LoveShack.org Community Forums

LoveShack.org Community Forums (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/)
-   Parenting (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/parenting/)
-   -   Skipping a grade? (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/parenting/642181-skipping-grade)

noelle303 8th November 2017 8:42 AM

Skipping a grade?
 
What are some of your thoughts on skipping a grade?

My daughter is six and a half (7 in March) and in first grade in a private school. She is currently being given 2nd grade material in most subjects and is doing amazingly well.

At her most recent parent-teacher conference, I was told that they would like to have her fomally assessed and there is a possibility that in September, instead of 2nd grade she would be going to 3rd. Of course, they would ultimately leave that decision entirely up to me.

I'm honestly very much on the fence about this. I want her to be academically and intellectually challenged, but she's already on the younger side in her class and skipping a grade means that she'll be 7 and going to school with kids who are 9.

Her teacher thinks that she could handle it because she's very mature, adaptable and socially well-adjusted, but I kind of feel like...it's too much of a change. She has a ton of friends right now and is very much a "leader" type and that will definitely change if she's with bunch of older kids.

I'm getting a ton of conflicting opinions and reading a bunch of conflicting information, so I was wondering if anyone has any experience or thoughts on this?

minimariah 8th November 2017 10:08 AM

i skipped a class.

to be honest... it didn't give me any significant advantage. maybe it's different in the States, maybe it means something when you're applying to Ivy League... but in Europe - where i'm at - it didn't mean much.

it took me some time to adapt to my new class and older colleagues and i still ended up hanging out with folks closer to my age. it messed up my social life a bit - i did adapt quickly - but it didn't really do me any good on the long run.

i don't think it's necessary to skip classes. i don't think it will give her significant advantage later on life and i would advise you to keep her where she is BUT - i would also advise you that she keeps working with "stronger" material on the side.

like - maybe she shouldn't skip classes, leave her where she is at right now but continue to give her 2nd class material/3rd class and challenge her with the extra class/tutoring on the side. that is what i did with my kid.

d0nnivain 8th November 2017 10:29 AM

I skipped a grade. It was fine. I was kinda bummed about it when all my friends got their drivers' licenses & I still had to wait but then I just made them chauffer me around. I was also bummed when everybody else turned 21 & I couldn't go out to bars with them. The only academic problem I had was in HS I applied to be an exchange student my Junior year. The program wouldn't accept me because I was only 15; they offered to let me go the following year but I didn't want to give up my senior year to go abroad.


Otherwise I was never treated differently socially or academically. I enjoyed the academic challenges.


Just remember to socially treat your child like the academic grade she's in. Don't hold her back because she's too young chronologically.

TheWoman 8th November 2017 12:20 PM

I think its a terrible idea generally. If the teachers in your daughters private school are worth their salt they should be able to differentiate enough to provide a challenge. If she is so gifted they cannot, then look into schools for gifted children. If she wasnt already at the school then it might work, but this will mean taking her out of her year and friends and dropping her in one ahead where they will all know she is not from that year. I think she'll be sad and miss her established relationships. There is a huge difference between 7 and 9 - 7 year olds are still little, 9 years olds are approaching puberty and you know it!

alsudduth 8th November 2017 1:24 PM

I have a friend from grade school who was in private school for the first couple of grades, and when he transitioned into public school, skipped a grade. He is also on the younger side, so we average about 2 years apart. He to this day is one of the smartest people I know, and he adjusted well. He had plenty of friends, had fun, and was one of the most advanced students we knew. It worked out well for him.

I'd ask your daughter how she feels.

SpecialJ 8th November 2017 1:25 PM

I skipped a year and it was totally fine. I'm pretty responsible, mature, and precocious, so I didn't feel much difference and it didn't get me into trouble. But I think the emotionally mature thing is key. My biggest frustration was everyone else could vote in a presidential election my freshman year of college and I couldn't. To d0nnivain's point, my friends with cars also had to do the driving, and it's possible that ways were found to get around the underage issue if my friends had birthday parties and such at bars.

Bonus fact: I was the youngest in my grade and befriended the youngest in the grade below, also skipped, and we're still friends after over 20 years!

My dad skipped a year and said he thinks it's more challenging for a guy because puberty and growth spurt may end up happening relatively late, and that made things a little more awkward for him in high school.

But past sharing these two experiences, I'd say, ask her. If she feels strongly that she doesn't want to leave her friends and isn't interested in meeting all new people, then you've got your answer. In my case, it happened that I actually knew all the kids in the grade above and not in my own grade for some reason that had to do with birthday cutoff in pre-school, so that also created less of a transition. If she's smart and mature, I bet she'll have an opinion :)

noelle303 8th November 2017 6:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWoman (Post 7461848)
I think its a terrible idea generally. If the teachers in your daughters private school are worth their salt they should be able to differentiate enough to provide a challenge. If she is so gifted they cannot, then look into schools for gifted children. If she wasnt already at the school then it might work, but this will mean taking her out of her year and friends and dropping her in one ahead where they will all know she is not from that year. I think she'll be sad and miss her established relationships. There is a huge difference between 7 and 9 - 7 year olds are still little, 9 years olds are approaching puberty and you know it!

Oh they have provided differentiated instruction and are really trying to challenge her, however the way they explained it, they think that her current class just doesn't have enough intellectual and academic competition for her and she would be better in an environment where kids are on her level.

I'm glad to see so many positive experiences, kinda pleasantly surprised by it actually.

Tutors are a great idea, but the kid is already in ballet, piano lessons, additional French lessons at school, I really don't want to overburden her with tutors during her free time.

Maybe I should wait until the formal assessment and see how far ahead she is before making a decision?

major_merrick 8th November 2017 7:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noelle303 (Post 7461664)
I'm honestly very much on the fence about this. I want her to be academically and intellectually challenged, but she's already on the younger side in her class and skipping a grade means that she'll be 7 and going to school with kids who are 9.

Her teacher thinks that she could handle it because she's very mature, adaptable and socially well-adjusted, but I kind of feel like...it's too much of a change. She has a ton of friends right now and is very much a "leader" type and that will definitely change if she's with bunch of older kids.

There are pros and cons, but I think the negative aspects often outweigh the positive. Lets face it... most schools are crap. Most teachers will not differentiate enough to meet the needs of brighter students, and this is getting worse. Many public schools have been reduced to being holding pens where students (inmates) barely learn to read and write. So what is your child getting out of school? NOT an academic education. And that won't change by skipping a grade because the system is broken.

What IS important is social skills. My exBF skipped a grade when he was 10, and he had started school earlier than his peers. This put him in the position to be almost two years younger than them, and he regretted it during his entire schooling and into college. He was popular, but he worked really hard at it and always felt inadequate. He usually dated girls who were two grades behind but the same age because he had trouble relating to the ones in his own class. I was a grade behind him, but the same age. I did it a different way - I simply graduated as a junior after getting my courses done early.

Ultimately, I think that it is better for your daughter to keep her friends and her social setting where she is well adjusted, and to get her academics supplemented by you or an after school program. Let her excel at her own grade level and enjoy her friendships, unless she gets so bored with her classes that behavior becomes a problem.

SpecialJ 8th November 2017 9:03 PM

Just a thought... is she currently a leader among her friends because there's already a wide gap between where she is and where they are? Emotional and social development is better when it's balanced, when people have good friends who they can also sometimes learn from (versus leading all the time).

I personally think your approach right now of seeing exactly what level she's at (and then talking to her about what she wants?) is good.

MJJean 9th November 2017 9:44 AM

The only person I know who skipped a grade was my DH's friend, M. M is now trained chemist with a shiny PhD who teaches at a fancy regional technical school for kids who are gifted and going into STEM fields.

I know a few other people who were offered the opportunity to skip a grade, their parents didn't allow it, and they were so under stimulated they started coming up with things to do to occupy their minds. It wasn't a big deal in elementary, but became problematic in Jr High and High School. The Devil truly does make work for idle hands. One of the most destructive forces on the planet is a bored smart kid.

In my school district, there is a December cut off for Kindergarten enrollment. If a child's 5th birthday is before December, they can start school that year. If after December, they have to wait until the following year. This results in classes of 4, 5, and 6 year olds. Of course, this age gap follows the kids through school. So, here, each grade will have some kids between 1 and 2 years apart in age. 7, 8, and 9 year olds sharing a classroom is common.

If it were me, I'd let her skip the grade.

d0nnivain 9th November 2017 9:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJJean (Post 7462455)
One of the most destructive forces on the planet is a bored smart kid.

So very true.

GunslingerRoland 9th November 2017 10:36 AM

I'd be concerned about it personally and I'm surprised they are offering it. I think most schools have gone away from skipping/failing grades.

Every classroom has children at a wide variety of skill levels and abilities from well above grade level to well below. Especially at a private school I would expect them to be able to manage children who are ahead of content in an appropriate way in their current class room.

Putting your daughter in a class of kids, that are emotionally, legally and physically a year ahead of her can have consequences down the road, as well. She is going to be going to school with kids that hit puberty a year before her, when she gets to college she's going to surrounded by kids who hit the legal drinking age a year before her.

In high school I'd presume she will have options for some sorts of advanced schooling anyway once she gets there which can already put her almost a full year ahead in college.

Also if this is the best idea they have for her because she is ahead, what if she continues to get further ahead? Are they going to keep bumping her up a grade at a time?

minimariah 9th November 2017 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJJean (Post 7462455)
One of the most destructive forces on the planet is a bored smart kid.

this is true - but a bored smart kid can also be a kid who skipped her class (grade) & didn't make any new friends, does not fit in with the older kids and maybe even worse... can't quite follow her colleagues's "life path" as in, in many situations feels left out. nothing more dangerous than a smart kid who doesn't know where to belong.

also - not skipping a grade doesn't necessarily mean that the child will be bored. that's what extra classes and tutors are for; i think for every situation you can find a bad and a good example. obviously, there are EXTREMELY gifted children who are so far ahead that it doesn't make any sense to keep them in their usual grade but at the same time - not all gifted children are at the same level.

i have a colleague who graduated HS at the age of 16, got into med school the same year and became an MD at the age 22 (in my country, you become a doctor at the age 24 the soonest as we cannot skip any grades when in HS & college, it is not allowed and the medical school lasts 6 years) and... at the age 25 he had a PhD and was a drug addict, struggling to cope with the pressure of being a doctor who specializes in urgent medicine. he got clean and got his life back together but if you ask him - skipping two grades was a very bad experience for him, pushing him into something he wasn't ready to do.

what i'm trying to say - it can go either way, really. you can still challenge and stimulate your child even if you don't allow her to skip a grade, it all comes down to parents' care. your kid will become problematic, bored or not, if you don't pay attention. as simple as that.

BluEyeL 9th November 2017 11:49 AM

I had the opportunity to do that for my son and I didn't take it. I think I made the right decision. Emotional maturity is key here. We are at a very competitive school and not that he's in 10th grade I understand that the discipline to study long hours wasn't there a year ago.

If you think your daughter is emotionally mature do it girls are better in that respect but otherwise I'm against it. There is no point. Put her in a good school and start her in gifted programs and later honors and AP classes .

noelle303 9th November 2017 5:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunslingerRoland (Post 7462483)

Every classroom has children at a wide variety of skill levels and abilities from well above grade level to well below. Especially at a private school I would expect them to be able to manage children who are ahead of content in an appropriate way in their current class room.

I mean, as I said, they explained that even though they are able to differentiate instruction, give her advanced material or more complex tasks, they believe that she would we more motivated and challenged in an environment where there is intellectual competition. Currently, she's the best in her class, she knows she's best, everyone knows she's best and they believe that after a while she'll stop having any satisfaction when she achieves something.

I asked her dad today, he thinks it' not a good idea, that we should just let her be a kid. :/

I'll ask her as well, but I know that she'll probably want to stay with her current friends and I'm not one of those people who are like "parents know best", but I really do think that in some cases, it should be the parent making the ultimate decision because she's 6 and doesn't understand things well enough.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:02 PM.

Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.