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Bad people skill? or selfish? I


Archive A collection of the original messages posted on LoveShack.org's LoveTalk Forum from 1997-2001.

Old 19th January 2001, 2:55 PM   #1
Paulina
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Bad people skill? or selfish? I

Here's my question. I'm confused.

What do you think about a guy who talks about himself more than he asks questions about you? Does that mean that he is self absorbed? Or when he asks me how my day was and I tell him he doesn't have a lot to say afterwards, like a following questin or a comment. He usually says Oh, or good. does that mean he is self absorbed or just bad people skills? Or does that mean I need to tell him that I would appreciate more feedback and him asking more about me?

Or does that mean that I'm the self-absorbed one? My ex-boyfriend would ask me all kinds of stuff about my day and make lengthy conversation. I guess I miss that. This guy doesn't talk much and when he does its about his day not mine. What's up with that? He says he's only had one other girlfriend that lasted for about a year. He's 32. He's been in graduated school and very academic.
 
Old 19th January 2001, 3:29 PM   #2
ashesmum
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Re: Bad people skill? or selfish? I

sounds like if he doesn't hear much from ya, he tells you his conversation. You need to sit down and talk to him about how this bothers you, but you also need to be more assertive. If you don't have anything to say except good. Then you don't have much to complain about. Start some conversation every once in a while. See what happens.
Quote:
Here's my question. I'm confused. What do you think about a guy who talks about himself more than he asks questions about you? Does that mean that he is self absorbed? Or when he asks me how my day was and I tell him he doesn't have a lot to say afterwards, like a following questin or a comment. He usually says Oh, or good. does that mean he is self absorbed or just bad people skills? Or does that mean I need to tell him that I would appreciate more feedback and him asking more about me? Or does that mean that I'm the self-absorbed one? My ex-boyfriend would ask me all kinds of stuff about my day and make lengthy conversation. I guess I miss that. This guy doesn't talk much and when he does its about his day not mine. What's up with that? He says he's only had one other girlfriend that lasted for about a year. He's 32. He's been in graduated school and very academic.
 
Old 19th January 2001, 4:10 PM   #3
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Re: Bad people skill? or selfish? I

A lot of ladies have this problem, but it's usually with younger guys. This guy is old enough to have learned some better people skills. He's pretty dense. If he were really selfish, he would listen attentively to others if only to gain their favor in order to get what he wanted for himself.

He may be talking a lot about himself to impress you. He may not want to hear too much about you right now because it could make his life look pretty dull. He could have a serious lack of knowledge about people skills.

I have found nothing that makes others feel better than to have someone else be very interested in their lives and listen attentively to what they have to say. Frankly, I don't like to talk about myself very much (I guess I'm impressed enough with myself already, LOL).

A lot of people ask about how you're doing or how your day went as just good manners or eiquette without actually having a genuine concern. He may be expecting short answers and may just not want to comment.

He obviously lacks good people skills. You need to get him a gift certificate to the next Dale Carnegie Course, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." He'll learn how to win people over to his side using proper listening and reaction skills.

Because of inexperience...for maybe even because of a great fondness for you...he could just be nervous and not quite know what to do. Some guys just go blank when they're around a lady they are flipped over.

He may be self absorbed but I doubt it. I just think he's ignorant, that's all. He doesn't realize that there are other people in the world whose lives are important. He may just not be interested in anyone but himself. Most of all, he's just too stupid to understand how many points he could make with other people if he would show a genuine interest in their lives.

Go find a guy who's been taught nice manners by thoughtful parents...like your ex. Why did you let him go?
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