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Hitting children when they have an accident


amaysngrace

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amaysngrace

I don't understand why parents do that. Yesterday at work this young boy dropped his glass bottle of ice tea and it broke so his mom hit him. I cleaned it up and asked him if he was okay and if he got cut because him not getting a boo boo is the most important thing but I knew he got a boo boo. Not from glass but from his own mom. ON MOTHER'S DAY no less.

 

It made me want to hit HER.

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MelodyRye
I don't understand why parents do that. Yesterday at work this young boy dropped his glass bottle of ice tea and it broke so his mom hit him. I cleaned it up and asked him if he was okay and if he got cut because him not getting a boo boo is the most important thing but I knew he got a boo boo. Not from glass but from his own mom. ON MOTHER'S DAY no less.

 

It made me want to hit HER.

Poor kid. It just goes to show you that some people shouldn't be bringing kids into the world. They're no good. Meanwhile a couple others who would love kids don't have that chance.
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amaysngrace
Poor kid. It just goes to show you that some people shouldn't be bringing kids into the world. They're no good. Meanwhile a couple others who would love kids don't have that chance.

 

I know it. My cousins wife can't have kids so they adopted and that little guy is awesome but because his biological mom knew she was giving him up she drank and did drugs when she was carrying him.

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Methodical

There's a huge difference between legit accidents and a child throwing a tantrum. Why a mother would give a glass bottle to a toddler when there are tons of commercially available plastic bottles on the market is ridiculous and beyond comprehension. Wonder how she'd like getting slapped over an accident? That was a preventable mishap and overkill reaction. Poor kid.

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amaysngrace
There's a huge difference between legit accidents and a child throwing a tantrum. Why a mother would give a glass bottle to a toddler when there are tons of commercially available plastic bottles on the market is ridiculous and beyond comprehension. Wonder how she'd like getting slapped over an accident? That was a preventable mishap and overkill reaction. Poor kid.

 

I think what makes it worse is that she ordered that drink for him. It really bummed me out to see that whole thing go down that way and kind of ruined my day.

 

It's still bothering me.

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noelle303

Honestly, sometimes when I see how parents act towards their children, I am disgusted.

 

Almost as if their children need to always be perfect, never in a bad mood, never accidentally knock something over, be emotional about something, it's crazy. People, and kids are people, should never be hit. Period.

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The first time I reached for the stove burner was an accident/curiosity. The second time was willful disobedience. Getting lit up for the second time might, to the casual observer, seem like child abuse. However, it was in reality an effective method of gaining my attention to remind me of the first lesson which was offered in a consoling fashion for the ignorant accident.

 

As an observer, absent clear battery or abuse, I tended/tend to give parents the benefit of the doubt regarding their own children. No one knows the details like a parent.

 

Yeah, I'd have poured the drink into their dedicated plastic sippy cup. However, at some point, a young boy, or girl, needs to learn how to handle stuff like glasses, glass bottles, etc. Yeah, accidents happen. Hopefully, they learn. Usually, fishing the glass out and the blood teaches good lessons all by itself. That's how we learned. Blood and gore :D

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I don't get it, either. My kids have always felt bad and embarrassed when they break something, and I've tried to convey, "People are more important than things" and comfort them.

 

Maybe mom was having a bad day? That happens, too :(

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This stuff's just a minefield to get into w/out knowing the full picture. I still stick with the 'obvious intervention' strategy where I'll get involved if (and only if) there's sth blatantly abusive going on. (But then you better believe you're gonna have your hands full.)

 

I assume this wasn't an actual 'blow,' like a punch or a strike that knocked the kid down or sth else equally overboard?

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amaysngrace
I assume this wasn't an actual 'blow,' like a punch or a strike that knocked the kid down or sth else equally overboard?

 

I didn't actually see the hit because she whisked him away from my view which I'm actually glad for because I wouldn't want to have that image playing over in my head. But it was more how he knew it was coming I guess. It's hard to explain but he cried out as soon as he looked at her rather than down at the ground where his busted drink was.

 

Like he knew it was coming.

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I didn't actually see the hit because she whisked him away from my view which I'm actually glad for because I wouldn't want to have that image playing over in my head. But it was more how he knew it was coming I guess. It's hard to explain but he cried out as soon as he looked at her rather than down at the ground where his busted drink was.

 

Like he knew it was coming.

 

Judgement call I guess. It's hard to know w/out actually being there.

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Art_Critic

With stuff like that I always tell my son that if he does xzy then he is going to get tickled and he will laugh like he has never laughed before and he won't like it :laugh: , it usually works and I have always done that since he was little.

 

When he really breaks the law (Art's) like he did this weekend by going to the neighborhood pool without us he then gets grounded...

 

I can count the times he has gotten spanked on one hand, however he needed the few that he got..

 

As far as punishing like the girl got, that's too bad..

I would have told my son that it is a glass bottle and not drop it or he is going to get tickled like he never has before.... and if he dropped it I would have cleaned it up, after all; kids drop stuff so if the adult gives them a breakable item expect it to be broken..

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GunslingerRoland

Accident can be a relative term. If your kid knows not to play with the glass decorations (and are old enough to be able to stop themselves from doing it) and they do anyway, and they break it by "accident" I don't really consider that an accident. Punishment whether spanking or something else may be appropriate in those cases. Especially if they are being willfully disobedient.

 

 

But breaking a glass through an actual accident in normal use, isn't a reason you should be punishing a kid.

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Utterly disgusting! :mad:

 

There is no good reason, EVER, to hit your kid! Its completely unnecessary bullying behaviour. You should be teaching your kid WHY to behave not teaching them to just conform to what you say because otherwise you'll hit him! What kind of life lesson is that!!

 

Kids can be a handful, because they're kids!! They can try you, they can test your patience, because they're kids! But as an adult, as a father, a man should be able to control his emotions better than to lash out at a child!!

 

That's what growing up is, you wouldn't punch your boss for being a handful, so why punch your son?

 

How do you teach kids how to behave in an adult society if you treat them with totally different standards! I want my son to be a man who can control his emotions (ESPECIALLY when others can't control there's as well i.e. kids) so he can have patience when patience is required, and think coolly when the pressures on, enabling him to make decisions he can be proud of.

 

When its over an accident its even worse!

 

I do have a track record of actually voicing my opinion on this when I see it. I guess for me, its too close to home, my dad was that guy and I was that kid and maybe someone saying something wouldn't of changed him but it would of told me that what he was doing wasn't okay. I worked it out for myself but it still would of been nice to hear it from an adult, all anyone ever did was turn their heads. I think maybe people would be quicker to step in to help the poor waife in the corner who never says a word, crys constantly and sports a black eye. But someone like me who was none of those things, I was loud, Mr class clown, everyone's best friend, people see what they want to see and close there eyes to anything else! Didn't mean it didn't happen, didn't mean I didn't used to climb in through the back window if I knew my dad had been drinking else he'd of swung for me.

Anyway as I got older I got quicker, and drink made him slow, so he tended to miss anyway, but even the intent wasn't okay, that's what I'd want any kid to know.

 

I believe there's something called the bystander effect, basically that the more people present, the less likely someone is to help. In the moment people freeze and they kid themselves that if something bad was happening someone else would be helping. Its a cop out.

 

People are so concerned about what others think of them that they live trapped inside their own bodies. Unable to act in an instant because they haven't thought through all the possible options and outcomes yet!

I guess in a way, if my old man ever taught me anything he taught me to act in the moment, he was unpredictable I could never win either way, so I stopped considering the potential outcomes and just lived, just acted. Let the chips fall where they may.

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Accident can be a relative term. If your kid knows not to play with the glass decorations (and are old enough to be able to stop themselves from doing it) and they do anyway, and they break it by "accident" I don't really consider that an accident. Punishment whether spanking or something else may be appropriate in those cases. Especially if they are being willfully disobedient.

 

 

So!? So your kid did something wrong, be the ADULT in the situation!! Say your kid is being disobedient, id be way more worried about the parent who's only reaction is to hit out!!

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GunslingerRoland

I specifically used the term spanking rather than the much more vague hitting as I believe there is a big difference.

 

 

I have mixed feelings on spankings personally, but I will say that I don't think that most parents who spank are doing it for "emotional" reasons or because they can't stop themselves.

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SammySammy

Many people are going back to glass containers because they believe BPA and other chemicals in plastic cause cancer. I've been getting rid of plastics in my kitchen for that very reason.

 

As far as kids go, I think there is a difference between disciplining or training your child and beating them. It seems that some people view them as the same.

 

Better parents use better parenting tools.

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I specifically used the term spanking rather than the much more vague hitting as I believe there is a big difference..

Spanking is hitting. Simple as. People give it a different name to kid themselves it's okay. Spanking is the act of a fully grown adult hitting a child. It's the act of teaching a child to give in to violence, and that as long as your bigger or stronger you must be right!

 

In the very worst circumstances it's abusive and in the very best it's damn lazy parenting!!

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amaysngrace

I have mixed feelings on spankings personally, but I will say that I don't think that most parents who spank are doing it for "emotional" reasons or because they can't stop themselves.

 

Why are they doing it then?

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Amays, even as the third party it does have an effect.

 

I can relate to the impact it has. it's called empathy for the child's safety.

 

While we can say " it's for the child's good", I have yet to see it have a positive outlook in their self esteem. Actions speak louder then words, sometimes in a not so goodway.

 

My granddaughter is transistioning thru the terrible twos. I happen to delight in that stage. The no is rampant and all the while I respect that little gal for being able to say it . it will serve her well in those dating years. Her parents have not ever laid a hand on her. A stern look or tone has snapped her into compliance. Ohh she can be a bit stubborn , yet all the better to allow her those moments, we each need those stand your ground moments.

 

I wish more parents had that determination to discipline with guidance and not the hand. I came from the spare the rod... And years of therapy changed any desire to harm another human.. By hand or by mouth...

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It's always sad when full grown adults take their aggression out on a child a fraction of their size. I was regularly 'spanked' with a hard object. I am now a fully functioning member of society......meaning I have issues up to my eyeballs, that society tells me I should medicate and seek 'professional help' for.

 

Yeah spanking is an excellent idea. :rolleyes:

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Why are they doing it then?

 

Frustrated and anxious about the behavior and thinking they must do something "serious" to curb it.

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JustGettingBy

As someone who was 'hit' until I was almost a teenager (ie, able to fight back) it still seems to have an emotional effect on me. I'm super-freaked out at night afraid of being attacked, I distrust others, I still struggle to get along with my dad, and I get so withdrawn when I could make almost any mistake in front of people that sometimes I make no action.

 

The emotional baggage it left me with exceeds the physical pain I felt.

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amaysngrace
Frustrated and anxious about the behavior and thinking they must do something "serious" to curb it.

 

So it's about control then? They try to have control so they express that by totally lacking in their own self-control?

 

I don't get it.

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Accidents happen, and we need to be prepared. I would google "How many five year olds can you realistically take in a fight." Armed with this vital information, you may just find that the newfound respect you command is enough to keep things running smoothly without the threat of violence.

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