LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Familial > Parenting

Will this be the road to estrangement... [UPDATED 2017]


Parenting Discuss tips, concerns, and all the mayhem involved in raising kids.

Like Tree217Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 22nd December 2016, 2:50 PM   #61
Established Member
 
hotgurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: ski country
Posts: 5,041
Quote:
Originally Posted by UpwardForward View Post
If you don't need the car, perhaps you could have let her use it.

My son is giving my grandson one of his cars next year when he turns 16 and gets his license.

I have thought grandson is too young and should be a wage-earner, as my parents wouldn't let me have a car before I started working a job.

My sons father however - provided them with a car when they were in high school.

I'm sorry this has been a hurtful experience for you. Some kids just can't wait to get out of the house. I was one of them.
Did you read the op original post. Her daughter was using drugs while driving the car. She had drug paraphernalia in the car.
__________________
Music is my hot hot sex.
hotgurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd December 2016, 3:02 PM   #62
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 8,409
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotgurl View Post
Did you read the op original post. Her daughter was using drugs while driving the car. She had drug paraphernalia in the car.
No. I didn't receive this. Only that OP has heard daughter may be selling drugs.
UpwardForward is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd December 2016, 3:09 PM   #63
Established Member
 
jnel921's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 843
My daughter has been smoking Pot since HS. The drug has affected everything in life and has made her make terrible choices. At first we denied paying for her education until she stopped and then we went ahead and paid and got her a car too. 4 days after the start of school she disappeared with the car overnight. Came back high the next day and decided to leave again this time for good. She abandoned her education, the car and did not care about our sacrifices. Why should I help her?
__________________
When life gives you lemons...make lemonade.
jnel921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd December 2016, 3:32 PM   #64
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 8,409
Quote:
Originally Posted by jnel921 View Post
My daughter has been smoking Pot since HS. The drug has affected everything in life and has made her make terrible choices. At first we denied paying for her education until she stopped and then we went ahead and paid and got her a car too. 4 days after the start of school she disappeared with the car overnight. Came back high the next day and decided to leave again this time for good. She abandoned her education, the car and did not care about our sacrifices. Why should I help her?
It's an uphill battle.

IMO, if a kid wants something, they're going to get it regardless. And it seems practically everyone needs a car, to make life easier.

She may be in bondage to others with the financing of the vehicle she just purchased.
UpwardForward is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd December 2016, 6:23 PM   #65
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by jnel921 View Post
My daughter has been smoking Pot since HS. The drug has affected everything in life and has made her make terrible choices. At first we denied paying for her education until she stopped and then we went ahead and paid and got her a car too. 4 days after the start of school she disappeared with the car overnight. Came back high the next day and decided to leave again this time for good. She abandoned her education, the car and did not care about our sacrifices. Why should I help her?
I think you're doing the right thing and I can't even imagine how tough it would be. I would just keep reinforcing with her that you aren't willing to fund her bad choices but that if she's interested in going to school, getting a real job, etc that you'd be glad to help her.

I definitely wouldn't do anything to enable her on her current path. The more difficult it gets for her to continue, the more likely she'll be to make a different decision.

Hang in there and good luck!
ChillChik is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd December 2016, 10:22 PM   #66
Established Member
 
jnel921's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 843
I am struggling to get through the holidays. My emotions have been high since she has been gone. I just feel a tremendous sense of loss. I don't feel as hopeful anymore.

She is uncaring and cold. I didn't make her this way. Wish it was different.
jnel921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th December 2016, 1:36 PM   #67
Established Member
 
Nowty V's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: East of the Wild Woods
Posts: 670
Thoughts are with you

She is at that age where she is naturally pulling away from her parents and establishing her 'self'

Spanner in the works is her peer group. Drugs are expensive, no doubt there are foolish males supplying her.

I had a friend whose Son went off the rails on Heroin at the same age. Friend put a coach bolt and chain into the kitchen floor and chained him there with a bucket to pee in. Son couldn't get out the house to buy drugs.

Totally against the sons human rights but 20 yrs down the line the son is very much alive and grateful for his Dads actions.

Try and take care of you so any stress doesn't cause you health problems.
__________________
"That there are men in all countries who get their living by war, and by keeping up the quarrels of nations, is as shocking as it is true." - Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791
Nowty V is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 2:29 AM   #68
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,544
Quote:
Originally Posted by jnel921 View Post
I am struggling to get through the holidays. My emotions have been high since she has been gone. I just feel a tremendous sense of loss. I don't feel as hopeful anymore.

She is uncaring and cold. I didn't make her this way. Wish it was different.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I wish too that she never touched pot and went down that road.

She has to hit rock bottom before she reaches out for help. I hope some day soon that happens so she can go to rehab and begin to get her life back.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 12:25 PM   #69
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 23,295
I never heard of anyone doing rehab for pot. It isn't even addictive the same way that alcohol or even tabacco are AFAIK.

It seems like a pointless battle to lose an adult child over if you ask me.

I hope you can work things out OP. Life is too short....
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 1:09 PM   #70
Established Member
 
jnel921's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 843
Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I wish too that she never touched pot and went down that road.

She has to hit rock bottom before she reaches out for help. I hope some day soon that happens so she can go to rehab and begin to get her life back.
Thanks, I wish I could say my Christmas was great but it wasn't. She came over that morning. Had a few instances where she was very upset. Made it clear she did not want to talk about herself or her situation. Then she had the nerve to be upset because she was expecting a better gift. Meanwhile she didn't bring any.

She needed to leave early and did not want to see her dad because she was headed to a Hotel with her friends to celebrate Christmas. I am guessing this partying had more to do with alcohol and drugs.

It was apparent that someone is keeping her hair styled, nails done and in new clothes. But she wont say what she is doing. She now lives in an apt. with 2 girls she's never mentioned. She says the apt. is paid for by one of the girls fathers. She never made clear what the living arrangement was.

She mentioned doing a T-Mobile training on 1/9 for 2 weeks. But I don't believe her.

She went through her things I have in the basement and grabbed some things. My son who took her back to her apt. said he spoke to her but is not convinced she misses home or ever wants to come back.

This was upsetting. Not at all what I wanted to hear. To date my conversations are limited with my daughter. As soon as I ask what is she up to I don't hear from her again.

Maybe its time for me to turn myself off too.
jnel921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 1:14 PM   #71
Established Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 7,903
I can feel your pain

This is such a hurtful thing to go through as a parent and my thoughts and prayers are with you, jnel.
jnel921 likes this.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 1:21 PM   #72
Established Member
 
jnel921's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 843
Quote:
Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
I never heard of anyone doing rehab for pot. It isn't even addictive the same way that alcohol or even tabacco are AFAIK.

It seems like a pointless battle to lose an adult child over if you ask me.

I hope you can work things out OP. Life is too short....
When she went to rehab she was still in HS. Suspended as she got caught smoking on the grounds and faced possible expulsion. Showing the school district that she was trying to be clean was the only way from her not having to go to an alternative HS.

It was weekly meetings with other people in her age group.

When she went a few weeks ago. I am guessing she needed someone to police her usage. I don't believe she ever wanted to stop. She knew smoking pot was the deal breaker on having the car full time. Pot is illegal here in NY so I was not going to let her drive especially when I have seen her behavior while she is high.

Drinking is legal and unfortunately if I suspected my daughter was a drunk she wouldn't get the car keys either. Why would I want to risk other peoples lives? So keeping a car away from someone who can hurt someone is not pointless to me. My daughter has gotten into an accident in May in my car. I believe she was high at the time. Did not want police involved and did not tell me or contact my insurance while I was away.

I got a phone call from an older woman saying my daughter agreed to a set amount of money to pay her for her damages yet she had no money and never said a word to me. I came back to see she hurt the front of my car. If she was a clear thinking person maybe that wouldn't have happened.

My daughter has real issues. I hope one day down the road she realizes what is good for her. Because right now the friends she keeps aren't doing anything but stopping her from growing or being responsible. Someone out there is still paying for her. I wanted her to finish school so she could pay for herself. But she has a problem with my rules. Too many restrictions according to her.
jnel921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 1:25 PM   #73
Established Member
 
jnel921's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
This is such a hurtful thing to go through as a parent and my thoughts and prayers are with you, jnel.
Thanks Popsicle, I pray everyday too. First and foremost for her safety. I pray that she realizes what she is really surrounded by and to one day feel remorse over the way she has hurt us.

I think that may be a tall order for now. But until then I will always love on her but maintain a healthy boundary.
jnel921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 1:25 PM   #74
Established Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 7,903
I want to add, jnel, that you are you doing the right thing. My ex-bf had a drinking problem. He is 42 and it started when he was 20. His mother enabled and helped him during his life whenever anything got a little tough. She couldn't stand to see him suffer and made life easy for him, out of habit. She still does this to this day and that is part of why, at 42, he is still an alcoholic. If she had been less enabling when he was younger, he would have learned that over-doing drugs/alcohol doesn't pay and gotten further with the normal life skills that he needed to learn at the right time. Again, he's 42 and...not right. Which she hates, but there is too much habit developed there at this point for both of them.

So, yes, you are right to do what you are doing now even though it is hard.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2016, 1:30 PM   #75
Established Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 7,903
Quote:
Originally Posted by jnel921 View Post
Thanks Popsicle, I pray everyday too. First and foremost for her safety. I pray that she realizes what she is really surrounded by and to one day feel remorse over the way she has hurt us.

I think that may be a tall order for now. But until then I will always love on her but maintain a healthy boundary.
I hope she does too. I really do. She is young, she has hope.

I have heard the words you say above from my ex-bf's mother. She worried so much and expressed it to me. I felt so bad for her. But she could not control herself and her worrying drove her to enable him, which then helped to continue the cycle.

I know it must be so hard. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Married + Baby boy but going to hookers Weekly! [updated 2017] linqer Marriage & Life Partnerships 253 30th January 2017 3:51 PM
Now I know what it feels like... [UPDATED 2017] RegretfulOM Infidelity 220 17th January 2017 1:32 PM
I don't want but I think I'll block him forever first day of 2017 jo-ol Coping 4 26th December 2016 4:12 PM
Estrangement all_cats_rgray Family 8 23rd March 2014 4:17 AM
Dying family member and estrangement tornandconfused12 Family 4 23rd November 2012 5:07 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:00 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.