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Truancy!


Lilyana76

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Hey all, been a stressful week for me...

 

Got a letter from my kids school that she has missed 44 days this year. 44 days!! I am livid!! I drop her off every morning at school, and pick her up every evening after school. Come to find out, she pretends to walk into the school, meets up with friends across the street and ditches all day. Walks back to the school before I get there to pick her up as the other kids are getting out.

 

I've been served a court summons for truancy. I could spend 15 days in jail for this girl!!! Today she tried claiming she was sick and wouldn't go to school.. locked herself in the bathroom. I called the police and she was taken to school by them. I have taken away her phone, her TV, her xbox. (since last week).

 

I was told they would drop the truancy charge if she attends the rest of the school year and passes all her classes, and then she tries to not go in today!

 

The problem I'm having is with her father. He thinks because I have custody its "my" problem. So he ignores it. When she goes with him, or he spends time with her, he doesn't uphold her punishment, lets her see her friends, or go to the mall, or lets her drive around in his car. (she has a permit but I told her no license until I see responsibility).

 

How am I going to make my daughter see that the choices she is making is going to cause her extreme problems in the future? How can I get her father to understand he needs to be a father and keep her punishment in tact while with him? She is now lately telling me, "I'm going to go live with dad!" When I punish her, because she knows he won't punish her. He's her friend, not her dad.

 

I'm so stressed out, on top of this, we have a 12 year old with Autism, and a 4 year old with JIA. I'm always at the doctors office with these kids, doing everything to take care of them. He has never taken them on a weekend visit. In the last year he took them 2 times for overnight visits at his mothers on holidays. He doesn't help out in any aspect of their care, aside from child support, which in his eyes, is all he needs to do.

 

I'm at a loss..

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Get yourself a lawyer. Do not address this without professional input.

 

 

Make an appointment for you & your daughter with the school principal & counselor before your court date.

 

 

Consider getting her into family counseling. If your EX won't participate revisit the custody agreement & at least make sure he's paying for the therapy. Ask your EX if he wants FT custody. As his father maybe he can talk some sense into her.

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For the short term, I agree that you need a lawyer. I don't know the education laws where you are, but I'm confident in the belief that the school has failed in it's duty of care by not telling you until now that she's missed this much school. As you drop her at the gate, it's reasonable to assume she's attending school unless they tell you otherwise. Did her school reports mention anything about being frequently absent from class?

 

Does the school have any programs for supporting disengaged students? Do they have counseling to help discover and address the root causes for her choices? I'd really like to know why the school isn't working with you on this.

 

Regarding her father, can the Family Court facilitate mediated discussion between the two of you on how to deal with issues such as this?

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For the short term, I agree that you need a lawyer. I don't know the education laws where you are, but I'm confident in the belief that the school has failed in it's duty of care by not telling you until now that she's missed this much school. As you drop her at the gate, it's reasonable to assume she's attending school unless they tell you otherwise. Did her school reports mention anything about being frequently absent from class?

 

This. I'd be livid at the child, but far past livid with the school.

 

I don't know how they handle things like parent notifications, but our school sends a text to the parents cell phone each day missed, an auto dialer calls with a voice message, and each teacher sends home a slip with the number of days missed for a parent to sign when they send out progress reports. If a kid gets into truancy range, they demand an in person meeting with a parent. Not to mention, they go over days missed at every parent-teacher conference, which happen twice each semester.

 

So what's the school had to say when you asked why you weren't notified??

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When I talked to the school last week, they said there were confirming her fathers phone number for absences but not mine. They had no record of my phone number. We figured what happened is he (my ex) accessed the schools parent website where you can change contact information for the school. He deleted my phone number and had his number as the only contact. They had no information for me on file.

 

So, now its time to meet with my lawyer. He has crossed a serious line at this point, considering I have full custody and the school needs to notify ME, not him. He never thought it was important or that she missed enough that I needed to be notified that she was absent. He just doesn't care. I'm so angry!

 

By court order, I have to give him access to the childrens school records, which is all online. So he can log in, see how they are doing, change his contact info, but he is not suppose to touch mine. Which he did. Now it looks like we will have to have that changed to where he has no access.

 

My daughter is now in family therapy, trying to get to the root of the problem, as to why she isn't wanting to go to school. We have had a rough past year... (her dad and i divorcing, my mother and father both battling cancer, her little brother being diagnosed with a very serious illness).. so I'm guessing she probably has developed some depression and anxiety.

 

I called my lawyer today, no response yet, waiting to hear back so we can nip this problem in the bud.

 

I did talk to her schools counselor and resource officer, they both said if she attends school for the rest of the year (3 months) she will only have to make up one class in summer school, and the truancy will be dropped. But if she misses anymore, it will have serious consequences including jail time for me. I am so p*ssed. The fact that she could even try to play sick on me today, sent me more into a tirade.

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When I talked to the school last week, they said there were confirming her fathers phone number for absences but not mine. They had no record of my phone number. We figured what happened is he (my ex) accessed the schools parent website where you can change contact information for the school. He deleted my phone number and had his number as the only contact. They had no information for me on file.

 

* * *

 

I did talk to her schools counselor and resource officer, they both said if she attends school for the rest of the year (3 months) she will only have to make up one class in summer school, and the truancy will be dropped. But if she misses anymore, it will have serious consequences including jail time for me. I am so p*ssed. The fact that she could even try to play sick on me today, sent me more into a tirade.

 

 

Talk to your lawyer & understand I have NOT read the laws where you are nor am I a lawyer licensed to practice where you live.

 

 

Truancy prosecutions are based on the parent's KMOWING failure to force the kid to attend school. If the school wasn't notifying you, you did not willfully violate the law. Ask your lawyer if you can file a complaint for truancy against the father because he's the one who deleted your contact info from the school. I realize that is throwing gas on your coparenting arrangement but no one is well serve if you go to jail. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Beside if the court has to pick between the two of you that is at least reasonable doubt about your culpability.

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