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How to do Christmas? Recently separated


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Old 29th November 2017, 3:00 PM   #16
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1st Christmas (following month of separation), he came to the house Christmas morning. And yes, I'm guessing insecure OW was not happy about it.

10 years more of holidays. Our sons were to spend Easter/Thanksgiving/Christmas (and all other Demands) on the fwys. (they were of driving age).

After the 10 yr period, he died. Holidays became simpler.
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Old 29th November 2017, 4:49 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
I can't imagine not opening presents with my son on X-Mas morning....
Ask your child what he wants and then do that.

Girlfriend needs to know early on that the child comes first.

This is a tough time for your child, remember that.
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Old 29th November 2017, 6:25 PM   #18
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What's the point of trying to fake happy in-tact family on Christmas morning? Does your child not know you are apart? As much as it pains you, it may be best to get your child used to the new normal.

This isn't about what your EX-W wants or what your GF wants. It has to be only about what is best for your child.
Cut the cord brother and think of the kids. Holidays are especially tough for everyone.

My ex and I split the day: one has them in the morning, one has them in the afternoon and for the night. We tend to go with whoever has the best deal for the kids i.e. If I'm not having a big family get together and she is - they go there for the evening. What ever is best for the kids.
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Old 29th November 2017, 11:57 PM   #19
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What do other divorced parents do? My brother is recently divorced and he goes to his ex wife's house every X-Mas and his new g/f (3 year relationship) is perfectly fine with it. They also snuck around for a year and a half so things were a lot different.
For me, divorce meant that my exH and I were no longer legally, socially, or spiritually a family. Holidays, birthdays, etc. were done separately.

Thinking on it, I don't know any other divorced people who spend holidays with their ex's with the exception of my sister and her husband. Long story short, my sister and her husband have full custody of his two daughters from a previous relationship. They also have full custody of my sisters three children from a previous relationship. They have one child together. If you're doing the math, they are raising six kids and it's much easier for them to host events at their house. For a couple years, my sister would invite her husband's ex for the girls birthday parties, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Drama ensued and they stopped.
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Old 30th November 2017, 12:12 PM   #20
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I would consider your brother's situation far outside of the norm. There is no reason for you to be going over and spending time with your x-wife on Christmas.
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Old 30th November 2017, 5:04 PM   #21
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It's very important for children, having both parents on Christmas. I know it from my life. Don't let down your son. Your girlfriend should accept it.
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Old 1st December 2017, 7:07 AM   #22
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I would consider your brother's situation far outside of the norm. There is no reason for you to be going over and spending time with your x-wife on Christmas.
There is an extremely good reason. His son. Did you miss that part?
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Old 1st December 2017, 7:17 AM   #23
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Old 1st December 2017, 9:28 AM   #24
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There is an extremely good reason. His son. Did you miss that part?
Nope, I don't think anyone missed that part. His son can have a wonderful holiday with his mother at her home and then with his father at his home. There is absolutely no need for them to spend any of the holiday together for it to be enjoyable for the child.
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Old 7th December 2017, 3:42 PM   #25
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I have my son the weekend before Christmas so I have him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (X-Mas Eve) I've decided not to go to my STBXW's house X-Mas morning. I will do Christmas with my son on X-Mas eve and X-mas with my G/F.

I spoke with my son about this and he is fine with it. We can't pretend to still be a family when we're not. It just further complicates things for everyone. My g/f's biggest issue with our relationship is she is afraid she will never come first. She is right with regards that my son will always be first no matter what but I need to be able to split my time fairly so that everyone is happy.
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Old 7th December 2017, 4:16 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
People I know who are divorced with kids:

Father on Christmas Eve - celebrates with kids and let's them open presents
he bought.

Mother on Christmas Day - celebrates with kids and let's them open presents
she bought.

The kids seem to love it because they get 2 Christmases. There is no reason to go over to your EX wife's house to watch your son open his presents that she has bought for him.
Yes, this. You have your Christmas with your kids, she has hers. Who cares what "day" it is...Christmas Eve at your house will be like Christmas morning for your child. This is not to side with your new gf, I do think she is out of line to put that pressure on you, but take it from a third party that this just makes sense especially with a recent separation.
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Old 7th December 2017, 5:46 PM   #27
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Your GF doesn't trust you to spend time with your exW?

What did you do to make her so paranoid?
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Old 7th December 2017, 5:48 PM   #28
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Your GF doesn't trust you to spend time with your exW?

What did you do to make her so paranoid?
He was born too long ago and became a parent. This girl is just too young to really understand what it's like to be a parent/date a parent, period. She also can probably just tell he's not over his ex.
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Old 12th December 2017, 8:19 AM   #29
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For me, divorce meant that my exH and I were no longer legally, socially, or spiritually a family. Holidays, birthdays, etc. were done separately.
My xH and my view is diametrically opposed to yours. The way we see it is our M has ended, but we will still coparent and be a family until the end of days. We have a daughter together, and I'll always be her mother and he'll always be her father. We will always be family--albeit not a traditional--forever.

Neither of us would ever deny our daughter (now mid-twenties) the opportunity to celebrate (or commiserate) any meaningful occasion with both of us there in solidarity in our love and support for her. With, or without whatever partners we may respectively have. It just doesn't seem that hard to me. If they love us, they support our family.

OP, this is about your child. IMO Ms end, families don't. And your new partner can either get on board and be part of the family in a loving accepting way, or choose to go her own way and construct a family more to her liking with someone else.
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Old 12th December 2017, 1:23 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
Here are the cliff notes:

-Recently separated after 16 year relationship
-Cheated on my wife with new g/f of 6 month/Came clean after the 1st date
-Moved out and in the process of divorce
-New g/f is 16 years younger than I am


-STBXW wants me to come over X-Mas morning to watch our 9 year old son open presents but new g/f says HELL NO!!!! Our separation agreement has me having him X-Mas Eve and her having him for X-Mas with the option of me going over every X-Mas morning for presents. I can't imagine not opening presents with my son on X-Mas morning but I also don't want to lose my g/f over it. Is there a way I can convince my new g/f this is what parents do without making her more upset?

What do other divorced parents do? My brother is recently divorced and he goes to his ex wife's house every X-Mas and his new g/f (3 year relationship) is perfectly fine with it. They also snuck around for a year and a half so things were a lot different.
Your gf needs to chill out and accept that your child is young and there's nothing wrong with you going in the morning to watch him open gifts. Your son's needs are MUCH MORE important here and she's an adult and has to be more understanding of the situation. In the future things will change once you're officially divorced and custody has been worked out... For now, spend xmas morning with your child.
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