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Can you make someone care about their child


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My boyfriend has a six year old son. We got involved when he was a baby after I made my boyfriend step up to the plate. The mother has no interest in theis little boy. He comes over dirty, hungry, sick, without clothes that fit or a change of them. He's come over in the bitter cold without a shirt on before!

 

I'm always around. If he has something to do, school doctor's appointments ect. I'm always there front and center. The school calls me if they can't get ahold of them, which happens more than you would think. My parents also have taken him in as their own. It feels like I've become the default parent and it's not even my kid.

 

Can you make someone care? What should I do?

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aussietigerwolf

Unfortunately you can't MAKE Someone care. You could call whatever child welfare is called in your area.

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I agree. Some people aren't meant to be parents. Some people just need a kick in the butt and to do that you need to call child services.

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I hate hearing stories like this.

 

You're a good person from a good family obviously.

 

What does your BF say when you bring up that his son is being grossly neglected?

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You need to tell him to gather evidence of the neglect and a lawyer ASAP so your boyfriend can have primary custody because this poor child is not being properly taken care of! (Call Child Protective Services too!)

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My boyfriend is also pretty bad at parenting. He lacks basic math and reading skills to the point where he has a hard time measuring cough syrup for this boy. It breaks my heart to watch because he wants to be a good father. He never addresses her problems either.

 

After the no shirt snow/cold incident, my mom and dad came over with garbage bags full of hand me downs from my sister's son and snow boots for him. They always include him as their grandson. They're great people.

 

I'm constantly worried about what will happen to him if I'm not around.

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My boyfriend is also pretty bad at parenting. He lacks basic math and reading skills to the point where he has a hard time measuring cough syrup for this boy. It breaks my heart to watch because he wants to be a good father. He never addresses her problems either.

 

After the no shirt snow/cold incident, my mom and dad came over with garbage bags full of hand me downs from my sister's son and snow boots for him. They always include him as their grandson. They're great people.

 

I'm constantly worried about what will happen to him if I'm not around.

 

Yikes, I feel for you and the poor kid. :(

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DaisyLeigh1967

Honestly I could not be with someone who cared so little for their child.

 

I would also call CPS. Maybe you could adopt him. (I know that is a long shot)

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You can't do anything aside from calling child protective services. Also, I am not sure what you see in your boyfriend. If he can barely take care of his son, what can he do for you?

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People learn and unlearn behavior and perception, thru modeling behavior. You are doing just that. You are a role model. Sounds like your Boyfriend could use some parenting courses. Find one in your area and suggest that you both go.

Disregard anyone who says that people can't change or improve given the right tools. Some of us simply need that tool to move us in the right direction.

 

I've met parents (first time ones) that were a bundle of nerves. They had very radical upbringings yet amazingly, thru having other adults show them the way, they broke a bad cycle and found out how to manage parenting and being a responsible adult. It does take effort and much re-learning, yet based on what you are conveying, it sounds like the BF is trying and simply needs more guidance.

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It is very sad to here about the mother of your boy friends child. Unfortunately their is no way that you can change some one else or make some one care.

 

You can try to manipulate the other person but that is wrong and always back fires. You can also try to cast a spell but that normaly does not work or has severe consoquises.

 

The only person that you can change is your self. I would suggest that you make sure that you do the best that you can do and make sure that your side is clean.

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The mother has no interest in theis little boy.

 

Where does the child live most of the time?

 

Is the mother willing to sever custody and let the child live with you and your boyfriend?

 

If not, talk to a lawyer, document everything, and if there is a good chance at success, try to make it happen legally.

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Maybe this is not such a long shot. The OP cares a great deal for this child and the father sounds like he is trying despite some issues. I would look into it OP.

 

 

Honestly I could not be with someone who cared so little for their child.

 

I would also call CPS. Maybe you could adopt him. (I know that is a long shot)

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She has primary custody, but he's here with us more. She knows she just has to call and I'll go get him. Sometimes I think that I'm just the free babysitter, but I can't not take him...

 

I've tried to get my boyfriend into adult ed. And he refuses to go! The older I get the more strained our relationship becomes.

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His school called me today because they tried to call both my boyfriend and his mother and couldn't reach them. I had to get him because he got sick at school and has a fever. Now she won't answer the phone! are you serious?! who does this stuff? I feel so bad for this boy.

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DrReplyInRhymes
His school called me today because they tried to call both my boyfriend and his mother and couldn't reach them. I had to get him because he got sick at school and has a fever. Now she won't answer the phone! are you serious?! who does this stuff? I feel so bad for this boy.

 

You are a sweet sweet person, but the sad truth is:

There are many children in the world, whose parents just don't give.

They go hungry, they go cold, they get sick all the time,

But noone who watches those commercials cares enough to give them their dime.

 

Be careful where you place yourself, I know its brash to say,

But that kid, however sweet, is only your responsibility by proximit..ay. (yes i did that on purpose)

But because you are sweet and a caring human being too,

The caring for that child just may have been passed, unknowingly, to you.

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That's really messed up that neither parent can be reached in an emergency.

 

You need to say something.

 

This is a long shot too but would your parents be up for adopting him? Would his parents sign over their rights to them?

 

Or you? Since you've already taken on the role of being his parent anyway?

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I'd have to agree with amaysngrace... it's too bad YOU can't just adopt this child and take care of him yourself.

 

Honestly though, if I were you I'd get out of that situation altogether. Both of them sound like ignoramuses and it's only bound to cause continued stress for you.

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My parents would take him if he needed them to, as in life or death, but not adopt him. They're in their mid-fifties and want to travel. I would take him and I love him, but they'd never go for it. I actually have debated walking away, I'm too young for this, I got involved young and I question why I stayed this long because I've been an enabler.

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He may or may not care but you cannot make him.

 

He is lazy and irresponsible. And no, you most likely can't change those things either.

 

Rough spot you're in.

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My boyfriend has a six year old son. We got involved when he was a baby after I made my boyfriend step up to the plate. The mother has no interest in theis little boy. He comes over dirty, hungry, sick, without clothes that fit or a change of them. He's come over in the bitter cold without a shirt on before!

 

I'm always around. If he has something to do, school doctor's appointments ect. I'm always there front and center. The school calls me if they can't get ahold of them, which happens more than you would think. My parents also have taken him in as their own. It feels like I've become the default parent and it's not even my kid.

 

Can you make someone care? What should I do?

 

It's the "I can fix the guy syndrome."

 

You knew this guy way before having a child. You had time to assess if he will be good for you, for future, for children etc.

 

You knew his character, you knew his habits, you knew his education level, you knew what he's like and yet, you had a child with him - and - now you want to change him.

 

What? You saw some cool bad boy, and thought, "he's fun, he's not boring, yeah, I like him," and now, you want to fix him?

 

You can't change years of pattern, of deep subconscious level of response with anyone. They have to want it bad enough themselves nd sometimes, it depends where they came from, the environment they are in, who they associate with, their perception of life, the way they see themselves, their level of self image, self esteem, the years of baggage they carry with them from past and a whole lot of stuff.

 

Only when the person wants change, when something big happens to them, when it ticks them off, when they feel it's time, that they change.

 

You can't fix someone, change someone. That's their call. It's far too late for such things until the person decides to really want to.

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My boyfriend is also pretty bad at parenting. He lacks basic math and reading skills to the point where he has a hard time measuring cough syrup for this boy. It breaks my heart to watch because he wants to be a good father. He never addresses her problems either.

 

After the no shirt snow/cold incident, my mom and dad came over with garbage bags full of hand me downs from my sister's son and snow boots for him. They always include him as their grandson. They're great people.

 

I'm constantly worried about what will happen to him if I'm not around.

 

That's nothing new to you. Is it? If these things mattered to you from day one, if these values matters to you from day one, then you wouldn't even go further with this guy.

 

You thought you could fix him? Was that the challenge for you, the thing that got you hooked? He was some bad boy, rude boy, some lost guy, uneducated, cannot read well, and thought you could be the super hero to fix this guy and save him from whatever it is.

 

You knew this guy way before having a child. You had time to assess if he will be good for you, for future, for children etc.

 

You knew his character, you knew his habits, you knew his education level, you knew what he's like and yet, you had a child with him - and - now you want to change him.

 

Did you see some cool bad boy, and thought, "he's fun, he's not boring, yeah, I like him," or "he's hot" and now, you want to fix him?

 

Now knowledge is important. Now values are important.

 

It's too late for that.

 

You can't change years of pattern, of deep subconscious level of response with anyone. They have to want it bad enough themselves. You're going against where they came from, the environment he was in, who he associates with, and so much more that creates his perception, how he sees himself in world and those around him. Years of conditioning and self sabotage.

 

Only when the person wants change, when something big happens to them, when it ticks them off, when they feel they got to change for a major desired purpose.

 

You can try fear, try the system but habits are tenacious. He'll find a way out.

 

You can't fix someone, change someone. That's their call. It's far too late for such things until the person decides to really want to.

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This is not my biological child. He belongs to another woman, but he is my son in my heart. She was young when she had him and was not interested in him and I made myself available to watch him and parent him. Because he was the happiest little baby I'd ever seen and I wanted protect him.

 

I was unware my boyfriend was illiterate for about a year. I knew he Was a litte spacey but never thought he wasn't able to read because I was ignorant and never really knew illiteracy was a problem that effected people who were in the first world. Now, I know it's a problem for many people.

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