you just choked because it was a "woman" who called you on your game-playing? Funny thing, Tony has pretty much said the same damn thing and he's probably the best advice-giver on this forum.

 

You've been abundantly clear as to what you're doing, and we've responded and commented. Next time you are searching to read "what you want to hear", why don't you just respond to yourself.

 

L

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Laurynn

 

239 posts??? You must have me confused with another Jack, either that or you penchant for exaggeration exceeds your need to pass holy judgement. The advice I recieved from Tony, Miss Mojo, Ed & many other members was much appreciated. They were able to offer insight without insulting. Perhaps you should try this approach.

 

I see both you and Buckeyegal as bitter lonely women whose only solace in life is to right the percieved fluctuations of their morality that they view on this forum. I base that view on your 239 posts.

 

This pissing match is over on my end so break this apart and insult away. It's what you love.

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I can seriously understand why your girlfriend of two years dumped your ass and is now most likely spinning the pickle with her new man. You really don't think it's a huge coincidence that she dumped you and is so quickly going out with someone else? I bet he really rocks her world *grin*

 

Ta Ta!

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