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16 year old son has older girlfriend whom is pregnant..


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Old 17th February 2017, 12:02 AM   #31
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Her parents called and they want us to all get togeather to talk things through and try and figure this out. So they have invited us over for dinner tomorrow night. Not sure how I will be able to contain my anger against this young lady but I will try very hard. Just an incredibly frustrating situation. Also sat my son down and I told him if he doesn't start listening to me and following my rules he would lose a lot more than just his motorcycle and riding privileges for awhile.
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Old 17th February 2017, 4:40 AM   #32
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Not sure how I will be able to contain my anger against this young lady
Your son's girlfriend did not get pregnant all by herself. You may feel justified in your anger, but, the more likely ramification thereof is that you will, ultimately, alienate your son -- especially; if this does work out for the long term, which, I suppose, is what we do hope for this young new family, then his resentment or feeling 'abandoned' by you
in this period of his greatest testing and emotional vulnerability may be very difficult to overcome.
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Old 17th February 2017, 11:13 AM   #33
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the more likely ramification thereof is that you will, ultimately, alienate your son
And ConcernedMom, you risk limiting your access to your grandchild (assuming that's how this resolves) at a time when the child may need you as a stabilizing force in it's life.

Keep your cards close to your vest. Advocate without alienating. At this point, the future is known to none...

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Old 17th February 2017, 11:32 AM   #34
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OP, try to focus your attention on establishing open communication and a good rapport with the girl's parents. These two kids will need a tremendous amount of financial and emotional support.
The most difficult part for the grandparents in this situation is knowing that these two have zero concept of the long term difficulties/ramifications they are faced with. They simply do not.

A balance will need to occur between allowing natural consequences and protecting the well being of your grandchild.
It's natural to be frustrated but it's unproductive toward making cohesive short and long term plans that are amendable for all parties.

If all four grandparents can establish a reasonable and united front in moving the kids in a proper direction....there's good hope in an eventual positive outcome. Make communication with her parents a priority.

Good luck with this, I sincerely hope that it the nearest future possible being a grandma is pure joy. Have faith that eventually, it will be.
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Old 18th February 2017, 1:41 AM   #35
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So the dinner went alright everyone showed up and we got things hashed out. And I guess I understand her and my sons relationship better now. Apparently, she has had feelings for him since she was a Junior in high school and he was a freshmen and just waited awhile and didn't feel anything was wrong with what they were doing. And she waited for my son I guess to get older and mature. I don't agree with it but I understand it a bit better. Although it came to light that she told him she was on BC and thus they weren't using condoms and they tried to pull out but naturally it failed. Which I could of told them that. But they are going to keep it and try and work through things and make it work. Her parents showed more anger at her then I did which was kind of surprising.
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Old 18th February 2017, 2:07 AM   #36
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That sounds a lot better than how things could have gone. I'm relieved to hear that.
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Old 18th February 2017, 5:52 AM   #37
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ConcernedMom,
That is good news that you were able to come to a higher understanding over dinner; hopefully, it will build from here.
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Her parents showed more anger at her then I did which was kind of surprising.
Well...like you, they also had a different vision for their offspring's young adulthood and life in general than the reality of the actual circumstances. Her parents are
also dealing with the disappointment of their dreams for their child being well and truly shattered.

Both children still are in (desperate) need of their adults' understanding, compassion and support -- and, hopefully, your son can count on her parents and
she can count on you, to give that to them

In Love and Light.
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Old 18th February 2017, 10:38 AM   #38
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Sometimes, things just work out at age 16 or 19. Consider this - compared to cultures earlier in our history, our children marry and have kids later in life. I can't say whether this is good or bad. But hormones exist for a reason, and the fact is that couples who have kids earlier in life often have healthier kids and can have strong relationships.

If your son and their daughter waited for a while to start their relationship, that is a good sign. Instead of being angry, it might be time to try to support them and help make the relationship work. Support and advice is necessary for almost any young couple, especially support from their families.

On a personal note - I was engaged when I was very young. It was a total secret between my exBF and me, and our families didn't know because they wouldn't have approved. Back then, in spite of the fact that I normally prefer women, I really wanted to be a wife and mom. I tried SO HARD to get pregnant, but it never happened. Our plan had been to use the pregnancy as justification for emancipation from our parents and an early wedding with the consent of a judge.

So, at this point, if your son really loves her - he might (depending on your state) have the ability to go ahead and marry this girl and start family life. At that point, all your "sanctions" or whatever won't do much good, and you will only have alienated him and the mother of your grandchild.
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Old 18th February 2017, 10:45 AM   #39
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But they are going to keep it and try and work through things and make it work.
Has there been discussion of marriage and/or living arrangements? Does she have insurance coverage?

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Old 18th February 2017, 2:53 PM   #40
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It's not the end of the world or even the end of dreams. Turns out, babies are portable. There is absolutely no reason on God's green Earth that both of these young folks can't get decent educations and be parents to their child, too. They'll just have to work a bit harder, make a few adjustments, and have a good support system behind them.

I had my first weeks after my 18th birthday. I had my 2nd at 23 and my youngest at 25. Honestly, I don't regret it for a single minute. I'm glad I got the 3 am feedings, up all night with colic, exhausting 24 hr care over with when I was young and needed the sleep less!
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Old 19th February 2017, 12:37 AM   #41
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No, we didn't discuss living arrangments my son is still sixteen after all and still needs to focus on school. But when we did get home my son and I had a very long talk and I think we have come to an understanding and I gave him back his keys to his bike with the understanding that he is home at a proper hour and keeps up his schooling and work. And I don't know if she has insurance or not it didn't even think of it to ask or anything. And I do understand this doesn't have to destroy his dreams and education but at the same time the school that offered him a scholarship over two and a half hours away.
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Old 19th February 2017, 5:27 AM   #42
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Angry

If you reside in the US you should call the Police and get them involved with this situation. She is an adult and your son is a MINOR. What if the roles were reversed and your son was the 19 year old and his *girlfriend* was 16, don't you think that for her parents would prosecute your son without any regard for his wellbeing? And he would have a *pedophile attached to his record and would have to register as a sex offender* that would effect his life, his job opportunities, basically his entire life. And please make sure that the kid is his via a paternity test.
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Old 19th February 2017, 8:29 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by ConcernedMom View Post
No, we didn't discuss living arrangments my son is still sixteen after all and still needs to focus on school. But when we did get home my son and I had a very long talk and I think we have come to an understanding and I gave him back his keys to his bike with the understanding that he is home at a proper hour and keeps up his schooling and work. And I don't know if she has insurance or not it didn't even think of it to ask or anything. And I do understand this doesn't have to destroy his dreams and education but at the same time the school that offered him a scholarship over two and a half hours away.
I mean, that's not that far. He could go to school and be with them every weekend. It's not ideal and it will probably put a strain on their relationship, but in the long run it will benefit them greatly in terms of their financial future and stability.

There's also the possibility of her and the baby going with him to college. Does it offer family housing?

I think these things should be discussed. You seem to be in denial a little bit and talking about things such as giving him access to his bike, but fact is - this is no longer just a kid, this is a father-to-be. You're facing much bigger problems that a bike. 9 months goes by fast and you guys need to start preparing and figuring out the tough questions.

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If you reside in the US you should call the Police and get them involved with this situation. She is an adult and your son is a MINOR. What if the roles were reversed and your son was the 19 year old and his *girlfriend* was 16, don't you think that for her parents would prosecute your son without any regard for his wellbeing? And he would have a *pedophile attached to his record and would have to register as a sex offender* that would effect his life, his job opportunities, basically his entire life. And please make sure that the kid is his via a paternity test.
We've established that in the OP's home state, sex between a 16 year old and a 19 year old is not illegal.
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Old 19th February 2017, 5:13 PM   #44
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If you reside in the US you should call the Police and get them involved with this situation. She is an adult and your son is a MINOR. What if the roles were reversed and your son was the 19 year old and his *girlfriend* was 16, don't you think that for her parents would prosecute your son without any regard for his wellbeing? And he would have a *pedophile attached to his record and would have to register as a sex offender* that would effect his life, his job opportunities, basically his entire life. And please make sure that the kid is his via a paternity test.
If you would have read the thread, you'd know the OP lives in Florida and the law there states that a 16 year old can consent to sex with people up to 23 years old, so there is no legal standing there.

Also, someone is only a pedophile is molesting children before puberty. After that it is statutory rape, which is NOT the same thing.

But what I don't get, OP is how you are blaming her on giving your son alcohol... when she is also underage when it comes to alcohol. He could be the one getting it, just as easily!
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Old 19th February 2017, 7:01 PM   #45
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No, we didn't discuss living arrangments my son is still sixteen after all and still needs to focus on school. But when we did get home my son and I had a very long talk and I think we have come to an understanding and I gave him back his keys to his bike with the understanding that he is home at a proper hour and keeps up his schooling and work. And I don't know if she has insurance or not it didn't even think of it to ask or anything. And I do understand this doesn't have to destroy his dreams and education but at the same time the school that offered him a scholarship over two and a half hours away.
I hope he grabs that scholarship with both hands. It's a terrific start to have if he's going to be supporting a family long term.

A 2.5hr journey home each weekend would eat into a lot of study time, so perhaps he could come home less often. But still be involved to the best of his ability.
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