castaway83 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Ok, my bf is divorced and has kids, officially they have shared custody, but she is not cooperating, so he has them 99% of the nights and weekends. Yesterday she had them, first time in a month and she was complaining about it, asking why he needs a night off, what he is doing and saying he is a bad father ect We were dating for a while, but then broke up and got back together and did not tell her, as she will just try to destroy it, even though she is in a relationship as well, but she has some mental issues. In my opinion she is asking a lot of things that are unreasonable and my bf just says yes to everything, because he does not want to fight and is afraid of losing custody, as she already threatened to take him back to court and make up stories. So he is still paying for stuff that he doesn’t need to, she still has a key to the house and invites herself over when she feels like it, as sometimes she wants to see the kids for a little bit, but not take them anywhere. Also she likes to tag along when he takes the kids out. She started a new job close by him and has to start work early so she asked to spend the night at his house. I think this is going way too far, my bf says he does it for the kids. And he says this is common and the internet agrees with him. I would not have an issue if she would be a nice person, but like that? No Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Ok, my bf is divorced and has kids, officially they have shared custody, but she is not cooperating, so he has them 99% of the nights and weekends. Yesterday she had them, first time in a month and she was complaining about it, asking why he needs a night off, what he is doing and saying he is a bad father ect We were dating for a while, but then broke up and got back together and did not tell her, as she will just try to destroy it, even though she is in a relationship as well, but she has some mental issues. In my opinion she is asking a lot of things that are unreasonable and my bf just says yes to everything, because he does not want to fight and is afraid of losing custody, as she already threatened to take him back to court and make up stories. So he is still paying for stuff that he doesn’t need to, she still has a key to the house and invites herself over when she feels like it, as sometimes she wants to see the kids for a little bit, but not take them anywhere. Also she likes to tag along when he takes the kids out. She started a new job close by him and has to start work early so she asked to spend the night at his house. I think this is going way too far, my bf says he does it for the kids. And he says this is common and the internet agrees with him. I would not have an issue if she would be a nice person, but like that? No This is not an uncommon situation. 1st, your BF needs to start a log of the dates he has the children and the dates he doesn't. He also needs other people who are dependable, bsides his GF, as witnesses who can support his log in court like neighbors who will sign entries when she Picks up and fails to pick up the kids. He also needs to maintain receipts for all the expenses. After 1 year and with evidence, he needs to petition the court for sole custody with support from his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 No, he needs to start putting limits. I don't care what the internet says. (we are the internet and we're all going to say this is nuts) No key to his house, she can't join up with him and the kids, and she can't just show up to hang out. I don't know what their custody agreement is, but he needs to go to get a lawyer and work out a real custody agreement. If he has the kids 99% of the time, and she is unwilling to take them, he should document this, make records, and request 100% custody and child support. She may counter offer that she wants some weekends, which is fine, but then she'll have her times set, so it isn't just when she feels like it. That said, she is their mother, not his babysitter. So if he needs babysitting, he should find a good babysitter for the kids. (Every parent needs a good babysitter) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 And he says this is common and the internet agrees with him. I would not have an issue if she would be a nice person, but like that? No Every divorce with kids is different, some exes split far apart, some stay in close proximity. Your BF seems to be one most comfortable with having her nearby. Speaking bluntly, were I him, your wants and needs wouldn't be my priority. I'd be focused on my kids and the things I felt were best for them. If that included ex-wife participation, your objections wouldn't carry much weight. Not trying to be cruel, that's just how it is. You need to take an honest look at this relationship, your place in it and make a realistic assessment of the future. There may not be enough here to meet your needs... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 She is doing because he is letting her and will continue to do so as there is no stopping from him. Either he is too lazy to take action or he himself is stuck on her at some level. It's something you need to decide if you can live with it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Spending the night at his house? No. They have shared custody, but what are the parenting days? This should be mapped out to the letter in their divorce and custody agreement, and she clearly isn't pulling her 50% (and still getting child support?). My custody, and I had full, had nearly 50% split, with days and times mapped out, odd years/even years for holidays, etc. If anyone wanted time with the kids outside of their parenting days, permission had to be asked...and it was probably 99% of the time granted, but we make plans on our days and sometimes the answer is no. I'm afraid if your boyfriend is complacent with the status quo due to his fear of losing the children, and you really don't have a leg to stand on. He's going to do what he's going to do to appease his ex and keep his babies. What he should be doing is documenting EVERYTHING, especially that this mother is largely unavailable to parent, and he is parenting 99% of the time. Her housing situation is questionable due to the fact she requires a place to sleep in his home, and her ability to care for the children is questionable for the same reason, in addition to the fact just plain doesn't parent. He needs witnesses, and as stated, people other than the girlfriend. He also needs a huge chunk of cash for a lawyer and court. Can he afford it? This is your future. If he won't take the initiative to change it, it will not happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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