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how old is too old to co sleep?


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M co-worker is very protective of her children. She keeps them super busy to keep them out of trouble.

 

They are good kids. She seems to have a very strong attachment to her youngest son.

 

My question is do you think it is normal to sleep with your 11 year old son. The dad is sleeping in the boys room and the boy is sleeping in moms room. To me it is creepy.

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No it's not healthy at all

 

The poor boy will grow up with so many emotional and sexual problems.

 

I really feel sorry for him.

 

So not fair!

 

Why some parents have to ruin their children life

 

Selfish uneducated parents :(

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Standard-Fare

On a regular basis that sounds pretty unhealthy, and I agree that it's selfish of the mother. I'm sure she finds it cozy and comforting to snuggle up with her little son, but it's not good for him and it's also not good for her marriage.

 

But as her coworker (even if you're friends), obviously you have no right to voice an opinion about that. Those are her decisions.

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That sounds completely bizarre.

 

Do they take their children for well-visits at the pediatrician? One of the first things doctors ask is who do they sleep with and if it's a bed or a crib and in what room. Then they ask about helmets and eating habits and car seats and all that other good stuff but it's an actual concern they address when considering the welfare of the child.

 

You might want to make a phone call.

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we are friends as well but no I would never say anything to her about it.

 

I think she is using the son as a buffer between her and her husband. I would place money on the fact that they are no longer intimate.

 

The boy is very needy at times and need reassurance. This round has started when her father fell and was in the hospital. But it just drags on.

 

She is very strict with her daughter but the daughter is more independent and they are not as close.

 

 

We talk about parenting since I have an older daughter and sometimes she asks me what I would do etc... But i have a very different parenting style.

 

They way she talks about her son is weird too. HE is like a little super start in her eyes and her baby.

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So they have a boy and a girl in a two bedroom place or three? Because if they only have a two bedroom place then by law siblings of different sexes cannot share a bedroom past a certain age and I'm almost positive it's way before 11.

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So they have a boy and a girl in a two bedroom place or three? Because if they only have a two bedroom place then by law siblings of different sexes cannot share a bedroom past a certain age and I'm almost positive it's way before 11.

 

No they have a three bedroom place. A bedroom for each of the kids and a master bedroom. But the sons sleeps with the mom a lot. The daughter sleep in her own room and the dad when kicked out of the marital bed sleeps with in the sons room or on the couch.

 

Honestly I don't know why he allows it. I get that the kid sis clingy but geez.

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Ouch, it's not normal and it's definitely creepy.

 

One of my childhood friends used to sleep with her mother up until age of 15, nowadays she has really trouble communicating and is A-L-W-A-Y-S seeking for her mother's approval for ANYTHING she does. That goes what she will eat for dinner or how to dress on a date.

 

I'm not saying this is the reason, but really is not healthy at all.

Edited by hyrule
typo
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Rejected Rosebud

I don't know how old is too old but it's funny to read this post right now since some family members are having co-sleeping problems, they co-sleep with the 4 year old and she will NEVER go into her own bed, now they have a new baby and he's in the bed too, the guy is becoming insane due to sleep deprivation, there is zero "no kid" time in their relationship or in the mom's daily life (her own set-up), at least the dad has a job though he is too exhausted to deal, bottom line - "creepy" or not I don't think she is doing herself or him any real favors.

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this has been debated in various cultural upbringing. I stand in the neutrality zone that reminds myself that healthy is subjective. I met a lady that sleeps ritually in her 35 year old sons room. He is a parapeligic and requires viligance in his care. So given the health of the person or the culture I no longer assume civilization can make a blanket statement on this topic.

Will agree to this though, if the son has his own room and is blessed with good health he may want to be re-introduced to resting on his own.

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So they have a boy and a girl in a two bedroom place or three? Because if they only have a two bedroom place then by law siblings of different sexes cannot share a bedroom past a certain age and I'm almost positive it's way before 11.

 

What? Hahaha. Are you serious? I never heard of a state law that purported to regulate sleeping arrangements within families. That would be ridiculous. Who has time to check on that, and for what reason? But anyhow.....that's completely OT. made me laugh, though.

Edited by Minnie09
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The department of family and child services has certain boundarys and guidelines when it comes to bed sharing with an opposite sex minor.

 

I know that if you are a foster parent there are laws that govern bed sharing of opposite sex minors.

 

Personally I think over the age of 6-7 is too old for any bed sharing to happen or co sleeping.

Our son has never coslept with us but can show up at anytime in the middle of the night and jump in.. he starts in his own room and bed though.. and even then now at age 6 he may sleep a half a night every couple of weeks in our bed.. if he has a nightmare or there are storms.. maybe if he is sick too..

 

I think 11 is wacked.. it's obvious that she is getting some kind of emotional support from sleeping with her son that she should be getting from her husband...

 

What to do.. nature is about all they can do, the son will sooner or later want his own bed...maybe when the morning wood gets in the way she will realize that what she is doing is wrong and he needs his own privacy.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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What? Hahaha. Are you serious? I never heard of a state law that purported to regulate sleeping arrangements within families. That would be ridiculous. Who has time to check on that, and for what reason? But anyhow.....that's completely OT. made me laugh, though.

 

Hey you know you're right? I just checked and there is no law saying that kids of opposite sexes cannot share a bedroom. They used Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as an example because they all slept in one bed.

 

I don't know why I thought it was illegal...probably because it should be. There's no law saying kids can't take a bath together past a certain age either which I thought was true too.

 

And then people wonder how come we have inbreds.

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IfWishesWereHorses

We never coslept with either of our children unless they were very ill or had suffered a head injury or we were in a weird vacation sleeping arrangement or had a house full of out guests. I think by 11 he should not have to rely on either parent to sleep with. I think there will be issues with independence down the road.

 

I would have no qualms sleeping in the same bed as my 18 year old son, if we needed to for a night or two, so I don't think it's creepy in that way, emotionally I think it's damaging to do so on a nightly basis and for no reason.

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Oh my...that sounds not healthy at all.

 

I agree with other posters that doing that for a long period of time would cause many problems for the kids well being.

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I know one person who does that with her son, but it's because he's autistic and they don't know how else to deal with him. I guess he has serious problems with sleeping.

 

 

If this child is perfectly healthy, there is no reason for him to cosleep with his mother. That's not good. Imagine if the kids at his school were to find out he did that, he would be made fun of.

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What? Hahaha. Are you serious? I never heard of a state law that purported to regulate sleeping arrangements within families. That would be ridiculous. Who has time to check on that, and for what reason? But anyhow.....that's completely OT. made me laugh, though.

 

this is the law. in california (at least) if you have children of different sexes they need different rooms by X age. the post might be right that it is 11, but i thought it was 9. in any event, it makes sense because when a girl gets her first period she shouldn't be in the room with boys. it's to protect the kids through puberty and i think was developed as a result of adoptions/fostering in the state to ensure children are properly cared for. of course many families sleep multiple people to a room and no one can regulate it, but in instances where the state can regulate (like foster care), they do try.

 

i'm not a fan of co-sleeping. my brother still co-sleeps with his 6 year autistic son. the kid starts off in his own bed and then wanders in during the night. i think it breeds attachment issues, in a negative way.

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To tap upon the side note- I had to consult with housing inspectors. There really are housing regulations on occupancy per bedroom and the dimensions of what qualifies as a bedroom. Who would have thunk! Also Windows and proper fire preventive devices ( fire alarms near hallways or childrens rooms) can also go into play on that matter.

 

As to the sleeping arrangement matter, again its cultural, health and other matters that may or maynot be at the root of some kin residing in the same area during rest.

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The boy is healthy no problems. HE is sensitive and slingy to her.

 

It is one thing when the kids are in their own beds and come in you in the night due to a nightmare. But a totally different thing just to have that a a sleepingarrangements.

 

I think it will work itself out when the kid goes through puberty. I am know it is stupid but I think it is worse because the child is a boy.

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The boy is healthy no problems. HE is sensitive and slingy to her.

 

It is one thing when the kids are in their own beds and come in you in the night due to a nightmare. But a totally different thing just to have that a a sleepingarrangements.

 

I think it will work itself out when the kid goes through puberty. I am know it is stupid but I think it is worse because the child is a boy.

 

I hope to God this is the case.

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this is the law. in california (at least) if you have children of different sexes they need different rooms by X age. the post might be right that it is 11, but i thought it was 9. in any event, it makes sense because when a girl gets her first period she shouldn't be in the room with boys. it's to protect the kids through puberty and i think was developed as a result of adoptions/fostering in the state to ensure children are properly cared for. of course many families sleep multiple people to a room and no one can regulate it, but in instances where the state can regulate (like foster care), they do try.

 

I can understand regulating this in situations such as out of home care but this cannot possibly apply to families and their biological children? I can understanding having to meet certain requirements (bedrooms, house size, available hours etc) with foster care but the concept of every child having their own bedroom is one that is very modern and rather unique to western society.

 

How can you possibly regulate the size of house people must own? Due to the cost of housing here, sharing bedrooms is the norm in inner city areas.

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