mandyj1 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) I caught my 15 year old son with weed (marijuana) yesterday.I was smelling something and it was not right at all and I caught him smoking it too.Was the illegal stuff too and I was mad at him.Lucas just got off of probation for a breaking and entering last week.The thing is that he does not care at all.He broke into a garage with a no good friend of his attempting to steal copper wiring in September.Plus he got himself shot in the shoulder by the homeowner whom he tried to attack during the breaking and entering.I took his video games away so far and he is not getting a car yet,turns 16 next week. My dad has offered to put him to work which Lucas is not going to like,shovel out horse and cow manure out of cow and horse stalls at a farm he manages at.I am thinking of doing this for his punishment.I also think he needs to see what jail is like,he is going towards this way if he does this even more.My friend said he is willing to talk to him,he has served time in jail for assaulting a cop and auto theft convictions.He knows about jail,not fun.I told him he needs to do this and going to. Edited January 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Coupled with the B&E and all of his other illegal activities I think you need professional intervention. You don't have any control over this kid. I don't agree jail will make it better. For him I think it will be more like an educational where he will learn how to be a better criminal. Can you reach out to his former probation officer for recommendations for a tough love type program or a scared straight? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
genuinelyloverly7 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Him smoking marijuana is the least of your problems. (For the record, if that were your only problem, I would say you have no problem. But that isn't the case) This probably comes from a combination of trying to escape his less than great life, and trying to fit into his peer group. Add to that the fact that marijuana feels good. It doesn't have the hangover of alcohol, and it doesn't leave you incapacitated like other drugs. HOWEVER, please don't think I am promoting that a teenager smoke it. It's illegality alone is enough of a reason not to. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that your whole family needs group counseling ASAP, and not end until you all can come to an understanding of each others real issues. This wouldn't be more expensive than some hard-ass militant get-straight program. And prison is a failed attempt to hide and ignore our societal problems. Do research; there is hope for angry teens. I believe all anger is fear, in defensive mode. What are his fears? Do you/can you help him realize the overcoming of those fears? Can you dig deep enough through the things you don't want to face about your family/community/whatever that created this situation with your son? Please know I am not laying blame on you, I am observing how you might have some impact on his long-term healthy decision making processes. His feelings need to be clear, and in order, and not shamed or made to feel unworthy of being acknowledged. Good luck, and Goddess bless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Millions of people smoke weed without being criminals (aside from the legal status of their vice). Your focus should be on his other illegal activities, as they are much more harmful to him and others. I think it's a great idea that your friend speak to him. It could be that he will relate better to this man, as someone that has already gone through legal troubles. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyj1 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 A friend of mine told him that there is a great program out there for him and going to look into it.I am a therapist myself which I deal with sexual abuse victims only,I consulted a fellow therapist that deals with troubled kids.I am going to pick him up after school tomorrow and we are going to talk to this therapist I have consulted with.His former probation officer knows about another program,it is a boot camp for troubled kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
genuinelyloverly7 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 A friend of mine told him that there is a great program out there for him and going to look into it.I am a therapist myself which I deal with sexual abuse victims only,I consulted a fellow therapist that deals with troubled kids.I am going to pick him up after school tomorrow and we are going to talk to this therapist I have consulted with.His former probation officer knows about another program,it is a boot camp for troubled kids. I respect your choices regarding your son, and hope for only the best for you both. And you being in the therapy world gives you a way to keep a better eye on his progress through the system, I bet. That involvement of a parent, coupled with his probation officers involvement, should help. But please make sure that the book camp in question is not one with a suspicious track record (this includes the counselors and officials involved). There have been so many that abused children in their care, both physically and mentally and emotionally, I would seriously concerned for his welfare in a place like that, unless I could check in on him in some way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jezzika Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Please be careful with those boot camps for troubled kids. Also, jail is not going to make things better. Working on a farm and being around animals can sometimes change people. I wouldn't look at it so much as punishment but as an opportunity. Granted, counseling should be on the table, of course. Just don't let the Cannabis issue be at the forefront of all of this. Things clearly run deeper than smoking a little weed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyj1 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 We are going to try the therapist first,he is good friends with me and I seen the positive changes with the troubled kids he had therapy sessions with.Lucas does good in school and I am amazed by this.Gary is going to come by tonight to have a talk with him and he wants me into this to get my input.He does not hang around this no good friend anymore,Lucas got a plea deal getting probation and this no good friend of his got time in juvenile hall.Lucas is trying hard to change his ways and something is holding him back.His dad is in his life and is supporting him.Lucas's dad is going to be in the therapy session tomorrow also and I asked him to be there also. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Mandy It sounds like you are trying. Good for you. I hope your son realizes how lucky he is. There has to be an underlying reason for his rebellious behavior, even if it's just boredom, but you can't say it's only the friend's fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyj1 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 I am trying my best to get him to change his ways for good.I appraise him for his grades in school.His dad and I are not giving up on him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I am trying my best to get him to change his ways for good.I appraise him for his grades in school.His dad and I are not giving up on him. I've got a son the same age, he's just turned 16. He started on his rebelious streak at 12yo. He was wild, running away, being bought home by the police, refusing to go to school, getting into fights and smoking weed. I got everyone involved, youth constable, grandparents, friends, therapists, I sent him to to anger management courses and a boot camp (he got into a fight there and was sent home!!), and now he has really settled down. I think the big thing was, that I didn't give up on him. When he realized that I wasn't going to hope him and his issues went away and understood that I truely cared what happened to him, and was trying to help him with suggestions and solutions for the things that were bothering him he came right. He's still a colourful character but I know he's past the worst of the rebellion. Hopefully your son will have a quicker journey through this hell. It's not easy being the parent of a troubled teen. Wishing you all the best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyj1 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 I've got a son the same age, he's just turned 16. He started on his rebelious streak at 12yo. He was wild, running away, being bought home by the police, refusing to go to school, getting into fights and smoking weed. I got everyone involved, youth constable, grandparents, friends, therapists, I sent him to to anger management courses and a boot camp (he got into a fight there and was sent home!!), and now he has really settled down. I think the big thing was, that I didn't give up on him. When he realized that I wasn't going to hope him and his issues went away and understood that I truely cared what happened to him, and was trying to help him with suggestions and solutions for the things that were bothering him he came right. He's still a colourful character but I know he's past the worst of the rebellion. Hopefully your son will have a quicker journey through this hell. It's not easy being the parent of a troubled teen. Wishing you all the best. This started when he was 13 years old.First time was when I got a call from the cops,busted for vandalizing cars with a baseball bat.I admit that I screwed up in my teens also having unprotected sex starting when I was 13 years old.Included drinking at the age of 14.It all changed when I was 15 years old paying the price,went to the doctor finding out I was pregnant with my 19 year old daughter Caddy giving birth to her when I was 16 years old.My life was hard after that growing up as a teen mom.Went back to the unprotected sex at age 17 and became a mom of a daughter when I was 18 years old,my 17 year old daughter Mariah whom turns 18 in a couple weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Mandy, I want to ask you something because this is reminding me of my childhood in one way. When I was a young teen, my dad was lucky to not be in jail most of the time. He was dealing drugs like they were going out of style, taking a lot of risks and did jail time when he was younger for theft and assault. As my father, his only words to me regarding my direction in life were "graduate high school and stay out of jail". Wow...wise words there. The reason I bring this up is because I was left wondering from what you said, what direction have you given this kid up until this point? It's not just about grades and that's it. Also, what are his adult influences? People you have in your life, who you invite into your home? I'm guessing they aren't cops, firemen and doctors? I think he's missing adult influences he needs that are just there as examples for him to follow. Something also struck me. You were talking about a possible form of punishment being what sounds like farm work? Do you live in an area that is...what some would consider "out in the country"? I ask because I have noticed over the years how living in an environment like that, teens seem more prone to downright boredom and start getting into trouble like this. I agree with other people that weed is the least of your issues at the moment. The last post you wrote that I read showed you have low self-esteem from your past and you're setting the bar low because of it, just like my own father did. Because he thought of himself as a bad person, he only wanted me to be just better than that. I'm so amazed to this day I didn't end up either just like him, worse or hardly better. Instead, after growing up in a house where cops are the "enemy" and doctors are just rich people to hate and be jealous of, I'm now friends with these people and have been for a long time and having that influence in my life influences...actually everyone in my life! You are a therapist for sex abuse victims? Thank you! Although I was never a sex abuse victim, the damage I have seen done to other people is so sad and we need people like you in this world. This is such a huge accomplishment in your life. You're not that screwed up kid you still see in the mirror. You've grown up, Mandy. The things you feel bad for doing in your past are so long gone. Your daughter is going to be 18! Surround yourself with good, trustworthy people because doing that indirectly becomes such a huge influence in your sons life. I did not turn out so unlike my dad because of the direction he gave me in life. I just purely lucked out that I didn't make his mistakes or my mothers (no better than dads) but it took me way too many years to figure myself out because I didn't have good influences around me. Mandy, I do wonder if you can see your old self from the time you're not real proud of yourself as someone else who is not you? The current you right now? I think that will be key in feeling the confidence to give your son a very good, strong direction in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyj1 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 His dad and I are positive influences in his life.The cop that arrested him has been a great influence too,said he better change.Told him that he did not want to see him in the back seat of his cop car again.Lucas has not done the breaking and entering stuff and proved that to me.We got answers from the therapist this afternoon,said he does have anger issues which do have to be resolved.He has been bored and did the weed for boredom.I told him has thing he can do things around the house like wash the dishes without being told.I finally did tell him I was like him having unprotected sex in and drinking in my teens and that is gone from my past.I quit that after finding I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter,my parents almost kicked me out and said I needed to change.I am starting to mentor him on this. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Weed is not the problem. Did it ever occur to you(or anyone else) that how is he going to get the dope if he doesnt work and has no money?? By robbing and stealing....as she said in the original post... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyj1 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 It was given to him. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) Did it ever occur to you(or anyone else) that how is he going to get the dope if he doesnt work and has no money?? By robbing and stealing....as she said in the original post... TFY people don't become drug-addicted criminals just from smoking marijuana. This kid is most likely doing other drugs (no one steals copper to buy a bit of weed), and seems to have some emotional issues. The best thing you can do for him now is to get him some professional help, as well as help for you and your husband - you need guidance on how to deal with this, so you don't enable him or push him away. This is one of the toughest things a parent can go through, and unfortunately, there is only so much you can do. Please, get support for yourself. This could be a hard road. I can recommend some services for you if you like. Good luck <3 Edited January 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Is your father a good role model for the boy? If he is I'd send him there and see to it that he gets counseling regularly. I'd also speak with his guidance counselor at the high school he attends to see what is the best way for this child to complete school. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 people don't become drug-addicted criminals just from smoking marijuana. This kid is most likely doing other drugs (no one steals copper to buy a bit of weed), and seems to have some emotional issues. The best thing you can do for him now is to get him some professional help, as well as help for you and your husband - you need guidance on how to deal with this, so you don't enable him or push him away. This is one of the toughest things a parent can go through, and unfortunately, there is only so much you can do. Please, get support for yourself. This could be a hard road. I can recommend some services for you if you like. Good luck <3 No?....I have a family member that stole anything she could get her hands on to get her smoke...And there are also women advertising on CL right now that will suck a strangers dick for some weed....so clipping something scrap metal for weed money certainly cant be out of the question...Its an addictive drug....and if you dont have a job or money, many people will steal to get it... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 No?....I have a family member that stole anything she could get her hands on to get her smoke...And there are also women advertising on CL right now that will suck a strangers dick for some weed....so clipping something scrap metal for weed money certainly cant be out of the question...Its an addictive drug....and if you dont have a job or money, many people will steal to get it... TFY That sort of behaviour cannot be solely attributed to smoking cannabis - it is simply not addictive in the way you think it is. Mental illness or other drug use is involved in the above scenarios. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 This started when he was 13 years old.First time was when I got a call from the cops,busted for vandalizing cars with a baseball bat.I admit that I screwed up in my teens also having unprotected sex starting when I was 13 years old.Included drinking at the age of 14.It all changed when I was 15 years old paying the price,went to the doctor finding out I was pregnant with my 19 year old daughter Caddy giving birth to her when I was 16 years old.My life was hard after that growing up as a teen mom.Went back to the unprotected sex at age 17 and became a mom of a daughter when I was 18 years old,my 17 year old daughter Mariah whom turns 18 in a couple weeks. I feel for you. I was a teen mom too. Had my first at 17 and my second at 21. Both of my boys are adults and doing well but my oldest definitely became defiant and rebellious in his teens and I wondered at times if he would be ok. I felt a lot of guilt because he didn't ask to be born to a poor teenage mother and I made a lot of mistakes with him. I'm so thankful that he has become a happy responsible well adjusted adult. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 No?....I have a family member that stole anything she could get her hands on to get her smoke...And there are also women advertising on CL right now that will suck a strangers dick for some weed....so clipping something scrap metal for weed money certainly cant be out of the question...Its an addictive drug....and if you dont have a job or money, many people will steal to get it... TFY LOL...I've never heard of anyone sucking dick to get weed. I think you are mixing up two different behaviours. Some people are thieves or prostitutes because they want an easy way to get money and perhaps they just so happen to use some of that ill gotten money on weed but that doesn't mean they are driven to that behavior by their need for weed. Weed is not physically addictive, it's not like crack or heroin where the user will become severely ill when they go to long without using. I haven't smoked pot for many years but several of my family members and my friends have smoked their entire adult lives and they are all productive honest members of society. That being said I do believe that there can be a psychological addiction to pot and I don't believe its good for young developing minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts