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So lost...adult daughter left with kids


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Old 17th July 2017, 12:16 PM   #1
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So lost...adult daughter left with kids

Last Thursday my daughter loaded up her kids while her live-in boyfriend and father of kids was at work, and drove 5 hours to another state to be with a 64 year old man she had met online. She is 28 and the kids are 5 and almost 3. Since they never married, there is no custody order in place so by default she has them. She has not answered any of our calls, texts or emails. We know where she is because bf got into her emails and found this guys address. Last Friday I had the police in that town go do a welfare check to at least make sure she and the kids are ok. They are, physically anyway. She has a history of bipolar but has seemed to be stable the last few years, she started acting weird in April/May and we knew she was talking to someone online but NEVER thought she would do this. We are all losing our minds here, but legally our hands are tied at the moment. The kids dad has an appt. with an attorney on Wed, so hoping to get some answers then. She has told this old guy that bf was abusive and she needed a safe place. Total BS, plus if she that were true, there are a million other people that would have helped her out. He is going crazy not having his kids, and she took their only vehicle as well so he's stuck trying to get rides to work since it's important he remain employed now for sure.

Ugh, just typing this out makes me want to throw up. I want those little boys back home where they belong, not with some creepy old dude! (no offense to anyone that age, but if a 64 year old is preying on a 28 year old, he's a creep!!) It is taking every ounce of energy to keep myself from driving there and physically taking them. I also never thought I'd fight to have custody, at least temporarily, taken from my own daughter, but it's obvious that being with her right now is NOT in their best interest. I have barely slept, can't eat, I don't know what to do.
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Old 17th July 2017, 2:11 PM   #2
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That's terrible. Hugs to you.

Your daughter could be in a manic state and not thinking clearly. Is she on medication for her bipolar disorder? If so, then maybe your daughter stopped taking her meds right when she started to act strange.

Even though I agree that it is disgusting for a 64 year old man to be with a 28 year old, the fact is your daughter is an adult who has been stable enough to make her own decisions for a long time. Perhaps there's more to this story that you're not aware of.
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Old 17th July 2017, 2:17 PM   #3
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She has not been on meds for a few years and of course denies that she has any issues. I think he was telling her what she wanted to hear, and she is just so delusional right now. No matter the age, it's NOT rational to up and move to be with someone you've never met in person before AND take 2 small children. That shows rash behavior and those poor boys are probably so confused.
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Old 17th July 2017, 5:45 PM   #4
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What a terrifying situation to be in. I have no advice, so I am sending you a big hug.
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Old 17th July 2017, 8:45 PM   #5
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She has not been on meds for a few years and of course denies that she has any issues. I think he was telling her what she wanted to hear, and she is just so delusional right now. No matter the age, it's NOT rational to up and move to be with someone you've never met in person before AND take 2 small children. That shows rash behavior and those poor boys are probably so confused.
Yes, I agree that your daughter's behavior is irrational and quite selfish considering that she is a mother of two kids.
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Old 17th July 2017, 11:51 PM   #6
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This man could be a pedo for all she knows. I'm so sorry you're going through this and those boys' daddy too.

How horrible.

I'm glad you've gotten a lawyer though. Knowing your rights is always a good idea, especially because awareness can help you stay calm during such an emotionally charged time.

I hope this situation improves and those kiddies come home soon.
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Old 20th July 2017, 8:48 AM   #7
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Well we still haven't heard a word from her. The kids dad met with attorney yesterday to get the ball rolling to get the kids back, but that takes time. We are, at the attorney's advice going to drive out there on Saturday in hopes of at least seeing them. It is a 5 hour drive each way so I hope it's not in vain. I can't sleep, all I've done for the past week is worry. I have no idea what she has told them or if they think they are never going to see any ours again and that just breaks my heart.

I have toyed with the notion of calling social services. It is a tiny apartment and this 64 year old guy, his 27 year old son already live there, now my daughter and 2 children are there too. I found the son's FB page and he is a weird dude too, his profile pic is of him holding a sword. From photos it's obvious he collects knives and swords and is an avid pot smoker. NOTHING about the whole situation is a stable environment for them. However if they are called, I'm sure she will suspect me and will react even worse, or take off again. At least now we know where they are.
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Old 20th July 2017, 9:05 AM   #8
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sorry, but she sounds tired of both of you, and yet you blame her 100%

she must have a reason or two for moving on - so what might her side of the story be?

Last edited by darkmoon; 20th July 2017 at 9:07 AM..
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Old 20th July 2017, 9:13 AM   #9
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She is 28, she "met" this 64 year old man online and they "are soulmates and in love". She had never met him in person but up and moved her 2 children there to live? That's more than just being tired of us, that is completely irrational and unsafe behavior. She has had these manic episodes before, last one was about 3 years ago, but never to this extent. She left most everything in her apartment, rent is paid through the end of the month, but that's it. She is so enamored by whatever this guy has told her that she doesn't care about anything else right now. Kid's dad got into her emails and saw all the gross sexual emails he was sending her. She took the kids away from their stability, the only home they knew, their father, all the grandparents and other relatives to go be with some stranger from the internet.
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Old 20th July 2017, 9:23 AM   #10
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Also, I'm not blaming HER, I'm blaming the 64 year old creep preying on someone who is not mentally stable right now.
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Old 20th July 2017, 9:31 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
she must have a reason or two for moving on - so what might her side of the story be?

Whatever it is, it's not going to make a damn bit of sense to anyone who isn't some kind of nut.


Andie, I'm very sorry for what you all are going through. I recommend going forward with contacting social services. I understand your concern that she might run again, but the current situation sounds too potentially dangerous to just let it go.
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Old 20th July 2017, 12:22 PM   #12
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sorry, but she sounds tired of both of you, and yet you blame her 100%

she must have a reason or two for moving on - so what might her side of the story be?
Her side of the story is that she has stopped treatment for a serous mental illness and has driven her young kids cross country to live with a 64 year old male stranger.
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Old 20th July 2017, 3:20 PM   #13
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I wouldn't worry about her leaving and hiding again. She's not going anywhere. Because, if she truly believes that this 64 year old man is her; twin flame, soulmate, than there is no where she rather be than with him. I highly doubt she'd leave because right now; HE is all she wants.

My girlfriend fell deep into the twin flame belief and moved across the country, leaving her three children & husband behind to be with a man that she only talked to online because she believed they were destined to be together. Turns out he was married with kids, but that didn't matter to her because of her belief in this, twinflame concept. She stayed in his state until he had a restraining order put out on her because she was, in her mind, the other half of his soul(?)

My point is, not only is she in twin flame delusion, but also possibly in an affair fog. So, I doubt you visiting her, would snap her out of fantasy. I would definitely consider Children Services, welfare check, like you proposed. That way; if this older man OR his son that's living with him, have any prior arrests (domestic abuse, assault, rape, child molestation, etc.) their backgrounds should be investigated by the Children Services workers, who visit.

My friend was all too, content, to leave her children for this man, so it may also be possible to perhaps, get her to agree to hand the children back to you and their father. Its not a definite but maybe Child Services could convince her ? (If she truly does want to be with this older gentleman?)

Either way, I will pray for your family (if that's OK) and I hope you get to see your grand babies soon. Hugs.
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Old 20th July 2017, 3:43 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by ItStartsFromWithin View Post
I wouldn't worry about her leaving and hiding again. She's not going anywhere. Because, if she truly believes that this 64 year old man is her; twin flame, soulmate, than there is no where she rather be than with him. I highly doubt she'd leave because right now; HE is all she wants.

My girlfriend fell deep into the twin flame belief and moved across the country, leaving her three children & husband behind to be with a man that she only talked to online because she believed they were destined to be together. Turns out he was married with kids, but that didn't matter to her because of her belief in this, twinflame concept. She stayed in his state until he had a restraining order put out on her because she was, in her mind, the other half of his soul(?)

My point is, not only is she in twin flame delusion, but also possibly in an affair fog. So, I doubt you visiting her, would snap her out of fantasy. I would definitely consider Children Services, welfare check, like you proposed. That way; if this older man OR his son that's living with him, have any prior arrests (domestic abuse, assault, rape, child molestation, etc.) their backgrounds should be investigated by the Children Services workers, who visit.

My friend was all too, content, to leave her children for this man, so it may also be possible to perhaps, get her to agree to hand the children back to you and their father. Its not a definite but maybe Child Services could convince her ? (If she truly does want to be with this older gentleman?)

Either way, I will pray for your family (if that's OK) and I hope you get to see your grand babies soon. Hugs.
As much as I don't want my daughter gone, I so wish she had left without the kids! I'm hoping she realizes that the apartment is too small for all of them and lets me take them, at least short term. Yes, I agree, she is totally in the fog, NO ONE can talk sense into her. I need to approach her with love and compassion, even if I disagree with everything she is doing.
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Old 21st July 2017, 8:46 AM   #15
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My point is, not only is she in twin flame delusion, but also possibly in an affair fog.
Wow, I just looked through her Pinterest account and she has pinned all these things about being "twin flames". I've never heard that expression before. I looked at this dude's FB account and then clicked on all his female friends, as late as last week he was commenting on pictures saying how HOT they were. Ugh, he was preying on anyone and everyone, but my daughter had to be the idiot to actually fall for it.
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