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How to accept rejection.


Archive A collection of the original messages posted on LoveShack.org's LoveTalk Forum from 1997-2001.

Old 12th March 2001, 2:46 AM   #1
Jean
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How to accept rejection.

Can someone please help. the man I love doesn't want me..I have come to terms with that, but I can't seem to be able to get over the rejection. I was very nice to him, as attractive as I could be, generous and giving. (he had no trouble asking me for money). I have been told I am intelligent and have a good sense of humor.. but it didn't matter he still doesn't like me. It hurts.. Others guys that I know would love to have what I gave him and I have some nice friends. But I just can't stop thinking about what it is that I did. He is so rude to me and has been rude to me many times.. I am moving on but it has dealt a blow to my self esteem and I just can't stop thinking about what it is he didn't like. I tried to be nice and not so nice like some have suggested but he just doesn't like me.. Wish I knew how to get over this... I couldn't have been nicer but the best I could be just wasn't good enough. I am so depressed and rejected...don't know what to do.. Jean.
 
Old 12th March 2001, 7:12 AM   #2
Miss Mojo
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Re: How to accept rejection.

hi jean,

ah...rejection. everyone has come acrossed this word at least once in their life, either indirectly or directly. it's all part of love. it's something normal, and it is something you will get over. it's normal to feel a bit insecure when something like this happens, but i'd be more inclined to feel a bit insecure if a really great guy rejected me. this guy was far from great.

rejection is just a sign (well, action) that tells you that they aren't the one for you. and boy, was this guy NOT for you...this guy has been rude to you many times, had no trouble accepting your money, took advantage of your goodness as a person and all your good qualities just to get what he wanted from you.

i bet if you dug deep enough, you'd find that you're not the only one he has treated like this. and my bet is, that he'll do it again and again.

i think what you need to come to terms with is that this guy "rejecting" you, is the best thing he could have done for you. if he were in my life, i'd be glad he rejected me. i'd be thanking him for doing me such a huge favour. what a sponge. he's probably only being rude to you because he knows what a ***** he's been.

rejection generally makes you feel like you did something wrong. let me tell you something - YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG for him to leave you. you were the best you could be, but i doubt he was looking for those kind of qualities anyway. he was just looking at what he could get out of the relationship.

perhaps the only mistake you've made - and to yourself - is by being too nice and trying too hard to please this guy. he's just treated you like a doormat because he's an inconsiderate pig who takes advantage of that in people. when you treat a disrespectful person nicely, you are in turn feeding their disrespect and allowing it grow in your relationship. he lapped it up and it's not your fault or anything to do with you that he is that kind of person.

i bet when you met him he came across as prince charming. you fell for that, then his true colours came out and because you loved him, in a way you accepted his behaviour. i've been there done that and it was all because i loved the person. i just didn't want to believe that this person i fell for could treat me so mean when i had done nothing wrong....but i was letting him by continuing to stick with him. i was naive at the time (not anymore!!).

there will come a time when you really get pissed at this guy for being so low. when that anger in you starts to surface, you will be well on the way to handling the fact that he didn't want you anymore. personally, i'm glad he didn't want you anymore (i don't mean for that to sound harsh). what i mean by that, is you're too good for him and his actions and mannerisms towards you are a waste of your precious time. it's a good thing it ended before things got worse. he doesn't deserve you.

you know how many great qualities you have, he probably did too and that's what drew him to you in the first place. it's just so unfortunate that he has no respect. don't let his actions and words affect how good you are as a person.

he's the loser in this situation, not you jean. you can vouch for that and so can all your friends, who i bet are equally as glad as i am that he's not in your life anymore.

cheer up jean. it doesn't matter who broke up the relationship here. the good thing is, he can't take advantage of you anymore and like i said, he doesn't deserve you. the good thing is, he has done you a favour. a biiiiiig one.

just make a vow to yourself that you will never put up with a rude sponge like him again. when you get angry and see him for what he is, you'll get over this rejection.
 
Old 12th March 2001, 9:36 AM   #3
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Re: How to accept rejection.

YOU WRITE: "I tried to be nice and not so nice like some have suggested but he just doesn't like me.. Wish I knew how to get over this... I couldn't have been nicer but the best I could be just wasn't good enough."

First you say you weren't "so nice like some have suggested" the a line later you say "I couldn't have been nicer." Hhhmmmmm. You were just way too nice to this guy no matter what cap you put on your niceness. Many men just get bored of that. They want some challenge in a relationship.

I used to be the same way. It took me lots of years to figure out why I was always on the losing end. Usually the girls stuck around to receive the goodies but once I realized that's all they were doing, as soon as I pulled back they were history.

Common sense would indicate that kindness would be repaid with kindness but very often we get quite the opposite. There are many complicated reasons for this but usually either the person doesn't feel worthy and resents someone who is too nice or they feel they are being bought.

Many times people come from abusive families and having someone be kind to them does not equate with the kind of "love" they got in their screwed up families.

Don't EVER loan money to a guy you're dating again. If he's short a few bucks for a dinner check, fine. Otherwise, tell him to go to a bank.
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Old 12th March 2001, 3:47 PM   #4
Jean
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You are SO right.

Miss Mojo Thank you so much for your reply. Everything you said was true and I have a feeling we have met the same kind of guy. He was the most charming man when I first met him, unbelievable charming. Now I know he is a real manipulator. I have put up with a lot because I really fell for him. What happened it exactly what you said would, I couldn't take any more of his rudeness and blow up. It felt really good at the time to tell him off. but he is capable of some real cruelty when it comes to peoples feelings. He has treated other the same way, mostly people in his family that love him. So it must be something in his genetic makeup.. I'm just having a hard time with this. but you helped a lot and I know If I don't want to be hurt anymore It is good that he is gone.

Thanks so much.... Miss Mojo and You to Tony......Thanks

Quote:
hi jean, ah...rejection. everyone has come acrossed this word at least once in their life, either indirectly or directly. it's all part of love. it's something normal, and it is something you will get over. it's normal to feel a bit insecure when something like this happens, but i'd be more inclined to feel a bit insecure if a really great guy rejected me. this guy was far from great.

rejection is just a sign (well, action) that tells you that they aren't the one for you. and boy, was this guy NOT for you...this guy has been rude to you many times, had no trouble accepting your money, took advantage of your goodness as a person and all your good qualities just to get what he wanted from you. i bet if you dug deep enough, you'd find that you're not the only one he has treated like this. and my bet is, that he'll do it again and again. i think what you need to come to terms with is that this guy "rejecting" you, is the best thing he could have done for you. if he were in my life, i'd be glad he rejected me. i'd be thanking him for doing me such a huge favour. what a sponge. he's probably only being rude to you because he knows what a ***** he's been. rejection generally makes you feel like you did something wrong. let me tell you something - YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG for him to leave you. you were the best you could be, but i doubt he was looking for those kind of qualities anyway. he was just looking at what he could get out of the relationship. perhaps the only mistake you've made - and to yourself - is by being too nice and trying too hard to please this guy. he's just treated you like a doormat because he's an inconsiderate pig who takes advantage of that in people. when you treat a disrespectful person nicely, you are in turn feeding their disrespect and allowing it grow in your relationship. he lapped it up and it's not your fault or anything to do with you that he is that kind of person. i bet when you met him he came across as prince charming. you fell for that, then his true colours came out and because you loved him, in a way you accepted his behaviour. i've been there done that and it was all because i loved the person. i just didn't want to believe that this person i fell for could treat me so mean when i had done nothing wrong....but i was letting him by continuing to stick with him. i was naive at the time (not anymore!!). there will come a time when you really get pissed at this guy for being so low. when that anger in you starts to surface, you will be well on the way to handling the fact that he didn't want you anymore. personally, i'm glad he didn't want you anymore (i don't mean for that to sound harsh). what i mean by that, is you're too good for him and his actions and mannerisms towards you are a waste of your precious time. it's a good thing it ended before things got worse. he doesn't deserve you. you know how many great qualities you have, he probably did too and that's what drew him to you in the first place. it's just so unfortunate that he has no respect. don't let his actions and words affect how good you are as a person.

he's the loser in this situation, not you jean. you can vouch for that and so can all your friends, who i bet are equally as glad as i am that he's not in your life anymore. cheer up jean. it doesn't matter who broke up the relationship here. the good thing is, he can't take advantage of you anymore and like i said, he doesn't deserve you. the good thing is, he has done you a favour. a biiiiiig one. just make a vow to yourself that you will never put up with a rude sponge like him again. when you get angry and see him for what he is, you'll get over this rejection.
 
 

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