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Feeling lonely with Parenting & Relationship


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Old 5th June 2017, 12:30 AM   #1
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Feeling lonely with Parenting & Relationship

So lately I haven't had anyone to talk to, I haven't posted on this forum since last year but my life has gotten a little crazy since then. My last post my fiancÚ didn't have a job & we were staying with family & he wasn't really helping out with our kid while I was pregnant. Well since then he's got a great job that has him working everyday 14+ hours, & we have our own place & we have 1 vehicle. That vehicle is 2 seater single cab truck (so the kiddos don't ride in it). Anyways, I'm just gonna get to the point, I'm super unhappy & have been for a while. My fiancÚ & I have been together for 4 1/2 years & we now have 2 children together. Since he's got this job he's been working crazy amount of hours, he leave before the kids wake up & most days don't get home until they are in bed. (I try to keep them awake for him but at that point I'm exhausted & want my own time). When he's home he doesn't do much with the boys at all, his off days mostly consist of him relaxing all day, taking naps & watching tv, while I still cook/clean & take care of the kids. I am a stay at home mom, I had a job at McDonald's but I was working the night shift & only did that for 5 months, now I stay back at home with the kids because his job interfered with mine & I had to quit. (I use to work as a CNA but had to quit that after our first son, & had to turn down a lot of jobs because no one is able to watch the kids) I get no help from his parents or mine, I don't have any friends at all, I don't have a vehicle to take me or the kids out & I just feel like he doesn't care that I don't get a break. He gets to work, he gets money, he gets out of the house & gets to relax when he's home. I'm honestly physically & mentally drained, like we use to fight a lot & now I just don't even care about fighting or anything.. when he brings something up or tries to fight I ignore him or go outside because like I said I'm exhausted I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I have let myself go, I use to be super skinny but since having 2 kids & being depressed & sitting at home day in & day out I just don't care. I just feel like my life is completely on hold, I've brought it up to him, have been for a year now & all he says is "it will get better" "it won't be like this forever" "blah blah blah blah blah". Like we literally don't do anything, I said before when he's off he relaxes around the house while I do all the work, & then when he works I still do all the work because I'm the only one home. I want to go to school, I want to go out with friends, I want to go out on dates with him, I want to be able to go to work, & out for the day & take my kids out, they stay cooped up in the house with me because we don't have a vehicle to take them anywhere! We have his work truck & I told him not to buy it because we've put so much money into it, I put basically every paycheck I got from McDonald's into it & barely drove it! I feel like he wants nothing to do with me unless it's sex. We don't cuddle on the couch & watch TV, we don't hold hands or just love on each other. We were in different rooms today & he just comes in sits next to me & starts grabbing on me & trying to play with me, obviously I'm not in the mood. Like he hasn't said barely anything to me all day & then wants to come in & grope on me, like really? So I was just like "I'm not on the mood" & he went back in the bedroom to watch tv.... :/ Like I'm really starting to resent him & ive told him that before, as mean as it sounds because I feel like he doesn't care. He gets to move on in his career & have money, I stay at home, I don't get an allowance lol as stupid as that sounds, I get nothing, literally nothing. I love my children & would never regret them but I really wish I had more help, I didn't expect my life to be like this when we BOTH AGREED TO HAVE KIDS, not just me. I guess the advice I'm trying to ask is what would someone do in my situation? Like I want to leave & maybe be a single mom, like I already feel like a single mother & I would be better & happier at it because I would get out & to work & to do things for myself & be able to provide for my kids. I'm just so lost... since being a mom I've lost myself & im so insecure & scared all the time & just depressed.
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Old 5th June 2017, 9:35 AM   #2
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If he has this great job and works 70 hours a week at it, how come you can't afford a second vehicle, or by the sounds of it basically anything beyond the essentials?

Personally I think you are looking at the working/child care thing wrong. Most people don't have a relative to watch their kids while they are working. You pay for child care. But if you would be working at McDonalds, you probably wouldn't make enough to cover the child care.

I think the bottom line is, that you and your husband made a bad decision having kids, when you clearly weren't financially ready for that choice. I think you need to try to find a way to do some sort of schooling and get some skills that'll help you get a better job. I don't know a lot about CNA salaries but I just googled it, and it looks like slightly more than minimum wage. That doesn't cut it in 2017. Not with a family.
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Old 5th June 2017, 9:58 AM   #3
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When you have kids, they are your number one priority. Your husband now works a lot of hours, to provide you a roof over your head and food for you and the kids. You act like he's going to work and having a party.

I know you are frustrated, but you need to work it out. You can't expect a lot of help from your fiance, he's working a lot. You want to be a single mom? How exactly will that be better? You'll have to go to work, pay for child care, and STILL do everything you are doing now at home, cleaning, feeding the kids, taking them to child care, with no one around to help.

Your boyfriend might be more willing to help and take the kids out, if you were a little more appreciative of him when he comes home. Just a hint...a little sex goes a long way.

I dont think you realize what you are saying. You havent lost yourself, you are a MOM to those kids. That is who you are. You may need some balance in your life, but those kids come first.
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Old 5th June 2017, 10:33 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn2010 View Post
So lately I haven't had anyone to talk to, I haven't posted on this forum since last year but my life has gotten a little crazy since then. My last post my fiancÚ didn't have a job & we were staying with family & he wasn't really helping out with our kid while I was pregnant. Well since then he's got a great job that has him working everyday 14+ hours, & we have our own place & we have 1 vehicle. That vehicle is 2 seater single cab truck (so the kiddos don't ride in it). Anyways, I'm just gonna get to the point, I'm super unhappy & have been for a while. My fiancÚ & I have been together for 4 1/2 years & we now have 2 children together. Since he's got this job he's been working crazy amount of hours, he leave before the kids wake up & most days don't get home until they are in bed. (I try to keep them awake for him but at that point I'm exhausted & want my own time). When he's home he doesn't do much with the boys at all, his off days mostly consist of him relaxing all day, taking naps & watching tv, while I still cook/clean & take care of the kids. I am a stay at home mom, I had a job at McDonald's but I was working the night shift & only did that for 5 months, now I stay back at home with the kids because his job interfered with mine & I had to quit. (I use to work as a CNA but had to quit that after our first son, & had to turn down a lot of jobs because no one is able to watch the kids) I get no help from his parents or mine, I don't have any friends at all, I don't have a vehicle to take me or the kids out & I just feel like he doesn't care that I don't get a break. He gets to work, he gets money, he gets out of the house & gets to relax when he's home. I'm honestly physically & mentally drained, like we use to fight a lot & now I just don't even care about fighting or anything.. when he brings something up or tries to fight I ignore him or go outside because like I said I'm exhausted I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I have let myself go, I use to be super skinny but since having 2 kids & being depressed & sitting at home day in & day out I just don't care. I just feel like my life is completely on hold, I've brought it up to him, have been for a year now & all he says is "it will get better" "it won't be like this forever" "blah blah blah blah blah". Like we literally don't do anything, I said before when he's off he relaxes around the house while I do all the work, & then when he works I still do all the work because I'm the only one home. I want to go to school, I want to go out with friends, I want to go out on dates with him, I want to be able to go to work, & out for the day & take my kids out, they stay cooped up in the house with me because we don't have a vehicle to take them anywhere! We have his work truck & I told him not to buy it because we've put so much money into it, I put basically every paycheck I got from McDonald's into it & barely drove it! I feel like he wants nothing to do with me unless it's sex. We don't cuddle on the couch & watch TV, we don't hold hands or just love on each other. We were in different rooms today & he just comes in sits next to me & starts grabbing on me & trying to play with me, obviously I'm not in the mood. Like he hasn't said barely anything to me all day & then wants to come in & grope on me, like really? So I was just like "I'm not on the mood" & he went back in the bedroom to watch tv.... :/ Like I'm really starting to resent him & ive told him that before, as mean as it sounds because I feel like he doesn't care. He gets to move on in his career & have money, I stay at home, I don't get an allowance lol as stupid as that sounds, I get nothing, literally nothing. I love my children & would never regret them but I really wish I had more help, I didn't expect my life to be like this when we BOTH AGREED TO HAVE KIDS, not just me. I guess the advice I'm trying to ask is what would someone do in my situation? Like I want to leave & maybe be a single mom, like I already feel like a single mother & I would be better & happier at it because I would get out & to work & to do things for myself & be able to provide for my kids. I'm just so lost... since being a mom I've lost myself & im so insecure & scared all the time & just depressed.
Speaking as a single mom...I didn't exactly get to go out with friends or on dates. And going to school and working while still taking care of a child was not something I would classify as ''fun''.
As far as not being able to take the kids anywhere, is there a local park or playground that you can walk to?

Look, being a parent definitely carries huge sacrifices. If you are feeling unable to cope with it all and getting depressed I would highly suggest going to see a therapist. It would help you out, get you out of the house, give you someone to talk to and also help you communicate better and figure out what you want.
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Old 5th June 2017, 11:19 AM   #5
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Single mothers don't have a man working insane hours to pay their bills. Single mothers have to work full time, some work an additional part time job, then they go home and take care if the household chores and see their kids an hour or two before doing it all again the next day.

You had children before you could afford them. Believe me, I know it sucks. Been there, done that. At this point, your best bet is to get some job training and prepare for when they are in school and you can work. Once the kids are in school full time and you're working your husband may be able to cut back at his job and spend more time helping around the house and with the kids. The kids will also be older and less needy, so you will also be able to work out more couple time.

Til then, you're in the " we're broke and have little kids" suck. Nothing for it but to get through while planning for the future.

And,yeah, CNA pay is slightly above minimum wage. Train for something that will pay better just in case you end up single with kids to support.
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Old 5th June 2017, 11:28 AM   #6
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Back in 2014 when we had our first son, we did have jobs both of us & they were both good for our family & then some things happened. I don't expect a lot of people to understand losing things & bad **** happening because it seems like everyones got a perfect little life on here & cant be unhappy..
I have been thinking about being on my own because it basically feels like I am. Like I said in my previous post I take care of the kids all day long, the house, animals & everything. We don't do anything as a couple, we barely talk to each other, we watch tv in different rooms.. I'm LONELY.
The whole sex comment was a complete joke lol why would I want to have sex after dealing with all the bs with the kids & house all day, barely talked to or spent time with, & then wanna be groped on & going back to watching TV in different rooms lol MAYBE if he wanted to spend time with his children & wife AND/OR help out with the kids I wouldn't mind giving him a bj or doing all the work in sex, but when you're home all day, don't get to do anything at all & then are completely ignored when they're home Im sorry NOT sorry sex isn't on my mind or the first thing I wanna do to you. & maybe also if I was appreciated for the things I do at home MAYBE sex would be on my mind....

I understand I'm a mother but it makes me so frustrated that people nowadays think that's all that I am or can be. I'm allowed to go to school, & work. I love my children & I love being able to stay home & care for them. I gave up everything for my children & husband so he could have the career HE WANTS. & everytime I try to find a baby sitter for the boys or a family member to watch them, his whole family is always busy & my mom is very sick so it's hard for her to keep up with a 2 & 1 year old. Or he just doesn't want to go out & do this or that.. I've planned dates before & he just doesn't wanna go on them.. & (I don't like daycare because I don't want a stranger taking care of my kids, I've seen videos & I would kill someone if anything bad happened to my kids) I don't think I'm a terrible person for wanting to get out & be able to do things with my own life. So just because I'm a mom I'm not able to better myself? I'm not able to go to school? I'm not able to work? I knew asking for advice was a waste of time.. everyone just tells me the same thing.. "you're a mom" I know I'm a mom & my kids are taken care of & loved every min of every day, it just shocks me that when someone wants to do something more they get put down. I love my fiancÚ I'm just having some resentment issues because I feel like he's fine with things because he's bettering himself & doing what he wants while I sit at home & take care of OUR kids all day,,,,

Have a great day.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 9th June 2017 at 7:52 AM.. Reason: rude~T
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Old 5th June 2017, 11:42 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by noelle303 View Post
Speaking as a single mom...I didn't exactly get to go out with friends or on dates. And going to school and working while still taking care of a child was not something I would classify as ''fun''.
As far as not being able to take the kids anywhere, is there a local park or playground that you can walk to?

Look, being a parent definitely carries huge sacrifices. If you are feeling unable to cope with it all and getting depressed I would highly suggest going to see a therapist. It would help you out, get you out of the house, give you someone to talk to and also help you communicate better and figure out what you want.
I said I wanted to go out on dates with him. I'm frustrated with him because we both agreed to have kids & im the only one who takes cares of them by myself. So being a single mother I'm sure I could do it, I haven't been a stay at home mom our entire relationship ive had 3 jobs at 1 point when he didn't have 1 & still came home to take care of our baby. I'd love to be able to have fun with him & would love to go out with friends, but I can't even get him to watch his own kids while I take an hour & go to the grocery store, 1 kid would have to come with me. I understand being a parent is full of sacrifices but I feel like I'm the only one sacrificing anything, I've always been the one to sacrifice & now I feel resentment towards him. & no we live on back roads, the closest park is 15 mins if you're driving. I take the kids out in our field every nice day we have, we go outside a lot & I play with the kids all day but we don't ever leave our house.
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Old 5th June 2017, 12:15 PM   #8
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You can go to school online and take your courses. I'm sure you feel stressed and lonely but imagine how tired your husband feels after working 70 hours a week to provide for you and the kids. Like he said it isn't going to be this way always and it's a sacrifice not just for you but for him as well. Plan things to do at home on the weekends. I'm sure that a lot of single moms would appreciate a husband who works hard for their family.
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Old 5th June 2017, 12:15 PM   #9
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Well you can get offended all you want, but you seem to want some sort of magic solution to your issues. Those don't exist.

You make all these decisions in your life that make no sense, and then are mad about the consequences of them.

Why would you live in the middle of nowhere with your kids, when you don't have access to a vehicle. Why would you buy a vehicle that only holds 2 people.

Of course you feel trapped, because you've put yourself in a situation where you are trapped. You need to sit down with your husband and figure out a plan for something better. Can you move to an area, where you can get babysitting, and a park, and a social life, and transit access? So you can go get a job, and get childcare, or at least be able to get out of the house?

Your husband works 70 hours a week, and yet you don't even see that as a sacrifice. I'm not saying he shouldn't be getting involved as a father and as a husband, but like others have pointed out, as a single parent you would be the one doing that working, plus all of what you do now.
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Old 5th June 2017, 12:17 PM   #10
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Also you can always invite your friends over on the weekends and plan a barbeque.
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Old 5th June 2017, 12:54 PM   #11
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Lol a magic solution? I just wanted some advice, not for people to shame me for having my children. At one point we had 2 cars, but like I said **** happens & people lose things. He chose to buy the single cab truck, I told him repeatedly not to get it because we needed a running vehicle for everyone to fit into. We live on back roads because that's the county we live in. But like I said I'm done explaining myself to people, I don't need anymore "advice" I got this 👍🏻
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Old 5th June 2017, 1:21 PM   #12
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I gave you advice to take online classes and invite your friends over to your home. I don't think anyone was trying to shame you for having kids. They were just pointing out that sacrifices have to be made when children are involved.
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Old 5th June 2017, 1:53 PM   #13
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Lol a magic solution? I just wanted some advice, not for people to shame me for having my children. At one point we had 2 cars, but like I said **** happens & people lose things. He chose to buy the single cab truck, I told him repeatedly not to get it because we needed a running vehicle for everyone to fit into. We live on back roads because that's the county we live in. But like I said I'm done explaining myself to people, I don't need anymore "advice" I got this 👍🏻
So what exactly were you expecting people to tell you? There aren't many solutions in your situation aside from what's been said.

As others have pointed out, you should try to see the upside here: You have someone who's out there busting his butt so that the bills can get paid. In your other thread over a year ago, you lamented how your fiance didn't have a job and didn't seem terribly pressed to change that.

Do you realize how miraculous it is that he's basically done a 180 in that regard? Most guys who don't work and are content to remain that way usually don't make such a shift. That's huge.
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Old 5th June 2017, 2:22 PM   #14
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If you've read the other post it would say that I don't have any friends, I don't have anybody I can rely on besides my fiancÚ. I have had bbqs or parties or get togethers & nobody shows up, not even family. My mom is really sick so I can't rely on her anymore & that hurts because she use to help me so much & I understand she can't help her illness.

& yeah last year he didn't have a job, so I should praise him for getting a job like he was suppose to? Lol. So just because he works he shouldn't help at home with his own children or even try to get alone time with his wife? Just because he pays my bills doesn't mean I'm happy. I could pay my own damn bills, all I was asking was about the compassion part. Sorry I want more from a man than his money, he could cut his hours down & be home more & spend time with us & us be broke & I'd be happier. I just want him more involved with his kids, & people are telling me I need to be more appreciative because he works & pays the bills. Lol okay.

Like I said you guys are really not seeing the point to my thread.. I'm lonely & upset/bored. I want to be able to do things too, I understand being a parent you make sacrifices & ive made a **** ton of sacrifices in the last 5 years for our family.. yet I get told from strangers, my fiancÚ & his mother that it's my duty to take care of these kids 24/7, so I've sacrificed myself for his career is he going to sacrifice for mine? I don't think so.. the woman makes the most sacrifices & people don't see that. You think I wanna sit at home all day long not being able to leave? No it's depressing as hell. I want to be able to make something of myself too & I just think it's ridiculous people are stuck in the mindset that I should be more appreciative. I just can't anymore with this thread. Thanks for the advice guys. 👋🏻👋🏻

My kids are everything to me, but that doesn't mean I'm JUST a mom.
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Old 5th June 2017, 2:50 PM   #15
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You can still make something of yourself by going to school online. You said in your previous post that you wanted to go out with friends so I thought you had some. Why does no one show up at your functions? IMHO, being a mom is the most important job in the world. I can't believe you would rather your husband be at home more and you guys be broke. He isn't just working for you but his kids as well. I'm sorry to say this but you sound selfish. Surely you knew having your babies you would have to devote mostly all of your time to them. Maybe when they go off to school in a few short years you can work outside of the home.
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