How old do you feel comfortable leaving kids by themselves?

[JoeSmith357-1]

Just out of curiosity, at what age do you feel comfortable leaving kids, or KID, home alone?

 

- For a couple hours

- Over night

- For a day or so, while out of town

- For a couple days

 

Let's say the kid is 14, maybe 15. And can take care of themselves, and trustworthy. But not the most responsible (like leaving the stove on, doors unlocked, stuff like that).

 

This is kind of a moot point now, because the kid just moved out (long story), but for future reference.

 

The kid was always trying to get us to leave him alone while we leave town for the weekend (4 hours away). Which we never did, and I never felt comfortable doing.

 

He always pulled the "my friends parents always leave them alone", which I do not believe, but that is irrelevant to me.

[SammySammy]

I'd leave a 14 or 15 year old alone for a couple of hours. Otherwise, they are going to have supervision. We were always sent to grandma's house. I know everyone doesn't have that option, but I'd still desire some sort of supervision for my child if I'm away overnight or more.

[GunslingerRoland]

A couple of years makes a big difference at those ages. For a 14 year old I think overnight would be too much, although I think more than a couple of hours (ie. all day while you are at work) would be more than reasonable.

 

 

By 16 I think all night would be fine, and probably 17ish for a couple of days. But with a responsible adult available to help them with anything.

[anika99]

Really depends on the kid's maturity level. Some 14yr olds are more mature than some 16yr olds. I was left alone overnight from the age of 10. I don't advocate that but I never did anything dumb like burn the house down or open the door to strangers. I started babysitting at 12 and sometimes my customer's didn't come home until 3 or 4 in the morning. I let my son stay at home alone overnight at the age of 15 and he was fine, however I have a younger brother who probably couldn't have been trusted at home alone until he was around 19. Depends on the individual kid.

[CarrieT]

My 14-year old stepson kept telling us that all his friends had way more privileges than he did; i.e., left along, no supervision, etc.

 

Well, two weeks ago he and his friends were all caught sneaking out of someone's house at 2:00 a.m. to meet up and "hang out." He promises nothing bad was happening, but it was discovered that one of the kids had some drugs (pot) and when all the parents conferred, we learned that the kids were all lying about the "privileges" that was happening elsewhere...

 

At this point, none of these kids will be left alone until they are 15 or 16 - and maybe not even then.

[basil67]

We have a 16yo daughter who was born sensible and a 19yo son who is autistic and needs mild supervision.

 

We've been gradually leaving her in charge of the house and caring for her brother since she was about 14-15. When she was younger, we'd perhaps go away for one night and stay very local in case of emergencies. Now that she's older, we've gotten so confident that we can travel 5 hours and stay away for 3 nights. We make sure that local family checks in occasionally and the neighbours are aware and available. Her very sensible boyfriend stays too. I feel better having two sensible teens in charge than just one. I don't allow her to have groups of friends over while we are away.

 

At present, her friendship group is kind of splitting between the drinkers and non-drinkers. She and her boyfriend are among the non-drinkers. I'd have second thoughts about leaving her in charge if she was drinking.

[noelle303]

Hmmm, it really depends on how my daughter will be at that age.

 

I guess at 13-14 she will already be old enough to be left home alone for a few hours. Overnight at 16-17, depends on the situation and whether she will give me any reason to distrust her.

[RecentChange]

Ahh times they are a changin' or maybe its because I grew up in a fairly small town - I don't know.

 

But back in my day sonny! (I don't have kids, I can only speak of my own experience - and I am currently 37)

 

There weren't so many helicopter parents. Kids, teens were given responsibility and independence. "Us kids" spent hours every day, and much of the summer not under the watch of parents. It was the classic "be home by dark" scenario.

 

I didn't have supervision after school, so I was alone for a few hours at a time starting around 8 (when my 10 year older sibling moved out). I could cook myself a snack, take the dog for a walk, etc.

 

I started walking the few miles to the stables, and then riding my horse all day over hill and dale by myself when I was 9 years old.

 

By 14 - 15 I was left overnight, or perhaps even for a weekend while my parents went out of town.

 

By 17, my (same age) step sister and I were going on road trips - the first one was 400 miles to Disneyland. We would also go on camping and hiking trips with our friends.

 

Mind you, this is all before cell phones.

 

I think I was a very responsible teen. Sure, I experimented but never got myself into trouble. My parents tried their best to teach me how to think for myself, and make sensible choices.

 

I think sometimes teens, when given responsibility will rise to the occasion, while if you do not give them any freedom - well then, they do not learn how to manage these things on their own.

 

By the time I went to college, I met other kids who came from more "coddled" homes -and man let me tell you, some of them went NUTS with their new found freedom, as they had never experienced it before. They didn't work up to it in small doses. They partied, they binged drank, it was all new to them. While I had been exposed to this stuff before, and knew how to stay within my limits.

 

I think of it like a dog - that you train to be off leash. Little bits at a time at first. They need to learn to listen, and to behave. The more they behave, the more time they get to be off leash, and the more being off leash isn't a big deal to them.

 

And then you have some dogs that have never been trained to be off leash, and once you take off that collar they are hell bent crazy with their new found freedom. They don't know how to handle it, They have been so closely controlled for so long - that they have to run, and sniff and experience EVERYTHING as soon as they are released.

[Sabella]

Quite a bit depends on the kid in question too and maturity level. I have 4 kids, my oldest are twin boys that are 13, another son 11 and my daughter is 9.

 

The twin sons are very responsible and sensible and I trust them to watch over the younger two for part of the day (like 4-5 hours max) and they have done that only a few times, not a regular occurance by any means.

 

I'm not comfortable leaving them overnight, although I believe they are plently capable. I don't think I would relax enough to enjoy myself with an overnight any time soon.

 

Now my middle son is trouble. Lol, he is very immature and can get hyper active and just act foolish. I would trust my youngest (daughter) alone any day over that boy.

[minimariah]

We've been gradually leaving her in charge of the house...

 

i think this is a good approach; to gradually leave kids in charge of the house + giving them tasks. when you're sure you can trust them with the most basic tasks (locking the doors, turning off the stove)... you can start leaving them alone... for a couple of hours at first & for longer periods of time.

 

there is no way i'd leave my daughter alone IF i know she won't remember to lock the doors or turn off the stove - for example. even if she was 18. otherwise, i think 14 and 15 IS an appropriate age for starting responsibilites... doing tasks, teaching them how to run a household on their own. stuff like that.

 

and i agree with Recent, times DID change! by the age of 15, we were all doing the cleaning, cooking, staying alone... most of us didn't really have a choice if we didn't have any cousins or family to look after us and parents needed to do long hours.

Edited June 10, 2016 by minimariah

[Emilia]

Ahh times they are a changin' or maybe its because I grew up in a fairly small town - I don't know.

 

But back in my day sonny! (I don't have kids, I can only speak of my own experience - and I am currently 37)

 

There weren't so many helicopter parents. Kids, teens were given responsibility and independence. "Us kids" spent hours every day, and much of the summer not under the watch of parents. It was the classic "be home by dark" scenario.

 

I didn't have supervision after school, so I was alone for a few hours at a time starting around 8 (when my 10 year older sibling moved out). I could cook myself a snack, take the dog for a walk, etc.

 

I started walking the few miles to the stables, and then riding my horse all day over hill and dale by myself when I was 9 years old.

 

By 14 - 15 I was left overnight, or perhaps even for a weekend while my parents went out of town.

 

By 17, my (same age) step sister and I were going on road trips - the first one was 400 miles to Disneyland. We would also go on camping and hiking trips with our friends.

 

Mind you, this is all before cell phones.

 

I think I was a very responsible teen. Sure, I experimented but never got myself into trouble. My parents tried their best to teach me how to think for myself, and make sensible choices.

 

I think sometimes teens, when given responsibility will rise to the occasion, while if you do not give them any freedom - well then, they do not learn how to manage these things on their own.

 

By the time I went to college, I met other kids who came from more "coddled" homes -and man let me tell you, some of them went NUTS with their new found freedom, as they had never experienced it before. They didn't work up to it in small doses. They partied, they binged drank, it was all new to them. While I had been exposed to this stuff before, and knew how to stay within my limits.

 

I think of it like a dog - that you train to be off leash. Little bits at a time at first. They need to learn to listen, and to behave. The more they behave, the more time they get to be off leash, and the more being off leash isn't a big deal to them.

 

And then you have some dogs that have never been trained to be off leash, and once you take off that collar they are hell bent crazy with their new found freedom. They don't know how to handle it, They have been so closely controlled for so long - that they have to run, and sniff and experience EVERYTHING as soon as they are released.

Completely agree.

 

I was alone after school in the afternoons probably from about 10-11 onwards until the evening.

 

I started secondary school at the age of 14 (it was the norm in my home country) and I had to commute to the center of the city every day for it and back, an hour each way. I also sort out my own food etc, I didn't see my family from 7am until everyone was at home in the evening.

 

I had trips away at 17, started my first job 18 and moved to the UK at the age of 20.

 

How the hell do you start working at 18 (very common) if your parents don't think you should be left alone overnight until you are 16? today's parenting is crazy.

[RecentChange]

and i agree with Recent, times DID change! by the age of 15, we were all doing the cleaning, cooking, staying alone... most of us didn't really have a choice if we didn't have any cousins or family to look after us and parents needed to do long hours.

 

But why? I was doing the household grocery shopping and planning our dinners when I was 16. Why can't teens today do this?

 

It's not more dangerous than when I was a kid. Crime rates are much lower today than they were in the 1990s. Why do kids need CONSTANT supervision?

 

We have cell phones now so it's easier to stay in touch.

 

The idea that a 16 year old can't be left over night - but then send them away to college at 17/18 where they will essentially be on their own seems dramatic to me.

 

I don't know how kids learn to be independent, self sufficient and responsible, if they are never given a chance to experience these things.

[GorillaTheater]

How the hell do you start working at 18 (very common) if your parents don't think you should be left alone overnight until you are 16? today's parenting is crazy.

 

 

It really does depend on the kid, though. I got my first job at 15, and was responsible enough to keep that and subsequent jobs. I wasn't unemployed in high school for a moment.

 

 

But my parents would've had to have been nuts to leave me alone in house overnight. I would've had girls and/or friends over in a shot, complete with booze and pot and Lord knows what they would've come home to.

 

 

Most of my kids 13 and over, I'd have no trouble leaving them alone overnight. My 13 and 15 year old sons would stay up until dawn playing video games, but I wouldn't expect the police to stop by the house. The son who's now 22? Just like me. I wouldn't trust him for a f*cking second in a situation like that when he was a teen.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Thanks, 16 seems like the magical number.

 

We had left in overnight once when we had to stay overnight for a work Christmas party in a hotel, something we kind of HAD to do. And he was ok, but we were also just 30 minutes away, the home alarm was set, etc.

 

He quickly went from being a lovable, always wanting to do stuff 11 and 12 year old to a giant surly pain in the ass 14 year old who didn't want to do anything but stay at home and play video games or use the computer. And was always angling for us to leave him while we go out of town.

 

Literally for spring break, I planned a family vacation out of state, 1200 miles away, and was trying to get us to let him stay, wtf

 

I'm in my late 30's, one of 3 kids (oldest) and I was never left without parents for more than a few hours. Admittedly my folks did not travel much, but when they did, we were shipped off to granparents or someone elses house

Edited June 10, 2016 by JoeSmith357-1

[GunslingerRoland]

I think there has always been and continues to be a lot of variability in the age that kids are left alone. Just as there are people on here saying they wouldn't leave their 16 year old alone for any time, I know parents who leave their 9 alone for a little bit after school every day. And that is out of responsible parents with well looked after kids. I'm pretty sure at my son's school there are parents who leave much younger kids home alone for longer periods.

 

 

But on the flip side, my wife had never spent more than a few hours with her parents out. They literally never spent a single night away from their home without their kids, until the kids had grown up and moved out.

[ASG]

My brother and I were left overnight, for the first time, when we were 14 and 13 respectively. It was a school night, so it wasn't feasible to stay at my dad's, who lived quite a way away from school.

 

From age 15 up to 18 my mom and step dad worked away almost every weekend. It was completely impossible for my dad, who is disabled, to deal with two teens in his small house, so we were left overnight every weekend during that time.

 

It worked out fine. Sure, I went out sometimes without my parents knowing, but I had a pretty good head on my shoulders and never ever got into trouble. Mostly I just had my bf stay over. In secret, at first, thinking my mom wouldn't approve, but at some point she actually TOLD me to have him over.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I started leaving my kids home alone when they were 11 and 12. During the day for a couple hours, no problem. A few times, they didn't want to come with us out to dinner, so we went for a couple of hours. Basically, we did it as soon as the idea didn't frighten them.

 

My kids are very independent, maybe because we just got lucky, or maybe because we raised them the way We were raised. Hell, the 12 year old ( now 13 ) already babysits the kids across the street so their parents can go out.

 

They have cell phones if there is trouble, and know all of our neighbors, and how to cook basic meals, microwave up some snacks, or order a pizza online w/ my cc.

 

I'm not one of those who believes the world we live in today is more dangerous than the one we grew up in. In fact I'd say the one we grew up in was 10x more dangerous than life for today's kids.

 

One of my favorite pics of my kids is one they sent me from a restaurant when they were 10 and 11. They were hungry and wanted me to go pick them up some lunch. I said no, but gave them a $20 and told them they had to go to a restaurant that had a menu, table and a waitress. Took some encouraging, but they went, and they got a table, and eventually called me to figure out how to leave a tip. They said the waitresses were super helpful, and a few adults who witnessed this told them how cool they were and how proud their parents must be.

 

Now, when their friends are hungry, they just say " Let's go to X and get a table." It's very fun for them.

 

PS. I walked home from 2nd grade with a key on a string around my neck. Let myself in, walked the dog, and made a snack until my mom got home. I survived just fine.