22 Year old Son problems

[LadyAnglerTx]

I am 52 and my son is 22. His dad died 2 mos. after he was born. After that I lost both of my parents and two older brothers in a span of 15 years. I've been thru so much loss and have no family - my son is all I have got. The last three years he has been arrested 3 times for pot. All minor misdemeanors but it's been a nightmare for me. He wrecked the used car I gave him. He's been a huge disappointment.

 

I've raised him the best way I've known how - with no other family support I have tried to teach him good morals and to set goals, how he has to work for what he wants, etc. He just got fired from his job at a liquor store down the street from where we live (it wasn't the best job but he was making more than min. wage, liked his boss, could walk to work). He tells me he and four other people got fired because someone was stealing bottles of liquor. He claims it was someone else, he knew about it but didn't say anything.

 

I've thrown him out twice then have let him back in because it's worse worrying about him on the street than in my house where at least I know he is alive. He has no car, no job, no money, but has friends who cart him everywhere. Eventually the partying, pot smoking and friends that he is mooching off of will get sick of him. I don't give him money and don't keep food in the house (I eat at work and take care of myself). He is disrespectful to me - comes in at all hours of the night even though I ask him to at least text me and let me know he is ok. He won't do that so I turn off the lights and my cell phone.

 

If the cops call and he's being hauled off to jail or dead in a car wreck, I will deal with it in the morning after I have had a good nights sleep. I have lost so much sleep in the past 3 years I have to take care of myself. Here is my problem. I am totally alone with no family, my job is stressful, my friends have their own issues with their own families/kids, I am just so lonely and stressed out. The other night I was in bed wanting to go to sleep and just never wake up. I'm not suicidal but I do have thoughts of hopelessness.

 

Who can I turn to?

 

I need some kind of support because I'm falling apart. I've never dealt with my grief over losing my husband and family - I've had a child to take care of and a job to uphold - I've always been in survival mode. Holidays are tough for me. I put up a good front of being a happy positive person but inside I am dying.

 

I never dreamed my son would grow up to be such a mess. And he could care less about me.

Edited November 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mrs rubble]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I can relate to those feelings of hopelessness, I have a difficult son too and I've been so close to breaking point worrying about how to deal with him.

What I did was visit a CBT who was able to put things into perspective for me and seperate the issues so that I could deal with them and brain-storm ideas on how to fix things.

The other big thing I did was quit worrying about things I can not change. It's a waste of time and energy. This is my dad's advice and I live by it now.

You sound like you're being awfully harsh on yourself, you have every right to be super proud of yourself for getting through all you have!

I think you should find a really good therapist to talk things through with.

[bathtub-row]

LadyAngler, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It is very sad. I have a very similar situation with my family being very disconnected and it's a hard thing to get past. It's very difficult to say what you should do, but where your son is concerned, I'm afraid that I personally would have to cut him loose and let him make his own bad choices. I don't mean to disown him; I'm talking about not letting him live with you anymore. Hopefully he will figure out soon enough that the life he's living is going to get him nowhere. I understand why you help him out but I think it's actually crippling him. It would be a little different if he were respectful toward you but this is a no-win situation. It's very possible that he'll come around someday. I had a friend who's son was going down this same path but he did straighten out his life.

 

I understand why you feel so lonely. Do you have no cousins or aunts or uncles you could re-connect with? Even if you don't, you might want to think about doing charity work where you can help others. This is very rewarding and can help you feel less alone. It's not a complete solution but it would help a lot. Someday - hopefully sooner than later - your son will come around and realize that you're one of the most important people in his life. But he has to know that you won't stand for him treating you with disrespect and taking this nowhere path in life.

 

I believe it would be worth it for you to wait for the time when your son grows up and away from his current lifestyle. You're absolutely right that his friends will get tired of this scenario, and so will he. Sometimes, you've just got to let kids make their own mistakes. In the meantime, it would be good if you could take your focus off of your son, to position yourself so that you're not so completely dependent on him. Join some groups or start dating. There's the meetup.com site that's great for any group you might be interested in. Try to make some new friends and shift your focus a little.

[anika99]

First of all I am so sorry that you have had so much loss in your life. To have lost both of your parents and your brothers while you were still young and trying to raise your child is so very sad and must have been devastating. I would have been emotionally crippled so you have been very strong and courageous. Nonetheless, there is no shame in reaching out for emotional guidance and support. Consider seeing a therapist, maybe one who specialises in grief.

 

 

As far as your son is concerned, I'm afraid that I agree with the poster who said the best thing to do is have him move out of your house. I kicked my oldest son out of the house when he was 18 yrs old. He had dropped out of school, wasn't working, wouldn't do a damn thing to help out around the house and worst of all he talked to me like I was less than the dirt on the bottom shoes. Just asking him to take out the garbage would result in him unleashing a torrent of verbal abuse on me. Seriously. It wouldn't even take me nagging or yelling at him to set him off. Just a polite "would you take out the garbage today?" would get me a "f*ck you". It was terrible and terrible for my youngest son who was a much different personality and very sensitive to fighting and hostility in his environment. I had a lot of guilt because I knew I had greatly contributed to my older sons problems because I was only 17 when I had him and I was too immature to be a good mom when he was younger. I didn't abuse him or anything but I had hard time coping with being poor and single, I had to work all the time and often didn't pay much attention to him. He didn't get the emotional support that he needed. However one day I just realized that I couldn't undo the past by letting him get away with his behavior in the present and I kicked him out.

 

 

He was very angry and hurt. He had a great deal of resentment to me for several years and I honestly think he still carries some resentment towards me for making him leave and whenever I think of that day when I told him he couldn't live with me and his brother anymore and he looked so bewildered and lost and hurt, it makes me cry. It hurts him and it hurts me to this day but you know even with all of that left over pain and hurt, I still think I did the right thing. Because after I made him leave he did pull him self up and get his sh*t together. Didn't happen overnight though. Took him a few years to finally get himself on the right track. Now he is 30yrs old, has a great job and owns his own home. He is married with children that he simply adores and dotes on. I still can't figure out how he became such an awesome father when he himself had no father figure.

 

 

I'm sorry that you are facing this painful choice with your son but you are really doing him no favors by allowing him to continue on this path. I know you will worry yourself sick after you make him leave but if you let him stay just because you don't want to worry about him then you're only serving yourself and doing what makes you feel better and not what is really best for him. You can still be his mom but he doesn't need to be living with you. My oldest son was completely self sufficient by the time he was 22 and I don't think that would have been the case had I just let him keep living with me and doing what he was doing which was a lot of nothing. Good luck.

[LadyAnglerTx]

I can't thank you guys enough for responding to my post. At least I know I'm doing the right thing even though it's killing me. You guys really helped me get thru a tough weekend. I've cried enough and now I'm just downright pissed off. I'm going to put myself first and move on to make my life better. He'll come around because Christmas is near and he'll want money. Since he never gives me anything but a Hallmark card for Christmas I think I'm going to reciprocate! Watch his face when he opens it and NOTHING is inside except my signature. Thanks again everyone - you are all awesome and a huge means of support. Wish I could hug each of you personally.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Get a counselor.

 

Stop doing for him. He is an adult. He should be working and living on his own. Stop. Please.

[LadyAnglerTx]

I hear you loud and clear Daisy - I have stopped doing for him. I've stopped filling the kitchen with food, doing his laundry, texting him to see if he is ok. He has not made any attempt to speak to me. I came home from work and he was sitting in his room playing video games (probably starving because there is no food in the house). I ignored him, changed clothes and left to go buy laundry detergent and a nice candle for myself. Came home and he was gone. I'm even thinking of just taking off for Thanksgiving - I have no family, no one to spend it with. I might just take a day trip to the beach and go for a long walk, meditate and be alone. He can fend for himself. Ungrateful brat. I would have never dreamed at age 22 this child of mine would be such a selfish & ungrateful person. I have cried a river but I realize it's not my fault. I was a good parent to him. These are choices he is making. I want him out of my house. I'm going on with my life. If he wants to be a part of it he will have to act like an adult and treat me with respect. If he can't do that - sayonara buddy. He will come around when he needs something - can't wait for that. He's going to get the door shut in his face. Time for him to grow up and be a man. Everyone has told me to cut ties and stop doing for him - believe me, I'm doing exactly that! I'm pissed off and beyond tears. I've unleashed the Kracken. This mom isn't putting up with anymore bulls**t. I'm done and it's all about me now.

[bathtub-row]

Way to go, LadyAngler! Now, you know how this is going to pan out in the long-run, right? He's going to wake up someday and see the light. Until then, let him figure it out in his own way. My sister pointed this out to me when I was talking about my son and worrying about something. She reminded me of what she and I were like in our early 20's. We were married, working, living our lives. My sister was raising a baby. When she put it that way, I realized that I wasn't giving my son enough credit. He's a great young man and works his butt off and is nearly finished getting his engineering degree. But if he were acting like your son is acting, he and I would have some very different conversations.

 

Also, the truth is, even when your son comes to his senses, settles down, gets married and has kids... all that stuff - he's going to have a busy life. I love my son to pieces and we get along great, but we don't see one another all the time and I have a whole life separate from his. And he has a whole life separate from mine. When we get together, we have a great time. We can't ever focus too much on our children. It just isn't healthy. Find things you love to do and make the most of what your life is. There are up sides and down sides to everything.

[Radu]

I'm basically how it pans out in the long run [one option at least].

 

I dropped out of college with a few classes left; i got a dead-end job [not at first] and i lost myself in a MMO. Lousy relationships soon followed and i could see no end in sight.

The reason you get advised to cut him off is that change can only come when there is enough motivation; and only a good scare can create that motivation.

Being kicked out and on your own is good motivation [happened to a friend of mine from college when he was 15 or so] but only if you do not take him back ... and you did that twice.

Basically he has to feel that the only option left is for him to do it.

 

In my case ... my dad died and i seriously started to question everything. That led to change.

Don't put it off any longer; the older he gets the more entrenched his views get [again from experience].

[LadyAnglerTx]

I kicked his worthless a$$ out. My son refused to speak to me for the past few days, ignoring me, staying out all night, sulking in his room either playing video games or sleeping. I'd come home from work and he wouldn't even acknowledge me. I ignored him. Today I came home, he was asleep. I ignored him, went to grocery store to buy stuff to make dinner tomorrow and come home and he walks in the kitchen as I'm putting my groceries up and says "Got anything to eat I have a splitting headache and haven't eaten all day". I said "I have dinner for tomorrow" why have you sat around all day starving - order yourself a pizza. He yells "I have no f....ing money! My head is killing me". I said "Well that's your problem not mine". He then went into his room and slammed his door. I ripped the door back open and told him if he was going to expect to be fed and slam doors he could pack his sh** and leave now. He then began throwing things in his room and screaming at me. I began screaming back for him to shut up and calm down or leave now and it escalated. I lost my temper and said if he was going to throw **** here - back at ya (and I threw his cologne bottles at him). He then punched a wall and kept screaming so I got his suitcase and threw it at him. He then grabbed me and threw me to the ground. I scraped my elbow. He held me to the ground yelling at me. I have never felt more scared and disgusted at my son than at that moment. He then began calling people to come get him and telling them on the phone "Dude my mom is delusional I had to pin her to the ground". I made him get out right then and there. I said he could sit on the curb and call me names but he had to leave now or I'd call the police. He then said "I'm running a 103 degree fever and I can't think, I'm trying to find a ride". I told him if he didn't spend each day getting high on pot maybe his head wouldn't hurt and he could think straight - yet I'm "delusional". So here I am alone in my house - relieved he is gone but distraught. My arm is bleeding and I'm just in shock that as a single widowed mom who raised her son right and took such good care of him, he turns out to be an ungrateful piece of sh**. Nothing good will come of this. He is going to bum from his friends and couch hop, end up on the streets or in jail for the 4th time. He could care less about me. He refuses to admit any wrongdoing yet he's been to jail three times, wrecked the car I gave him, got fired, unable to hold down any job for more than a couple of months, thinks smoking pot is ok and has zero respect for me and my home. I probably won't see him again because he hates me. I have no family so I'm totally alone but I will be ok. I've survived so much loss and betrayal in my life. Now that my son has does this really no one else can hurt me because there is no one left. I always used to say if I died, my life mattered because the best thing in my life was my son. I can't even say that. The way my son treated me tonight - my heart literally shattered. It's broken and I've never felt so alone and like such a failure. I will never forget how my son treated me tonight. It was bad. Why me? I've never done anything wrong and have always loved and cared about people but its like everyone wants to just totally destroy me.

[LadyAnglerTx]

Two hours later he came back knocking on the door. I refused to let him in. He said he couldn't find anyone to come pick him up because of it being Thanksgiving and everyone is with their family. I told him (through the door) he should have thought about that before. He tried manipulating me to open the door by saying "I'm running a fever, I'm coughing up blood, you mean you are going to spend Thanksgiving alone Mom?"..... My reply "YEP so stop banging on my door - find someone to pick you up. Funny that since he wrecked his car he has had someone almost every night come get pick him up so he can stay out all night, coming in at 3 or 4 in the morning. I refused to let him in and told him after what he did tonight, he is not allowed back in my home. He then started yelling and said "I will remember this" and walked away. I'm scared he might do something to my car or something drastic but I cannot let him back in. I would call the police but then they might say he does have a right to live here or haul him off to jail. I just want him to leave and sort his life out and leave me alone. It's cold outside and he's sick but I can't help him. I told him to call 911 if he is coughing up blood and is sick and needs help. I can't let him back in - I'm scare of him and he won't change, he refuses to follow my rules and respect me. I hope this tough love is the right thing to do. After he grabbed me and threw me to the ground tonight - he went from being my son to being the Devil himself. He had zero respect that I am his mom and I am a woman. He was abusive to me. I'm ashamed of him.

[Radu]

It's an addiction.

 

It really is and i'm not writing this to make it sound better.

It's an addiction to loafing around; to being lazy; to doing nothing ... to sitting in your own juices and in your own little world ... escaping from reality.

 

When you kicked him out he reacted the way he did because you were removing his addiction.

It's not pot here OP.

It's what i wrote about ... it's an addiction to escaping reality.

Deep down at the utmost core of his being i'll bet you anything he's insecure about how his life turned up.

 

For me it was my MMO and my fooling that i had meaningful relationships.

It sounds like for him it is his pot use. It makes him forget and the memory blurry.

When you are in that state you feel like hours turn into minutes and as time passes by faster you have less time to think about the ****ed up situation you are in.

 

Take some [well deserved] solace that if there is anything that will pull the little prince out of his world ... it is probably what you have just done.

 

PS: My primary cousin is pretty close to your son but without the screaming-yelling-pot abuse.

Edited November 27, 2014 by Radu

[Ariadne]

I refused to let him in.

he couldn't find anyone to come pick him up

"I'm running a fever, I'm coughing up blood

 

I´m appalled!!!!!

 

I cannot believe someone that calls herself a mother would act like this!

 

To leave her only son outside, in the cold, without a dollar to pay for a bus, starving, and sick!!!!! On thanksgiving day!!!!!!!

 

I´m livid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ariadne]

why me? I've never done anything wrong and have always loved and cared about people

 

o......m.......g!!!!

[LadyAnglerTx]

I am a mother who cared for her son, alone, with no family support when he was 2 mos. old until now. I made sure he never went without anything, attended evrry school function, gave him the best birthdays and Christmases, took him on trips to go snorkeling in the Florida Keys to snowmobiling in Colorado. I gave him a car his Junior year in high school, always offrred to give him money to do fun things with friends. I took him fishing and hunting with male friends so he could be around male figures, I spent a fortune on orthodontics so he now has a beautiful set of teeth. I had to make up excuses to my boss to drop everything at work to go down to a bail bonds and bail him out of jail - three different times. Spent half my savings on an attorney trying to get him out of the marijuana possession and paraphenalia charges so it wouldnt go on his record. He recently got fired for stealing from the job he worked at for just 2 months - which was in walking distance from our house and paid more than min. wage. I sat him down and told him he was being verbally abusive to his girlfriend ny calling her a bit** and a c**t and to stop yelling at her and break up if he hated her so much. My son constantly got into trouble during middle school and high school. I was always having to meet with his teachers or the school principle about his behavior or attention problems. I took him to specialists who diagnosed him with dyslexia and ADHD. He went on meds for a while that turned him into a zombie. He was placed in special ed classes so he could progress and graduate high school. After high school I offered to pay for college but he said he wanted a year off to think about what he wanted to do. Its been 3 years now and all he has done is get high and party. He worked two weeks at a fancy restaurant as a host but got fired. Worked at Starbucks for one paycheck and quit because it was too hard. Worked at a haunted house for Halloween and recently worked at this liquor store down the street for 2 mos. and got fired for stealing. He has lied to me about everything. I have had heart to heart talks trying to motivate him and support him but he told me to stay out of his business. His girlfriend worships Satan and draws upside down crosses on her face to look like tattoos. He bring bongd and pot pipes into my home in a bag that reeks and stinks up his room. Oh and he somehow got his bed infested with bed bugs so I had to throw it out and buy a new one and steam clean my entire house to get rid of the bugs. He spits on the wall and floor around his trash can and never cleans it up. To ask him to take out the trash of help bring in groceries makes him angry. He refuses to learn how to do laundry and calls me delusional, dude and I am a stalker. I am a horrible mother - yep as I spend my Thanksgiving morning patching holes in sheetrock that he caused from punching a wall.

[Tiger Lily]

I am a mother who cared for her son, alone, with no family support when he was 2 mos. old until now. .... I took him to specialists who diagnosed him with dyslexia and ADHD. He went on meds for a while that turned him into a zombie. He was placed in special ed classes so he could progress and graduate high school.

 

I'm sorry for your pain, OP. I would like to pray for you and your son. Though everything seems really dark right now, I know God can bring peace to this difficult situation.

 

You and your son sound very enmeshed. Meaning, your dysfunctional relationship involves a lot of thriving off one another. I think you should go to counseling for that. It seems like too much of your identity is made up from your son's successes or failures, and I think you've internalized the failures too much.

 

In addition, the way you blame and insult your son (who has special needs!) is very harsh. When I see that, and I don't see you having any insight into your role or how circumstances in your son's life contributed to his situation, I automatically know that the dynamic isn't healthy. Your son has faced many challenges (no dad, mental health problems, etc), and hasn't always coped the best. But there seems to be a bit of enabling from you for MANY years. And the only response you seem to have is to insult, disparage, and blame in a very dramatic way.

 

Again, I'm praying that you two can channel this dysfunction into something positive. Don't give up. And please don't let pride get in the way of a better future.

 

God bless.

[Ariadne]

I am a mother who cared for her son, alone, with no family support when he was 2 mos. old until now. I made sure he...

 

I´m also a single mom of an only son who is now 24 years od.

 

I cannot fathom what you are doing to your son!

 

It makes my skin crawl and I get sick to my stomach!

 

I have a hard time even reading this thread!!!

[Radu]

Like i wrote already in his thread i eventually become something like her son [though not to the same level].

 

One of my best memories from college is talking to this colleague of mine.

Without realizing we started talking about motivation.

He moved to a new city to go to college and stayed in a 150 square feet room with 3 other guys ... i stayed in my own room 5min from college of twice that size [alone].

He always did his HW after college [it's a big thing here ... most ppl don't do it] and paid attention in class ... even forced himself when he was tired.

The result was that 90% was not that hard for him to get [i was a 60% student].

He was not smarter than me ... just differently motivated.

I even went to a better HS than him and my parents were well off while his weren't.

His dad was working abroad so his mom raised him during his teen yrs.

 

One of the turning points in his life was when he was a brat in HS [at 15] and his mom to teach him a lesson in gratefulness kicked him out of the house [laws here are harsher when it concerns parents supporting their children up to 26yrs old when they are supposed to be college graduates].

He told me that it scared him straight and he stopped being a brat after it ... it changed his life.

 

At the time i didn't understand the significance of what he was saying but at now at 32 with the ability to look back on my life i see that my parents enabled my loafing around.

It's not their fault they were overcome by the situation in a country where ppl don't go to psychologists to talk things over; this is a worldwide phenomena ... and it is a major problem.

 

If you're still not convinced and want to call the OP those things ... let me ask you what i myself was asked.

"If i die tomorrow and nobody is left to take care of you ... what will you do ?"

That was what my dad and my mom kept asking me during my own dark period.

The truth is that the parent's duty is to not only take care of the kids but also to raise strong and independent kids.

I'm sure the OP has pondered this very question at some point ... so it is better to 'tough love' now while she still has some strength and can still somewhat look after him ... or is it better to just continue down this path and raise one of the future homeless ppl ?

[Nyc_user]

No comment. You know your own problems better than us in here. I just find it hard for a mother to disown her kid, not that it hasn't happened before

 

Get a counselor.

 

Stop doing for him. He is an adult. He should be working and living on his own. Stop. Please.

 

Whats wrong if a 22 year old lives with his mother/father/parents?

[LadyAnglerTx]

I´m also a single mom of an only son who is now 24 years od.

 

I cannot fathom what you are doing to your son!

 

It makes my skin crawl and I get sick to my stomach!

 

I have a hard time even reading this thread!!!

 

Then stop reading it you idiot. My son called me this evening apologizing and saying he treated me awful and loved me. He came home and we had Thanksgiving dinner together. He told me he was unappreciative and realized he acted like a selfish brat. So while it makes "your skin crawl and you get sick to your stomach" stop replying if you can't add anything constructive or helpful to help me (or others) on this forum. Everyone else who replied, thank you for your kind words.

[Els]

Sorry to hear that, OP. I think that what you did eventually had to happen, especially if your son physically threatened you. Ideally I think you should not have escalated the screaming match with him though, and that instead of kicking him out in the heat of an argument, you could have sat him down one day and laid out an ultimatum so he gets a month's grace or something to prove that he's trying to improve before he gets kicked out.

 

Just read that he apologized and you took him back. That's great, but please consider giving him a timeline to get his stuff sorted, still. Otherwise this cycle will just perpetuate.

Edited November 28, 2014 by Elswyth

[bathtub-row]

While I wouldn't have gone down this path of letting things escalate in the way that they did, I'm glad things worked out in the end. Maybe it just needed to happen that way to wake him up completely, and for you to realize that no one has the right to treat you in such a way. He definitely needs to get his act together in every aspect. I hope this will be his wake up call.

[Radu]

Then stop reading it you idiot. My son called me this evening apologizing and saying he treated me awful and loved me. He came home and we had Thanksgiving dinner together. He told me he was unappreciative and realized he acted like a selfish brat. So while it makes "your skin crawl and you get sick to your stomach" stop replying if you can't add anything constructive or helpful to help me (or others) on this forum. Everyone else who replied, thank you for your kind words.

 

I'm glad it started working out but to reference my dad [again] well ... he had a saying that roughly translates 'the blooming of a flower doesn't mean spring is here'.

Be strict ... don't let him push you around anymore and realize that this is in fact an addiction.

 

You broke him ... for now ... again.

If you relapse [in your toughness] then getting him to this level again [of humility] will be harder.

 

Ask him that question about dying tomorrow ... if he truly loves you he will be hit hard by the concept.

Understand that he is in a fantasy world ... drifting in and out of it and he is addicted to it.

 

When trying to convince someone of something who is adamant in his/her own way you need to use emotions.

Emotions change opinions far better than logic in situations like these.

You could play the wounded bird a little and with good reason as he frightened you.

You could describe your emotions and despair as the only thing you have left in this world is going into a spiral of destruction.

You could tell him how that very question i mentioned above is on your mind.

 

Don't expect overnight change.

It will not come.

But if you do it right the seeds of dissent about his state [that of a lazy good for nothing loafer] will be sown and things will start to change.

Don't push stuff like college to him but definitely push job on him.

 

And this is very important.

He needs to dedicate himself to that job.

I suspect that he also got accustomed to seeing hard limits that are imposed on him go soft limits and then become soft limits that are easy to move around.

In effect he is used with ppl [or situations] changing to suit his needs.

To truly break through both this situation and to succeed in future you need to become accustomed to breaking through these limits with all your might.

Let him do that with a job ... turn a dead-end job in a career job or find something that motivates him to earn more and more and more.

Whatever it is ... something to break that damn limit.

 

You broke it too.

When you lost his father and had to support him by yourself.

When you had to put him on 1st place instead of living your life.

I think you know what i'm talking about.

 

It's the difference between 'i need to pursue my happiness' and 'stuff needs to be done i and i need to do what needs to be done'.

[anika99]

Then stop reading it you idiot. My son called me this evening apologizing and saying he treated me awful and loved me. He came home and we had Thanksgiving dinner together. He told me he was unappreciative and realized he acted like a selfish brat. So while it makes "your skin crawl and you get sick to your stomach" stop replying if you can't add anything constructive or helpful to help me (or others) on this forum. Everyone else who replied, thank you for your kind words.

 

First of all stop paying any attention to the posters telling you that it was wrong for you to kick him out.

 

 

You did the right thing but you went the wrong way about it. Instead of waiting for a big blow up, you should have scheduled a talk with him and then calmly discussed the situation and then ended by giving him an eviction date. You could have told him he had until the end of the month so that he had at least some notice that he was going to have to leave. Instead it sounds like you both acted like a couple of two year olds, having a fit and throwing crap around. You behave no more maturely than he did. You were throwing bottles and suitcases at him. Good grief! Quit acting like a child and get a hold of yourself.

 

 

Now you have let him back in so what's next. Are you just going to let him be a bum at your house until the next time you have a melt down and lose your sh*t? Tell him he has to move and give him an eviction date but act like a rational grown up when you do it.

[almond]

This kid needs help, boundaries and consequences.

 

I'd suggest only allowing him to live at your house if he attends weekly counselling appointments. If he misses a single one, out he goes.

 

To all of you stating that she is disowning her kid - please. That is hardly the case. Enabling this sort of behaviour is the absolute worst thing she can do.

 

Just remain calm and collected OP. Get him to counselling. If he refuses or he misses appointments, stick to your guns and ask him to leave.

 

Google enabling behaviour. Educate yourself, and seek some counselling to help you deal with this.