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Is it normal for a teenaged boy to try fighting his father


dragon_fly_7

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I still live with my parents for personal reasons and circumstances beyond my control. In addition, I can't afford an apartment in my homecountry. Perhaps if I were somewhere else, I would have move out a long time ago.

 

Back to the story:

Two days ago, my 14 year-old brother (he'll be turning 15 on May 5) nearly got into a fight with our father and vice-versa. My mother had to literally get in between them but it was really to stop my brother from getting hurt as he's still a lot thinner than my father. She was holding my brother back from my father.

 

If my mother had not gotten in between, my father would have destroy him (meanwhile my brother would have hit back and still lose) and both my mother and I would be forced to report him...then probably treat my brother for any possible injuries. My father has anger issues and wouldn't have controlled his own strength and brute force.

 

They are almost the same in height though. As of now my father isn't on speaking terms with my brother. To be honest, I find my brother's reaction was normal. My father turned an argument into a physical altercation...it was he that wanted to land the first hit. My brother's expression at that moment was pure anger and he didn't seem afraid of my father at all.

Edited by dragon_fly_7
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It's absolutely not normal and to me it sounds like a very disfunctional household with a possibly abusive father.

 

Has he hit him before? Dies he have violent outbursts often?

 

It sounds like it's something your brother could be used to and that's why he immediately went into ''defend'' mode.

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It's absolutely not normal and to me it sounds like a very disfunctional household with a possibly abusive father.

 

Has he hit him before? Dies he have violent outbursts often?

 

It sounds like it's something your brother could be used to and that's why he immediately went into ''defend'' mode.

Though my father isn't the type that gets home drunk and starts hitting, he still has aggressive outbursts every now and then. He gets aggressive if someone were to argue with him too much or contradicts him (however, there were times that it was for trivial stuff). Though, he's under permanent medications for his high blood pressure. He can't be getting too upset else it's now going to be bad for his health.

 

However, there were times he at times hit my brother (when he was younger) with a belt because he got his math homework incorrect. If he got it wrong the 2nd or 3rd time, my father would lose his temper, yell at him at the top of his lungs and hit him.

 

Long ago, there was a time I had a physical altercation with him as well too. I was then a 17 year-old senior in HS. I had overcooked the spaghetti sauce and immediately, he came barging in the room, getting in my face like I were a man and suddenly started shoving/shaking out of nowhere (totally unprovoked). I ended up making him struggle a bit by shoving him back in self-defense.

Edited by dragon_fly_7
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Is it normal for a regular teenage boy in a regular household to try and hit his father? No.

 

But it is to be expected that a teenage boy raised by a violent and volatile father will emulate his father and act accordingly. Your father has modeled anger and violence as ways of dealing with issues and your brother has learned it.

 

Is your mother living with you? What is stopping her from leaving this situation?

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I still live with my parents for personal reasons and circumstances beyond my control. In addition, I can't afford an apartment in my homecountry. Perhaps if I were somewhere else, I would have move out a long time ago.

 

Back to the story:

Two days ago, my 14 year-old brother (he'll be turning 15 on May 5) nearly got into a fight with our father and vice-versa. My mother had to literally get in between them but it was really to stop my brother from getting hurt as he's still a lot thinner than my father. She was holding my brother back from my father.

 

If my mother had not gotten in between, my father would have destroy him (meanwhile my brother would have hit back and still lose) and both my mother and I would be forced to report him...then probably treat my brother for any possible injuries. My father has anger issues and wouldn't have controlled his own strength and brute force.

 

They are almost the same in height though. As of now my father isn't on speaking terms with my brother. To be honest, I find my brother's reaction was normal. My father turned an argument into a physical altercation...it was he that wanted to land the first hit. My brother's expression at that moment was pure anger and he didn't seem afraid of my father at all.

 

I've only heard of fighting between brothers where the dad had to step in and prevent a bad scuffle not the father wanting to beat up his own son. This is NOT normal.

 

Your brother has probably found his inner strength and not scared of his dad anymore. He probably has quietly building up hate and resentment towards him too.

 

Your mom, you and your bro need to deal with this otherwise it's going to get worse. if that means calling the cops then do so!

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I feel for you and your family but I think more information is needed to fully understand what's going on. Unfortunately there's no way to provide this through a forum. I personally suggest talking to a professional: a psychologist, pastor, etc where they can better understand what's going on and offer the support needed for your family. I would definitely recommend that you talk to your mom about doing the same for your brother. He's young and you never know how he may react to the anger one day that ends up changing everything for the worst. Does your father show that type of anger toward you now that you are older? To your mom? What type of demeanor does your brother have normally? Is he normally compliant or is he aggressive like dad and they clash? Do you, your mom and your brother ever discuss this issue with each other privately? Again I recommend you/your family seek help or tell your mom to find someone that your brother can talk to.

Edited by aolaolaol3
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Honest to god, its completely normal. Is it confronting, emotionally for both those involved and for onlookers? Absolutely!

 

I'm not at all surprised to hear that the son is 14-15, this is exactly the right age for this type of confrontation.

 

Its natures way, no longer needed, but deep seated nevertheless, for the younger males to leave the nest.

 

The young male is feeling his oats and is starting to want to make his way in the world. He's still a child, really, but he's growing fast and is only a few years away from being a young man.

 

The older father is not used to being challenged, for the most part, and reacts in a not surprising way. Its a difficult time for both sons _and_ fathers.

 

One hopes, in these enlightened times that it doesn't come to more than harsh words and physical posturing, but it might. You can't actually have two alpha males in the one house, someone has to go (eventually).

 

Ultimately, the father is more mature and has to take the high road, morally and physically here - not easy to do and some fathers will really struggle.

 

All the best to them both at this difficult time. A few more years will pass and son will move away, and it will be for the best, it will allow the needed space for them to become friends again and build a real respect for each other.

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I think it depends on how controlling and strict the dad is and how rebellious and disrespectful the son is.

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In this situation, it's a normal reaction. My son who is 19 now and I have a good relationship. I have been a good dad , at least I think so! Teenage is the most difficult age , for both parents and kids.

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Seconding what Basil67 said!

 

Id say if a boy grows up with a father who would 'destroy him' or even punch him, then it becomes normal to expect said son to become a teenager who believes he has to throw punches when angry.

 

I've been there!

Takes a while of being around great role models to learn better strategies of dealing with difficult situations, but it can be done. I'm not hot headed anymore. But its probably too late for the father!

Edited by MrDuck
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Altercations like that can be the norm because most families have some kind of dysfunction for different reasons. A controlling father, and a rebellious teenager....a fight is going to happen sooner or later. They are both men, hard egos, standing their ground, tempers flaring. Father like son? Sometimes there is a tipping point, and something is going to give.

 

Of course violence is not acceptable, but it happens.

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