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Advice needed from anyone in the U.k about my options


Pete2304

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I won't go through the details of my original post but long and short of it, after a seven year marriage that was for the most part pretty dreadful, it looks like my ability to put of the inevitable has finally ended. During our relationship my wife cheated and became pregnant. She didn't tell me but I always knew and when our son was 18 months old we found out via a DNA test that he definitely wasn't biologically mine. He's now 6 and he has no idea and calls me daddy.

 

As the relationship between his mother and I is now over for good I just wanted to know where I stand. My name is on the birth certificate but I don't know what credit that would hold. As it stands, she is letting me see him and I am contributing financially. I suspect though that sometime in the future, be it a month or a year she is going to say that her new partner is the one she wants to bring up our son and I have no idea what will happen then.

 

Financially, I'm screwed and can't afford a lawyer so if anyone has any advice on what normally happens in situations like this I would be grateful to hear it. I want very much to keep seeing my son but am also aware this may not be the best option for him, particularly if the only thing likely to happen in court is the option to see him for an hour a week or something along those lines.

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Pete

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pete,

I'm afraid you do need the help of a UK solicitor on this one.

 

Some give a half-hour free slot.

 

Sorry I can't help any more.

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Hiya guys sorry for the tardy reply I've been somewhat tied up today. Will take a look through that now and thanks both of you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

First of all you need to get that birth certificate changed.

 

It would be unfair and deceitful not to, say the guy needed a kidney and they came looking for you, what would you say then?

 

Then you need to identify who the guy's real father is, both the child and the father will want to know and have a right to know.

 

To go forward with lies is wrong on so many levels. One day the lied to person will find out and it could damage them psychologically, send them off the rails.

 

You need to put right what is wrong.

 

He may even have a personal injury case against you in later years for you deceiving him.

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Since I am unfamiliar with UK law on guardianship thru marriage. it's best to seek a solicitor.

 

As a grandparent who 13 years later was recently informed that my grandson was conceived thru an affair. It broke my heart.. And my grandson is in counseling to deal with this discovery. His mother is a real piece of work. My son made it clear that he is his father in every way.. They bonded and that won't change. While my son is not the bio dad, he carries every priveldge of forking over oodles of money to support this young teen. Just can tell you from experience the child will find out.. And a counselor should be there to guide you both when the time comes. I personally don't know how people can be so deceptive (meaning your ex wife). She started and kept the lie going. She can't Unring this bell. You can though.. By maintaining a solid relationship. You were both duped by this harlot.

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  • 1 month later...

There is no such thing as UK law. There are three distinct legal jurisdictions in the United Kingdom: England and Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland.

 

You need an English solicitor but legal aid does not exist for private children matters any more.

 

Your name is on the childs birth certificate and so you have parental responsibility for him. She cannot make any fundamental decisions regarding his care without consulting you.

 

The question is do you want to stay a part of his life, I am not sure what you are asking. You are worried you wont be able to see him anymore?

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https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/disagreements-about-parentage

 

You're named on the birth certificate so you have parental responsibility for the child. You will therefore have to pay child support until you can prove you're not the parent (by providing a DNA test). Then you can have your name removed from the birth certificate and will no longer have to pay child support.

 

Do you want to terminate parental responsibility and no longer pay child support? Or do you want to continue to be the father, pay for the child and see him?

 

As long as you have parental responsibility and are paying child support, I believe you have a right to see the child. If you want to continue to be the father, I have no doubt that the mother will be happy to continue taking your money as long as she's single. However if she meets someone else and wants you out of her life, it's possible she could use the DNA test to terminate your parental responsibility for the child. This would mean you no longer have to pay and you no longer have the right to see the child.

 

This is my understanding of the legal situation but obviously it may be incorrect and you should see a solicitor to confirm, especially if you want to continue to be the father and are concerned that your ex might seek to terminate your parental responsibility at a later date. Good luck :)

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