DeeplyMissHer Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 months. We are pretty serious and exclusive. I met her parents, brother and grandparents. She has met my family over Valentines weekend. They all like her. I was talking to my daughter's mother about introducing my girlfriend and our daughter. Her only request was that she meets her first which I agreed too. Problem is my girlfriend is a little nervous. She is worried that my girlfriend isn't going to like her and that will cause problems with visitation with my daughter. I tried to reassure that we have a court order so visitation isn't an issue. That she has nothing to worry about. What advice do you have in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Are your girlfriend's concerns valid? Will your ex have a problem with meeting her? Why would you ex start messing with the visitation? Does she think you'd bring someone around your child that would not treat her well? Thing is, if your girlfriend intends upon staying in your life, she's going to have to meet your ex seeing that you both share a child and the child isn't going to evaporate just because your girlfriend is in your life. Might as well do it sooner than later. I think she's letting her imagination run wild. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 I think she is feeling a bit insecure. I'm talking on the phone with her about it and she agreed. So Tuesday while my ex is in the area, they are going to meet. Because on Thursday, when I get my daughter for visitation, I want to introduce them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I've been dating my girlfriend for almost four months. A few weeks ago I introduced her to my daughter who is seven years old. At first my daughter's mother was happy and supportive but on the way to drop of my daughter last night, I stopped and picked up my girlfriend on the way there instead of back tracking. I get to her house, and I see her fiance storming out of their driveway. I get to the door, and my ex was angry, she shouted (or pretty close) at my daughter to go upstairs because she needed to talk to me. Here I was thinking I did something wrong. So outside the front door, she starts telling me that I shouldn't be bringing my daughter around this new woman all the time. (I found this funny because, she has my daughter 70% of the time and me 30%. She is with someone who isn't me majority of the time, but god forbid I have my daughter around someone, during maybe half my visitation time) She never had a problem with my ex girlfriend (the one I dated after her) I told her, that on my time is my business. Our visitation schedule is court ordered and I pay my child support on time. My daughter likes my girlfriend and I spend a lot of one on one time with my daughter, so I don't feel like I'm in the wrong. I pick my daughter after school on Wednesday for an overnight. I'd hate to have our great co-parenting schedule screwed up. We used to be really good with trading days for parenting to suit us but if she decides to get all nasty, then I might just have to stick with the visitation schedule I have now and not make any effort to swich days with her. Every second extended weekend (thursday (afterschool or 4pm (on non school day) to Sunday night at 6pm) and one overnight (wednesday to thursday) every alternating week, I don't have her for the weekend) It isn't a traditional schedule but it was one that we both agreed on. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 My ex girlfriend and I have an almost 8 year old daughter together. We have been broken up for almost 5 years. Up until recently, my ex and I had a great co-parenting relationship. We have a visitation schedule through the courts, but we got along so well we usually switched days to accomdate one another. Some months I ended with more days then legally required. But a few weeks, ago my ex has started to get nasty, and controlling. Trying to tell me who I can bring my daughter around, and what I can do on my time. I told her I wasn't interested in being flexible anymore, and that we would follow the visitation schedule to a T. She was mad, didn't apologized and just started being a huge bitch. I have always paid my child support on time and been a great father, so it's not like her actions are justified. I think she may be having relationship issues and jealous of my new girlfriend but who knows. My current visitation schedule looks like this. I get her every second extended weekend (thursday night (afterschool) or 4pm non school day until Sunday at 6pm), overnight every second week I don't have her for the weekend (wednesday (afterschool) or 4pm not school day until thursday morning (school day) or 6pm non school day) every alternating christmas (christmas eve 4pm to Christmad day 4pm) every thanksgiving (her mother has her every Easter Sunday) and two weeks summer vacation in July and one week in August. In case this is confusing this is how it breaks down week 1: thursday, friday, saturday week 2: sunday, wednesday, thursday week 3: thursday, friday, saturday week 4: sunday, wednesday, thursday We both live in California, about 45 minutes apart. My daughter goes to school in my ex's school zone. I am wondering what the chances of me getting more visitation or even 50-50 custody. 7 days with her mother and 7 days with me, just to avoid the drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 We both live in California, about 45 minutes apart. My daughter goes to school in my ex's school zone. I am wondering what the chances of me getting more visitation or even 50-50 custody. 7 days with her mother and 7 days with me, just to avoid the drama. I would say the chances are very good, if you are willing to spend the money for an attorney to fight for it. My husband did for his children... He literally emptied his retirement to pay for lawyers, but ultimately got 50/50 custody. The contingency is that the kids have consistency of their school so both parents live in the same school district and can't move until high school graduation. The kids get dropped off at school on Friday morning by their mother. I pick them up on Friday afternoon and we get them for a week, until we bring them back to school the following Friday when their Mother picks them up, etc. Birthdays are always negotiated and the schedule is shifted during their Spring Break so that holidays get shifted every year (or negotiated). Summers are also negotiated for longer breaks - usually three-week stints - so that vacations can be planned. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) I do all the driving as it is, as I was the one who moved away from my ex. It's in our visitation schedule that she can't leave our school district without my permission. We have joint legal custody, so I don't see having more visitation would really make a difference, except having less driving to do over all, and more quality time with my daughter. Edited March 21, 2016 by DeeplyMissHer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 OP, I want to applaud you for not playing into her game of Switcheroo. Stand your ground on the paperwork thru the courts. Get Legal counsel and file for a change in custody/visitations. You sound like a caring Dad. Your child is blessed to have you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tahirthegreat Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Ignore her, as long as youre not putting your daughter in harms way, she has no right to tell you what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Offer vague responses and carry on doing exactly what you're doing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) OP, I want to applaud you for not playing into her game of Switcheroo. Stand your ground on the paperwork thru the courts. Get Legal counsel and file for a change in custody/visitations. You sound like a caring Dad. Your child is blessed to have you! Thanks I really grew up when my daughter's mother dumped me. I used to party a lot but once I lost my family, I did an one eighty and put my priorities in check, but by that time it was too late. I used to feel guilty about how things ended but now I learned to stop beating myself over the mistakes I had made. I found a girlfriend, who I really connect with, and I falling hard for, and I have a great relationship with my daughter. Life is grand. Also I am a little sadden that she decided to turn, because we really did have a great co-parenting relationship. It's documented that she did give me extra days here and there, so its not like she can say that I'm a bad father, who never there for my child. Edited March 21, 2016 by DeeplyMissHer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 12, 2016 Author Share Posted April 12, 2016 (edited) At the beginning of April, my ex girlfriend was served with court papers with a change in custody arrangements. I asked for 50-50 legal and physical custody. Where before I was getting joint legal and probably about 25 to 30% parenting time. She wasn't happy and she started sending me a bunch of messages. It didn't help that this happened a few days after I called her out on her jealousy issues regarding my new girlfriend. She told me that no judge would give me more time. Anyway she didn't say anything until this morning where she asked if we could negotiate. My current visitation schedule looks like this. I get her every second extended weekend (thursday night (afterschool) or 4pm non school day until Sunday at 6pm), overnight every second week (wednesday (afterschool) or 4pm not school day until thursday morning (school day) or 6pm non school day) every alternating christmas (christmas eve 4pm to Christmas day 4pm) every thanksgiving (her mother has her every Easter Sunday) and two weeks summer vacation in July and one week in August. What I asked for was Friday to Friday, alternating, an extra week summer vacation in August, alternating Christmas (Christmas eve 4 pm to Boxing Day 4 pm) alternating thanksgiving, Easter. Every Father's day Her "generous" new offer but in reality is not much better then what we have now. Wednesday evening to Sunday night (every second week) We keep holidays and summers the same I get every father's day weekend (if it doesn't fall on my weekend) and she gets mother's day weekend (if doesn't falls on hers) I just want my daughter equal amount of the time (equal vacation time) equal holidays. Edited April 12, 2016 by DeeplyMissHer Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 So... what exactly is she "giving" you?? Sounds to me it's exactly the same as what you have now... so how is that a negotiation? Unless I misunderstood the timings... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 "SHE" is not the judge not the lawyer. Since joint custody has been established and it sounds like she is primary caregiver. negotiating need not be so tenuous. Present your modification request to the court and go from there. Keep your emotions in check. This is about what works best for the adults and the child. At best, get legal advisal and hold off on even conversing with her on your modification. the judge will decide not her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 IT would have been cheaper if we negotiated something. But since she won't I'm going to let a judge handle it. I'm pretty sure I'll get what I'm asking for. Link to post Share on other sites
grey79_98 Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 The only way your ex can change visitation is if she goes back to court and changes the court order for visitation. She cannot just stop giving you your visitation. If she does - you take her to court for contempt. I get so tired of these women who think they can just change visitation orders at a whim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted May 21, 2016 Author Share Posted May 21, 2016 Yesterday the paperwork was filed with the court. I told my ex girlfriend I wanted 50-50 custody of our daughter, shared holidays and one month out of the summer for vacation. At first she refused but I said I guess we'll go to court. My lawyer told me I had a very good case. She finally relented and signed the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Great news! When the Judge signs off on this, retain the paperwork. Hopefully this resolves both your sides! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 The paperwork was approved in the courts. I know have 50-50 custody. I get her one week on and one week off. I'm responsible for driving her to and from her mother's house/school since I live in a different county. I get her from the first monday of August to the last sunday of August. (This year: August 1st to August 29) It sucks I won't see her all the month of July mostly. But I'm happy to have her equal time. I still pay 200.00 a month in child support, I still have my daughter on my health insurance and cover 60% of any out of pocket health expenses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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