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GFs kid lied and disrepected me


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Old 1st October 2017, 9:23 PM   #46
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My GFs kid has an eating disorder. The kid is overweight and eats everything. She has lied for food, has hidden food, sneaks food and has taken risks to get food. Everything in her life revolves around food.

The other day she tells me that her mom gave her permission to go for ice cream (lie) then asked me if I wanted anything. I gave her money for a milkshake. Turns out the kid totally lied to me (she did not have permission) and when I got back home half of my milk shake was gone - she drank it!

The deceptive little **** never apologized to me like her mom said she was going to. I'm disgusted by her behavior since it nothing new. It just continues. I don't even want to be around the kid.
Milkshake's melting, dude.

Food is a control mechanism.

She is 12. The only thing she feels she can control in her life is food.

Kitchen time is important. Food is important. A healthy attitude toward food is crucial, for the whole family.

Prepare your meals together. Shop together. Eat together. Teach her how to bake her own cookies, how to make ice cream.

Show her that, yes, food is important. That good food and the company you enjoy it with is the best part of the day.

Prove to her that she doesn't need to hide oreos under her bed

Last edited by MuddyFootprints; 1st October 2017 at 9:45 PM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:10 PM   #47
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12 is certainly old enough to have a grasp on right or wrong, but if what the OP has posted is any indication, it sounds like the kid hasn't gotten much guidance. Dad is physically absent and it sounds like mom is emotionally absent. Yeah, some parents just like to spoil their kids, but most of the time, a lack of parental enforcement is born out of laziness on the parent's part.
In fairness mom is quite strict with her and very supportive at the same time. Its kind of like tough love. Mom did not handle the milkshake lying incident well in that she never made her apologize but it did get her to call a therapist. The baseball / pool incident was not handled well.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:24 PM   #48
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Milkshake's melting, dude.

Food is a control mechanism.

She is 12. The only thing she feels she can control in her life is food.

Kitchen time is important. Food is important. A healthy attitude toward food is crucial, for the whole family.

Prepare your meals together. Shop together. Eat together. Teach her how to bake her own cookies, how to make ice cream.

Show her that, yes, food is important. That good food and the company you enjoy it with is the best part of the day.

Prove to her that she doesn't need to hide oreos under her bed
I agree but how??? There have been a dozen of instances of hiding, over consumption and lying about food. Each time the girl gets talked to however it continues to this day.

The girl does cook and bake fairly often. Her mom has been buying meals online (Blue Apron) and cooking with both me and her daughter and we do sit down together and have regular portions.

Her mom could be more consistent because they do eat out a lot and that is never a good thing.
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Old 9th October 2017, 6:24 PM   #49
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...Food is a control mechanism.
She is 12. The only thing she feels she can control in her life is food.
This control thing has stuck in my head. I think you are absolutely right. In general I think she has a controlling personality. She is 12 going on 42.

We had a great weekend together but still there were instances of food and control. She is actually controlling our portions and trying to influence our actions so that she can eat more.

Ex1: She bakes brownies to bring to her cousins. I find a note the left for us telling us that we only get one each. The next morning the pile is much smaller than the night before.

Ex2: She brings home the leftover brownies. She is not hungry for breakfast (eggs and toast) but eats brownies in front of me while mom is in the shower.

E3: GF and I are at my sons sporting event. Daughter calls to tell us we can go on a date (thank you for permission!). While we are gone she bakes a cake and eats the entire thing. She leaves us one piece. NOT each. One mediocre sized piece for us to share.

Obviously I need time to let the therapist work their magic but
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Old 9th October 2017, 6:26 PM   #50
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...Food is a control mechanism.
She is 12. The only thing she feels she can control in her life is food.
I think you are absolutely right. In general I think she has a controlling personality. She is 12 going on 42 and often assets herself like an adult.

While we had a great weekend together there were several instances of food and control. She is actually controlling our portions and trying to influence our actions so that she can eat more.

Ex1: She bakes brownies to bring to her cousins. I find a note the left for us telling us that we only get one each. The next morning the pile is noticeably smaller than the night before.

Ex2: She brings home the leftover brownies. She is not hungry for breakfast (eggs and toast) but eats brownies in front of me while mom is in the shower.

E3: GF and I are at my sons sporting event. Daughter calls to tell us we can go on a date (thank you for permission!). While we are gone she bakes a cake and eats the entire thing. She leaves us one piece. NOT each. One mediocre sized piece for us to share.

Obviously I need to let the therapist work their magic but once you pick up on the behaviors its hard not to notice.

Last edited by Otter2569; 9th October 2017 at 6:29 PM..
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Old 9th October 2017, 6:55 PM   #51
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Is the mother putting as much stress on this girl .. as you are anxiety?

It just seems to me she is using food to attempt to relieve her from other problems.

Whether you are showing your concern/disdain over her eating habits - or not, she probably knows.

Unless you want to educate her about vegetables or nourishing food substitutes, I would try to not consider her - or her eating habits .. as your problem.
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Old 9th October 2017, 8:58 PM   #52
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The girl clearly has some psychological and/or coping issue.

I have a good friend who has been obese almost her whole life. When we are together, she eats much more than myself, and she tends to enjoy those foods that are deemed unhealthy. We (those friends who genuinely care about her well-being) have tried different ways to encourage her to eat healthy and to lose weight. However, I understand that she's even more frustrated than we are. Do you think she doesn't want to look slim and beautiful instead of having to shop in plus-size stores? Do you think she's not concerned about her own health??

I also find it a bit much to say that girl "steals" simply because she drank some of your milkshake.

In any case, I'm glad that you and the mother broke up; I think it's the right move for everybody involved.
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Old 9th October 2017, 9:33 PM   #53
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The girl clearly has some psychological and/or coping issue.

I also find it a bit much to say that girl "steals" simply because she drank some of your milkshake.

In any case, I'm glad that you and the mother broke up; I think it's the right move for everybody involved.
There are clearly some issues that need to be dealt with. Sorry to inform you that I am still strongly involved with the mother
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Old 9th October 2017, 9:43 PM   #54
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Unless you want to educate her about vegetables or nourishing food substitutes, I would try to not consider her - or her eating habits .. as your problem.
No it is not my problem but it is our challenge if we are going to continue as a unit. No one wants to see a young person struggle unnecessarily or do things that you know are not healthy.

I keep my opinions to myself but share here in an effort to better understand what is going on.
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Old 9th October 2017, 10:03 PM   #55
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There are clearly some issues that need to be dealt with. Sorry to inform you that I am still strongly involved with the mother
There is no need to say sorry to me. I only feel sorry for the poor girl
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Old 10th October 2017, 10:46 AM   #56
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My GFs kid has an eating disorder. The kid is overweight and eats everything. She has lied for food, has hidden food, sneaks food and has taken risks to get food. Everything in her life revolves around food.

The other day she tells me that her mom gave her permission to go for ice cream (lie) then asked me if I wanted anything. I gave her money for a milkshake. Turns out the kid totally lied to me (she did not have permission) and when I got back home half of my milk shake was gone - she drank it!

The deceptive little **** never apologized to me like her mom said she was going to. I'm disgusted by her behavior since it nothing new. It just continues. I don't even want to be around the kid.
Are you really complaining because a child drank part of your milkshake? Sorry..I understand that it's one incident in a long line of other things but..it's still kind of funny to see a grown man complaining about a child eating his ice cream..

Anyway, on a more serious note..it's pretty sad that you're calling this mentally ill little girl a deceptive little **** instead of trying to get her some help..or trying to convince her mother to get her help. Poor thing is in for a lifetime of emotional and physical pain if she doesn't get this issue taken care of, and the sooner, the better.

Her mom is not a good mother, and to me, that makes her not such a great person..why are you still with her? Is she really that good in bed?
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Old 10th October 2017, 6:58 PM   #57
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Are you really complaining because a child drank part of your milkshake? Sorry..I understand that it's one incident in a long line of other things but..it's still kind of funny to see a grown man complaining about a child eating his ice cream..

Her mom is not a good mother, and to me, that makes her not such a great person..why are you still with her? Is she really that good in bed?
Its very comical if you think perpetual lying and deception is a joke. Its even funnier when it continues to happen time and time again.

Thank you for your judgement
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Old 10th October 2017, 7:23 PM   #58
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Its very comical if you think perpetual lying and deception is a joke. Its even funnier when it continues to happen time and time again.
Problem is that you're focusing on the symptoms of the problem and not the cause. If the girl does indeed have an eating disorder, it's the disorder that's behind her behaviour.

She's already dealing with issues significant enough to require help and now she's got her mother's boyfriend down on her too. Poor kid.
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Old 10th October 2017, 7:36 PM   #59
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So when is her first counseling session to get to the bottom of the reasons why she feels out of control and is compelled to binge?

No one feels good after eating a whole cake. Not only fullness, but that mush sugar should leave her feeling sick. This is a compulsive, it's not normal.
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Old 10th October 2017, 8:04 PM   #60
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You're holding someone only on the cusp of adolescence to these high standards, yet the person who should be guiding this kid, her mother, seems to still be mostly getting a free pass.


You're pouncing on all these things the girl is doing. What is her mother actively doing in response to these things?
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