My parents and teaching.

[knockout33]

Ok, so even though Im 30 years old. I'm feeling a slight bit of anger towards my parents for not teaching me how to stand up for myself and be assertive as a child growing up. I think back and I remember this. I had to go through councelling for help with it and I feel like I shouldn't have to learn that kind of thing through councelling. All my mom would say is don't let people take advantage of you or her and my dad would talk amongst themselves stating that Michele's an adult now and if she doesn't want to take care of herself then thats her business. I remember my mom saying this when I was about 20. I have a slight learning delay so I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it, but all I know is if I have children or Im ever working with them and I see they can't assert themselves, I won't hesitate to help them figure it out, because those things are important for kids and adults to know especially if your someone who's got a big heart and likes to be kind with others and help them, atleast as a parents you don't have to literally explain it, but it's always good to give hints and examples. I guess it just sucks that I figured out stuff late in my life without the parental help I should have gotton. Thinking back I also realize I spent a lot of time in my teens and twenties, crying. I was easy to get upset back then rather than now, So Im going to just assume that my 30's will be better.

Edited September 17, 2015 by knockout33

[Tayla]

Glad you are sorting out some styles of parenting that may work for you when that time comes. sorry to hear about your teen sorrows.

Your parents raised you , fed you, and saw you grow. Stop holding them accountable I'm not going to ask you to forgive your parents, instead, forgive yourself...they did the best they could.

[gnatsmom]

Obviously, we as readers do not know your history or why your parents chose to parent as they did. Honestly, I know quite a few parents who choose to approach parenting as yours did (at least concerning the issue of bullying.) It is non-confrontational parenting. For some, it is because the parents are too involved in their own lives to get fully involved in their kids. For many others, they believe this is best. The believe that non-violence and non-confrontation is always the right approach.

 

On the flip side their are parents like me. My husband and I have always taught our kids to stand up and take the offensive if necessary. Our kids always knew that when needed, mom and dad would step in and take up the fight with them, by pressing charges or confronting parents or whatever the situation called for. There are those, however, that would think we are over the top and feeding aggression.

 

I say all this to say that, parenting is tough. Not knowing your parents motives, I am gonna guess that they did their best. They may have thought this was the best approach. So my suggestions are these:

 

1. Forgive them. Whether it was ignorance, seeking own agendas, or a particular worldview-forgive them.

 

2. Learn from their mistakes.

 

3. Don't be so hard on yourself. Learn from your mistakes, leave them in the past, and move forward. Try to see yourself through God's eyes and let Him reveal how wonderful you are.

 

4. Get educated. There are tons of resources online the give effective advice on this area as well as other life areas. My favorites are Focus on the Family and Cross Walk.

 

5. Find a support group. It can be official or non-official. A church or community organization can offer advise and encouragement.