todreaminblue Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) My oldest son is mentally impaired he is 26 with the intellectual capacity of a twelve year old. I have known for a while that my son suffers from depression , I believe it is one reason why he acts out, has extreme mood swings and isnt involved in life in general he prefers a virtual world.....My family and I have said if the planet is overrun by zombies, my son will be the one to hang around it truly is all he cares about I found a message on my computer a really hateful and spiteful one....I actually thought my computer was hacked and the message was directed at me,or someone in my family or even myself in some altered state had written the message to send me insane it was neither After my son getting very aggressive with me, massive verbal argument and hours of me trying to find the truth, he told me that someone had written the message to him and he had copied and pasted it back and it had stayed on the computer.I was aware and have been aware for a while that my son often was bullied often in virtuality and the message was horrid, I believe also my son can be a bully behind the keyboard my son then told me that he had tried to get the guy to stop by bringing god into it and my church...which of course the guy ridiculed him for.My son has really not shown an interest in the church or god in general or so I thought...... I have previously tried to get my son on anti depressant medication or be treated for his ocd behaviors....because of his mental impairment they apparently cant diagnose him, I have previously been told there is no medication for bad behavior, I honestly, knowing my son, do not believe it is bad behaviors he needs help with, but deep depression that has never been treated..... the message was basically ridiculing depressive messages that my son has been posting,and ridiculing my son when he mentioned that god looks after him and that church people talk to him(this makes me want to cry) my son will not let me access his private messages so i have some idea of where his head is at.He told me they are love messages.we of course fought over this, I dont believe him , he lied because he doesnt want me to take away his x box.... he is 26 a man, he has the strength and anger of a man but still with a boy's understanding, I dont know why i am even writing this....an anxiety i have that i just dont what to do anymore.....my son goes to respite care which costs money but he goes once a week and loves it.....the only solution i see is to take away his games put filters on the computer try to talk to him about a curfew....he sees me as the enemy when i do this before anyone you should just do that adn i am a bad parent for letting him play his games i have had on previous occasions had to defend myself against my son....in a rage he three a knife at me once ....he threw it with such force the knife bounced back and hit his own leg so ......three hours at the hospital getting his leg stitched back up..... I am going to try and talk to him tonight again......try to get some sort of compromise ..he goes out today with his blue care nurse ...he is looking forward to it.....i guess i wrote this just to let out what i feel the anxiety...the hopelessness.... i dont expect any answers...maybe some prayers and good vibes if you dont pray.....send some up for me..........that i can figure this out without too much aggression...that it goes relatively smoothly.......deb Edited February 11, 2015 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 moderator bump 5 Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I will PM you, Deb. xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I'm sorry, Deb. :( (((hug))) to you and your family. You are in my prayers. Regarding the claim that you can't have a mood disorder and an intellectual disability at the same time...it's NOT true. I have no idea how the system works where you are, but I know a little about it where I live, and there is a constant back-and-forth between which agency is responsible to assist individuals with certain mental health needs and developmental conditions. It's a total nightmare to try to get help. But it can be done (after a lot of unneeded stress, effort, wasted time etc). Don't give up! Even if what they say is true, that you're son doesn't qualify for help, it shouldn't be that way. He deserves access to all relevant medical care services, just like everyone else. And he deserves to have a voice about this. One thing I know about you Deb, is that you are always a great voice for anyone in need. Don't give up in this fight! (Easier said than done, I know). Where I live there are also many work programs for people with special needs. Is that an option for your son? It might be good to get out of the house even more, and be productive at the same time. I bet you've already thought of lots of different options for your son. Hope the right solution comes along soon!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 I'm sorry, Deb. :( (((hug))) to you and your family. You are in my prayers. Regarding the claim that you can't have a mood disorder and an intellectual disability at the same time...it's NOT true. I have no idea how the system works where you are, but I know a little about it where I live, and there is a constant back-and-forth between which agency is responsible to assist individuals with certain mental health needs and developmental conditions. It's a total nightmare to try to get help. But it can be done (after a lot of unneeded stress, effort, wasted time etc). Don't give up! Even if what they say is true, that you're son doesn't qualify for help, it shouldn't be that way. He deserves access to all relevant medical care services, just like everyone else. And he deserves to have a voice about this. One thing I know about you Deb, is that you are always a great voice for anyone in need. Don't give up in this fight! (Easier said than done, I know). Where I live there are also many work programs for people with special needs. Is that an option for your son? It might be good to get out of the house even more, and be productive at the same time. I bet you've already thought of lots of different options for your son. Hope the right solution comes along soon!! I appreciate your prayers cerri and pie....your good thoughts and thoughtful messages.... i have thought of some things and cerri gave me some ideas too so i am off again with more hope than hope less....it does get daunting trying to get help.....where i live they are actually quite a bit behind with mental health it is one reason i was able to drop out of the system....you miss appointments they cut you out anyway.....instead of following up.... i am going to try to get lucas out more with me and find him some good and true friends....hopefully he will be befriended with open arms and hearts rather than me ask people to be his friend....i know depression can often start in loneliness.....and he is a lonely man......child...manchild......playing the game getting bullied basically by different kids with the foulest language and thoughts i have actually ever heard....kids who have bullied him all his life is turning him into a bully with me.....with others ...even with my animals..... my son loves many things he loves fishing he loves bowling even lawn bowls..he loves the ocean ....he loves things i love.......but i cant be the only one to take him these places or want to spend time with him..he needs accepting friends his own age...male interaction...or a decent male mentor willing to give him a little time..like a big brother.....we need more big brothers in the world........i feel a lot of my sons issues.....come from a deep seated loneliness i just cant shift.....i can weave dreams and say things and suggest things.... but he needs to be shown.....some times you need to see it in action to believe it.....that's what he needs ...action..an absence of malice from others and pure unadulterated friendship....might not fix him but it will do him a load of good...........so ill do my best....thank you again pie...i am not one to give up easily......i still get down though and it gets on top of me...that's when i get anxiety......i am grateful for your supportive words...i have spoken to my son and it went pretty well i feel.....i am grateful for your reply pie and cerri..i am buying him a really nice outfit tomorrow we will pick it together and i am taking him to church on sunday..........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Sorry Debs, in my thoughts. I can't even begin to relate but if what good advice you give out here, then I am certain you will find some some good advice coming. Take care Debs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Sorry Debs, in my thoughts. I can't even begin to relate but if what good advice you give out here, then I am certain you will find some some good advice coming. Take care Debs. thanks haydn, I will work it out...might just take me a very long time.....yesterday was really quite a horrible day for me...the anxiety that feeling of not coping...it was good for me to write it out of my head...it feels like a bit of a failure on my part i cant handle this myself it makes me feel more vulnerable ....i appreciate your reply..i am going to talk to people i trust about it....hopefully someone who can empathize and understand me and ultimately my son,...my first step is to engage my son in more interactions with accepting people in a secure and safe environment then i guess, ill go from there....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 thanks haydn, I will work it out...might just take me a very long time.....yesterday was really quite a horrible day for me...the anxiety that feeling of not coping...it was good for me to write it out of my head...it feels like a bit of a failure on my part i cant handle this myself it makes me feel more vulnerable ....i appreciate your reply..i am going to talk to people i trust about it....hopefully someone who can empathize and understand me and ultimately my son,...my first step is to engage my son in more interactions with accepting people in a secure and safe environment then i guess, ill go from there....deb You got mates here Deb. Ive taken your kind words here on LS and applied them. Failure, no chance. Winner. Comes naturally to some. Shines through. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm so sorry for what's going on Deb. Please Don't feel like a failure because this is overwhelming you. Please don't. You seem like such a caring mother and you are trying your best. You're a strong woman and you will get through this. I'm glad you wrote and got this off your chest. Sorry if my reply is super late, I just almost never check the parenting section You're in my thoughts **HUGS** 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Sorry to hear your plight. All I can recommend is to get him back under the care of a psychiatrist. Just because one said it's bad behavior doesn't mean they all will -- and anyway, psychiatrists should deal with that problem as well by finding out how they got that way. Usually, it's beneficial to not just put the "problem child" in therapy but the whole family because it truly is a whole family problem and usually everyone is contributing some way. Plus it opens communication. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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