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Appropriate age to leave child alone over night.


spmh1017

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I have a 14 year old son and I'm a single/widower father.

 

According to my in-laws not only should he not be left alone over night but at a maximum 4 hours.

I really dont know if this is right and/or if I'm doing the right or wrong thing.

 

Usually I will go out on a Fri/Sat night and return very early the next morning between 5 and 7am.

I will cook or get him dinner before I leave and we will text throughout the night.

We also own 3 very large, angry dogs lol

 

Hes a good kid, never in serious trouble besides some slipping grades a few times (hes a teenage boy, what can you do!) We own no weapons and I dont keep alcohol in the house. We also live in a secluded area so I dont suspect any other kids could manage to get to our house anyway.

 

Recently I had off on a Monday so I spent the that Sunday night over my GF's house. Me and him text through the night like usual and I returned at 6am Monday morning.

My brother In-law (my dead wifes brother) I guess drove past my house before I got home and called my MIL I guess so I got a text saying "Our you home! Your BIL said your cars not their!"

I simply responded "Yup, taking the kid to school and then running errands"

 

I dont know if they are right, if what I'm doing is ok, if they are pushing boundaries etc..

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PrettyEmily77

Not a mother but my BF has 2 teenagers and I'm pretty certain he would never leave either or both of them alone over-night, for their well being more than for their safety - when he was single and had to travel or whatever, he'd ask his mum. Now, he asks me (very occasionally).

 

Why would you want to keep your boy awake all night through texting anyway? Can your GF not spend the night at yours? Can your son not be left with relatives who can look after him?

 

My brother and I were left home after school for an hour but the neighbour was on constant watch and my mother's work was a 10 minute walk so we never felt neglected or unsafe.

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My daughter was 16 (and caring for her disabled 18yo brother) the first time I left her alone. Her boyfriend stayed the night too and I felt better about having an extra body in the house.

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I am sorry but it sounds horrendous for your son, not only is his dad not there for him if he needs it, but he is woken throughout the night by your texting... OK he may be a bit of a night owl, as are you obviously, but kids need their sleep.

 

YOU need to either get your gf to come over, or you need to place him with relatives or friends if your Friday nights out are that important to you.

I am not surprised your in-laws were horrified.

 

If he is slipping grades then you need to ask yourself why too.

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GunslingerRoland

Personally I think 14 is too young for that. I'd lean more towards 16,17.

 

 

Good kids can get into trouble too you know.

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I think I was car-driving age before my parents did this. Your son would probably love it.

 

It's kind of a gray area in my opinion.

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I don't think it should be a specific age but rather based on the maturity of your son. Are you sure he's comfortable being alone? Would he know what to do in case of a fire, intruder, etc? How far away is your girlfriend--could you get home quick if needed?

 

 

My best friend growing up had to stay alone on weekend nights because both of her parents worked midnight shift jobs. I came from a family with a SAHM so it felt very weird to me, but there was no choice.

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I'm with the others; 14 is too young... 16/17 is more appropriate.

 

It isn't that he is a good kid who won't get into trouble, it is the message you are sending him that he isn't worth your time and that you'd rather be with your girlfriend instead of him. And at that age, he doesn't fully understand your needs.

 

I believe teenagers need the constancy of their parents moreso as they approach adulthood.

 

Does your boy have friends that he could have a sleepover with? That might be an okay night to spend the night with your GF. How long have you been dating your GF? If more than six or eight months, is there a reason she doesn't spend the night with you?

 

Look, before you know it, your son is going to be on his own and you'll have all the time in the world with your girlfriend. Why not give him the benefit of what time you two have left?

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I have and raised 3 sons. I absolutely did not leave them alone all night at that age. Nor I did not leave them unattended. When I found out that my ex was leaving them to go play when she was suppose to be spending time with them I went and got them.

 

Somewhere around the age 17 as they are responsible kids I would allow it to happen. I also had someone on call if I was out of town should there be an issue.

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That's a border line age. i could see in the case of an emergency that you might have to leave him but to leave him to stay at your girlfriends house? That's just not right. Your priorities are screwed up.

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It depends on your son's maturity level. I don't see why 14 is too young to be home alone. Would you let your 14 year old babysit your younger kids (those of you who think this is too young to be alone)? Or what about when you hire a babysitter? If you let a 14 year old stay home with your kids alone while you go out, why can't they stay at their own home alone?

 

 

Man I was walking across town to the park alone when I was five years old. Granted it's a small town but still. We were always out running around the neighborhood without our parents. We were just fine.

 

 

My dad worked days and my parents didn't get divorced til I went to college so he was never gone overnight. But I'm pretty sure there were times they went out and they left my oldest brother in charge of us for a good part of the night and he's 5 years older than me. So 11 I think he was watching us.

 

 

If my daughter is responsible and mature enough at 14, I'll leave her home alone overnight if I needed to. If family lived close I would have them check on her or neighbors. Some of you make 14 sound like 5. What 14 year old doesn't know what to do if there is an emergency? Elementary school kids know you call 911 if there's a fire or emergency of some kind.

 

 

It depends on the kid and situation. I think the guy's inlaws are being extremely nosy honestly. Yeah his gf could come over sometimes but can't they go out alone? What if the kid doesn't want to stay at a friend's or has to get up early for sports or some activity the next day and home is closer?

 

 

People freak out way too much these days. It's no wonder kids turn out the way they do.

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GorillaTheater

I don't know about you guys, but I'd be worried about what kind of disaster I'd come home to. Of course, my teens are better kids than I was.

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If the kid has shown consistent actions of responsibility, not to be confused with normal mischief of a 14yo, IMO no problem.

 

Apparently, he's already been alone overnight and the house is still standing so there ya go.

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I have a 14 year old son and I'm a single/widower father.

 

According to my in-laws not only should he not be left alone over night but at a maximum 4 hours.

I really dont know if this is right and/or if I'm doing the right or wrong thing.

 

Usually I will go out on a Fri/Sat night and return very early the next morning between 5 and 7am.

I will cook or get him dinner before I leave and we will text throughout the night.

We also own 3 very large, angry dogs lol

 

Hes a good kid, never in serious trouble besides some slipping grades a few times (hes a teenage boy, what can you do!) We own no weapons and I dont keep alcohol in the house. We also live in a secluded area so I dont suspect any other kids could manage to get to our house anyway.

 

Recently I had off on a Monday so I spent the that Sunday night over my GF's house. Me and him text through the night like usual and I returned at 6am Monday morning.

My brother In-law (my dead wifes brother) I guess drove past my house before I got home and called my MIL I guess so I got a text saying "Our you home! Your BIL said your cars not their!"

I simply responded "Yup, taking the kid to school and then running errands"

 

I dont know if they are right, if what I'm doing is ok, if they are pushing boundaries etc..

 

A 14 year old barely a responsible teenager and shouldn't be left alone over night. Not judging but he's too young to be on his own for so long.

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dreamingoftigers

I'm split on this.

 

I would have been fine at 14, except for being scared of the dark. (I was until my mid-20s, shut up :mad:)

But frankly it would have been MORE peaceful without my parents. In hindsight I should've done a paper route and saved up for them to stay in the occasional hotel room.:)

 

My parents were leaving me alone in the house at 8 years old (not overnight, but extended absences). I was fine with that BUT there was a nine year-old boy in my neughbourhood that burnt the house down being left alone. That would not have happened to me.

 

Overall, overnight, and SO REGULARLY at 14 is too young I think. I think 15 even would be okay. But it totally depends on the kid. Is he more the independent "get out of my face Dad" kid who is responsible and demonstrates such? Or is he more the "okay Dad, of you want to. But please text me." Kind of kid. If he's the latter, I can see that it bothers him.

 

But why such focus on the Friday night getaway? I'd be more worried about the kids feelings than actual physical safety.

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Usually I will go out on a Fri/Sat night and return very early the next morning between 5 and 7am.

 

So basically every Friday and Saturday night you leave your son home alone so you can sleep over at your gf's house (one that you're having issues with, I read your other thread)? Maybe think about one night, not both. And certainly not sleeping over there every single weekend. That's not fair to your 14 year old son, for you to ditch him and then he sits alone at home at night, over night both Friday and Saturday. Do you really feel this is OK to do to him? Putting yourself first every weekend instead of hanging out with at home or taking him to a movie etc?

 

Why not just come home at midnight so he isn't alone over night? I mean what if something happens, a 14 year is NOT equipped to deal with problems. What if he got sick in the middle of the night? Or someone tried to break in? Or a fire broke out. Just for safety reasons, really think about this. I know this post is harsher than my previous one, but I did some thinking and also read your other thread.

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So basically every Friday and Saturday night you leave your son home alone so you can sleep over at your gf's house (one that you're having issues with, I read your other thread)? Maybe think about one night, not both. And certainly not sleeping over there every single weekend. That's not fair to your 14 year old son, for you to ditch him and then he sits alone at home at night, over night both Friday and Saturday. Do you really feel this is OK to do to him? Putting yourself first every weekend instead of hanging out with at home or taking him to a movie etc?

 

Why not just come home at midnight so he isn't alone over night? I mean what if something happens, a 14 year is NOT equipped to deal with problems. What if he got sick in the middle of the night? Or someone tried to break in? Or a fire broke out. Just for safety reasons, really think about this. I know this post is harsher than my previous one, but I did some thinking and also read your other thread.

 

No not harsh. I think you hit it dead on. He is not being a father. He is being a provider. Big difference. He is thinking with the wrong head. His priorities are messed up. Dad first, boyfriend second instead of the other way around.

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So basically every Friday and Saturday night you leave your son home alone so you can sleep over at your gf's house (one that you're having issues with, I read your other thread)? Maybe think about one night, not both. And certainly not sleeping over there every single weekend. That's not fair to your 14 year old son, for you to ditch him and then he sits alone at home at night, over night both Friday and Saturday. Do you really feel this is OK to do to him? Putting yourself first every weekend instead of hanging out with at home or taking him to a movie etc?

 

Why not just come home at midnight so he isn't alone over night? I mean what if something happens, a 14 year is NOT equipped to deal with problems. What if he got sick in the middle of the night? Or someone tried to break in? Or a fire broke out. Just for safety reasons, really think about this. I know this post is harsher than my previous one, but I did some thinking and also read your other thread.

 

Absolutely! Take care of your child.

My kids had a babysitter (straight-A student, very responsible nice girl) who lit the kitchen on fire by not taking the cardboard off the top of the Jiffy-Pop. Stuff happens.

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14 is way too young in my opinion. I personally wouldn't leave my kids alone overnight until maybe 17.

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I think he's a bit too young - but perhaps he's mature for his age.

 

My bigger concern is the frequency. I mentioned about leaving my 16yo alone - but we do this perhaps twice a year. Doing this on a weekly basis is far too often. And texting through the night is bad too. He needs to sleep.

 

You need to be more of a parent and less of a lover.

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I'm with others on this. 16 or 17. I think it also goes a little something like this: you shouldn't leave a child at home overnight until they're the age when you don't want to leave them at home overnight because of what might happen (parties, sex, drinking).

 

Sorry dude, I just can't support your decision making on this one.

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I don't think the age is what matters - it's the reason you are leaving him alone that is disturbing.

 

Yes, I think it's possible for a 14 yr old boy to be responsible enough to be left alone. I just wish the parent was responsible enough not to do it. Your reasons for leaving him are selfish and reckless, and pose more harm in and of themselves.

 

The message that you are sending is that he's not on your A list of people to hang out with.

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