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-   -   GFs kid lied and disrepected me (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/parenting/635038-gfs-kid-lied-disrepected-me)

Otter2569 15th September 2017 7:30 PM

GFs kid lied and disrepected me
 
My GFs kid has an eating disorder. The kid is overweight and eats everything. She has lied for food, has hidden food, sneaks food and has taken risks to get food. Everything in her life revolves around food.

The other day she tells me that her mom gave her permission to go for ice cream (lie) then asked me if I wanted anything. I gave her money for a milkshake. Turns out the kid totally lied to me (she did not have permission) and when I got back home half of my milk shake was gone - she drank it!

The deceptive little **** never apologized to me like her mom said she was going to. I'm disgusted by her behavior since it nothing new. It just continues. I don't even want to be around the kid.

grays 16th September 2017 12:45 AM

Ive had difficulties with overeating at times in my life. Its always a struggle, really, but through really hard work and a lot of knowledge about how food affects my body Ive been able to mostly keep it under control for the last ten years or so. Its really truly HARD.

Im wondering if there's more than the food issue or if you really are pissed because of her eating. I think the food thing is not a battle you're going to win. And she is, by definition, not in control of it.

CC12 16th September 2017 2:25 AM

You posted a few months ago about taking her to a therapist for this. Has she seen one yet? If not, why hasn't she? If she has, have there been any improvements?

I get that you're frustrated and you probably just wanted to vent, but your compassion needs some work. You've got to take it easier on this kid. I'm not sure what four-letter word you called her that was censored out in your post, but I'm sure it wasn't very nice. Don't do that.

She's a pre-teen, right? Having been one myself at one point, I can tell you that's a rough age. She's probably having a very hard time. She deserves your sensitivity and compassion.

You're taking her issues too personally. Saying that she "disrespected" you makes it sound like she purposely set out to dupe you. She probably didn't do it on purpose. She can't help herself, kind of like a puppy who can't control when it pees. It's useless to get mad about it.

You could also work on some of your own habits when she's around to witness them. I don't think you get to have her order milkshakes or other treats for you. You should be exhibiting healthy choices around her pretty much at all times.

Has she been to a doctor about this? She could have a thyroid issue or some other physical condition that results in her food issues.

You could also look into Overeaters Anonymous. I really think that you should look into some sort of therapy for yourself. It's hard to be around someone who can't control their habits. Maybe it would be helpful for you to attend some OA meetings to understand her better and learn better ways to live with her.

Otter2569 17th September 2017 8:25 AM

I am venting here so tend to be more uncensored but around her and her mom I am pretty calm and relaxed. This situation is just another instance of her eating disorder and poor choices / intentional deceptions to get junk food.

Her mom has not gotten her to a therapist yet but has called. I used this as an example of why the daughter needs to see someone ASAP.

There is very little junk food in the house but the kid will eat anything she can: 6 PB and J sandwiches (all natural, reduced sugar and whole wheat...). We buy a box of protein bars, the kid powers them down because they look like a candy bar. Its frustrating and I am distancing myself and limiting my interactions.

elaine567 17th September 2017 8:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otter2569 (Post 7417686)
I am venting here so tend to be more uncensored but around her and her mom I am pretty calm and relaxed. This situation is just another instance of her eating disorder and poor choices / intentional deceptions to get junk food.

Her mom has not gotten her to a therapist yet but has called. I used this as an example of why the daughter needs to see someone ASAP.

There is very little junk food in the house but the kid will eat anything she can: 6 PB and J sandwiches (all natural, reduced sugar and whole wheat...). We buy a box of protein bars, the kid powers them down because they look like a candy bar. Its frustrating and I am distancing myself and limiting my interactions.

She sounds like a very unhappy kid...

Otter2569 17th September 2017 8:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CC12 (Post 7416820)
You're taking her issues too personally. Saying that she "disrespected" you makes it sound like she purposely set out to dupe you. She probably didn't do it on purpose. She can't help herself, kind of like a puppy who can't control when it pees. It's useless to get mad about it.

You could also work on some of your own habits when she's around to witness them. I don't think you get to have her order milkshakes or other treats for you. You should be exhibiting healthy choices around her pretty much at all times.

She did dupe me: lie about having permission for ice cream, ask if she could get me anything then eat it and put it back in the fridge like nothing ever happened. Or the time she wanted $ for a water and oops a Sprite came out instead...

Food is a very tough issue. I get that. Its everywhere, all the time and always accessible. I feel that you cant let your guard down for a second. The one time you do it gets thrown in your face (no pun intended). Its definitely a challenge.

Otter2569 17th September 2017 9:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elaine567 (Post 7417694)
She sounds like a very unhappy kid...

She doesn't have very many friends in school or in the neighborhood. She is an only child so she can be bossy, strong willed and think shes an adult.

IMO it seems like she always needs to be entertained and or doing something.

I know its not easy being a kid and especially a pre teen.

CC12 20th September 2017 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otter2569 (Post 7417686)
Its frustrating and I am distancing myself and limiting my interactions.

Do you mean you're limiting your interactions with the kid, or her mom? If you mean the kid, and you're living in the same house with her and/or supposed to be acting as a father-figure for this girl, then I don't think you should distance yourself. You don't really get to quit on that job just because it gets difficult. Imagine the emotional damage it could to do her if you become cold and distant toward her.

Now, if you're just mom's boyfriend and not much else to her, then yeah, you probably should distance yourself from this subject because it's not really your business. No offence meant by that, it's nice that you care about her, but you may just not be in the kind of position to do anything about this.

So now I'm curious - what's the relationship like with the kid? Are you like a stepdad or just mom's boyfriend?

JuneL 21st September 2017 12:54 AM

You talk about her like some stranger's kid. Why do you even live together? I think her mother is quite irresponsible to let move in together with you.

knabe 21st September 2017 9:03 AM

I wonder if she is a compulsive eater? Apparently if someone truly is a compulsive eater they literally cannot help but eat. She may not have intended to drink your milkshake. Still, she should have apologized.

I can't really relate to not being able to control myself with food, but it is apparently a documented illness. I think it's time for mom to stop pussyfooting and "calling someone." It's time for her to take her kid to the ER after her next binge and INSIST on help.

d0nnivain 21st September 2017 9:33 AM

I can understand your being upset but you are the adult & she's the kid.

Maybe you need to rethink the ground rules with her mother. If things are that bad & you know you can't trust her around food why didn't you suspect she was lying about having permission? It's something that could have been easily verified with the mom. Moreover, why do you think you could have trusted her with your milkshake? You know she can't resist. I mean I don't ask my dog to guard my steak.

Do you all exercise as a family? Maybe that will help the poor kid.

Blanco 21st September 2017 10:40 AM

Otter2569: Did you drink my milkshake?

Otter2569's SO's daughter: If you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's the straw, you see? Watch it. Now my straw reaches across the room, and starts to drink your milkshake. I... drink... YOUR... milkshake! I drink it up!

RecentChange 21st September 2017 12:26 PM

This isn't about being bored or simply liking food, the kid is basically an addict losing control.

She needs professional help.

Where is dad? Where are the boundaries? Where is the authority? You said she is bossy etc - why does Mom allow this?

Kid sounds like she lacks security. When kids (very much like animals) don't feel secure with their leader - they in turn attempt to take control. Acting like an adult, bossiness, eating disorder all point to this. How SECURE does this kid feel? Has her life been stable up to this point?

Eating disorders are often about control. Control to not eat (anorexia), control to binge and purge (bulemia), control to eat whatever she feels compelled to (over eating). In the end these compulsions take over - and the disorder takes control.

Otter2569 21st September 2017 6:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CC12 (Post 7420634)
Now, if you're just mom's boyfriend and not much else to her, then yeah, you probably should distance yourself from this subject because it's not really your business. No offence meant by that, it's nice that you care about her, but you may just not be in the kind of position to do anything about this.

So now I'm curious - what's the relationship like with the kid? Are you like a stepdad or just mom's boyfriend?

I am the BF. We live apart and see each other several days a week.

Otter2569 21st September 2017 6:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7420917)
I can understand your being upset but you are the adult & she's the kid.

Maybe you need to rethink the ground rules with her mother. If things are that bad & you know you can't trust her around food why didn't you suspect she was lying about having permission? It's something that could have been easily verified with the mom. Moreover, why do you think you could have trusted her with your milkshake? You know she can't resist. I mean I don't ask my dog to guard my steak.

Do you all exercise as a family? Maybe that will help the poor kid.

The daughter told me it was OK with her mom as she stood there in front of the neighbors mom who was taking them for ice cream. I hadnt been there 2 minutes when this all hit me in the face. My GF was on her way home and not there.

You are right - I can NOT trust the kid around food.

The girl hates exercise like I hate liver and onions.


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