The perception of your parenting role

[Who_took_my_name]

What do you think the perception of what you do as a parent vs. what you actually do is?

 

Should probably preface this with I'm not moaning, simply observing. Last weekend my wife was complaint to me about "never having a minute and doing everything for the kids". I found this quite ironic as I was washing up the breaks as stuff having sorted both kids (and hers) breakfasts, got them dress, teeth brushed and generally ready to venture out into the world without them looking feral (or as close as one can when one of them has hair that sticks up any which way it wants) so it got me thinking. I do this both days of the weekend and one/two days during the week (she works part time so two days a week when she's not working she is in charge in the morning and we split the other days 2 and 1 alternate weeks). We share bath times, although I'm more likely to miss one due to work or playing squash but try to put them both down the next night to compensate. I'll freely admit I'm better at the running round, getting dirty, playing with a football and being energetic type stuff but when they're tired or ill they usually want their mum. I'm also rubbish at remembering to sort the bag of stuff to take out but I'm better at other things. Overall I think we split it quite well, in fairness she probably does a bit more but that's due to circumstances and I do my fair share. Thing is, that's just my perception and she may feel otherwise.

 

So, what do you think you do vs the perception of what your partner thinks you do and vice versa?

[MrDuck]

I've been a single dad from day one. Anything I didn't do, didn't get done.

 

All the night feeds, the early mornings, the making breakfast, the washing breakfast out of his hair, the first steps, the first bike ride, the bed time stories, the how to read, how to swim, the football, the 'dad my head hurts', the this is how you navigate in the bush, the how to avoid snakes, the "we cant keep that warthog as a pet" for the 300th time, ...the making breakfast for the damn warthog, the how to tie your shoe laces, and I learnt how to scrub crayon off of walls & mud off clothes, I learnt every word to his favourite book by heart by the 34th time I read it (he tested me!), and that its never really worth asking "why is this wet?"

And I had to make the whole thing up as I went along because I never had a good example of even one parent growing up!

 

Seriously though, your kids are lucky, they have two parents who love them and are doing there best for them and care enough to argue over who is doing more! This is not something for you guys to be arguing about, just be thankful you have a whole other adult who cares as much about your kids as you do!

You doing fine!

[Methodical]

Until you've been a single parent or taken care of kids for an extended period of time with no help (absentee partner), it's easy for one person to say they do it all. But, when you truly are doing it all, you gain a new perspective bc it's easy to overlook seemingly simple, mundane tasks as something that doesn't carry the same value as another task, when in fact, all tasks are important. Yeah, one might shoulder more tasks, but they still have help, it's just overlooked. Kind of like the saying - you can't see the forest for the trees.

[MrDuck]

Kind of like the saying - you can't see the forest for the trees.

When I moved to Africa, I started working with this guy, who became like a brother to me. The whole area was very community focused and his wife would look after Bodhi for me with their kids during the afternoons & cook dinner when work went on late.

You cant understand how helpful someone cooking your kid (and you) dinner is, when you do every single other bit of parenting by yourself. A simple act can be such a massive help.

 

Of course, human nature, when someone's helping you all the time you get used to it and you take it for granted. I live with my half brothers now and I probably do take for granted them picking my son up from school, and looking out for him, and loving him just like I do.

[noelle303]

Agree with both posters above.

 

I'm a single mom from day one as well and have always lived on my own with my daughter.

 

I get up at 6.00 every morning to get myself and her ready, make breakfast, pack lunch, drop of to preschool, go to work, pick her up and drive her to dance lessons during my lunch break, pick her up after work, make dinner, play and help her with schoolwork or read, spend some quality time, bathe her, get her ready for bed, tuck her in and read bedtime stories and then after she falls asleep, I have to wash dishes, tidy up the house and do some work.

 

And that's just a normal day, not to mention various other responsibilities that pop up and you have to do them.

 

Nobody takes over the morning routine because I have to work and I haven't had breakfast or dinner prepared for me since I was a teen.

 

But it's just normal life for me, I don't know any different whereas your wife has a different normal. She is used to your guys' routine and knows only of her responsibilities within it, which of course seem bigger because people simply measure everything based on themselves.