LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Familial > Parenting

Son skipping visits


Parenting Discuss tips, concerns, and all the mayhem involved in raising kids.

Like Tree10Likes
  • 1 Post By JoeSimone68
  • 2 Post By GunslingerRoland
  • 1 Post By kmpisces
  • 1 Post By MrDuck
  • 1 Post By minimariah
  • 1 Post By Mumbles
  • 1 Post By MJJean
  • 2 Post By Tayla
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12th January 2017, 2:44 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 98
Son skipping visits

I divorce last year. ex-wife shares custody but she has our 5th grade son more. I have him 2 weekends a month plus Wednesday nights and two weeks during summer. Past two Wednesdays he call and say he wants to stay at his moms. We have good weekend visit. Don't know if I should push him because I want to see him or if he just tired from school and it feels like a hassle. Trying not to feel sad about it, take it personal. Advice?
david_g likes this.
JoeSimone68 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2017, 2:59 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 13,840
Journal Entries: 1
Are you on amicable terms with your ex? Would you feel comfortable asking her if she has any clues as to what is going on?
__________________
To handle yourself, use your head, To handle others, use your heart.
Kamille is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2017, 3:18 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 2,741
He's old enough that you have to let him take the lead on some of this kind of stuff. Forcing him to come over isn't going to help anything.
GunslingerRoland is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2017, 4:02 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 8,392
Yes. Sometimes they do get weary, or just want to stay home.

Let him be the decider. He will come when he's ready.
UpwardForward is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st January 2017, 3:52 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 29
It may just be hard for him on school nights. Maybe he plays with friends after school. If you are sure his mom is encouraging him to ho with you, I would not pressure too much. Next time he cancels, maybe just ask if he would like you to take him to supper and then drop him off back home with mom.
MrDuck likes this.
kmpisces is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 7:13 AM   #6
Established Member
 
MrDuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Roaming
Posts: 274
What do you actually do Wednesday nights?

I kind of mean like, thats a short period of time, relatively, is he going to see it as worth the hassle?
I definitely dont mean you should spend a ton of money and every wednesday has got to be off the scale amazing! You DONT need to buy his affection!

But like do you say... have a kick about at the park, cook dinner together, work on your go kart.. or real car, go climbing, biking, surfing, or jam out together play music? Or it just same old routine, dinner, bed. That he has at his mums. Because he could see it as a lot of fuss just to sleep somewhere different!
BluEyeL likes this.
__________________
"I am a free spirit and I do free spirit sh|t"
MrDuck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 8:43 PM   #7
Established Member
 
minimariah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,950
i'd look closely into it. i'd also seek help from the mother - encouraging the boy to see you, i'd even ask for some professional guidance. i'd try to make those Wednesdays more fun for him - if he doesn't want to see you because it's in the middle of his school week - pick another day. maybe Friday.

don't let this pass though; fight for the time with your son. he can't skip visits and while you obviously can't force him - you shouldn't be totally fine with it either.
Tayla likes this.
minimariah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 9:18 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 855
5th grade, whats that about 10 or 11yo?

I saw this going on with a friend on mine who was divorced with the ex wife having custody. Son didn't want to visit Dad as much as the custody agreement dictated. It was really hard on the Dad, but I think the truth here is often that at this age Son has started to really develop his own life and probably has school friend interests and/or just other life interests. I don't think its a reflection on the OP or the relationship.
Popsicle likes this.
Mumbles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd January 2017, 11:01 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 1,583
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrDuck View Post
What do you actually do Wednesday nights?

I kind of mean like, thats a short period of time, relatively, is he going to see it as worth the hassle?
I definitely dont mean you should spend a ton of money and every wednesday has got to be off the scale amazing! You DONT need to buy his affection!

But like do you say... have a kick about at the park, cook dinner together, work on your go kart.. or real car, go climbing, biking, surfing, or jam out together play music? Or it just same old routine, dinner, bed. That he has at his mums. Because he could see it as a lot of fuss just to sleep somewhere different!
Most of the guys I know who have weekends and a day during the week enroll their kids in some activity or other. For example, one man I know who has his kids on Tuesday evenings and every weekend does bowling on Tuesdays. He picks the kids up from school, they do homework, have pizza or fast food, then bowl on a kids league until near time to return them to their mother.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mumbles View Post
5th grade, whats that about 10 or 11yo?

I saw this going on with a friend on mine who was divorced with the ex wife having custody. Son didn't want to visit Dad as much as the custody agreement dictated. It was really hard on the Dad, but I think the truth here is often that at this age Son has started to really develop his own life and probably has school friend interests and/or just other life interests. I don't think its a reflection on the OP or the relationship.
This.

Also, kids go through phases. Sometimes, they really want Mom. Sometimes, they really want Dad. It's really obvious when they're little and more subtle when they're older.
Mumbles likes this.
__________________
I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. Where the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain." - Litany Against Fear
MJJean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd January 2017, 11:52 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 6,368
Read up with the visitation agreement. You have equal say in the youngsters time.

The courts frown upon the kids re arranging visitation. The courts prefer the adults to handle it properly.

Any missed time can't be redone. Consistency is key.

As a single parent I listened to my children and encouraged them to see their father. My youngest once said, mom .I love dad, but his GF is terribly mean to me. My eldest quietly acknowledged it.
It was so heartbreaking to learn that another adult was treating my son so unkindly..My ex stopped visitations to address this with His gf . She won..As he simply refused to believe the tales my son's spoke of. He was a wonderful father figure..Just wasn't good with prioritizing.

Op- keep the line open...He needs his Dad.
Tayla is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
skipping an important step. kameron Breaks and Breaking Up 91 30th May 2013 7:20 PM
Dad caught me skipping work Haruka Family 3 4th March 2010 10:41 AM
Skipping swimming nyc_transplant Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management 3 29th May 2007 7:50 PM
heart skipping beats alwayswondering Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management 15 25th January 2006 3:24 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:37 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.